IL's in my house during my hospital stay

[Anonymous]

I'd give her tasks that take a lot of time, like maybe wiping down all the toddler's toys so they'll be clean when the baby comes home. She's probsbly a high anxiety person who can't handle downtime (I have a SIL like this!). Fill up her chore list with activities you don't care about, like the toddler toys and such. Wash your windows maybe?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, it sounds like you have great in-laws. I wish I had that kind of help! Here's what I would do:

Set up a couple projects that you need completed for them to work on. If you own a home, surely there's something you've been meaning to do but just haven't gotten to. Or create something - give her a linen closet to organize or ask her to make some dishes to freeze. Ask him to put together a piece of furniture or fix something in the garage, etc.

And if there's something in the fridge you don't want touched, then label it so MIL knows to leave it alone.

The not wanting her to enter your bedroom thing is sort of weird to me. This woman is in your home caring for your child.

Seriously? OP knows this woman is in her home, caring for her child. So the woman should be caring for child, not touching OP's made bed and going through her closets. I would *never* enter an adult's bedroom without their express knowledge. Boundaries!

She CHANGED THEIR FREAKING SHEETS, didn't rifle through the closet and damage stuff. Good lord, you people have no souls.

Did you not read the original post? The MIL *did go through their closets* and cleaned and reorganized stuff unnecessarily. MIL sounds snoopy and controlling.

not as controlling as you and OP.

Guess who SHOULD be in control of her own house? OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:eh, you don't go through and "organize" other people's closets and medicine cabinets. And it's strange to rewash and reorganize a carefully put together baby's room.

At some point you cross the line into being intrusive....and, yes, nosy. That line can vary from person to person.

In general, guests/sitters/even MILs do not go through their host's things. If they need something they ask for it.

I agree with this. If the first birth came early and OP and her husband had to leave things unfinished, in disarray, and MIL came in and did things that needed to be done, that would be one thing. But for her to "re-do" everything and go into closets/cabinets, etc.? It's almost like she was trying to mark territory. It's just not necessary or respectful. OP sounds like a clean, organized person, and she should be respected as one of the owners of the household.

[Anonymous]

All of this control/respect/etc language makes me feel sorry for some of you. This woman was trying to make herself useful! Perhaps a bit over-zealously, but good Lord. No wonder so many family relationships suck - you guys sound like freaking nightmares.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, it sounds like you have great in-laws. I wish I had that kind of help! Here's what I would do:

Set up a couple projects that you need completed for them to work on. If you own a home, surely there's something you've been meaning to do but just haven't gotten to. Or create something - give her a linen closet to organize or ask her to make some dishes to freeze. Ask him to put together a piece of furniture or fix something in the garage, etc.

And if there's something in the fridge you don't want touched, then label it so MIL knows to leave it alone.

The not wanting her to enter your bedroom thing is sort of weird to me. This woman is in your home caring for your child.

Seriously? OP knows this woman is in her home, caring for her child. So the woman should be caring for child, not touching OP's made bed and going through her closets. I would *never* enter an adult's bedroom without their express knowledge. Boundaries!

She CHANGED THEIR FREAKING SHEETS, didn't rifle through the closet and damage stuff. Good lord, you people have no souls.

Did you not read the original post? The MIL *did go through their closets* and cleaned and reorganized stuff unnecessarily. MIL sounds snoopy and controlling.

not as controlling as you and OP.

agreed. ME ME ME! MY HOUSE MY STUFF! oh you're here to take care of the baby? great, just do only exactly as i say - though you're not being paid and you're a family member helping out - and only go into these spaces. I'm sure we'll all get along just fine!

[Anonymous]

Ok - this time leave your house a mess so that she really and truly has something dirty to clean.
SMH!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, it sounds like you have great in-laws. I wish I had that kind of help! Here's what I would do:

Set up a couple projects that you need completed for them to work on. If you own a home, surely there's something you've been meaning to do but just haven't gotten to. Or create something - give her a linen closet to organize or ask her to make some dishes to freeze. Ask him to put together a piece of furniture or fix something in the garage, etc.

And if there's something in the fridge you don't want touched, then label it so MIL knows to leave it alone.

The not wanting her to enter your bedroom thing is sort of weird to me. This woman is in your home caring for your child.

Seriously? OP knows this woman is in her home, caring for her child. So the woman should be caring for child, not touching OP's made bed and going through her closets. I would *never* enter an adult's bedroom without their express knowledge. Boundaries!

She CHANGED THEIR FREAKING SHEETS, didn't rifle through the closet and damage stuff. Good lord, you people have no souls.

Did you not read the original post? The MIL *did go through their closets* and cleaned and reorganized stuff unnecessarily. MIL sounds snoopy and controlling.

not as controlling as you and OP.

Guess who SHOULD be in control of her own house? OP.

Sure, spin your wheels and get all up in your feelings about your husband's mom re-wiping a clean toilet seat. Yea, go ahead and control that s***. Hope you feel better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So I'm glad they are coming to help out, but I do NOT want any "extra" help. DH is on board to talk to them with me about this ahead of time, but I am having trouble thinking of how best to convey that I'm grateful for help, but I don't want any of this "extra stuff" to happen again.

Direct, direct, direct. Otherwise it would be presumptuous, but in this case you know they're willing and ready. Give them projects (lots of them!) that will help them feel useful and what you really want/need.

[Anonymous]

My MIL is like this, too, OP. She just can't wrap her head around the fact that DH and I are independent, capable adults who may choose to do things differently, but definitely have our lives under control.

Some of the suggestions above are good:
-Label things clearly: "do not toss," "do not clean/reogranize"
-Give her a few, specific things to do
-Keep in mind she'll be busy with a toddler this time!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:eh, you don't go through and "organize" other people's closets and medicine cabinets. And it's strange to rewash and reorganize a carefully put together baby's room.

At some point you cross the line into being intrusive....and, yes, nosy. That line can vary from person to person.

In general, guests/sitters/even MILs do not go through their host's things. If they need something they ask for it.

I agree with this. If the first birth came early and OP and her husband had to leave things unfinished, in disarray, and MIL came in and did things that needed to be done, that would be one thing. But for her to "re-do" everything and go into closets/cabinets, etc.? It's almost like she was trying to mark territory. It's just not necessary or respectful. OP sounds like a clean, organized person, and she should be respected as one of the owners of the household.

Exactly. It's disrespectful to go through another person's things like that without permission. I don't care if the closets/draweres/cabinets are organized to your standards. It's not your house, it's not your stuff. Not your place.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:None of these things are even slightly bothersome other than the food one. YOU sound controlling, OP. This is the help you get. Say honestly what you don't want touched - fridge, baby closet, whatever - and be grateful.

You may not feel it, but this is a way of in-laws saying that you are not a good housekeeper

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:All of this control/respect/etc language makes me feel sorry for some of you. This woman was trying to make herself useful! Perhaps a bit over-zealously, but good Lord. No wonder so many family relationships suck - you guys sound like freaking nightmares.

Why couldn't she have busied herself baking some casseroles to pop in the oven once Op got home? Or pulling weeds in the garden. Or cleaning windows in the common rooms.

Why go into other people's stuff? For that matter, why not bring a book, knitting, something to keep yourself occupied?

[Anonymous]

Note that this time, they'll have your older child to entertain, so that will take up some time! And your house might not be as clean as it was before your first either, so some cleaning might be welcome.

I'd frame it as a "We would *love* if you *would*..." and leave a few specific projects for them. Maybe the older kid's laundry? Some vacuuming? Cooking? Baking with the older one, which makes a huge mess to clean up? (Ask your mom to bring her treats later.) Come up with something for your FIL too.

And what about activities with your oldest? Leave a list of a few places to go that your child just loves, a gift card to an ice cream store, that kind of thing. Keep them busy with super happy fun time with their grandchild.

Tell them straight up that the nursery and the master bedroom are off limits--you have them *just* the way you want them for when you get home. Keep those doors shut. But that "please don't" will sound better after some "please do"s.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd give her tasks that take a lot of time, like maybe wiping down all the toddler's toys so they'll be clean when the baby comes home. She's probsbly a high anxiety person who can't handle downtime (I have a SIL like this!). Fill up her chore list with activities you don't care about, like the toddler toys and such. Wash your windows maybe?

Brilliant suggestions!

And, to the PPs, no guest has any reason to go through someone's else's closets, and certainly not to enter the master bedroom. Nope!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd give her tasks that take a lot of time, like maybe wiping down all the toddler's toys so they'll be clean when the baby comes home. She's probsbly a high anxiety person who can't handle downtime (I have a SIL like this!). Fill up her chore list with activities you don't care about, like the toddler toys and such. Wash your windows maybe?

Brilliant suggestions!

And, to the PPs, no guest has any reason to go through someone's else's closets, and certainly not to enter the master bedroom. Nope!

I would not think a random guest would do it. A close family member, there to take care of a child, making a bed so OP has somewhere clean to sleep after a hospital stay? Not exactly an egregious offense.