really stupid RSVP question

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: Compared to a workplace or a private preschool, the conventions and norms are so relaxed that you might not realize they exist.

Which means it's nearly impossible for me to figure them out.

Here's the deal - my first fight with DH was when we unpacked after a move and I found 15 unanswered wedding RSVP cards. You RSVP, it's what you do. But it freaks me out beyond words to RSVP to someone when she doesn't know she's invited me.

"Hi, this is Sally Jones, and I got your invitation for Larla's party, and we won't be able to make it. Thanks anyway."

"Who?"

NIGHTMARE.

No. You conveniently forgot to add: "My daughter Larla just started at the daycare."
And it's not a nightmare. You know what a nightmare is? That poor young police offer who just got gunned down in the line of duty in PG County. Get some perspective.

I didn't conveniently forget, I don't know to say those things.

Yep, we're definitely not going if moms are this cruel and hateful if you don't fit in.

Well, now you do. So say it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: Compared to a workplace or a private preschool, the conventions and norms are so relaxed that you might not realize they exist.

Which means it's nearly impossible for me to figure them out.

Here's the deal - my first fight with DH was when we unpacked after a move and I found 15 unanswered wedding RSVP cards. You RSVP, it's what you do. But it freaks me out beyond words to RSVP to someone when she doesn't know she's invited me.

"Hi, this is Sally Jones, and I got your invitation for Larla's party, and we won't be able to make it. Thanks anyway."

"Who?"

NIGHTMARE.

Well that would be a dumb thing to say - you need to say your child's name, who just started at the daycare with Larla.

Are you always that bitchy to people who've admitted they don't understand social convention? How on earth would I know to start off with my child's name?

Because somebody made this suggestion on PAGE ONE of this thread!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: Compared to a workplace or a private preschool, the conventions and norms are so relaxed that you might not realize they exist.

Which means it's nearly impossible for me to figure them out.

Here's the deal - my first fight with DH was when we unpacked after a move and I found 15 unanswered wedding RSVP cards. You RSVP, it's what you do. But it freaks me out beyond words to RSVP to someone when she doesn't know she's invited me.

"Hi, this is Sally Jones, my son Max just entered the purple room at Happy Kids daycare with your daughter Larla, and I got your invitation for Larla's party, and we won't be able to make it. Thanks anyway."

"Who?"

NIGHTMARE.

Hi OP, I'm the PP you quoted. Insert the bolded into your text and you won't get the question, "Who?" As for daycare parent conventions. I and a few other PPs gave you the 10K foot overview. You figured out the RSVP convention. I would argue that figuring this out will indeed be possible for you.

[Anonymous]

I don't understand (genuinely) why you're continuing to fight this OP. You asked a question and you have gotten 5 pages of consistent responses.

Yes, you need to rsvp.

The invitation is clear, the social expectation is clear, you clearly understand what rsvp means, and even fully support it in other circumstances.

To not rsvp is intentionally rude. Why would you do that?

You could have left 28 messages, written a letter (which by the way is an option - ask the daycare teacher to give a note to the other child's mother) or done a gazillion other more productive things than fighting everyone on DCUM this morning.

Do the right thing or not - but quit arguing about it. You got the answer to the question you asked. The answer was resoundingly clear.

If you choose to disregard it that's on you.

[Anonymous]

If you really can't bring yourself to call and leave a message, maybe you could write a note and ask the teacher to put it in the birthday kid's lunch box or bag. It might get lost in the shuffle, but at least it's an attempt to RSVP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: Compared to a workplace or a private preschool, the conventions and norms are so relaxed that you might not realize they exist.

Which means it's nearly impossible for me to figure them out.

Here's the deal - my first fight with DH was when we unpacked after a move and I found 15 unanswered wedding RSVP cards. You RSVP, it's what you do. But it freaks me out beyond words to RSVP to someone when she doesn't know she's invited me.

"Hi, this is Sally Jones, and I got your invitation for Larla's party, and we won't be able to make it. Thanks anyway."

"Who?"

NIGHTMARE.

No. You conveniently forgot to add: "My daughter Larla just started at the daycare."
And it's not a nightmare. You know what a nightmare is? That poor young police offer who just got gunned down in the line of duty in PG County. Get some perspective.

I didn't conveniently forget, I don't know to say those things.

Yep, we're definitely not going if moms are this cruel and hateful if you don't fit in.

People gave you a word for word script pages ago!!!!!!!!!!!! People are frustrated. Go back to page 1 or 2 and read the damn script people gave you.

It's fine if you don't know what to say. Ask for help. You did. People helped you. Now you're just being argumentative and purposefully dense.

A child's needs go beyond food and shelter. This social stuff is part of the deal. Emotional needs are real too.

[Anonymous]

Send a text if calling freaks you out so much. Better than nothing.

[Anonymous]

I'm not being purposefully dense. I'm just now wondering why I owe another mother anything when she'll probably just treat me like everyone here has. I haven't socialized in years, and this is why.

[Anonymous]

This is a very odd OP. I'm going to call "troll" on this. Just too weird. It's a rare day when DCUM agrees on something and she refuses to listen to good advice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is a very odd OP. I'm going to call "troll" on this. Just too weird. It's a rare day when DCUM agrees on something and she refuses to listen to good advice.

I am listening, but it's something I just can't do, especially after being called troll and stupid and whatever else. I haven't socialized with women in years, they terrify me, and this is why. For all I know, she'll treat me the same way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I very rarely call troll, but I think this has to be a troll.

Has to be. The OP's insisting responses back can't be real.

I agree. These are not the responses of someone with "AS", unless he/she meant anti-social and not autisim/aspergers

I have no experience with AS other than Sheldon from Big Bang Theory and Max from Parenthood. I can imagine them both arguing just like OP. Both would eventually give in and call, and would finish by making a (what we'd consider) snarky comment about forcing the phone call to the host.

OP, just say word for word what an early poster commented.

As a parent, OP, you're going to be put in a lot of socially awkward positions over the years. You'd better learn to fake it, otherwise your child is in for a hell of a social life. If you love your child and want them to have friends and a normal life, suck it up, buttercup. Put their needs first.

DC's needs always come first. This isn't a need, and I don't do socially awkward well.

Oh, I'd say you're a natural at it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I very rarely call troll, but I think this has to be a troll.

Has to be. The OP's insisting responses back can't be real.

I agree. These are not the responses of someone with "AS", unless he/she meant anti-social and not autisim/aspergers

I have no experience with AS other than Sheldon from Big Bang Theory and Max from Parenthood. I can imagine them both arguing just like OP. Both would eventually give in and call, and would finish by making a (what we'd consider) snarky comment about forcing the phone call to the host.

OP, just say word for word what an early poster commented.

As a parent, OP, you're going to be put in a lot of socially awkward positions over the years. You'd better learn to fake it, otherwise your child is in for a hell of a social life. If you love your child and want them to have friends and a normal life, suck it up, buttercup. Put their needs first.

DC's needs always come first. This isn't a need, and I don't do socially awkward well.

Oh, I'd say you're a natural at it.

Yep, and comments like this are why I'm not playing any of these daycare social games. You'd probably say this to my face, which is cruel and evil.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm not being purposefully dense. I'm just now wondering why I owe another mother anything when she'll probably just treat me like everyone here has. I haven't socialized in years, and this is why.

OP All the mom did was give your child an invitation! That's it. If you can't come that is completely fine, there will be no love lost between her and you. As you said, you haven't been introduced. Simply call and use one of the MANY scripts to let her know you won't be coming. Right now you are the rude one for not RSVP'ing. You are blowing this WAY out of proportion... Yes, this is difficult for you, but seriously, woman up and make 1 incredibly short phone call.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is a very odd OP. I'm going to call "troll" on this. Just too weird. It's a rare day when DCUM agrees on something and she refuses to listen to good advice.

I am listening, but it's something I just can't do, especially after being called troll and stupid and whatever else. I haven't socialized with women in years, they terrify me, and this is why. For all I know, she'll treat me the same way.

People were very kind and supportive until you started chiming in with argumentative, odd, and rude responses. I believe this kicked it off on p. 2:

"No, I don't think I will, sorry. I don't call people for social reasons if they don't know me.

I'm pretty sure it's a gift grab though, so I don't feel too badly."

Take some responsibility. You're playing the victim.

[Anonymous]

Maybe write a note and give to daycare teachers, and they can put in bday kid's backpack to take home