S/O Reality of marriage for late 30s woman

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you have cleaners come every two weeks and you still spend a significant amount of time cleaning then your standards are much higher than the average person. We also have biweekly cleaners and the only thing left afterwards is laundry, cooking and cleaning up after dinner. If we have guests coming over then I'll vacuum the rugs.

OP here - I commend you if laundry, cooking, and daily cleaning up after three people, one of whom is a small child, takes you only an insignificant amount of time. You are clearly better at this wife/mother thing.

Well to be fair my husband cleans up after dinner. Does yours really just sit on the couch while you cook, clean up and put DD to bed?

Unlike you I don't bake and my house is probably not as clean as yours, so no I'm not a better wife or mother. However you mentioned in a previous post that when you stopped cleaning it broke your heart to see your daughter living in filth. That's hard to imagine if you have cleaners.

There isn't a lot of down time on the weekdays for us but weekends we like to go out as a family. I highly recommend going on family hikes. Put DD in a backpack carrier, pack a lunch and spend some time in nature. It would also allow your husband to get some exercise.

OP here, I am not here to be cross examined, but if you must know, the two-week stand off was before we had a cleaner. It is clear from your post that you have made up a neat freak narrative about me. I am not here to refute made-up stuff.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Or you don't have to have the perfect house. A little mess here and there for the sake of a happy relationship is a good trade IMHO. It worked for my parents. Life is too f**king short to waste on this insignificant BS.

OP here, I am glad your parents did not need a perfect house. As it turns out, I don't either, but I do need a clean house. Thanks for sharing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Or you don't have to have the perfect house. A little mess here and there for the sake of a happy relationship is a good trade IMHO. It worked for my parents. Life is too f**king short to waste on this insignificant BS.

OP here, I am glad your parents did not need a perfect house. As it turns out, I don't either, but I do need a clean house. Thanks for sharing.

This is what you wrote on page 1:

"I grew up with a spotless house and a mom who always had a delicious meal ready with fresh baked cookies. I cherish those memories and don't want my daughter to be denied that because her father doesn't mind living in filth."

Now I don't deny that your husband sounds lazy and unattractive, but you're back pedaling on what your standards are.

[Anonymous]

OP your earlier postings showed that you have a legitimate beef with your husband and were reasonable but now you are just getting bitchy. Take a break.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP your earlier postings showed that you have a legitimate beef with your husband and were reasonable but now you are just getting bitchy. Take a break.

I actually think OP is doing a good job handling attempts to take the thread south. I would have just called you a sanctimonious bitch and told you to go to hell. I hope she does.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP your earlier postings showed that you have a legitimate beef with your husband and were reasonable but now you are just getting bitchy. Take a break.

I actually think OP is doing a good job handling attempts to take the thread south. I would have just called you a sanctimonious bitch and told you to go to hell. I hope she does.

I'm not that poster. FWIW, her comments seemed fairly benign to me , especially compared to the ridiculousness some other posters have spouted.

[Anonymous]

Team OP. F the haters

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Or you don't have to have the perfect house. A little mess here and there for the sake of a happy relationship is a good trade IMHO. It worked for my parents. Life is too f**king short to waste on this insignificant BS.

OP here, I am glad your parents did not need a perfect house. As it turns out, I don't either, but I do need a clean house. Thanks for sharing.

This is what you wrote on page 1:

"I grew up with a spotless house and a mom who always had a delicious meal ready with fresh baked cookies. I cherish those memories and don't want my daughter to be denied that because her father doesn't mind living in filth."

Now I don't deny that your husband sounds lazy and unattractive, but you're back pedaling on what your standards are.

You understand that those statements are not necessarily inconsistent, right? (I hope you're not a lawyer because my guess is you wouldn't do well on the LSAT.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP your earlier postings showed that you have a legitimate beef with your husband and were reasonable but now you are just getting bitchy. Take a break.

I actually think OP is doing a good job handling attempts to take the thread south. I would have just called you a sanctimonious bitch and told you to go to hell. I hope she does.

Agree!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Team OP. F the haters

Why do we have to be team anyone? Is her husband entirely to blame for the situation? I don't know, but we're just hearing her side. OP reminds me of someone I used to know. She was a high achieving woman who did well in her career, had the perfect body and a smoothly run household. He husband was lazy and a bit overweight. She would often complain about how he didn't do anything and when he did help it was the wrong way. Yes he was lazy, but she loved putting him down and he just became more and more of a doormat and they spiraled further and further into that dynamic. I don't know what happened to them but to me it seemed like a co-dependent relationship. That's why I suggested they do family activities like hiking on the weekends. It would get them out of the house and together as a family. Plus it would get her husband physically moving.

I was just suggesting that OP look to herself to see if she is contributing to the dynamic. Maybe she is maybe she isn't. Since couples counseling didn't work she may want to look into individual counseling. Or she could just divorce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So, where are the DHs in this thread?

DH here. OP is right and right to feel ripped off. DH not going down ought scare him. She could have 100 volunteers in short order. Same for giving her lousy sex. I don't help alot around the house because she waits on me like I'm a king BUT I make sure she gets Calgon moments, days and weekends often. As for going down I'm on it like bass on a junebug...front and back. She's my queen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, I can't stop laughing at how you've twice now mentioned your "4 pack."

Yeah...and a "four pack" isn't something men care about. Kindness is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, I can't stop laughing at how you've twice now mentioned your "4 pack."

Yeah...and a "four pack" isn't something men care about. Kindness is.

Certainly, the hard working, thoughtful DH deserves more kindness. How remiss of OP not to tie his shoelaces and brush his teeth for him on top of all that she is rightly doing. That lousy four-pack-having shrew!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, I can't stop laughing at how you've twice now mentioned your "4 pack."

Yeah...and a "four pack" isn't something men care about. Kindness is.

Certainly, the hard working, thoughtful DH deserves more kindness. How remiss of OP not to tie his shoelaces and brush his teeth for him on top of all that she is rightly doing. That lousy four-pack-having shrew!!

Agreed. The four pack makes it even worse, IMO. It shows she is spending actually time focusing on herself rather than her DH. Those times spent at workouts are valuable minutes that could have been spent massaging his feet or shaving his back for him. Evil harpy!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, I can't stop laughing at how you've twice now mentioned your "4 pack."

Yeah...and a "four pack" isn't something men care about. Kindness is.

Certainly, the hard working, thoughtful DH deserves more kindness. How remiss of OP not to tie his shoelaces and brush his teeth for him on top of all that she is rightly doing. That lousy four-pack-having shrew!!

Agreed. The four pack makes it even worse, IMO. It shows she is spending actually time focusing on herself rather than her DH. Those times spent at workouts are valuable minutes that could have been spent massaging his feet or shaving his back for him. Evil harpy!!!

You, my dear, have your priorities straight. It is time we brought back public floggings. I want the flesh flayed off any woman seen engaging in an activity that benefits only herself. OP, you have been warned.