Ex husband and wife throwing a birthday party for our child

[Anonymous]

Your DD is turning 10, not 5 or 6... If you don't want to go, just explain to her and don't go.

[Anonymous]

Girl listen here.... I have bundles and bundles of compassion and empathy for you. My ex had a long standing affair that resulted in our divorce and his second marriage. She is a terrible person but a good stepmom so I really try during these events. I just went to a similar situation at a bounce house. I always ask to bring something (giving me cupcakes to stack in a tower makes me look busy but also like I am a happy participant) and I come right at the beginning and leave about 1.5 hours in. It burns. God does it suck. One time I sprinted to my car and as soon as I shut the door I burst into tears. But you have to do it. You want your kids to know that its ok to love her, its ok to have fun with dad and her, and its even ok to all do stuff together. Just plan to get drunk immediately after.

[Anonymous]

I would go. When your DD grows up and knows all the facts, she'll thank you doubly for the effort.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Girl listen here.... I have bundles and bundles of compassion and empathy for you. My ex had a long standing affair that resulted in our divorce and his second marriage. She is a terrible person but a good stepmom so I really try during these events. I just went to a similar situation at a bounce house. I always ask to bring something (giving me cupcakes to stack in a tower makes me look busy but also like I am a happy participant) and I come right at the beginning and leave about 1.5 hours in. It burns. God does it suck. One time I sprinted to my car and as soon as I shut the door I burst into tears. But you have to do it. You want your kids to know that its ok to love her, its ok to have fun with dad and her, and its even ok to all do stuff together. Just plan to get drunk immediately after.

Hugs, PP. You're a great mom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Girl listen here.... I have bundles and bundles of compassion and empathy for you. My ex had a long standing affair that resulted in our divorce and his second marriage. She is a terrible person but a good stepmom so I really try during these events. I just went to a similar situation at a bounce house. I always ask to bring something (giving me cupcakes to stack in a tower makes me look busy but also like I am a happy participant) and I come right at the beginning and leave about 1.5 hours in. It burns. God does it suck. One time I sprinted to my car and as soon as I shut the door I burst into tears. But you have to do it. You want your kids to know that its ok to love her, its ok to have fun with dad and her, and its even ok to all do stuff together. Just plan to get drunk immediately after.

Thank you, this made me feel a little better. We've been divorced for six years and I've managed to avoid being around her all this time I was kind of hoping to keep it up. I'll suck it up and go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would go. When your DD grows up and knows all the facts, she'll thank you doubly for the effort.

I really hope so.

[Anonymous]

Go with 10:39.

Sucks! When our parents told us life is hard, this what they meant.

Your daughter will look back and be very thankful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^ ok, or a personal invitation directly from the ex. But you'll have to ask firmly if step-mom is in agreement with him on inviting you.

If the ex invited the OP without his new wife's approval isn't that between the couple? Wouldn't the OP going directly to the new wife to question the actions of the ex husband be meddling?

[Anonymous]

I think you should please yourself in this matter, OP.
You have been invited, which is nice.
Your daughter wants you to go, but she's not the one who decides. Your own feelings are perfectly valid too!
You can politely decline or go.
There is no wrong decision here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Go with 10:39.

Sucks! When our parents told us life is hard, this what they meant.

Your daughter will look back and be very thankful.

I think I will, and like she said prepare to get drunk afterwards!

[Anonymous]

Go but bring a good girlfriend (or sister) with you. Your daughter will be playing with friends and you don't want to get stuck having to make conversation with ex and new wife.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Unless you get a personal invitation directly from step-mom, you have not been invited. What your DD wants, thinks should happen is not important - not even on her birthday. If you get the above invitation, I do think you should suck-it-up and go - then it's about your DD's happiness, not yours.

WTF are you talking about? OF COURSE what DD wants - particularly on her birthday - matters and is important.

Not in this case. She doesn't get what she wants when it forces her mother and step-mother and father into a very awkward, unhappy situation.

She can have a Mother/Daughter spa day or something instead of having her mom at her party.

[Anonymous]

You're going to have to deal with your ex and his wife at all of your daughter's big events--graduations, performances, etc. Think of this as a chance to practice.

[Anonymous]

I say no, don't go. Sorry, but even if yes, we are the adults, this is a no-no for me. I will not be putting myself in the situation of going to their house. I would offer my daughter some other choices to celebrate. But going to her father's house with the homewrecker will not be an option. She might not understand, she might not like it, but my sanity is way more important at that moment. I would not be able to survive that and I should not be subjected to it and what I might say.

[Anonymous]

"That sucks OP. I think it must be very hard. But I would go. You are going to be dealing with him and the new wife for the rest of your life at every major life event for your daughter. So get started now."

This. Don't become like my friend, who's ex will now only communicate with her by text because she became so jealous, hostile and unwelcoming of wife #2 that they cut her off from all other communication and interaction. Kids desperately want their parents to get along and be with them during special events like birthdays, even if they are divorced. You owe it to your daughter to suck it up and make an effort every once in a while.