IL's in my house during my hospital stay

[Anonymous]

Find some real problems people

[Anonymous]

Make a to-do list as though it's for yourself, and maybe that will give them some ideas of things it's ok to do - vacuum, alphabetize all the cookbooks, clean the windows - things that are busy work and don't involve your personal space or things you like the way they are.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Wow, this thread just keeps going! Again, thank you all for the advice. I will be labeling food, making a list of areas/tasks that are done and that I don't want to be "re-done," and making a list of things that would be super-helpful for them TO do. All with lots of pleases and thank-yous! And yes, they'll be busy with my toddler.

Something that just occurred to me...this will be right after Christmas, so they can help take down the tree and decorations. That is a perfect job that will both keep them busy AND be truly helpful.

I feel better and more relaxed about the situation now. Thank you all, and I hope you have a good holiday season.

[Anonymous]

I don't see any ill or mean intended action on your petty list. They dropped everything to come help you guys. If they do such a terrible job and they are so disruptive, just don't ask them for their help. I feel for your husband because I am sure that he has to put up with your embitterment and mean remarks about his well intended parents. I hope delivery goes well. Focus on what really is important.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:eh, you don't go through and "organize" other people's closets and medicine cabinets. And it's strange to rewash and reorganize a carefully put together baby's room.

At some point you cross the line into being intrusive....and, yes, nosy. That line can vary from person to person.

In general, guests/sitters/even MILs do not go through their host's things. If they need something they ask for it.

I agree with this. If the first birth came early and OP and her husband had to leave things unfinished, in disarray, and MIL came in and did things that needed to be done, that would be one thing. But for her to "re-do" everything and go into closets/cabinets, etc.? It's almost like she was trying to mark territory. It's just not necessary or respectful. OP sounds like a clean, organized person, and she should be respected as one of the owners of the household.

Exactly. It's disrespectful to go through another person's things like that without permission. I don't care if the closets/draweres/cabinets are organized to your standards. It's not your house, it's not your stuff. Not your place.

OP sounds over the top dramatic. I bet that the parents just asked their son whether they had a clean set of sheets for the bed and he just gave it to them. However, OP sounds to have a lot of baggage with her in laws. It is very easy to turn a simple story into something twisted.

[Anonymous]

OP, I'll say it again: unless you have that much (!!!) to hide, don't worry about someone having busy work. At least your ILs are not selfish and lazy, like mine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't see any ill or mean intended action on your petty list. They dropped everything to come help you guys. If they do such a terrible job and they are so disruptive, just don't ask them for their help. I feel for your husband because I am sure that he has to put up with your embitterment and mean remarks about his well intended parents. I hope delivery goes well. Focus on what really is important.

Where I did I say I thought they were mean or ill-intended? Where?

Thanks for your unfounded thoughts on my husband's opinion, but he is actually the one who was most irritated by my FIL's "helpful projects," as my husband had already bought supplies to fix one thing, and wanted to do it HIS way, not his father's way, and FIL was making lots of noise/making and leaving behind a huge mess.

I said twice in my original post that I was grateful and appreciative of their help. If you read "embittered" and "mean" from that, then I'm sorry, darling, but you are projecting. Maybe there is something going on in your own life where you don't feel your help is appreciated?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:eh, you don't go through and "organize" other people's closets and medicine cabinets. And it's strange to rewash and reorganize a carefully put together baby's room.

At some point you cross the line into being intrusive....and, yes, nosy. That line can vary from person to person.

In general, guests/sitters/even MILs do not go through their host's things. If they need something they ask for it.

I agree with this. If the first birth came early and OP and her husband had to leave things unfinished, in disarray, and MIL came in and did things that needed to be done, that would be one thing. But for her to "re-do" everything and go into closets/cabinets, etc.? It's almost like she was trying to mark territory. It's just not necessary or respectful. OP sounds like a clean, organized person, and she should be respected as one of the owners of the household.

Exactly. It's disrespectful to go through another person's things like that without permission. I don't care if the closets/draweres/cabinets are organized to your standards. It's not your house, it's not your stuff. Not your place.

OP sounds over the top dramatic. I bet that the parents just asked their son whether they had a clean set of sheets for the bed and he just gave it to them. However, OP sounds to have a lot of baggage with her in laws. It is very easy to turn a simple story into something twisted.

Sorry, nope! We were at hospital when she changed the sheets. He actually asked her why she had done it, as the bed was CLEAN AND MADE, and she didn't really have an answer.

YOU are the one turning something simple into something twisted. Read the actual post! No need to project or invent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Wow, this thread just keeps going! Again, thank you all for the advice. I will be labeling food, making a list of areas/tasks that are done and that I don't want to be "re-done," and making a list of things that would be super-helpful for them TO do. All with lots of pleases and thank-yous! And yes, they'll be busy with my toddler.

Something that just occurred to me...this will be right after Christmas, so they can help take down the tree and decorations. That is a perfect job that will both keep them busy AND be truly helpful.

I feel better and more relaxed about the situation now. Thank you all, and I hope you have a good holiday season.

That is absolutely a perfect solution! Between taking down those decorations and watching your toddler they will be very busy people indeed.

Now relax and enjoy the holidays. Next year you will have one more stocking to hang! Congratulations!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I'll say it again: unless you have that much (!!!) to hide, don't worry about someone having busy work. At least your ILs are not selfish and lazy, like mine.

Uh uh, no. Maybe you don't mind if your MIL has a looksie around your MBR but most grown ups value their basic privacy in their own homes.

To go through and "reorganize" another person's closets and medicine cabinets - without asking - is incredibly rude. If you are the type to ASSume, just ASSume that people do not appreciate that kind of "help".

[Anonymous]

I'm curious...if guests/ILs should be allowed in bedrooms, closets and cabinets, where DO you draw the line at privacy?!

[Anonymous]

They can stay at my house. I will send over my pos MIL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They can stay at my house. I will send over my pos MIL.

Have fun losing your privacy!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm curious...if guests/ILs should be allowed in bedrooms, closets and cabinets, where DO you draw the line at privacy?!

Some of the posters have different boundaries for privacy, as do in-laws. For me, my bedroom, my bathroom, and closets are private. I don't want anyone in them, let alone poking through my things and changing my bed. I'm at that extreme end. My MIL is at the opposite extreme end.

My MIL didn't help when the babies were born, nor is she domestic or maternal. However, in her culture it's considered to be fine to get into everything related to your kids and their spouses, as if it's your own. According to her, they don't have a concept of privacy or boundaries. She will go through every drawer and closet to snoop and shuffle things around, find and open your hidden bag of sex toys, open and read your mail, you name it, if you let her. She feels it's her right. Needless to say, I don't have her over and she doesn't have a key.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm curious...if guests/ILs should be allowed in bedrooms, closets and cabinets, where DO you draw the line at privacy?!

Some of the posters have different boundaries for privacy, as do in-laws. For me, my bedroom, my bathroom, and closets are private. I don't want anyone in them, let alone poking through my things and changing my bed. I'm at that extreme end. My MIL is at the opposite extreme end.

My MIL didn't help when the babies were born, nor is she domestic or maternal. However, in her culture it's considered to be fine to get into everything related to your kids and their spouses, as if it's your own. According to her, they don't have a concept of privacy or boundaries. She will go through every drawer and closet to snoop and shuffle things around, find and open your hidden bag of sex toys, open and read your mail, you name it, if you let her. She feels it's her right. Needless to say, I don't have her over and she doesn't have a key.

What a nightmare! Glad you shut thar down as much as possible.