Ex husband and wife throwing a birthday party for our child

[Anonymous]

I love the suggestion of taking a million pictures. Don't do it using your phone, bring an actual camera. A fancy DSLR type that you could hang around your neck and hide behind when necessary would be best.

Good luck, OP. Your daughter will one day realize your graciousness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here, my anger is directed towards both of them.

Are you in therapy for that? If he's married and has kids with her presumably some amount of time has passed. I don't blame you for not wanting to go to her house but holding onto anger isn't healthy. There has to be a way to let go of it for your own sake.

No I'm not in therapy. I've moved on with my life. But there is some pain that still remains.

It will get better with time, if you end up finding a great partner you may just thank his new wife. She's stuck with a cheater, chances are it won't last the long term. Either way she knows she can't trust him. *Wanting and having are two different things. OP set the boundaries with your daughter now that she's 10. She'll understand it's not going to be a "together" thing anymore. The teens are around the corner, she will be busy and friends will be her priority. Focus on yourself and your new life. Soon you'll wonder why you ever wasted any oxygen on this guy.

Yeah you're right! I never imagined it would be this hard getting over someone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you "invited" or did DD just say she wanted you to come. If "invited", you should go and if not don't go.

My ex sent me an evite.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you "invited" or did DD just say she wanted you to come. If "invited", you should go and if not don't go.

Her ex invited her, but not sure if his wife felt the same way. Oddly they are changing the venue which was smart for all.

[Anonymous]

OP did you ask ex if his wife was ok with that? I only say that because guys do dumb things, then they tell the wife afterwards. It's not a big deal since it's a public place, but I would have made sure the invite came from both.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP did you ask ex if his wife was ok with that? I only say that because guys do dumb things, then they tell the wife afterwards. It's not a big deal since it's a public place, but I would have made sure the invite came from both.

I didn't ask him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here, my anger is directed towards both of them.

Are you in therapy for that? If he's married and has kids with her presumably some amount of time has passed. I don't blame you for not wanting to go to her house but holding onto anger isn't healthy. There has to be a way to let go of it for your own sake.

No I'm not in therapy. I've moved on with my life. But there is some pain that still remains.

It will get better with time, if you end up finding a great partner you may just thank his new wife. She's stuck with a cheater, chances are it won't last the long term. Either way she knows she can't trust him. *Wanting and having are two different things. OP set the boundaries with your daughter now that she's 10. She'll understand it's not going to be a "together" thing anymore. The teens are around the corner, she will be busy and friends will be her priority. Focus on yourself and your new life. Soon you'll wonder why you ever wasted any oxygen on this guy.

Yeah you're right! I never imagined it would be this hard getting over someone.

From experience and friends it's not the person, more of the family unit, finances, having someone there and helping with the kids. When we stay with a cheater or an abuser it's a co-dependent relationship. Thankfully the chain is broken, you can start anew. I would caution you to not miss any red flags second time around. I'm sure morals and values will be high on your list since your ex didn't possess these.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I would love to know how many of the folks posting here are in your shoes. So easy to say go. As for graduations, etc., they're down the road

OP, could you do it and not look upset? That is my concern. Have you done anything with them before?

Going is best for your daughter if you can look like you are having fun. Honestly, I think it's nuts that shared custody puts us in these situations. People who have not lived it do not get it.

We lived through this, at the graduation we sat by ourselves same with the ex. That also went for sports events etc. We followed the court ordered schedule, worked out just fine.

Holidays, birthdays weren't celebrated with the ex....none of us would have entertained that notion, lol.

What works for some may not work for others, each to their own.

To the other pp, shared custody didn't put you in this situation. Having a child did. No matter what else happens down the line, choosing to have a child with someone is accepting you will have a lifelong connection to that person no matter what. Adults have to do lots of things that suck when they bring kids into the world.

(This isn't a carp on OP btw who I think is handling this pretty well but some comments on this thread are beyond.)

It worked for us, no life long connection either! Sorry many don't share your view.

Just because your husband and you sit far from his ex at graduations doesn't mean there is not a lifelong connection. That's the parent of his child. Whether you like it or not, something that happens to the parent of a child affects the child which in turn affects the other child. Nobody is saying exes have to be BFFs but for you to deny that having a child with someone means you're somehow connected thereafter is nuts.

We would be reeeeally ok if something happened to the ex. You should speak for yourself, everyone's situation is different. If it works for you great!

You are a shit parent if you would be okay with your child losing a parent just so you don't have to co parent with them anymore. Actually, just a shit person generally.

[Anonymous]

We don't have to co-parent with the ex, never did because of so many problems. We would never wish anything bad to happen to our exes, BUT if it did no one in our household would be broken up over it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We don't have to co-parent with the ex, never did because of so many problems. We would never wish anything bad to happen to our exes, BUT if it did no one in our household would be broken up over it.

Wow I can only imagine how well adjusted your kids are. Good thing uprise here to provide such sterling advice to OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We don't have to co-parent with the ex, never did because of so many problems. We would never wish anything bad to happen to our exes, BUT if it did no one in our household would be broken up over it.

Wow I can only imagine how well adjusted your kids are. Good thing uprise here to provide such sterling advice to OP. [/quote

Of course anyone that doesn't agree with you has to be horrible with horrible kids you personally attack. Thanks for your concern but we're all doing quite well.

[Anonymous]

I'm personally attacking you not because you simply disagree with me but because your comments show a callous disregard for your child's other parent and their feelings toward them and your own selfish interests put ahead of what's best for kids. I'm so sure you two both ended up with insane exes you can't co parent with who would be better off dead. I truly hope your comments don't accurately portray your situation because it is very bleak if true.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here, my anger is directed towards both of them.

Are you in therapy for that? If he's married and has kids with her presumably some amount of time has passed. I don't blame you for not wanting to go to her house but holding onto anger isn't healthy. There has to be a way to let go of it for your own sake.

No I'm not in therapy. I've moved on with my life. But there is some pain that still remains.

It will get better with time, if you end up finding a great partner you may just thank his new wife. She's stuck with a cheater, chances are it won't last the long term. Either way she knows she can't trust him. *Wanting and having are two different things. OP set the boundaries with your daughter now that she's 10. She'll understand it's not going to be a "together" thing anymore. The teens are around the corner, she will be busy and friends will be her priority. Focus on yourself and your new life. Soon you'll wonder why you ever wasted any oxygen on this guy.

Yeah you're right! I never imagined it would be this hard getting over someone.

From experience and friends it's not the person, more of the family unit, finances, having someone there and helping with the kids. When we stay with a cheater or an abuser it's a co-dependent relationship. Thankfully the chain is broken, you can start anew. I would caution you to not miss any red flags second time around. I'm sure morals and values will be high on your list since your ex didn't possess these.

I haven't really dated since the divorce, but I do know what to look for.

[Anonymous]

NO sense in being jealous because some were able to move on successfully, and made a good situation out of a bad one.

OP your daughter is 10, luckily not 2 or 3. It sounds like it's going to work out very well for you. Please update us after the party!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here, my anger is directed towards both of them.

Are you in therapy for that? If he's married and has kids with her presumably some amount of time has passed. I don't blame you for not wanting to go to her house but holding onto anger isn't healthy. There has to be a way to let go of it for your own sake.

No I'm not in therapy. I've moved on with my life. But there is some pain that still remains.

It will get better with time, if you end up finding a great partner you may just thank his new wife. She's stuck with a cheater, chances are it won't last the long term. Either way she knows she can't trust him. *Wanting and having are two different things. OP set the boundaries with your daughter now that she's 10. She'll understand it's not going to be a "together" thing anymore. The teens are around the corner, she will be busy and friends will be her priority. Focus on yourself and your new life. Soon you'll wonder why you ever wasted any oxygen on this guy.

Yeah you're right! I never imagined it would be this hard getting over someone.

From experience and friends it's not the person, more of the family unit, finances, having someone there and helping with the kids. When we stay with a cheater or an abuser it's a co-dependent relationship. Thankfully the chain is broken, you can start anew. I would caution you to not miss any red flags second time around. I'm sure morals and values will be high on your list since your ex didn't possess these.

I haven't really dated since the divorce, but I do know what to look for.

Good for you OP, too many jump in before they are ready.