Coming to grips with longterm relationship ending... why so hard?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds to me like she has deep feelings for you but doesn't know how to fix the problem. I think if she didn't care about you she would have left by now.

She had no problem praising you in the first year of your relationship because she didn't see your flaws and you weren't criticising her lack of sex drive. Now she has both a high stress job and a high stress relationship.

I feel for your gf, but a year with no sex would be a deal breaker for me. (I am PP who was hard on you above.) Good luck.

Thanks PP. But just to be clear she's had the high stress job all along. She was very sexual during the first 1.5 years of rel. even w/ high stress job. The job has been constant.

You're not listening. Before she only had one high stress thing (job). Things with you were lovely because she didn't know yet that it wasn't as perfect a match as you had both thought/hoped. Now you keep going on and on to her about no ring until she BRINGS BACK ALL OF THE SEX AND COMPLIMENTS and so now YOU are high stress too. That is a lot for any woman to work through, even a really smart one, especially if she thinks she loves you and you've been together for three years.

Hearing stories like this kind of makes me wish I were a lesbian.

But why did it ever need to be "brought back"... we had a great relationship. You mention some vague "it wasn't as perfect a match as you had both hoped" yet she hasn't communicated to me that I failed to do X, Y, or Z which led to the sex disappearing. This just makes no logical sense. Things were going along great.

Didn't you answer this yourself in your opening paragraph -- the problems seemed to start over the last two years after you moved in together? Wasn't that when she realized you weren't really going to be an equal partner in taking care of the house and also you gained weight and some of that initial attraction waned ... and then sex dropped off and you started complaining about her and in effect reminding her that her clock was ticking down and failing to satisfy you would have consequences?

Sex dropped off first
Then I stepped up my game in regard to chores/house responsibilities
Sex continued to drop

I did not change. We had more sex when I was heavier and bad at chores then when I'm lighter and more hands on

For PP who asked about medical workup. yes she's been cleared. no thyroid issues. no hormone stuff.

So if I have it right it went kind of like this:

1. Great sexy sex! You suck at chores but you don't live together so it doesn't matter much to her. Whooo, sex!
2. You move in together. Sex still pretty good at first, until it begins to dawn in her that you are not equal partners around the house as she'd thought you would be. Maybe you are a bit sexist? Sex drops off as that is deeply unattractive.
3. Perhaps this is when counseling started? You very much want the sex and compliments back OR THERE WILL NEVER BE A RING and oh my god why isn't she STILL NOT GIVING YOU WHAT YOU WANT when her eggs are clearly drying up and you have started vacuuming?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here, I'm honestly laughing at everyone who has turned this into a personal attack. This thread has actually helped me learn that I'm correct to be mystified by my gf's behavior. It doesn't make logical sense for her to be ok with the status quo. Why? Because a bunch of DCUM posters who are clearly equipped with the medical expertise to diagnose Aspergers can't answer a simple question with any local response that has a theory that works.

OP, your insistence on how this has to be "logical" is another indicator of Aspergers.

Here's a logical tip for life: If everyone says you're dead, it's time to lie down.

Yes, I do prefer to use logic in discussions. What do you prefer? Emotions? Religion? Jeebus?

In discussions of love?

LOL. Yes, I prefer to use emotions.

Please make that appointment for an Aspergers diagnosis. The sooner you get help, the better.

LOL. What are you 12? Listening to J Biebs right now? Kewl!!!!

Oh, honey. I'm not the one who used "Jeebus."

Hard to believe you are adult male, as other posters have pointed out...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here, I'm honestly laughing at everyone who has turned this into a personal attack. This thread has actually helped me learn that I'm correct to be mystified by my gf's behavior. It doesn't make logical sense for her to be ok with the status quo. Why? Because a bunch of DCUM posters who are clearly equipped with the medical expertise to diagnose Aspergers can't answer a simple question with any local response that has a theory that works.

I'm sure people with Asperger's would be delighted to hear that you consider it a "personal attack" that someone asked if you have it. Between that, and your stubborn refusal to accept any answer you don't deem logical, you sound neat. You're right, she should marry you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds to me like she has deep feelings for you but doesn't know how to fix the problem. I think if she didn't care about you she would have left by now.

She had no problem praising you in the first year of your relationship because she didn't see your flaws and you weren't criticising her lack of sex drive. Now she has both a high stress job and a high stress relationship.

I feel for your gf, but a year with no sex would be a deal breaker for me. (I am PP who was hard on you above.) Good luck.

Thanks PP. But just to be clear she's had the high stress job all along. She was very sexual during the first 1.5 years of rel. even w/ high stress job. The job has been constant.

You're not listening. Before she only had one high stress thing (job). Things with you were lovely because she didn't know yet that it wasn't as perfect a match as you had both thought/hoped. Now you keep going on and on to her about no ring until she BRINGS BACK ALL OF THE SEX AND COMPLIMENTS and so now YOU are high stress too. That is a lot for any woman to work through, even a really smart one, especially if she thinks she loves you and you've been together for three years.

Hearing stories like this kind of makes me wish I were a lesbian.

But why did it ever need to be "brought back"... we had a great relationship. You mention some vague "it wasn't as perfect a match as you had both hoped" yet she hasn't communicated to me that I failed to do X, Y, or Z which led to the sex disappearing. This just makes no logical sense. Things were going along great.

Didn't you answer this yourself in your opening paragraph -- the problems seemed to start over the last two years after you moved in together? Wasn't that when she realized you weren't really going to be an equal partner in taking care of the house and also you gained weight and some of that initial attraction waned ... and then sex dropped off and you started complaining about her and in effect reminding her that her clock was ticking down and failing to satisfy you would have consequences?

Sex dropped off first
Then I stepped up my game in regard to chores/house responsibilities
Sex continued to drop

I did not change. We had more sex when I was heavier and bad at chores then when I'm lighter and more hands on

For PP who asked about medical workup. yes she's been cleared. no thyroid issues. no hormone stuff.

So if I have it right it went kind of like this:

1. Great sexy sex! You suck at chores but you don't live together so it doesn't matter much to her. Whooo, sex!
2. You move in together. Sex still pretty good at first, until it begins to dawn in her that you are not equal partners around the house as she'd thought you would be. Maybe you are a bit sexist? Sex drops off as that is deeply unattractive.
3. Perhaps this is when counseling started? You very much want the sex and compliments back OR THERE WILL NEVER BE A RING and oh my god why isn't she STILL NOT GIVING YOU WHAT YOU WANT when her eggs are clearly drying up and you have started vacuuming?

Not quite.

Dated without living together for 2 years.

At 1.25/1.5 years sex died down until gone. She's not sure why. Says maybe we need to spend more quality time together. She suggests I move in.

I move in. I am now taking care of chores/responsibilities to a level I would not if I lived separately (nothing radical just the sort of men sometimes have a lower tolerance for how clean the house needs to be). Nonetheless I adapt to her level of tolerance. I make a change she wants. Sex does not improve. Note sex left before we moved in.

I never threatened for goodness sakes about rings and sex. It's not a quid pro quo folks. It's just common sense. Too many people are suffering in sexless marriages. Who would take a sexless boyfriend/girlfriend and then rush into marriage. No one. That's common sense.

[Anonymous]

^That's bullshit. It has been completely quid pro quo, you said that she knew you wouldn't marry her until sex improved.

The problem for you is, she doesn't seem to care!

Ahahahaha.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^That's bullshit. It has been completely quid pro quo, you said that she knew you wouldn't marry her until sex improved.

The problem for you is, she doesn't seem to care!

Ahahahaha.

Umm, I'm pretty certain almost anyone of either sex would suspect ... and might even *KNOW*.... that it's unlikely a couple who has been sexless for 1-2 years is going to get engaged. Just a hunch, but pretty sure marriage counselors don't advise folks to enter into matrimony when they have lost all the passion. How are u seeing qui pro quo here? It was just obvious to all involved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^That's bullshit. It has been completely quid pro quo, you said that she knew you wouldn't marry her until sex improved.

The problem for you is, she doesn't seem to care!

Ahahahaha.

Umm, I'm pretty certain almost anyone of either sex would suspect ... and might even *KNOW*.... that it's unlikely a couple who has been sexless for 1-2 years is going to get engaged. Just a hunch, but pretty sure marriage counselors don't advise folks to enter into matrimony when they have lost all the passion. How are u seeing qui pro quo here? It was just obvious to all involved.

You have Aspergers. I would try to explain it to you, but I'm sure you would just argue like a child anyway and not get it. Seek help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^That's bullshit. It has been completely quid pro quo, you said that she knew you wouldn't marry her until sex improved.

The problem for you is, she doesn't seem to care!

Ahahahaha.

Umm, I'm pretty certain almost anyone of either sex would suspect ... and might even *KNOW*.... that it's unlikely a couple who has been sexless for 1-2 years is going to get engaged. Just a hunch, but pretty sure marriage counselors don't advise folks to enter into matrimony when they have lost all the passion. How are u seeing qui pro quo here? It was just obvious to all involved.

You have Aspergers. I would try to explain it to you, but I'm sure you would just argue like a child anyway and not get it. Seek help.

You probably think you're insulting me. I'm just laughing at you. I can almost guarantee you I'm more highly educated and successful than you are. Lemme guess SAHM?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^That's bullshit. It has been completely quid pro quo, you said that she knew you wouldn't marry her until sex improved.

The problem for you is, she doesn't seem to care!

Ahahahaha.

Umm, I'm pretty certain almost anyone of either sex would suspect ... and might even *KNOW*.... that it's unlikely a couple who has been sexless for 1-2 years is going to get engaged. Just a hunch, but pretty sure marriage counselors don't advise folks to enter into matrimony when they have lost all the passion. How are u seeing qui pro quo here? It was just obvious to all involved.

You have Aspergers. I would try to explain it to you, but I'm sure you would just argue like a child anyway and not get it. Seek help.

You probably think you're insulting me. I'm just laughing at you. I can almost guarantee you I'm more highly educated and successful than you are. Lemme guess SAHM?

No. And given my background and your low EQ, I highly, HIGHLY doubt it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^That's bullshit. It has been completely quid pro quo, you said that she knew you wouldn't marry her until sex improved.

The problem for you is, she doesn't seem to care!

Ahahahaha.

Umm, I'm pretty certain almost anyone of either sex would suspect ... and might even *KNOW*.... that it's unlikely a couple who has been sexless for 1-2 years is going to get engaged. Just a hunch, but pretty sure marriage counselors don't advise folks to enter into matrimony when they have lost all the passion. How are u seeing qui pro quo here? It was just obvious to all involved.

You have Aspergers. I would try to explain it to you, but I'm sure you would just argue like a child anyway and not get it. Seek help.

You probably think you're insulting me. I'm just laughing at you. I can almost guarantee you I'm more highly educated and successful than you are. Lemme guess SAHM?

No. And given my background and your low EQ, I highly, HIGHLY doubt it.

I guarantee you my degrees are from more highly ranked universities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^That's bullshit. It has been completely quid pro quo, you said that she knew you wouldn't marry her until sex improved.

The problem for you is, she doesn't seem to care!

Ahahahaha.

Umm, I'm pretty certain almost anyone of either sex would suspect ... and might even *KNOW*.... that it's unlikely a couple who has been sexless for 1-2 years is going to get engaged. Just a hunch, but pretty sure marriage counselors don't advise folks to enter into matrimony when they have lost all the passion. How are u seeing qui pro quo here? It was just obvious to all involved.

You have Aspergers. I would try to explain it to you, but I'm sure you would just argue like a child anyway and not get it. Seek help.

You probably think you're insulting me. I'm just laughing at you. I can almost guarantee you I'm more highly educated and successful than you are. Lemme guess SAHM?

No. And given my background and your low EQ, I highly, HIGHLY doubt it.

I guarantee you my degrees are from more highly ranked universities.

And yet you can't get laid!


Ahahahahahahahahaha.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^That's bullshit. It has been completely quid pro quo, you said that she knew you wouldn't marry her until sex improved.

The problem for you is, she doesn't seem to care!

Ahahahaha.

Umm, I'm pretty certain almost anyone of either sex would suspect ... and might even *KNOW*.... that it's unlikely a couple who has been sexless for 1-2 years is going to get engaged. Just a hunch, but pretty sure marriage counselors don't advise folks to enter into matrimony when they have lost all the passion. How are u seeing qui pro quo here? It was just obvious to all involved.

You have Aspergers. I would try to explain it to you, but I'm sure you would just argue like a child anyway and not get it. Seek help.

You probably think you're insulting me. I'm just laughing at you. I can almost guarantee you I'm more highly educated and successful than you are. Lemme guess SAHM?

No. And given my background and your low EQ, I highly, HIGHLY doubt it.

I guarantee you my degrees are from more highly ranked universities.

And yet you can't get laid!


Ahahahahahahahahaha.

Great, is your name Roosh? I don't get posters like you. I only brought out the snark once you started talking about mental illness. If you could have been decent and played nice like a few of the PPs who answered my actually questions I wouldn't have turned on you. You chose to go negative and be a dick. Now I'm making you take one yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^That's bullshit. It has been completely quid pro quo, you said that she knew you wouldn't marry her until sex improved.

The problem for you is, she doesn't seem to care!

Ahahahaha.

Umm, I'm pretty certain almost anyone of either sex would suspect ... and might even *KNOW*.... that it's unlikely a couple who has been sexless for 1-2 years is going to get engaged. Just a hunch, but pretty sure marriage counselors don't advise folks to enter into matrimony when they have lost all the passion. How are u seeing qui pro quo here? It was just obvious to all involved.

You have Aspergers. I would try to explain it to you, but I'm sure you would just argue like a child anyway and not get it. Seek help.

You probably think you're insulting me. I'm just laughing at you. I can almost guarantee you I'm more highly educated and successful than you are. Lemme guess SAHM?

No. And given my background and your low EQ, I highly, HIGHLY doubt it.

I guarantee you my degrees are from more highly ranked universities.

And yet you can't get laid!


Ahahahahahahahahaha.

Great, is your name Roosh? I don't get posters like you. I only brought out the snark once you started talking about mental illness. If you could have been decent and played nice like a few of the PPs who answered my actually questions I wouldn't have turned on you. You chose to go negative and be a dick. Now I'm making you take one yourself.

You seriously talk like Elliot Rodgers, dude.

"Turned on me?" What are you talking about?

This has been highly entertaining, even if I do feel bad about teasing someone who has Aspergers and social difficulties. Btw, though- it's not a mental illness, so don;t try to use that as an excuse.

And also- I'm not the one who suggested it. I just agree with the other posters who think you have it. The truth hurts

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^That's bullshit. It has been completely quid pro quo, you said that she knew you wouldn't marry her until sex improved.

The problem for you is, she doesn't seem to care!

Ahahahaha.

Umm, I'm pretty certain almost anyone of either sex would suspect ... and might even *KNOW*.... that it's unlikely a couple who has been sexless for 1-2 years is going to get engaged. Just a hunch, but pretty sure marriage counselors don't advise folks to enter into matrimony when they have lost all the passion. How are u seeing qui pro quo here? It was just obvious to all involved.

You have Aspergers. I would try to explain it to you, but I'm sure you would just argue like a child anyway and not get it. Seek help.

You probably think you're insulting me. I'm just laughing at you. I can almost guarantee you I'm more highly educated and successful than you are. Lemme guess SAHM?

No. And given my background and your low EQ, I highly, HIGHLY doubt it.

I guarantee you my degrees are from more highly ranked universities.

And yet you can't get laid!


Ahahahahahahahahaha.

Great, is your name Roosh? I don't get posters like you. I only brought out the snark once you started talking about mental illness. If you could have been decent and played nice like a few of the PPs who answered my actually questions I wouldn't have turned on you. You chose to go negative and be a dick. Now I'm making you take one yourself.

You seriously talk like Elliot Rodgers, dude.

"Turned on me?" What are you talking about?

This has been highly entertaining, even if I do feel bad about teasing someone who has Aspergers and social difficulties. Btw, though- it's not a mental illness, so don;t try to use that as an excuse.

And also- I'm not the one who suggested it. I just agree with the other posters who think you have it. The truth hurts

It hurts so bad. Your anonymous internet posts -- which by the way were all off topic and non sequitur responses -- have hurt me so deeply. I seriously am laughing at you because I know that I've won in life compared to you. I wish we could meet. I would love to take photos of my degrees and send them to you. I guarantee my background is more elite than urs. Done w u tho =)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^That's bullshit. It has been completely quid pro quo, you said that she knew you wouldn't marry her until sex improved.

The problem for you is, she doesn't seem to care!

Ahahahaha.

Umm, I'm pretty certain almost anyone of either sex would suspect ... and might even *KNOW*.... that it's unlikely a couple who has been sexless for 1-2 years is going to get engaged. Just a hunch, but pretty sure marriage counselors don't advise folks to enter into matrimony when they have lost all the passion. How are u seeing qui pro quo here? It was just obvious to all involved.

You have Aspergers. I would try to explain it to you, but I'm sure you would just argue like a child anyway and not get it. Seek help.

You probably think you're insulting me. I'm just laughing at you. I can almost guarantee you I'm more highly educated and successful than you are. Lemme guess SAHM?

No. And given my background and your low EQ, I highly, HIGHLY doubt it.

I guarantee you my degrees are from more highly ranked universities.

And yet you can't get laid!


Ahahahahahahahahaha.

Great, is your name Roosh? I don't get posters like you. I only brought out the snark once you started talking about mental illness. If you could have been decent and played nice like a few of the PPs who answered my actually questions I wouldn't have turned on you. You chose to go negative and be a dick. Now I'm making you take one yourself.

You seriously talk like Elliot Rodgers, dude.

"Turned on me?" What are you talking about?

This has been highly entertaining, even if I do feel bad about teasing someone who has Aspergers and social difficulties. Btw, though- it's not a mental illness, so don;t try to use that as an excuse.

And also- I'm not the one who suggested it. I just agree with the other posters who think you have it. The truth hurts

It hurts so bad. Your anonymous internet posts -- which by the way were all off topic and non sequitur responses -- have hurt me so deeply. I seriously am laughing at you because I know that I've won in life compared to you. I wish we could meet. I would love to take photos of my degrees and send them to you. I guarantee my background is more elite than urs. Done w u tho =)

Ahahaha. You sound so pressed and upset.

You want to send me your degrees? Great dude. Post them here.

Btw, I have degrees too... so do many others on DCUM. You are not a special snowflake, no matter how much you want to be.

And, your GF doesnt want to fuck you.

IF anyone is laughing, it's the rest of the posters laughing at you. I know it hurts- but I'm sure you're used to that feeling.