Ex husband and wife throwing a birthday party for our child

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don't go. It's weird. My divorced mother and father didn't attend parties/holidays together. It was fine. I am fine.

I'm divorced and remarried to a man who is also divorced. In our families, exes attend their children's birthday parties. It's not weird. (nobody cheated)

Big difference!

[Anonymous]

My DS turned 9 and I didn't go. It was a laser tag party and he was too busy anyway with friends. Had DS asked me, I would've said no and explained why.
Some things you do with mom, some things with dad. You don't have to be together. What if she is asking you because she doesn't want you be left out and doesn't realize that you want to be left out. Talk to her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DD needs to learn to accept "no" in life. I see nothing wrong with telling her "no."

Sorry, not in this case. The parents need to be civil and learn how to act like adults out of respect for their daughter so they can honor her wishes on her birthday. Would you have the same suggestion if it was her confirmation or graduation party? Sorry, daughter. Won't be there because your dad will be there with his wife.

It sucks, OP. And it's totally understandable why you feel the way you do. Bring a friend for moral support and then go do something fun together afterwards.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hire a male escort and show up with him as your new boyfriend.

Yes because the mature thing is to turn your daughter's birthday into a way to score points against your ex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hire a male escort and show up with him as your new boyfriend.

Yes because the mature thing is to turn your daughter's birthday into a way to score points against your ex.

I'm not worried about doing that. Bringing my friend is more than enough support.

[Anonymous]

Do you have a close friend or relative close to your DD whom you could bring along for moral support?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you have a close friend or relative close to your DD whom you could bring along for moral support?

I'm bringing my best friend and DD's godmother.

[Anonymous]

Absolutely do not go, even if you get a invitation from the adults who are throwing it. This is so simple, you merely celebrate another weekend by having your own party with your side of the family or go out to eat..what have you. A non-issue. Sorry but like everything else in life kids don't get to rule, nor do they always get their way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think this is pretty nice of your ex and his wife to offer OP. My DH and his ex make their poor kid have 2 seperate birthday celebrations so they don't have to be in the same room together.

LOL Yes I'll bet the kid is suffering having to have two parties.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Unless you get a personal invitation directly from step-mom, you have not been invited. What your DD wants, thinks should happen is not important - not even on her birthday. If you get the above invitation, I do think you should suck-it-up and go - then it's about your DD's happiness, not yours.

WTF are you talking about? OF COURSE what DD wants - particularly on her birthday - matters and is important.

Not in this case. She doesn't get what she wants when it forces her mother and step-mother and father into a very awkward, unhappy situation.

She can have a Mother/Daughter spa day or something instead of having her mom at her party.

Of FFS, the girl can't really have two parties with friends and really shouldn't have to choose between parents. Hard as it may be, this is the price you pay for marring someone and having a child with that person. Whether OP was terribly wronged by her Ex-Husband is irrelevant. As a parent, you co-parent, and you show up. It's not about the OP, as she well knows. And the daughter here isn't forcing anyone int an awkward situation, that would have been Ex-Husband when he decided o cheat on his wife and family. And notice that HE is the only one who isn't on the receiving end of ill will here. OP is mad at new wide (not her ex it seems), other posters are frustrated with DD for allegedly being responsible for an uncomfortable situation, and the cheating spouse just goes about his business.

Doing something different with her mother isn't "choosing between parents." She is having a party with her friends at her Dad's house and doing something else with her Mom.

Missing a birthday party isn't really worth all that drama.

Most people I know do their own celebration with their kids. I want to have my family with my kids and our friends. The ex can do the same, I think OP should go plus did she actually talk to the wife...I don't think so.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^ ok, or a personal invitation directly from the ex. But you'll have to ask firmly if step-mom is in agreement with him on inviting you.

If the ex invited the OP without his new wife's approval isn't that between the couple? Wouldn't the OP going directly to the new wife to question the actions of the ex husband be meddling?

I didn't read where the wife also invited her. She needs to confirm that it's ok because my friends husband invited his ex behind her back. When she opened the door she was beyond shocked, and didn't hide it well. Needless to say her husband never did that again, and the ex knew better after that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Absolutely do not go, even if you get a invitation from the adults who are throwing it. This is so simple, you merely celebrate another weekend by having your own party with your side of the family or go out to eat..what have you. A non-issue. Sorry but like everything else in life kids don't get to rule, nor do they always get their way.

I think kids who have had a parent lie to the family and destroy the child's nuclear family are pretty well aware that they don't always get their way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think this is pretty nice of your ex and his wife to offer OP. My DH and his ex make their poor kid have 2 seperate birthday celebrations so they don't have to be in the same room together.

LOL Yes I'll bet the kid is suffering having to have two parties.

She's not having two parties, nor has she ever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Absolutely do not go, even if you get a invitation from the adults who are throwing it. This is so simple, you merely celebrate another weekend by having your own party with your side of the family or go out to eat..what have you. A non-issue. Sorry but like everything else in life kids don't get to rule, nor do they always get their way.

I think kids who have had a parent lie to the family and destroy the child's nuclear family are pretty well aware that they don't always get their way.

In this case that would be the dad who cheated, he destroyed that but the daughter will understand as she get's older.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think this is pretty nice of your ex and his wife to offer OP. My DH and his ex make their poor kid have 2 seperate birthday celebrations so they don't have to be in the same room together.

LOL Yes I'll bet the kid is suffering having to have two parties.

She's not having two parties, nor has she ever.

Many do with divorced parents. The dad with his new spouse, his side of the family and the mom has her celebration whether it's a holiday or birthday. I wouldn't go to my exes house, I'd feel like a unwanted ass even if I did get the sympathy invite which in this case is what OP received.