IL's in my house during my hospital stay

[Anonymous]

Would she take offense at a to-do list? Phrased more as a "if you're up for it, we really could use help with - ABCDEFGHIJK & if time, 12345 as well." Sounds like MIL wants to be in charge of household stuff - let her, but just be more specific this time.

FIL wants a project, so give him one. Are you delivering soon? Can you put FIL in charge of Christmas decorations? Getting the tree, helping child #1 put up decorations, etc?

Also, you have the older kid - that is the world's best task for a grandparent. Have them take him on outings.

[Anonymous]

It's like DCUMmers can't help it...they can't read an original post/thread title and answer the question actually being asked.

OP did not ask, "Would these circumstances bother you?"

She did ask, "As these circumstances do bother me, how can I best address them?"

So whether or not YOU would feel the way she does under the same circumstances just isn't relevant!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's like DCUMmers can't help it...they can't read an original post/thread title and answer the question actually being asked.

OP did not ask, "Would these circumstances bother you?"

She did ask, "As these circumstances do bother me, how can I best address them?"

So whether or not YOU would feel the way she does under the same circumstances just isn't relevant!

I think that some of these folks are trying to tell Op that she has no reason to be annoyed with MIL and should just suck it up. THAT is their solution.

But most of us feel for Op and have given her commiseration and some ideas as to how to keep MIL out of her stuff and busy with things that actually do help.

Best of luck, Op! I'm sure that first born will keep her occupied. Congratulations to you and your whole family (MIL included) on that precious brand new baby!

[Anonymous]

The biggest difference between last time and this time is there's already a kid there, right? They won't have the time nor energy for extra stuff. Your kid solved your problem!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The biggest difference between last time and this time is there's already a kid there, right? They won't have the time nor energy for extra stuff. Your kid solved your problem!!

Agree. I definitely would emphasize to have your ILs spend time with your older child - school pick up, outings, playing, keeping her on routine.

[Anonymous]

My case sounds much more extreme than yours, but my MIL snooped so much during visits that I started putting notes in different places. "Vera, why are you in here?" in a file cabinet I had seen her peek into; "Please ask if you need anything" in the master bathroom medicine closet.

I never saw her snooping again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The biggest difference between last time and this time is there's already a kid there, right? They won't have the time nor energy for extra stuff. Your kid solved your problem!!

Agree. I definitely would emphasize to have your ILs spend time with your older child - school pick up, outings, playing, keeping her on routine.

Also, leave your child's room a mess and they can focus their cleaning efforts in there!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I suspect the people who react nicely to the MIL's actions have good relationships with their MIL's and vice versa.

I have a great relationship with my MIL. That is *because* I set boundaries with her early on. She is definitely the type to "reorganize" without asking, but after she did that and I had a conversation with her, she stopped. Being nice/having a good relationship with your in-laws (or anyone) =/= letting them do whatever they want to do just because they have good intentions. Respect is a two-way street.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My case sounds much more extreme than yours, but my MIL snooped so much during visits that I started putting notes in different places. "Vera, why are you in here?" in a file cabinet I had seen her peek into; "Please ask if you need anything" in the master bathroom medicine closet.

I never saw her snooping again.

OMFG that is AMAZING! I love it!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I suspect the people who react nicely to the MIL's actions have good relationships with their MIL's and vice versa.

I have a great relationship with my MIL. That is *because* I set boundaries with her early on. She is definitely the type to "reorganize" without asking, but after she did that and I had a conversation with her, she stopped. Being nice/having a good relationship with your in-laws (or anyone) =/= letting them do whatever they want to do just because they have good intentions. Respect is a two-way street.

+1

It also means picking your battles. I have a fabulous relationship with my mother-in-law, unlike, I suspect, many of the posters here. She would not enter my bedroom without asking, but if she did and made the bed hike I was hospitalized I would understand that she had wonderful intentions and if I werent comfortable with it I would, you know, tell her. Op, have you TOLD your mother-in-law about the things that bother you? If I told mine, she would be horrified and rectify it immediately. You havent addressed that piece.

Fwiw, I have two children and my mother-in-law lived with us for a month after my second was born. As others have said, she will be far too busy with the older one to do this kind of thing. That said, if cleaning your house and making some meals offends you to such a high degree, I'm not sure your relationship with her stands a chance and I'm not sure what to tell you.

[Anonymous]

I'd order a IKEA bookcase or two to keep FIL busy on another level of the house that you and baby will be returning to. Eventual good use for storing children's books, or general organization. If worse come to worst, you can always re-sell an assembled bookcase on CL for a few quick bucks. Win-win.

Keep stickies on food in the fridge that you want untouched

Tell your MIL that the baby clothes have been washed and organized accordingly so she can just relax and take some outings with darling grandchild1

I wouldn't be rude about any of that, but just matter of factly explain that you have done the nesting bit and the nursery is perfectly ready to welcome home baby 2 when the time comes. You don't have to say much more than that.

But I gotta say, I echo the sentiment of others that you're lucky to have great caring ILs.

[Anonymous]

Make a long list of things for her to do. Busy stuff. Fge obviously needs to do something. Lock your bedroom door. She won't have as much time this time since hopefully she will be taking care of your first.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My case sounds much more extreme than yours, but my MIL snooped so much during visits that I started putting notes in different places. "Vera, why are you in here?" in a file cabinet I had seen her peek into; "Please ask if you need anything" in the master bathroom medicine closet.

I never saw her snooping again.

OMFG that is AMAZING! I love it!

Yeah, but the pros get around that because they are "organizing" and "helping" to straighten up....That way when the clueless dh walks in and finds them snooping through a drawer, they are merely "organizing" it, they have a cover.

Mighty wiley. Lol.

[Anonymous]

Hire someone and tell them to stay away because you are a controlling, ungrateful witch. They are staying with your toddler. Stop griping and be appreciative.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's like DCUMmers can't help it...they can't read an original post/thread title and answer the question actually being asked.

OP did not ask, "Would these circumstances bother you?"

She did ask, "As these circumstances do bother me, how can I best address them?"

So whether or not YOU would feel the way she does under the same circumstances just isn't relevant!

I think that some of these folks are trying to tell Op that she has no reason to be annoyed with MIL and should just suck it up. THAT is their solution.

But most of us feel for Op and have given her commiseration and some ideas as to how to keep MIL out of her stuff and busy with things that actually do help.

Best of luck, Op! I'm sure that first born will keep her occupied. Congratulations to you and your whole family (MIL included) on that precious brand new baby!

It's not that OP can't feel annoyed. She clearly does. It's just that trying to significantly changer her MIL may prove more annoying than the original annoyance.