Sister is infertile/I have 3 kids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There's only one way to solve this. Give her your 4th kid. Otherwise you're just rubbing it in her face and you can kiss your relationship goodbye. Do you really need 4 kids when there is overpopulation? Or are you just doing it because you can?

Yeah. If I was you, Id offer to carry a baby for her.

It's easy for an infertile person to say that. You have no experience with carrying a baby or giving birth. It would be devastating to give a baby away. There's no way I would do it.

I have two kids. I would do it. Not devastating when you know from the start it is someone else's baby,

Sure you do. How much did you pay for them?

Nothing at all. Conceived easily. Now that they are teens, I would considering selling them .

[Anonymous]

Sister can adopt or hire a surrogate. Op and her dh want another baby and do not owe sister anything. Sister should know this and take her own path forward, with nothing but good wishes for op.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thanks for the responses so far. As far as being a surrogate goes, I feel awful at the thought of spending 40 weeks bonding with a baby and anticipating birth only to give him/her up. I couldn't do it and neither could my husband. I don't even know what I would tell my other children.

Not as awful as she feels when she can't have kids, while you have four kids.
You tell the kids the truth.

That I gave away their sibling as a peace offering to my sister? No, I'll never have that kind of conversation.

-OP

Are you dumb?
You say, that your sister is unable to grow a baby and mommy is giving her the best gift ever by helping her.
You sound evil. It wouldn't be their sibling, and it's not a peace offering.
Admit it, you love this OP.

OP doesn't want to do it. Nor should she feel an obligation to do so. No one is required to loan out her
uterus. Even if her sister is infertile.

I don't even think it crossed OP's mind to do it.

She's getting this reaction because her tone implies little empathy for her sister's situation.
Of course OP can have a 4th kid--you don't let someone else dictate your family plans.
But, if it were me, once I was done having my own children, I'd look into how I could help my sister, whether it's through egg donation or surrogacy.

And OP is taller, thinner and richer.
She is the best. Winner,

[Anonymous]

Didn't read this whole thread, so don't know if someone else suggested this, but you should read "What Alice Forgot." It's a fun beach read, but it is also one of the best depictions of what it's like to be infertile that I have ever read.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Didn't read this whole thread, so don't know if someone else suggested this, but you should read "What Alice Forgot." It's a fun beach read, but it is also one of the best depictions of what it's like to be infertile that I have ever read.

OP won't read this. She's too busy bringing love into the world.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Didn't read this whole thread, so don't know if someone else suggested this, but you should read "What Alice Forgot." It's a fun beach read, but it is also one of the best depictions of what it's like to be infertile that I have ever read.

OP won't read this. She's too busy bringing love into the world.

You are such a weirdo

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My younger sister has been struggling with infertility for about 6 years now. I have three children each two years apart.

After the birth of my second child, she had a meltdown during which she screamed at me that I always get what I want and that she would have made a better mother. She was crying and screaming in earshot of my in laws and I did not know what to do. She has always been competitive. She has begrudge me my taller height, my household income, my weight etc., but that was a new level.

I kept my distance for a long time. I was angry, hurt, and didn't want to make time for the drama. We became closer after the birth of my third child. She came unexpectedly to meet her new niece and we just went from there, although she never apologized for her outburst.

Last year, she became pregnant for the first time, but miscarried. She was devastated. I tried to be there for her, but she stopped taking my calls. My children kept asking when aunty was going to come visit.

We are back in touch again after almost a year of silence on her end. DH and I have decided to try for a fourth child. I can't help but worry about her reaction. I don't know if I should tell her we are trying, if I should wait until we succeed, wait until I show. How do I break this to her? Is it even fair that I have to worry as if I am doing something wrong?

I see a lot of me me me and very little empathy towards what your sister is going through and what she had gone through in your post. You were hurt that she yelled at you when she couldn't take it anymore, but little sympathy for why and what she is going through- would have helped. Not everyone has the grace to sit and there and be extra supportive when everything is falling down around them. She obviously tried to support you, but reached some sort of limit. She recognized that- which is why she distanced from you for a while. To recover and heal. Have you ever thought about how your life would be today if you did not have your children and could not have them? Have you ever put yourself into her shoes? Can you? Think about it and give her the space to heal and mourn and heal. Miscarriage can be very very difficult. Infertility is very very difficult. Seeing that your sister can get pregnant on a schedule when you are going through it is very very difficult. Having a sister who can't see that pain adds salt into the wounds.

Have your 4th or don't, that is your and your DH's choice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thanks for the responses so far. As far as being a surrogate goes, I feel awful at the thought of spending 40 weeks bonding with a baby and anticipating birth only to give him/her up. I couldn't do it and neither could my husband. I don't even know what I would tell my other children.

Not as awful as she feels when she can't have kids, while you have four kids.
You tell the kids the truth.

That I gave away their sibling as a peace offering to my sister? No, I'll never have that kind of conversation.

-OP

Are you dumb?
You say, that your sister is unable to grow a baby and mommy is giving her the best gift ever by helping her.
You sound evil. It wouldn't be their sibling, and it's not a peace offering.
Admit it, you love this OP.

OP doesn't want to do it. Nor should she feel an obligation to do so. No one is required to loan out her
uterus. Even if her sister is infertile.

I don't even think it crossed OP's mind to do it.

She's getting this reaction because her tone implies little empathy for her sister's situation.
Of course OP can have a 4th kid--you don't let someone else dictate your family plans.
But, if it were me, once I was done having my own children, I'd look into how I could help my sister, whether it's through egg donation or surrogacy.

It is not normal for it to cross someone's mind. I really feel for her sister, but this is not OP's problem to solve.

It's very normal that this would cross someone's mind. It would require thought as it whether it should be done. But HOW could this not cross someone's mind?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thanks for the responses so far. As far as being a surrogate goes, I feel awful at the thought of spending 40 weeks bonding with a baby and anticipating birth only to give him/her up. I couldn't do it and neither could my husband. I don't even know what I would tell my other children.

Not as awful as she feels when she can't have kids, while you have four kids.
You tell the kids the truth.

That I gave away their sibling as a peace offering to my sister? No, I'll never have that kind of conversation.

-OP

Are you dumb?
You say, that your sister is unable to grow a baby and mommy is giving her the best gift ever by helping her.
You sound evil. It wouldn't be their sibling, and it's not a peace offering.
Admit it, you love this OP.

OP doesn't want to do it. Nor should she feel an obligation to do so. No one is required to loan out her
uterus. Even if her sister is infertile.

I don't even think it crossed OP's mind to do it.

She's getting this reaction because her tone implies little empathy for her sister's situation.
Of course OP can have a 4th kid--you don't let someone else dictate your family plans.
But, if it were me, once I was done having my own children, I'd look into how I could help my sister, whether it's through egg donation or surrogacy.

It is not normal for it to cross someone's mind. I really feel for her sister, but this is not OP's problem to solve.

It's very normal that this would cross someone's mind. It would require thought as it whether it should be done. But HOW could this not cross someone's mind?

Because many women don't think of their uterus as something that is to be loaned out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thanks for the responses so far. As far as being a surrogate goes, I feel awful at the thought of spending 40 weeks bonding with a baby and anticipating birth only to give him/her up. I couldn't do it and neither could my husband. I don't even know what I would tell my other children.

Not as awful as she feels when she can't have kids, while you have four kids.
You tell the kids the truth.

That I gave away their sibling as a peace offering to my sister? No, I'll never have that kind of conversation.

-OP

Are you dumb?
You say, that your sister is unable to grow a baby and mommy is giving her the best gift ever by helping her.
You sound evil. It wouldn't be their sibling, and it's not a peace offering.
Admit it, you love this OP.

OP doesn't want to do it. Nor should she feel an obligation to do so. No one is required to loan out her
uterus. Even if her sister is infertile.

I don't even think it crossed OP's mind to do it.

She's getting this reaction because her tone implies little empathy for her sister's situation.
Of course OP can have a 4th kid--you don't let someone else dictate your family plans.
But, if it were me, once I was done having my own children, I'd look into how I could help my sister, whether it's through egg donation or surrogacy.

It is not normal for it to cross someone's mind. I really feel for her sister, but this is not OP's problem to solve.

It's very normal that this would cross someone's mind. It would require thought as it whether it should be done. But HOW could this not cross someone's mind?

Because many women don't think of their uterus as something that is to be loaned out.

It's called helping family.
I hope my kids have a better relationship than OP and her sister.

[Anonymous]

Because many women don't think of their uterus as something that is to be loaned out.

This! I think the infertility board is emptying into this thread. Some people have lost all perspective in their desperation for a child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Because many women don't think of their uterus as something that is to be loaned out.

This! I think the infertility board is emptying into this thread. Some people have lost all perspective in their desperation for a child.

Wrong, I conceived both my kids the first month of trying.

I Never had any fertility issues, this is a SIBLING!!! One that is having emotional pain. OP is able to help but doesn't want to. I'm shocked honestly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thanks for the responses so far. As far as being a surrogate goes, I feel awful at the thought of spending 40 weeks bonding with a baby and anticipating birth only to give him/her up. I couldn't do it and neither could my husband. I don't even know what I would tell my other children.

Not as awful as she feels when she can't have kids, while you have four kids.
You tell the kids the truth.

That I gave away their sibling as a peace offering to my sister? No, I'll never have that kind of conversation.

-OP

Are you dumb?
You say, that your sister is unable to grow a baby and mommy is giving her the best gift ever by helping her.
You sound evil. It wouldn't be their sibling, and it's not a peace offering.
Admit it, you love this OP.

OP doesn't want to do it. Nor should she feel an obligation to do so. No one is required to loan out her
uterus. Even if her sister is infertile.

I don't even think it crossed OP's mind to do it.

She's getting this reaction because her tone implies little empathy for her sister's situation.
Of course OP can have a 4th kid--you don't let someone else dictate your family plans.
But, if it were me, once I was done having my own children, I'd look into how I could help my sister, whether it's through egg donation or surrogacy.

It is not normal for it to cross someone's mind. I really feel for her sister, but this is not OP's problem to solve.

It's very normal that this would cross someone's mind. It would require thought as it whether it should be done. But HOW could this not cross someone's mind?

Because many women don't think of their uterus as something that is to be loaned out.

It's called helping family.
I hope my kids have a better relationship than OP and her sister.

Well, I hope my kids don't act the way her sister has. Whether one of them wants to loan out their uterus is up to the one who owns the uterus.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thanks for the responses so far. As far as being a surrogate goes, I feel awful at the thought of spending 40 weeks bonding with a baby and anticipating birth only to give him/her up. I couldn't do it and neither could my husband. I don't even know what I would tell my other children.

Not as awful as she feels when she can't have kids, while you have four kids.
You tell the kids the truth.

That I gave away their sibling as a peace offering to my sister? No, I'll never have that kind of conversation.

-OP

Are you dumb?
You say, that your sister is unable to grow a baby and mommy is giving her the best gift ever by helping her.
You sound evil. It wouldn't be their sibling, and it's not a peace offering.
Admit it, you love this OP.

OP doesn't want to do it. Nor should she feel an obligation to do so. No one is required to loan out her
uterus. Even if her sister is infertile.

I don't even think it crossed OP's mind to do it.

She's getting this reaction because her tone implies little empathy for her sister's situation.
Of course OP can have a 4th kid--you don't let someone else dictate your family plans.
But, if it were me, once I was done having my own children, I'd look into how I could help my sister, whether it's through egg donation or surrogacy.

It is not normal for it to cross someone's mind. I really feel for her sister, but this is not OP's problem to solve.

It's very normal that this would cross someone's mind. It would require thought as it whether it should be done. But HOW could this not cross someone's mind?

Because many women don't think of their uterus as something that is to be loaned out.

I don't either, and would never do it for pay, but this is her SISTER.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My younger sister has been struggling with infertility for about 6 years now. I have three children each two years apart.

After the birth of my second child, she had a meltdown during which she screamed at me that I always get what I want and that she would have made a better mother. She was crying and screaming in earshot of my in laws and I did not know what to do. She has always been competitive. She has begrudge me my taller height, my household income, my weight etc., but that was a new level.

I kept my distance for a long time. I was angry, hurt, and didn't want to make time for the drama. We became closer after the birth of my third child. She came unexpectedly to meet her new niece and we just went from there, although she never apologized for her outburst.

Last year, she became pregnant for the first time, but miscarried. She was devastated. I tried to be there for her, but she stopped taking my calls. My children kept asking when aunty was going to come visit.

We are back in touch again after almost a year of silence on her end. DH and I have decided to try for a fourth child. I can't help but worry about her reaction. I don't know if I should tell her we are trying, if I should wait until we succeed, wait until I show. How do I break this to her? Is it even fair that I have to worry as if I am doing something wrong?

I see a lot of me me me and very little empathy towards what your sister is going through and what she had gone through in your post. You were hurt that she yelled at you when she couldn't take it anymore, but little sympathy for why and what she is going through- would have helped. Not everyone has the grace to sit and there and be extra supportive when everything is falling down around them. She obviously tried to support you, but reached some sort of limit. She recognized that- which is why she distanced from you for a while. To recover and heal. Have you ever thought about how your life would be today if you did not have your children and could not have them? Have you ever put yourself into her shoes? Can you? Think about it and give her the space to heal and mourn and heal. Miscarriage can be very very difficult. Infertility is very very difficult. Seeing that your sister can get pregnant on a schedule when you are going through it is very very difficult. Having a sister who can't see that pain adds salt into the wounds.

Have your 4th or don't, that is your and your DH's choice.

OP here. I created this thread about my dilemma. How in the world would I not focus on my perspective in seeking advice for myself?