Would like to hear from late 50, 60-somethings with teens

[Anonymous]

It's hard being an older mom, but it's hard being a younger mom too. I didn't have any choice. I didn't wait to have kids. I didn't chose at what age I would meet my husband, when I would have kids. They came when they came and I could not have been and continue to be more thrilled.

I am more tired than when I was younger, no question. But (see above) I didn't choose when to have kids. If I'd met my husband when I was younger, I would have had kids when I was younger. But I didn't. Life is what it is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why have kids if you are counting down the days when they leave? Sounds awful to be an empty-nester at 45, especially if you don't have a rewarding career.

I wasn't ready to have kids in my 20s, and I'm in my 40s and not ready for them to be gone!!! We had them in the middle - early to mid 30s, but were able to build careers as well.

I agree. I'm 45 and my only child left for college a few months ago and it's so lonely without her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For us it was important to have both kids by age 30. We did not want to look like our kids "grandparents" at school events, kids activities, etc. See so much of that now where is is hard to tell if the adult is a parent or a grand parent!. Sorry....IMO always best to have kids early in life, when you have the energy to play with and take care of them and also to ensure that you will be around to see them become independent!

This is rather asinine. It was never uncommon to have kids into your forties (sometimes later). It was just uncommon to have your first (or first several) at that point in life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow. When we're about 53, the plan is that DH and I are retiring and cruising the islands.

Good luck to all of you older parents on here! It takes a special kind. I couldn't imagine.

We did that in our 20s as singles and our 30s together. I see my parents limping along on retirement cruises and I didn't want to do that. But as others have said, people have different time lines.

Go to China and Egpyt, two of my favorites. Enjoy!

+1 DH and I deliberately waited to have kids so we could travel and experience life together a a family of two before parenthood. It was so much fun. Built our marriage so much. I'm glad we didn't wait til retirement. You travel differently at 55 than 25.

Yeah. Fewer hostels. More showers. Better beds and food.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For us it was important to have both kids by age 30. We did not want to look like our kids "grandparents" at school events, kids activities, etc. See so much of that now where is is hard to tell if the adult is a parent or a grand parent!. Sorry....IMO always best to have kids early in life, when you have the energy to play with and take care of them and also to ensure that you will be around to see them become independent!

This is rather asinine. It was never uncommon to have kids into your forties (sometimes later). It was just uncommon to have your first (or first several) at that point in life.

+10

[Anonymous]

One way or another, kids drain you despite also being the most enriching part of your life. Young parents vs. old equals "Pay now or pay later"; either option has pros and cons.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow. When we're about 53, the plan is that DH and I are retiring and cruising the islands.

Good luck to all of you older parents on here! It takes a special kind. I couldn't imagine.

Hope that works out for you.

LOL!! Life has a funny way of not working out the way you expect. That is all.

Why all the backlash over this comment? I thought it was fine. Not everyone has to live the same life you do, on the same schedule.

Because the comment was sanctimonious and condescending - of the "bless your heart, you old farts" variety.

Bingo. It has nothing to do with intolerance of different schedules and only to do with the very obvious nasty tone of the post.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why have kids if you are counting down the days when they leave? Sounds awful to be an empty-nester at 45, especially if you don't have a rewarding career.

I wasn't ready to have kids in my 20s, and I'm in my 40s and not ready for them to be gone!!! We had them in the middle - early to mid 30s, but were able to build careers as well.

I agree. I'm 45 and my only child left for college a few months ago and it's so lonely without her.

I'm sorry, PP. It is a tough transition. My mom said she went home after they dropped me off and sat in my room and cried. She never told me this until I was in my 30s.

[Anonymous]

My friends who had older parents have all lost one or both of their parents when we were in our teens, 20s and 30s. Many of their kids never got to meet their grandparents. That is the part that would worry me. I hope this is less of a problem as medical technology advances and we all live longer, more active, healthier lives. I truly think that 50 is the new 40 and 40 is the new 30. People are so much more active and healthier than a generation (or two!) ago.

[Anonymous]

I raised myself. And I did a good job!

I was the child of older parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I raised myself. And I did a good job!

I was the child of older parents.

I raised myself. And I did a damn good job.

At my birth, I was the child of nineteen and twenty-one year old, mother and father.

[Anonymous]

I have three friends who were older parents. Two had teens in their 50s and are now in their 60s. One had a teen son while in his 70s. His wife was in her 50s. All of them, without fail, have been extraordinary parents, more like really involved grandparents in many ways. They were mature enough to really enjoy their children and not wish childhood away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why have kids if you are counting down the days when they leave? Sounds awful to be an empty-nester at 45, especially if you don't have a rewarding career.

I wasn't ready to have kids in my 20s, and I'm in my 40s and not ready for them to be gone!!! We had them in the middle - early to mid 30s, but were able to build careers as well.

I agree. I'm 45 and my only child left for college a few months ago and it's so lonely without her.

I'm sorry, PP. It is a tough transition. My mom said she went home after they dropped me off and sat in my room and cried. She never told me this until I was in my 30s.

I have to be honest, I did too! It's been so long since I lived alone, I don't know what to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My friends who had older parents have all lost one or both of their parents when we were in our teens, 20s and 30s. Many of their kids never got to meet their grandparents. That is the part that would worry me. I hope this is less of a problem as medical technology advances and we all live longer, more active, healthier lives. I truly think that 50 is the new 40 and 40 is the new 30. People are so much more active and healthier than a generation (or two!) ago.

Yet people will continue to die of cancer in the fifties and sixties, whether they were healthy or not. Had four healthy people we know die of breast, ovarian, pancreatic and lung cancer (nonsmoker) in the last two years, two of whom were physicians. You never know.

[Anonymous]

Op here. Thanks everyone for your thoughts. I love being a mom and doubt I would have been so appreciative if I'd had kids earlier, which would have been my first choice, but was not in the cards. I do feel an extra responsibility to keep up my fitness and overall health to the best extent possible. Children are truly a blessing.