Why do men pick ditzy women sometimes?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like she grew up and got tired of partying. Happens to all (ok, most) of us eventually. And yes, you do sound a little jealous that she broke the rules and still has a great outcome. I think that's a normal human reaction, but you might want to work on it a little.

This is OP.

THIS! The rest of us girls are pretty homely looking, sure but we are preppy and put together and haven't really fooled around and only date guys we think are serious. We follow "The Rules" and here is our one friend who literally did everything the exact opposite way and she has a really great guy fawning over her and reading to propose. I guess all that grooming and manners can't compete with serious good looks!

He hasn't even proposed to her yet and you are already jealous?

Yes, life is going to be hard for you, OP. You are going to meet a lot of men (and women) who appear to be unworthy or whatever and marry great "catches." It's really none of your business. Sorry.

[Anonymous]

I once had similar feelings about a relative as OP, but the person who got the "catch" was actually an extremely nasty, mean-spirited person who hid it very well behind a happy, ditzy persona and being very pretty. I was amazed at how her boyfriend just ignored her meanness, shallowness, diva tendencies, lack of ambition, etc., just because he was attracted to her. Meanwhile, I know women who are genuinely very kind and accomplished, but less "fun n' flirty," who can't find a man to save their life. That's how men are. They want that girl who is pretty, flirty, and confident, and they will ignore even the worst deficits. So I get where you're coming from, but if your friend is a kind person, there are a few men out there who value that, and maybe that is what her boyfriend likes best.

[Anonymous]

You sound pretty entitled, OP. You want to date a "great catch" which means what exactly? Handsome, rich, well-dressed? So let me get this straight. You have superficial idea about what would make a good partner but you don't want said partner to be superficial and choose a partner based on looks. Mmmkay.

I have an acquaintance who is always having relationship issues. She's almost 40, never been married and cannot get a guy to stick around. On her online dating profile, though, he has to be white and make well into six figures. She's a smart, high earning but chubby and tall ginger. Sweet person, gracious, mannered, great taste in clothes and cars. But tightly wound. Someone may be willing to date her but G*d forbid he's a minority making 75k at a nonprofit supporting a strong mission he's passionate about all while wearing cargo pants and "green energy" tshirts to the office. I have stopped feeling bad for her and OP, I really don't feel bad for you, either. You only deserve love when you are completely open to receive it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know this girl who is kind of realy gorgeous with thick dark hair,warm open eyes and a big goofy smile. Her natural good looks aside, she didn't even know how to wear makeup or do her hair and wore odd looking outfits every day. Due to her physique and pretty face, she was a man magnet everywhere we went. It was actually kind of annoying going out with her because guys would bypass us to swoop in and flirt with her. It wasn't all good though. She got dumped multiple times and although everyone wanted to date/sleep with her, no one wanted to date her. Which, given her goofy ditzy party girl personality, wasn't a surprise. She spent all night after work drunk and weekends partying and had like, guys on her speed dial. She loved the boy attention and cringed at the thought of marriage saying she did not believe in it.

Lo and behold, a year back she started dating this guy who, by all standards seems to be a major catch. He has a glamorous job, comes from a warm loving and wealthy family, has a really good head on his shoulders and eats healthy and works out and is super responsible. Basically, her exact opposite! Only now these two are the sickening cute couple who blast social media with couple pictures and public declarations of love. He is always fawning over her on social media and she, to the shock of everyone, a changed woman.

She goes home straight after work to her boyfriend, cooks him elaborate meals(!!!!she lived on frozen food), peppers every sentence with "we" and "us" and "ours" and is a homebody compared to her former self.

By all accounts they both seem over the moon happy and I sense and engagement heading their way.

It was just a whirlwind romance to watch knowing her in our friendship group. We never thought she'd be someone to bag a guy so soon or of someone of such good quality. Very curious.

I knew a couple like this. They got engaged. They also broke up a month after the engagement. Guy was cheating all along. He now has a new girlfriend and by social media appearances it's the perfect relationship.

We know the truth.

[Anonymous]

Just because it happened for her first doesn't mean it won't happen for you. I was one of the last of my friends to marry but I'm very happy with my DH (though I didn't care about things like family money and was happy marrying a fed - I may have felt jealous of friends who were madly in love but not the pedigree of their partners).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you're gonna regret not sleeping around a little more. I knew a girl who thought she was marriage material. She actually told me I'm the type of girl guys marry, clearly saying I wasn't. She died, so I guess she was wrong.

That's a sad story.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I once had similar feelings about a relative as OP, but the person who got the "catch" was actually an extremely nasty, mean-spirited person who hid it very well behind a happy, ditzy persona and being very pretty. I was amazed at how her boyfriend just ignored her meanness, shallowness, diva tendencies, lack of ambition, etc., just because he was attracted to her. Meanwhile, I know women who are genuinely very kind and accomplished, but less "fun n' flirty," who can't find a man to save their life. That's how men are. They want that girl who is pretty, flirty, and confident, and they will ignore even the worst deficits. So I get where you're coming from, but if your friend is a kind person, there are a few men out there who value that, and maybe that is what her boyfriend likes best.

"Kind and accomplished" means fat, doesn't it? If that's the issue, address it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I once had similar feelings about a relative as OP, but the person who got the "catch" was actually an extremely nasty, mean-spirited person who hid it very well behind a happy, ditzy persona and being very pretty. I was amazed at how her boyfriend just ignored her meanness, shallowness, diva tendencies, lack of ambition, etc., just because he was attracted to her. Meanwhile, I know women who are genuinely very kind and accomplished, but less "fun n' flirty," who can't find a man to save their life. That's how men are. They want that girl who is pretty, flirty, and confident, and they will ignore even the worst deficits. So I get where you're coming from, but if your friend is a kind person, there are a few men out there who value that, and maybe that is what her boyfriend likes best.

"Kind and accomplished" means fat, doesn't it? If that's the issue, address it.

Nope, if I meant fat I would have said fat. The only friend I have who is "fat" got married first. I meant kind and accomplished, as in someone with a good career who is a good person, and is normal/thin, but doesn't act "fun and flirty."

[Anonymous]

I don't believe that people change, but during dating period they try to hard to be liked by the other party and sometimes pretend to be someone else. After they get married they return to who they are truly are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like she grew up and got tired of partying. Happens to all (ok, most) of us eventually. And yes, you do sound a little jealous that she broke the rules and still has a great outcome. I think that's a normal human reaction, but you might want to work on it a little.

This is OP.

THIS! The rest of us girls are pretty homely looking, sure but we are preppy and put together and haven't really fooled around and only date guys we think are serious. We follow "The Rules" and here is our one friend who literally did everything the exact opposite way and she has a really great guy fawning over her and reading to propose. I guess all that grooming and manners can't compete with serious good looks!

The Rules are stupid. Suggesting that being a party girl is incompatible with being a good person is stupid. Your friend sounds like a lovely person who didn't pretend to be someone she isn't, and found someone who loves her for it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You sound pretty entitled, OP. You want to date a "great catch" which means what exactly? Handsome, rich, well-dressed? So let me get this straight. You have superficial idea about what would make a good partner but you don't want said partner to be superficial and choose a partner based on looks. Mmmkay.

I have an acquaintance who is always having relationship issues. She's almost 40, never been married and cannot get a guy to stick around. On her online dating profile, though, he has to be white and make well into six figures. She's a smart, high earning but chubby and tall ginger. Sweet person, gracious, mannered, great taste in clothes and cars. But tightly wound. Someone may be willing to date her but G*d forbid he's a minority making 75k at a nonprofit supporting a strong mission he's passionate about all while wearing cargo pants and "green energy" tshirts to the office. I have stopped feeling bad for her and OP, I really don't feel bad for you, either. You only deserve love when you are completely open to receive it.

+1

If you're superficial, you will attract superficial people. And then you'll wonder why you can't find love.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you're gonna regret not sleeping around a little more. I knew a girl who thought she was marriage material. She actually told me I'm the type of girl guys marry, clearly saying I wasn't. She died, so I guess she was wrong.

That's a sad story.

Wow, what a petty, nasty person you are to take obvious pleasure in this woman's death.

[Anonymous]

Agree with all the PPs criticizing you OP. So you're surprised a great "catch" likes a very pretty, sexually experienced, nice person who is willing to settle down and be serious for the right person? Good luck to her! You on the other hand...

[Anonymous]

OP sounds like your friend is fun and easy to hang around. Remember what you think of as attractive is not what men think of as attractive.

[Anonymous]

Op I have a cousin who was a partygirl too and know plenty of club girls who married had a kid but then they felt the urge to party irresponsibility and selfishness of dating around again and cheated on their bf or husband. If the sap ends up marrying the partygirl well he's a stupid sap because only later on will he find out how or who she banged on a drunken night and how many. Also a beauty with a goofy smile? What's her age and what's yours? Does she resemble Anne hathaway