Coming to grips with longterm relationship ending... why so hard?

[Anonymous]

Another vote for Aspergers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You're only annoying in the way my family members with Asperger's are annoying...I feel for you, because I think you have difficulty with insight and social acuity.

not at all. just love debating people who can't keep up with facts and whose arguments are easy to poke holes in. i will admit it does make me feel intellectually superior. but thankfully a few nice posters have added sensible comments.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You're only annoying in the way my family members with Asperger's are annoying...I feel for you, because I think you have difficulty with insight and social acuity.

not at all. just love debating people who can't keep up with facts and whose arguments are easy to poke holes in. i will admit it does make me feel intellectually superior. but thankfully a few nice posters have added sensible comments.

I think you are in denial. And I doubt this is the first time Aspergers has been brought to the table with you, since you seem fairly used to defending yourself against accusations of it.

My heart goes out to you, OP. FWIW.

[Anonymous]

OP here, I'm honestly laughing at everyone who has turned this into a personal attack. This thread has actually helped me learn that I'm correct to be mystified by my gf's behavior. It doesn't make logical sense for her to be ok with the status quo. Why? Because a bunch of DCUM posters who are clearly equipped with the medical expertise to diagnose Aspergers can't answer a simple question with any local response that has a theory that works.

[Anonymous]

To elaborate. I'm laughing because I asked a simple question. Why is gf okay with the status quo. In 6 pages of DCUM responses I've got 10 posts on my mental illness and maybe 2 posts with a response to the *very simple* question I asked about her being ok w the status quo. Just weird.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here, I'm honestly laughing at everyone who has turned this into a personal attack. This thread has actually helped me learn that I'm correct to be mystified by my gf's behavior. It doesn't make logical sense for her to be ok with the status quo. Why? Because a bunch of DCUM posters who are clearly equipped with the medical expertise to diagnose Aspergers can't answer a simple question with any local response that has a theory that works.

OP, your insistence on how this has to be "logical" is another indicator of Aspergers.

Here's a logical tip for life: If everyone says you're dead, it's time to lie down.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a woman and I kind of agree with the original poster that it is weird that a woman of her age who wants to get married and have kids would stay in the relationship if she isn't into him.

Which makes me think maybe she is into him in many ways.

Or the fact that you guys live together is not good. That can create relationship inertia. Maybe she just doesn't have it in her to look for a new apartment and move right now.

Or I do wonder if there might be an undiagnosed health issue, such as depression thyroid whatever. She had a full medical work up about this? She talked to her gynecologist about it?

Thanks for contributing your thoughts. OP here. Housing issue can't be it. We both own properties of our own. Wouldn't be hard to go back to living in our own places. FWIW, we are living her her home. Mine isn't that far away from hers. It's vacant.

Ok, them I think either she's into you but just has libido issues and doesn't know how or is too tired and stressed to search for a solution right now.....or she is freaked that she is old and worried she won't find someone else but isn't sure she wants to be but is debating whether she should marry you anyway bc what if no on else comes along.

Re the first option, step up affection that doesn't necessarily lead tos ex. Tell her it's okay if you guys just cuddle or kiss and it doesn't lead to sex. Start with being more affectionate without sex.

[Anonymous]

Oh, OP. I feel bad for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here, I'm honestly laughing at everyone who has turned this into a personal attack. This thread has actually helped me learn that I'm correct to be mystified by my gf's behavior. It doesn't make logical sense for her to be ok with the status quo. Why? Because a bunch of DCUM posters who are clearly equipped with the medical expertise to diagnose Aspergers can't answer a simple question with any local response that has a theory that works.

OP, your insistence on how this has to be "logical" is another indicator of Aspergers.

Here's a logical tip for life: If everyone says you're dead, it's time to lie down.

Yes, I do prefer to use logic in discussions. What do you prefer? Emotions? Religion? Jeebus?

[Anonymous]

*isnt sure she wants to be with you

[Anonymous]

Op ignore the personal attacks. You sound thoughtful and analytical.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here, I'm honestly laughing at everyone who has turned this into a personal attack. This thread has actually helped me learn that I'm correct to be mystified by my gf's behavior. It doesn't make logical sense for her to be ok with the status quo. Why? Because a bunch of DCUM posters who are clearly equipped with the medical expertise to diagnose Aspergers can't answer a simple question with any local response that has a theory that works.

OP, your insistence on how this has to be "logical" is another indicator of Aspergers.

Here's a logical tip for life: If everyone says you're dead, it's time to lie down.

Yes, I do prefer to use logic in discussions. What do you prefer? Emotions? Religion? Jeebus?

In discussions of love?

LOL. Yes, I prefer to use emotions.

Please make that appointment for an Aspergers diagnosis. The sooner you get help, the better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a woman and I kind of agree with the original poster that it is weird that a woman of her age who wants to get married and have kids would stay in the relationship if she isn't into him.

Which makes me think maybe she is into him in many ways.

Or the fact that you guys live together is not good. That can create relationship inertia. Maybe she just doesn't have it in her to look for a new apartment and move right now.

Or I do wonder if there might be an undiagnosed health issue, such as depression thyroid whatever. She had a full medical work up about this? She talked to her gynecologist about it?

Thanks for contributing your thoughts. OP here. Housing issue can't be it. We both own properties of our own. Wouldn't be hard to go back to living in our own places. FWIW, we are living her her home. Mine isn't that far away from hers. It's vacant.

Ok, them I think either she's into you but just has libido issues and doesn't know how or is too tired and stressed to search for a solution right now.....or she is freaked that she is old and worried she won't find someone else but isn't sure she wants to be but is debating whether she should marry you anyway bc what if no on else comes along.

Re the first option, step up affection that doesn't necessarily lead tos ex. Tell her it's okay if you guys just cuddle or kiss and it doesn't lead to sex. Start with being more affectionate without sex.

thanks, PP. this is a kind and helpful response. thanks also for actually responding to my question rather than making a medical diagnosis that I suffer from a mental illness. DCUM sure can bring out a lot of characters.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here, I'm honestly laughing at everyone who has turned this into a personal attack. This thread has actually helped me learn that I'm correct to be mystified by my gf's behavior. It doesn't make logical sense for her to be ok with the status quo. Why? Because a bunch of DCUM posters who are clearly equipped with the medical expertise to diagnose Aspergers can't answer a simple question with any local response that has a theory that works.

OP, your insistence on how this has to be "logical" is another indicator of Aspergers.

Here's a logical tip for life: If everyone says you're dead, it's time to lie down.

Yes, I do prefer to use logic in discussions. What do you prefer? Emotions? Religion? Jeebus?

In discussions of love?

LOL. Yes, I prefer to use emotions.

Please make that appointment for an Aspergers diagnosis. The sooner you get help, the better.

LOL. What are you 12? Listening to J Biebs right now? Kewl!!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a woman and I kind of agree with the original poster that it is weird that a woman of her age who wants to get married and have kids would stay in the relationship if she isn't into him.

Which makes me think maybe she is into him in many ways.

Or the fact that you guys live together is not good. That can create relationship inertia. Maybe she just doesn't have it in her to look for a new apartment and move right now.

Or I do wonder if there might be an undiagnosed health issue, such as depression thyroid whatever. She had a full medical work up about this? She talked to her gynecologist about it?

Thanks for contributing your thoughts. OP here. Housing issue can't be it. We both own properties of our own. Wouldn't be hard to go back to living in our own places. FWIW, we are living her her home. Mine isn't that far away from hers. It's vacant.

Ok, them I think either she's into you but just has libido issues and doesn't know how or is too tired and stressed to search for a solution right now.....or she is freaked that she is old and worried she won't find someone else but isn't sure she wants to be but is debating whether she should marry you anyway bc what if no on else comes along.

Re the first option, step up affection that doesn't necessarily lead tos ex. Tell her it's okay if you guys just cuddle or kiss and it doesn't lead to sex. Start with being more affectionate without sex.

thanks, PP. this is a kind and helpful response. thanks also for actually responding to my question rather than making a medical diagnosis that I suffer from a mental illness. DCUM sure can bring out a lot of characters.

Is this why you don't want to consider the fact that you have Aspergers?

OP it is not a mental illness, but it is a serious condition, which you've been living with for life. Did you have social problems growing up?

Honestly, the sooner you can get this fixed and corrected, the better off you will be.

And you will find much more happiness and reciprocal interest in your relationship, as well.