IL's in my house during my hospital stay

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can you send them to our house? I'd love the help.

This! My mother cleaned our bed sheets while I was in the hospital and I thought it was the best thing ever.

And? This thread isn't about you and your feelings. It's about OP and her feelings. So unless you have advice for OP, ease on down the road.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I suspect the people who react nicely to the MIL's actions have good relationships with their MIL's and vice versa.

I have a great relationship with my MIL. That is *because* I set boundaries with her early on. She is definitely the type to "reorganize" without asking, but after she did that and I had a conversation with her, she stopped. Being nice/having a good relationship with your in-laws (or anyone) =/= letting them do whatever they want to do just because they have good intentions. Respect is a two-way street.

This in a nutshell.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I suspect the people who react nicely to the MIL's actions have good relationships with their MIL's and vice versa.

I have a great relationship with my MIL. That is *because* I set boundaries with her early on. She is definitely the type to "reorganize" without asking, but after she did that and I had a conversation with her, she stopped. Being nice/having a good relationship with your in-laws (or anyone) =/= letting them do whatever they want to do just because they have good intentions. Respect is a two-way street.

No dear. She's tolerating you because she loves her son, doesn't want to make trouble for him, and probably wants to see the grandkids. She can't stand you. If you and DH ever divorce you'll find that out with a quickness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd give her tasks that take a lot of time, like maybe wiping down all the toddler's toys so they'll be clean when the baby comes home. She's probsbly a high anxiety person who can't handle downtime (I have a SIL like this!). Fill up her chore list with activities you don't care about, like the toddler toys and such. Wash your windows maybe?

Brilliant suggestions!

And, to the PPs, no guest has any reason to go through someone's else's closets, and certainly not to enter the master bedroom. Nope!

I would not think a random guest would do it. A close family member, there to take care of a child, making a bed so OP has somewhere clean to sleep after a hospital stay? Not exactly an egregious offense.

Did you not read the original post, or are you just bad at reading comprehension? The bed was already made. Clearly it wouldn't have been made if the sheets weren't clean enough to sleep in again.

We make our bed everyday, but don't change the sheets everyday. She was trying to do a nice thing!

If they're clean enough to sleep in again, you make the bed. If they aren't clean enough to sleep in again, you strip the bed and don't re-make it until they are!

If that was the only thing she did, I would agree it was a nice thing. But re-organizing closets and cabinets? Throwing out food from a clean/organized fridge/freezer? Doing projects without asking? No. That is nosy, pushy, unwelcome.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can you send them to our house? I'd love the help.

This! My mother cleaned our bed sheets while I was in the hospital and I thought it was the best thing ever.

I think if it were OP's mom she might agree. You MIL should NOT be in your bedroom nor second guessing your housework. It's rude. If she somehow doesn't know that it's rude, DH should tell her.

But OP's mom would be her DH's MIL and by your rules should not be in the bedroom. Unless of course you believe maternal relatives are of higher importance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I suspect the people who react nicely to the MIL's actions have good relationships with their MIL's and vice versa.

I have a great relationship with my MIL. That is *because* I set boundaries with her early on. She is definitely the type to "reorganize" without asking, but after she did that and I had a conversation with her, she stopped. Being nice/having a good relationship with your in-laws (or anyone) =/= letting them do whatever they want to do just because they have good intentions. Respect is a two-way street.

No dear. She's tolerating you because she loves her son, doesn't want to make trouble for him, and probably wants to see the grandkids. She can't stand you. If you and DH ever divorce you'll find that out with a quickness.

OK, dear. I guess her taking me to a spa because I helped her so much after her mother died, and was "the only one who let her grieve in her own time without rushing her" was all just a ruse. You must be right, because you know so much about my life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I suspect the people who react nicely to the MIL's actions have good relationships with their MIL's and vice versa.

I have a great relationship with my MIL. That is *because* I set boundaries with her early on. She is definitely the type to "reorganize" without asking, but after she did that and I had a conversation with her, she stopped. Being nice/having a good relationship with your in-laws (or anyone) =/= letting them do whatever they want to do just because they have good intentions. Respect is a two-way street.

No dear. She's tolerating you because she loves her son, doesn't want to make trouble for him, and probably wants to see the grandkids. She can't stand you. If you and DH ever divorce you'll find that out with a quickness.

Good grief. The woman is there to help out with her newborn grandchild. People who *hate* each other or barely tolerate each other do not ask for or give that type of help..

The bottom line is, you can love/care about someone and still cross boundaries. It happens in families every day. Just stay out of other people's stuff and be respectful of their homes and privacy. It is really not that hard!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can you send them to our house? I'd love the help.

This! My mother cleaned our bed sheets while I was in the hospital and I thought it was the best thing ever.

I think if it were OP's mom she might agree. You MIL should NOT be in your bedroom nor second guessing your housework. It's rude. If she somehow doesn't know that it's rude, DH should tell her.

But OP's mom would be her DH's MIL and by your rules should not be in the bedroom. Unless of course you believe maternal relatives are of higher importance.

Not this pp. All I can say is I'm a grown woman and I would not want my own mother coming into my home and going through my stuff or going into my master bedroom like that and remaking my clean bed.

If I had a sudden medical emergency and left a mess behind that would be one thing. But to just go into another person's house and start ripping sheets off their bed? Oh, God no.

[Anonymous]

I would let her clean.

I would tell her you've already been through the fridge, put stickies on things that say "KEEP".

Allow the sheet change

Hide the organized baby clothes

Give FIL a list of projects that you really would like help with.

[Anonymous]

Pick your battle. I'd keep the master bedroom locked at all time,and separate my laundry so she can do everybody's but yours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Pick your battle. I'd keep the master bedroom locked at all time,and separate my laundry so she can do everybody's but yours.

But Op's clueless dh would open the door and MIL would swoosh right in behind him...to "help". Next thing you know, she's washing your undies and hanging them out on the line to dry for all to see. Lol.

[Anonymous]

OP, things might be different this time since they'll be busy with your toddler. Think up a few "projects" for your FIL to do, but I'd think your MIL will be spent keeping up with a little one.

[Anonymous]

Have your husband politely tell your MIL to stay out of your bedroom and the baby's room and to not throw away anything in the refrigerator. Let him handle it. Then stop worrying about it.

[Anonymous]

Can you give her a list of things to do to keep her away from things you want left alone.

"Betty, I could really use some help organizing the playroom toy bin. Can you and little Larla go through it for me? And the kitchen floor could use a good cleaning. There's a swifter mop in the hall closet. Oh, and DH is a big fan of your chicken casserole. Would you mind making that for dinner. I know it's your specialty."

[Anonymous]

I'm a Mom/MIL. I would never, ever go into my son's bedroom for any reason, unless asked to do so. There are "public spaces" in any home, and there are private spaces. I also wouldn't dream of going through closets or cabinets.

I respect my son and his wife as adults and as the owners of their home. Even when I am there to help, it is not "my" territory.