Ex husband and wife throwing a birthday party for our child

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You're going to have to deal with your ex and his wife at all of your daughter's big events--graduations, performances, etc. Think of this as a chance to practice.

No. this is a horrible idea. One thing is that they might have to share space at the kid's school or activity. It's a whole other thing to have to be subjected at their house. I say skip it. I'm in your same shoes, ex left and is now living with the girlfriend that ended our marriage, and there is no way in hell that I will set foot in their house for any kind of celebration. Sorry, but no.

[Anonymous]

I think this is pretty nice of your ex and his wife to offer OP. My DH and his ex make their poor kid have 2 seperate birthday celebrations so they don't have to be in the same room together.

[Anonymous]

You should go. Are you not going to be there on graduation days, wedding days or when your grandchildren are being born? You just need to suck it up and paint a smile on your face.

[Anonymous]

I think you should stop by, make an appearance, say hello to everyone, and then make it a quick visit because you have X conflict. Something important and believable, like that your recently broken-up best friend called you crying and asked you to meet her for a drink. Anything.

Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You're going to have to deal with your ex and his wife at all of your daughter's big events--graduations, performances, etc. Think of this as a chance to practice.

So far I haven't. My daughter has had dance recitals since she was either. Either my ex comes with his mom or he doesn't come at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You should go. Are you not going to be there on graduation days, wedding days or when your grandchildren are being born? You just need to suck it up and paint a smile on your face.

Hopefully by the time all of that happens, I'll be completely over what they did to me. I'm not over it yet.

[Anonymous]

We went through this about 8 or 9 years ago when my YSD was turning 9 or 10. She wanted to have her party at our house b/c we'd just gotten married and moved into our new house and I think she' thought it'd be fun to have a party at "dad's house." We didn't extend a formal invitation to the ex but it never would have occurred to me that she wouldn't come to her daughter's birthday party. We got along okay, though. I ignore her as much as possible NOW b/c I find her annoying and infuriating but back then, before I really KNEW her, I didn't mind. I still wouldn't mind if she came now even though I don't like her very much b/c, well, it's the kids' mom. Of course she should be at their birthday parties.

Since then we've not hosted any more events at our house but she has hosted a few at hers. DH always went to the kid birthday parties that they held at their mom's house. I always found a way out of going (which was easy once I had kids b/c I could use the excuse that they needed to nap, LOL!). Finally, about a year ago, I couldn't avoid it anymore and had to go to her house for one of my skid's graduation parties. I hung out outside most of the time and made polite small talk.

I think you should go for the sake of your daughter but be prepared to bow out early if it's too much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You should go. Are you not going to be there on graduation days, wedding days or when your grandchildren are being born? You just need to suck it up and paint a smile on your face.

Hopefully by the time all of that happens, I'll be completely over what they did to me. I'm not over it yet.

Don't go. Seriously. You are not ready. And it can set you back in your healing. Your daughter will eventually understand. I would say sorry, but you can't make it and that you have planned x for the weekend before or after to celebrate with her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That sucks OP. I think it must be very hard. But I would go. You are going to be dealing with him and the new wife for the rest of your life at every major life event for your daughter. So get started now.

+1 But bring a friend, definitely.

[Anonymous]

I'm thinking back to when my dipshit was with the OW. I'm wondering what I wold have done.

I probably would have gone. Not for long mind you. But my child is more important than my ex. So.. go for a bit. Say hi to her friends and then go. You decide how long you stay. If you can only handle 5 minutes that's ok. I'm not sure you even have to acknowledge the ex.

Now that I'm years out of it I can see that for whatever reason he has, your ex is doing the right thing for your DD.

I think this is one of those times you suck it up and deal for a few minutes for your daughter. Have something planned for yourself afterwards as a PP suggested. Then you can honestly tell her that you can only stay for a few minutes because you have an appointment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That sucks OP. I think it must be very hard. But I would go. You are going to be dealing with him and the new wife for the rest of your life at every major life event for your daughter. So get started now.

+1 But bring a friend, definitely.

I talked my best friend into going with me!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That sucks OP. I think it must be very hard. But I would go. You are going to be dealing with him and the new wife for the rest of your life at every major life event for your daughter. So get started now.

+1 But bring a friend, definitely.

I talked my best friend into going with me!

Good, you can tough it out in excellent company!

[Anonymous]

Grow up, and do this for your daughter.

[Anonymous]

Ugh. I sympathize OP. My ex cheated too and thank GOD I don't have to deal with the OW>

However my dad cheated and married the OW and my mom has spent 30 years making us all pay for it. Every wedding, birthday, holiday, etc. It hasn't done her any favors.

Gotta be the bigger person. You would go into a burning building or a lion's den for your kid; go the the party.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't go. I agree with the PP that said that DD needs to learn to accept no. Furthermore, unless you get an invite from your ex and the new wife I wouldn't even consider going (probably still wouldn't go then either).

You going only says that what your ex did was ok, and that you are expected to be the bigger person just so that he and his new wife can play house.

Sorry if this sounds petty, but relationship infidelity has consequences for all involved.

I would explain to DD that this is her time with her dad and that we would do something later/another day. At MOST I might drop her off ... that's it.