Sister absolutely despises me

[Anonymous]

Op aren't you the one who admitted the real issue is YOU are married to a white man while also constantly dogging your sister for dating a white man since its sooooo bad for your parents?

If so, we are still on her side.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op aren't you the one who admitted the real issue is YOU are married to a white man while also constantly dogging your sister for dating a white man since its sooooo bad for your parents?

If so, we are still on her side.

+1

I'm pretty sure this is the same OP, in which case, it's pretty clear why her sister can't stand her.

[Anonymous]

In a way, the "why a salad", "why take up running" and "why this BF" questions are both in the same vein. I imagine what you're really doing is questioning her lifestyle insofar as it differs from yours and I bet you do it all the time. In fact, when you question someone's lifestyle choices so often that you ask about the purchase of a salad at an establishment that sells salads, I'd say it's pretty damn indicative of the problem. My guess is that you don't mean to do it, but that you constantly judge/second guess your sister's lifestyle in any number of ways and that it drives her nuts.

[Anonymous]

Update:

It has now been almost a year since we have spoken. I have seen her probably 3 times all year and because I basically forced myself on her. I have no idea what she is up to and how she is. I know she has financial problems but she refuses to tell me or recieve my assistance. Instead she is relying on her friends and boyfriend to pay her bills. Every time I meet her she heaps on piles of abuse. She tells me that I am batshit crazy and that I have driven her into insanity too. She at the same time wants me to meet her boyfriends family. This makes no sense to me. She cannot abuse me and then bring me around her boyfriend's family as a show pony. Worst part, no one in our family knows about him and his family. They also think I am crazy.

[Anonymous]

"If you love someone set them free. If they come back they are yours; if they don't they never were."

Richard Bach.

Op, let her go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Update:

It has now been almost a year since we have spoken. I have seen her probably 3 times all year and because I basically forced myself on her. I have no idea what she is up to and how she is. I know she has financial problems but she refuses to tell me or recieve my assistance. Instead she is relying on her friends and boyfriend to pay her bills. Every time I meet her she heaps on piles of abuse. She tells me that I am batshit crazy and that I have driven her into insanity too. She at the same time wants me to meet her boyfriends family. This makes no sense to me. She cannot abuse me and then bring me around her boyfriend's family as a show pony. Worst part, no one in our family knows about him and his family. They also think I am crazy.

You are abusive and nuts. Don't be surprised if the next step is your sister getting a restraining order against you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Update:

It has now been almost a year since we have spoken. I have seen her probably 3 times all year and because I basically forced myself on her. I have no idea what she is up to and how she is. I know she has financial problems but she refuses to tell me or recieve my assistance. Instead she is relying on her friends and boyfriend to pay her bills. Every time I meet her she heaps on piles of abuse. She tells me that I am batshit crazy and that I have driven her into insanity too. She at the same time wants me to meet her boyfriends family. This makes no sense to me. She cannot abuse me and then bring me around her boyfriend's family as a show pony. Worst part, no one in our family knows about him and his family. They also think I am crazy.

You are abusive and nuts. Don't be surprised if the next step is your sister getting a restraining order against you.

How am I abusive?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Update:

It has now been almost a year since we have spoken. I have seen her probably 3 times all year and because I basically forced myself on her. I have no idea what she is up to and how she is. I know she has financial problems but she refuses to tell me or recieve my assistance. Instead she is relying on her friends and boyfriend to pay her bills. Every time I meet her she heaps on piles of abuse. She tells me that I am batshit crazy and that I have driven her into insanity too. She at the same time wants me to meet her boyfriends family. This makes no sense to me. She cannot abuse me and then bring me around her boyfriend's family as a show pony. Worst part, no one in our family knows about him and his family. They also think I am crazy.

Wait, you'e not seen her all year, or you've seen her three times this year?

I've not piled too much on you in the past,but I also agree -let her go live her life. Maybe she will come back to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Update:

It has now been almost a year since we have spoken. I have seen her probably 3 times all year and because I basically forced myself on her. I have no idea what she is up to and how she is. I know she has financial problems but she refuses to tell me or recieve my assistance. Instead she is relying on her friends and boyfriend to pay her bills. Every time I meet her she heaps on piles of abuse. She tells me that I am batshit crazy and that I have driven her into insanity too. She at the same time wants me to meet her boyfriends family. This makes no sense to me. She cannot abuse me and then bring me around her boyfriend's family as a show pony. Worst part, no one in our family knows about him and his family. They also think I am crazy.

You are abusive and nuts. Don't be surprised if the next step is your sister getting a restraining order against you.

How am I abusive?

Oh, FFS. Let me quote what another PP told you several months ago:

In real life, I know plenty of middle eastern harpy women just like OP describes herself. Basically, because they spend a lifetime have men control, belittle and judge their choices, the only one they can in turn do it to, are women like their daughters, sisters, aunts, cousins. It's really sad.

To the OP, I would say - every time your sister says you are wrong, say to yourself over and over "I am wrong. I am being critical in an attempt to control another person because I feel so unable to control my own life" Who knows - maybe after the 100th time you will develop some self awareness.

Basically OP - you are wrong and your sister is right. You are hypercritical, judgmental, lack self awareness and have almost no ability to be an independent adult. Your parents are controlling your life and you can't make choices and decisions without them. You are angry at your sister because she becoming an actual adult and you are just waiting around for another adult male to step in and control your life so you don't need to do it for yourself.

Some people in life are self-starters and go-getters. That's your sister. You are neither.

Also, your mom no doubt treats you the same way you treat your sister. Being your mom's punching bag for criticism and her own sucky life, doesn't mean she loves you more or better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Update:

It has now been almost a year since we have spoken. I have seen her probably 3 times all year and because I basically forced myself on her. I have no idea what she is up to and how she is. I know she has financial problems but she refuses to tell me or recieve my assistance. Instead she is relying on her friends and boyfriend to pay her bills. Every time I meet her she heaps on piles of abuse. She tells me that I am batshit crazy and that I have driven her into insanity too. She at the same time wants me to meet her boyfriends family. This makes no sense to me. She cannot abuse me and then bring me around her boyfriend's family as a show pony. Worst part, no one in our family knows about him and his family. They also think I am crazy.

Wait, you'e not seen her all year, or you've seen her three times this year?

I've not piled too much on you in the past,but I also agree -let her go live her life. Maybe she will come back to you.

Ive seen her at my insistence for 3 times from 30 minutes to 1 hour. Meanwhile she removed herself from our joint cellphone plan and removed my name from our car insurance. She didn't even consult me or tell me. She says he wants to never see me or hear from me again because she says I have been a terrible sister and emotionally abusive to her. She also says she cannot deal with my crazy ideas and she will deal with her parents on her own terms when the time comes.

[Anonymous]

You don't realize it, but you are criticizing. Everything, so much so that she is on edge about ordering a salad. Those are few of your examples, but there might be more of the same. Your sound just like my mom, she means well, but compliments and praise are not in her vocabulary. She even told me, what is the point of talking about something I did well, or somebody that is positive, that is all done and we need to concentrate on the negative. I understand that this is ingrained way of thinking, even in my culture, Eastern European one. I have become so defensive that I start cringing as soon as my mom starts talking. And it is always something negative. I've even asked her to try smiling on occasion, just to see that life is good. I am sorry you are having such an issue with your sister, and she might be also projecting her insecurities and dislike for her origin culture and behavior on you. What I suggest is looking around at other people around you, yes Americans, who often will smile for no reason, say things, like "that is so great," and try not to question her every judgement. You two are locked up in a battle where she sees you as a judge and jury and you see yourself as her guarding and controller, even if that wasn't your intention.

[Anonymous]

So you see her infrequently at YOUR insistence, yet you accuse your sister of being abusive?

I agree with others - OP, you are nuts, and the problem is you.

Leave your sister alone. Let her go. Stop trying to connect with her.

Leave. Her. Alone.

[Anonymous]

OP, just don't have anything to do with her as well--and take her off any joint finances, credit cards, insurance policies, etc... It sounds like you and your sister have been too financially connected and she needs to live on her own the way she wants to.

I think if you just leave her alone, insist on nothing, and just accept she is doing her own thing and doesn't want anything to do with you at this moment--things will go better down the road. Your sister's life is her business, let her live it while you still see other family members. Don't talk about your sister, just tell people you have not seen her and that you are respecting her wishes.

Go out and live your own life and forget about her for awhile. She needs to make her own choices and live her own life, and so do you.

[Anonymous]

If she's having financial problems, it's actually a good thing that your sister isn't on your accounts jointly because her financial problems would drag down your good credit rating, too.

Sounds like everyone in your family is controlling. Your parents by telling you both how you should behave in adulthood. You towards your sister, which created the distance between the two of you, and now your sister wants to dictate how what you should do -- stay away, but now meet her boyfriend's family.

The good news is that she still wants you in her life, but wants to control when and how much. Maybe there's still a glimmer of hope for some sort of relationship between the two of you sometime in the future, if you can accept her terms now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Update:

It has now been almost a year since we have spoken. I have seen her probably 3 times all year and because I basically forced myself on her. I have no idea what she is up to and how she is. I know she has financial problems but she refuses to tell me or recieve my assistance. Instead she is relying on her friends and boyfriend to pay her bills. Every time I meet her she heaps on piles of abuse. She tells me that I am batshit crazy and that I have driven her into insanity too. She at the same time wants me to meet her boyfriends family. This makes no sense to me. She cannot abuse me and then bring me around her boyfriend's family as a show pony. Worst part, no one in our family knows about him and his family. They also think I am crazy.

Wait, you'e not seen her all year, or you've seen her three times this year?

I've not piled too much on you in the past,but I also agree -let her go live her life. Maybe she will come back to you.

Ive seen her at my insistence for 3 times from 30 minutes to 1 hour. Meanwhile she removed herself from our joint cellphone plan and removed my name from our car insurance. She didn't even consult me or tell me. She says he wants to never see me or hear from me again because she says I have been a terrible sister and emotionally abusive to her. She also says she cannot deal with my crazy ideas and she will deal with her parents on her own terms when the time comes.

It's getting really hard to resist calling troll on this. Your sister is showing you in every possible way that she wants nothing to do with you and you keep forcing yourself on her, then claiming you can't see how you are being abusive? Leave the woman alone! If you were anyone but a sibling you'd have had a restraining order taken out against you AGES ago. Holy lord.