really stupid RSVP question

[Anonymous]

I think OP's marriage is the real problem here. Her "tough love" DH is basically giving her no love at all, and holding her back from becoming socially functional by refusing to support her. Why did you marry this guy? You would have been better off on your own getting some real help.

[Anonymous]

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She doesn't know me!!! It's rude to put someone in the position to have to call a perfect stranger who doesn't know them either!

Holy lord this just took hysterical up 10 notches.

OP I'm trying to be sympathetic because you seem to have pretty severe anxiety about this. Just don't RSVP. No one's going to come check up you to find out why.

Exactly. Don't RSVP because you have all these issues. But do not call the host "rude" or accuse them organizing a "gift grab." That is just plain obnoxious. Being on the autism spectrum is not an excuse for being an entitled, ungrateful bitch.

Then spell it out for me. Why do you invite people you don't know unless you're after gifts? I honestly do NOT understand that.

You are such an ass. Several PPs have explained this to you. They want their child to celebrate with a group of kids they see every day and are comfortable with. The proper thing to do is to invite the whole class or none at all. The parents want the kids to spend time with the other kids outside of the daycare. They want to celebrate with this community.

I'm not "an ass". I don't understand. The kids are two, so it's not like they'd recognize another kid on the street!

Actually 2yo would recognize each other. They may not interact or run up to each other or play together or greet each other, but it's very possible they'd recognize each other.

You seem very self-centered and self-involved and don't understand that others are not like that.

I don't have any friends, of course I am self-centered. No one else gives a shit about me, and hasn't in a very long time.

People on here gave a shit about you. Took there time to offer advice and sympathize with your situation.

Then you started attacking them and making rude comments. The problem is that you treat people badly and then still feel entitled to support and care. People have learned not to be guilted into remaining in abusive relationships. Consider your treatment of others before placing the blame on them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think OP's marriage is the real problem here. Her "tough love" DH is basically giving her no love at all, and holding her back from becoming socially functional by refusing to support her. Why did you marry this guy? You would have been better off on your own getting some real help.

Can you imagine being married to her? They both sound miserable.

[Anonymous]

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Also please stop accusing people of playing games or saying hateful things to you and using that as an excuse for your antisocial behavior. You obviously have extreme social anxiety. You should assume that YOU DO NOT understand other people's motivations. YOU are the one started making hateful comments. And your paranoid aspersions about the others parents' motivations really reflect your own thinking about getting to know people. Obviously you only reach out to people for favors/gifts. But that's not how others work. Accept that.

You're wrong. DC hasn't ever had a birthday party (or baby shower) because I don't have any friends and didn't want people thinking I was inviting them just to get gifts. The only gifts I get are from my husband.

Right, but what I'm saying is that you obviously think that building any relationship is all about getting favors/gifts.

No, you said I reach out to people for favors. I never reach out to anyone. Ever. I sit in my house and cry because I know no one will every be social with me.

Actually, this parent is trying to be social with you. YOU DON'T WANT TO BE SOCIAL with others.

TAKE RESPONSIBILITY.

[Anonymous]

At some point someone will need to call CPS for this poor, isolated child, I hope.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

She doesn't know me!!! It's rude to put someone in the position to have to call a perfect stranger who doesn't know them either!

Holy lord this just took hysterical up 10 notches.

OP I'm trying to be sympathetic because you seem to have pretty severe anxiety about this. Just don't RSVP. No one's going to come check up you to find out why.

Exactly. Don't RSVP because you have all these issues. But do not call the host "rude" or accuse them organizing a "gift grab." That is just plain obnoxious. Being on the autism spectrum is not an excuse for being an entitled, ungrateful bitch.

Then spell it out for me. Why do you invite people you don't know unless you're after gifts? I honestly do NOT understand that.

NP here, inviting the whole class is standard at this age. You might not be aware but at the school I taught at the policy went that unless you invited the whole class, birthday parties were not to be discussed at school. When children are this young the inclusion is important. This mother didn't want your child to be left out even though they are new.

All the evil things you are attributing to it are why people think you are rude and maybe a troll.

I work with people with ASD, and other social disorders. You seem to have more paranoia and shame spiral victim complex going on, and if you say it wasn't like this before you married than the Autism diagnosis seems incorrect. Another reason why people might be thinking you are a troll.

As a normal function person I find your posts so dismissive and angry, obviously self- deprecating but it isn't getting you the reaction you want. Your answer is everyone that they all have friends and it is so easy... obviously in a calm moment you know that is not true, everyone struggles, lots of people are awkward. You are not a special and unique snowflake, nor are you unworthy of friendship... stop beating yourself up, stop letting your paranoia run away with you (if I heard kids/ adults moooing at me in the parking lot, as a teenage girl I would have been crushed and assumed it was about me, now I would walk away and not assume either way, cause who the hell does that anyway... they look lame not you!)

This is all if you are real, which based on some of the things you have said is hard to believe (the part where you claimed you had no idea you should list your child's name on the rsvp instead of yours, why wouldn't you list the person who was invited? You were not invited your daughter was, this isn't a social thing you missed out on this was a logic thing your anxiety brain wouldn't let you process- if the therapist you are working with isn't helping you should find another one. Best of luck if you are real.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think OP's marriage is the real problem here. Her "tough love" DH is basically giving her no love at all, and holding her back from becoming socially functional by refusing to support her. Why did you marry this guy? You would have been better off on your own getting some real help.

Can you imagine being married to her? They both sound miserable.

Indeed, but I would never in a million years refuse to take the simple action of RSVPing just to try to force my spouse to do something she didn't want to do. That hurts my child for no good reason. And does not help my spouse.

[Anonymous]

On the off chance you Aren't a troll you should really seek therapy ASAP and I say that sincerely.

[Anonymous]

OP, if nobody ever likes you, how did you manage to land a husband? I mean, there must have been some amount of flirting or friendliness or openness to close that deal. When he expressed interest did you believe he was interested in you?

[Anonymous]

This so obviously a troll. Why are you indulging her?

[Anonymous]

Stop people please. Stop. It's a troll.

[Anonymous]

FFS, if social anxiety is an issue, email the teacher and tell her to pass on your "no" RSVP to the mom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Also please stop accusing people of playing games or saying hateful things to you and using that as an excuse for your antisocial behavior. You obviously have extreme social anxiety. You should assume that YOU DO NOT understand other people's motivations. YOU are the one started making hateful comments. And your paranoid aspersions about the others parents' motivations really reflect your own thinking about getting to know people. Obviously you only reach out to people for favors/gifts. But that's not how others work. Accept that.

You're wrong. DC hasn't ever had a birthday party (or baby shower) because I don't have any friends and didn't want people thinking I was inviting them just to get gifts. The only gifts I get are from my husband.

Right, but what I'm saying is that you obviously think that building any relationship is all about getting favors/gifts.

No, you said I reach out to people for favors. I never reach out to anyone. Ever. I sit in my house and cry because I know no one will every be social with me.

Actually, this parent is trying to be social with you. YOU DON'T WANT TO BE SOCIAL with others.

TAKE RESPONSIBILITY.

NP. This is exactly it. OP, there was a girl at my high school who was really abused by the other students. She was overweight, socially awkward, and couldn't seem to ever have the right response in any social situation. I remember one time I was walking past her and and smiled and said hi, and snapped something at me (I don't remember the exact words). She was so miserable that she couldn't tell when someone wasn't being mean to her.

This is the same situation. This other mom has invited your child to her child's party AS A WAY TO REACH OUT TO YOU AND YOUR CHILD, AND TO BE FRIENDLY. It doesn't matter one bit if the invitation came on your kid's first day of daycare. It's still her effort to be social with you and your family. You can either RSVP with a yes or no and be nice back to her, OR, you can throw away the invitation because you're assuming she's a bitter, mean mom. I highly recommend you do the first option--take a chance.

Your choice.

[Anonymous]

what an odd thread. all from asking about how to decline an all class party. lol

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can't you ask your DH to make the RSVP call then?

He won't do it because I cried about it. It's part of his tough love thing that I don't react well to.

You cried about a RSVP to an all class party? wow. talk about being weird.