Sister is infertile/I have 3 kids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Is this what being pro-choice has wrought? Babies don't mean anything, uteruses can be used for anyone, it's all just one big party? I am pro-choice, but the cavalier attitudes in this thread are appalling.

Uteruses can be used for anyone. Gestational surrogacy is a thing. Those are facts. Yo[b]ur point is that you think gestational surrogacy shouldn't be a thing[/b].

And actually long before gestational surrogacy was a thing, it was a thing to give a child to a relative to raise.

No. The point is that gestational surrogacy should not be the result of a tantrum or guilt trip. Or obligation.

Regardless of what was "a thing."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Is this what being pro-choice has wrought? Babies don't mean anything, uteruses can be used for anyone, it's all just one big party? I am pro-choice, but the cavalier attitudes in this thread are appalling.

Uteruses can be used for anyone. Gestational surrogacy is a thing. Those are facts. Yo[b]ur point is that you think gestational surrogacy shouldn't be a thing[/b].

And actually long before gestational surrogacy was a thing, it was a thing to give a child to a relative to raise.

No. The point is that gestational surrogacy should not be the result of a tantrum or guilt trip. Or obligation.

Regardless of what was "a thing."

What other pps are shocked by is that helping a sister through something terrible and painful that has taken over years of her life would be seen as responding to a guilt trip or obligation instead of an extraordinary offering of love and kindness.

It would be one thing if op had said, "I've thought about surrogacy but I'm not sure I could handle it emotionally." Instead she wrote (cattily IMO) "omg no why would you even suggest that I couldn't do that emotionally and besides what would I tell my kids that I just GAVE AWAY their sibling? ???" Full of drama, empty of empathy.

[Anonymous]

^Giving away a child is exactly what surrogacy is. You might think that is noble, but you are still giving away a child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is this what not being able to have kids does to some people? I have never seen a thread with such nutty advice.

It is not nutty to ask if OP has CONSIDERED egg donation or surrogacy. At all.

Yes, there have been some crazy responses like give her your 2nd kid (I think that was in jest, well, I hope) or you're evil for having 4 kids, but the donation/surrogacy comments are valid.

It is ABSOLUTELY nutty to expect that OP has considered surrogacy. Her own family is not even complete yet and surrogacy is not common. Her sister has many other options including hiring a real surrogate, adoption, and maybe in vitro, egg donation, sperm donation etc. You women in this thread are freaking batshit.

Ok different scenario. Your sibling needs a liver. You wouldn't even think to CONSIDER it? I'm really glad I'm not some of you pp's family. I'd take a bullet for my siblings. And if one of them was suffering I would be actively searching out ways to help them

My abusivemother needed a kidney. I did not volunteer to donate one of mine.

OP's sister is toxic. I wouldn't volunteer to give her a baby

Meh, OP sounds rather toxic to me as well; at a minimum, incredibly insensitive. And all we know about the sister is from OP.

So what makes anyone think these two people could negotiate a surrogate relationship successfully?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your sister needs to grow up. Adults accept that life doesn't always give them what they want.

Don't you dare give your 4th or any child to her.

Adults also worry more about their sister's emotional suffering than about the fact that their sister pitched a fit in front of their in-laws. Or at least, adults should do that.

Sis got abusive to OP in front of the in laws. I have zero sympathy for abusers, and certainly would not give one a child

Having one total emotional meltdown after years of infertility (IMO) doesn't constitute abuse. Just a bad day. You seem like a total jerk.

She took her meltdown out on her sister. It is abuse.

You sound abusive

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^Giving away a child is exactly what surrogacy is. You might think that is noble, but you are still giving away a child.

mmm

Omfg, it's not. It's not like OP and her husband are going to conceive, carry a child and then give it away. Do you not know what surrogacy is??
I'm not saying she should do it, but there's a lot of people on this thread (OP included) who do not understand the concept of surrogacy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^Giving away a child is exactly what surrogacy is. You might think that is noble, but you are still giving away a child.

mmm

Omfg, it's not. It's not like OP and her husband are going to conceive, carry a child and then give it away. Do you not know what surrogacy is??
I'm not saying she should do it, but there's a lot of people on this thread (OP included) who do not understand the concept of surrogacy.

I understand what surrogacy is and I would never do it. I would feel like the child was mine, even if I had no genetic connection to it. Other people may feel differently, but that doesn't make it ok for someone who feels like I do.

[Anonymous]

I was making a :/ face reading your OP. Your sister sounds REALLY immature, to the point where this whole situation sounds made up. If it really is true, then I would just cut her out of my life mentally. If she shows up and is nice, fine but if she threw one more childish temper tantrum in front of my family, that would be it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Would you consider being a surrogate for her? I am surprised you haven't offered.

why should she? It's a huge sacrifice. You don't just do it for anyone and it sounds like they are not close at all from the sister's own doing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thanks for the responses so far. As far as being a surrogate goes, I feel awful at the thought of spending 40 weeks bonding with a baby and anticipating birth only to give him/her up. I couldn't do it and neither could my husband. I don't even know what I would tell my other children.

Not as awful as she feels when she can't have kids, while you have four kids.
You tell the kids the truth.

oh well that's life. One sister's fertility has nothing to do with the others and she shouldn't feel guilty for living her own life.

[Anonymous]

Tell her to just adopt and then tell her how easy it is for you to get pregnant and how hard having three children is. It is all about you after all. Oh and BTW, expecting #4.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP. You sound like you are enjoying this, you list all the ways you are "winning" in the first post.
You sound like you are fostering the competition.

+100 She does not sound like she has an ounce of compassion for her sister. Her sister had hysterics during infertility and that upset her. Her sister had a miscarriage after many tries and OP thinks she should get over herself. Now she is wondering what would be the most hurtful (oops tactful) way to rub in that she is having a fourth baby.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thanks for the responses so far. As far as being a surrogate goes, I feel awful at the thought of spending 40 weeks bonding with a baby and anticipating birth only to give him/her up. I couldn't do it and neither could my husband. I don't even know what I would tell my other children.

Not as awful as she feels when she can't have kids, while you have four kids.
You tell the kids the truth.

That I gave away their sibling as a peace offering to my sister? No, I'll never have that kind of conversation.

-OP

Now OP is the martyr b/c she wont be a surrogate. Your sister did not ask you, OP.

[Anonymous]

OP is a very manipulative person who enjoys 'winning" against her sister and now gets to say "no" to a question her sister never asked. But she DOES want to announce to all and particularly her sister that she is "trying" for a fourth child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thanks for the responses so far. As far as being a surrogate goes, I feel awful at the thought of spending 40 weeks bonding with a baby and anticipating birth only to give him/her up. I couldn't do it and neither could my husband. I don't even know what I would tell my other children.

Not as awful as she feels when she can't have kids, while you have four kids.
You tell the kids the truth.

That I gave away their sibling as a peace offering to my sister? No, I'll never have that kind of conversation.

-OP

Now OP is the martyr b/c she wont be a surrogate. Your sister did not ask you, OP.

No, all the crazy infertile people on this thread ordered her to give a child to her sister. It's getting very Handmaid's Tale in here.