Would like to hear from late 50, 60-somethings with teens

[Anonymous]

I had kids at 34 and 36. I didn't plan it that way but I didn't get married until I was 32. I loved my wild twenties but still wish I would have had them when I was a little younger. I would have had more children. They are 6 and 8 now and we're out of time for a 3rd (tried, tried, and failed).

[Anonymous]

58 here, with a 12 year old and 17 year old. Totally agree with this comment. Older kid has been easy and is off to college in the fall. Younger one is more challenging and difficult.

Also I don't get all the judgement about other people's life trajectories. I wasn't even in a situation to consider having kids until my late 30's. I would have been perfectly fine not having any. I was a total mess in my 20's and early 30's anyway - not parent material.

Btw, I regularly get mistaken for my younger kid's grandmother. I hate it, but it's not surprising. It is weird to be so much older than most other parents I know. They are all 10-20 years younger than me. I know almost no one my age. Almost nobody has my cultural references, which kind of sucks.

Anonymous wrote:It's a bit of an entitled and immature attitude, to feel you should chime in on a thread that has nothing to do with you and to which you have nothing to contribute. Normally, I'm sure most of us just ignore this kind of person, much as you do the toddler who runs in between talking adults and shouts, "I'm a big boy!"

So, OP, late fifties here, with my youngest kids in middle school and high school. Get your rest and take care of your health. I used to get by without sleep, but now it's just necessary.

You're already over the hardest physical part, the young child/baby years. Mentally, the teen years are taxing, because, well, teens like to test you and their problems are serious, with higher stakes.

There's a ton of driving them around to sports and activities.

They tend to want to stay up later than you, so you lose the late-night privacy you used to have in the years when they were younger. And you need that sleep more as older parents.

Do keep up with technology, as others have posted. We have monitoring and blocking programs on all computers and phones. They can find their ways around everything, of course, but they have a sense we're not oblivious, and that we may check up on them at any point. The sense that you might get checked up on can be helpful to make teens think twice before doing dumb things.

The upside to being an older parent is that you'll probably be past the worst of any perimenopausal mood swings by the time you need your patience and calmness about you for the teen years.

[Anonymous]

To those who had kids later in life: would you advise your daughter to do it too? I just recently had a discussion with my 17 y.o. girl, and I wasn't even sure what is a good advise this days. It seems like in old time everyone wanted to have kids early, then it shifted back, and now I see a new tendency to have children when you are young.

[Anonymous]

Where do you people live????

Everyone I know in NWDC and Arlington had kids between 33-40.

Most started at 35, second before 40.

My sister is the only person I know out of a shitliad of neighbors, sports families and school parent friends that had kids in her 20s.

She’s 52 and her third and last just graduated college this weekend.

I’m 48 with a 12.5 and 10 year old. My husband and I are athletes and look young for our age though. Some people are age do look a good 10-15 years older.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Where do you people live????

Everyone I know in NWDC and Arlington had kids between 33-40.

Most started at 35, second before 40.

My sister is the only person I know out of a shitliad of neighbors, sports families and school parent friends that had kids in her 20s.

She’s 52 and her third and last just graduated college this weekend.

I’m 48 with a 12.5 and 10 year old. My husband and I are athletes and look young for our age though. Some people are age do look a good 10-15 years older.

And you are modest too.

[Anonymous]

My buddy who I lost touch with years ago got married for first time at 50. He is is currently 55, has an infant, a two year old and a four year old. My other buddy age of 55 has a 1 year old, 3 year old and a 9 year old.

You guys are not older parents. I had my last child when I was 45 and at Kindergarten orientation there were many parents in their 50s.

My youngest graduates HS when I am 63 and my buddy who just had a kid at 55 will be 73 at HS Graduation.

Parents will be retired on Medicare and SS while kids are in college. This is becoming more and more common.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I know a couple who adopted a newborn when the wife was 50, and the husband a little older.

I hope their energy doesn't flag...

I know a similar couple. things are going fine right now - baby is two.

I know a woman who had twins when she was 50. Her husband is maybe five years younger. The kids are 15 now and every one is doing great.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My buddy who I lost touch with years ago got married for first time at 50. He is is currently 55, has an infant, a two year old and a four year old. My other buddy age of 55 has a 1 year old, 3 year old and a 9 year old.

You guys are not older parents. I had my last child when I was 45 and at Kindergarten orientation there were many parents in their 50s.

My youngest graduates HS when I am 63 and my buddy who just had a kid at 55 will be 73 at HS Graduation.

Parents will be retired on Medicare and SS while kids are in college. This is becoming more and more common.

Wow. My dad (grandpa) was 72 at my nephew’s HS graduation. Sadly, he passed away at 76 (very healthy too) and won’t be at my kuds’ Graduations.

But, I am so glad my kids got to know him so well and were so close to him the first 10-12 years of their lives. This is what makes me wish I had started earlier like my sister.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To those who had kids later in life: would you advise your daughter to do it too? I just recently had a discussion with my 17 y.o. girl, and I wasn't even sure what is a good advise this days. It seems like in old time everyone wanted to have kids early, then it shifted back, and now I see a new tendency to have children when you are young.

I had my (only) daughter when I was 40. Big pluses are being well (WELL) established in career with plenty of money. Got all my work ambitions out of the way and now I flex regularly to attend all school/sports/other events - its fun! Worst part will be less time on this planet with my fabulous child! I would/will advise her to aim for first child at about 34 (and then 2nd if she opts to have one at 36) - that way she can still have benefits of deep dive into career and resultant $$$ but a few extra years of life on earth with kids/grandkids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow. When we're about 53, the plan is that DH and I are retiring and cruising the islands.

Good luck to all of you older parents on here! It takes a special kind. I couldn't imagine.

Whoever you are , you suck for that comment. Thanks!!!

[Anonymous]

I am mid fifties with 2 teenagers and struggling to keep it together. Work at GSEs that fire people periodically, lost a person that sat a few seats by. Just vanished one morning, worked at Freddie for 9 years. The agism is there but can’t prove, but add kids to being in fifties and you are a target

Where do people work that they are able to keep their jobs into their late fifties???

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm 41, my kids are 17 and 15.

I have friends just starting to have kids. That would suck.
We are young and healthy, I'm a few years we can travel WHILE STILL HEALTHY.
No medications or canes needed.
Hopefully we can do this for 20 years or more. Yeah, we are lucky and smart.

Oh, please. Stop patting yourself on the back. Your good fortune to meet your partner and have kids when you were young has nothing to do with being smart. Is it so hard to imagine that others didn't have the option to have kids in their 20s and early 30s? the OP's question was about parenting in your 50s, not a request for those who had kids younger to gloat and speculate about being an older parent.

+1

I front-loaded my adventures. I lived abroad in my 20s and had fantastic life experiences. Would not trade those memories for anything.

Met my husband when I was 33, married at 35. I am 55 now and my kids are 18 and 16.

None of us has complete control over when we meet our spouses and marry anyway.

This is very true. I have recently been reading about women with "situational infertility" - - meaning that they have not met anyone to have a baby with for whatever reason. I too met my TH at 33, we'd at 35. I consider myself extremely lucky. I had my first kid at 39 and my second at 41. So I'm following this thread with interest. We travel domestically and internationally with our kids because we think it's important to exposure them to different cultures and to travel at a young age. I would feel terrible if I saved up a lifetime of travel for when my kids left the house, but that's just me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I raised myself. And I did a good job!

I was the child of older parents.

I raised myself. And I did a damn good job.

At my birth, I was the child of nineteen and twenty-one year old, mother and father.

I raised myself and did an awesome job, too!

I was a child of a single mother in her 20s who was in and out of institutions. My husband and I are providing a lot more stability and care to our children, born in our late 30s.

[Anonymous]

I am in the Midwest now and 57 with a 16 year old. No one mistakes me for his grandmother.

All of my friends are similar ages with teens.

Most of my friends who had kids young ended up divorced. Too much work and not enough money at that stage of life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am 56 and got ice cream with my 11 year old daughter yesterday and she is still in the love Daddy phase.

I always feel sorry for folks who had kids young. They had no fun times in 20s and 30s and in 50s live in an empty house

Meanwhile, you brace for impact every time you step out with her in hopes that no one will mistake you for her grandmother...

NP
Honestly -- who cares? Why would this even matter?

This seems really, really important to you.