Overheard DW's fantasy about OM, do I confront her?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don't CONFRONT her -- that is an aggressive move. Just let her know that you heard the call and it was upsetting to you.

+1

This is good advice. Direct and honest, but not aggressive and judgy.

Also, she technically hasn't done anything, and it sounds like she may never have, so be nice.

I think I'd take this route and combine it with the other poster who suggested stepping up your game a little. Something like:

"Dear Wife, I'm so sorry, because it was unintentional, but I came home early from the gym last week and overheard you talking with Jane in the kitchen. I didn't mean to eavesdrop, but just walking in and interrupting you would have been awkward for all of us at the moment. I heard you say that you are having feelings for Bob from the Kentucky office. I understand that you haven't acted on them and never plan to, and it means the world to me that I can trust you so much. That said, hearing it did make me feel pretty lousy, obviously, and I'm wondering - do you feel disconnected from our relationship lately? Is there anything I/we should be doing to bring that excitement back for us? Date nights? A vacation without the kids?"

THIS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don't CONFRONT her -- that is an aggressive move. Just let her know that you heard the call and it was upsetting to you.

+1

This is good advice. Direct and honest, but not aggressive and judgy.

Also, she technically hasn't done anything, and it sounds like she may never have, so be nice.

I think I'd take this route and combine it with the other poster who suggested stepping up your game a little. Something like:

"Dear Wife, I'm so sorry, because it was unintentional, but I came home early from the gym last week and overheard you talking with Jane in the kitchen. I didn't mean to eavesdrop, but just walking in and interrupting you would have been awkward for all of us at the moment. I heard you say that you are having feelings for Bob from the Kentucky office. I understand that you haven't acted on them and never plan to, and it means the world to me that I can trust you so much. That said, hearing it did make me feel pretty lousy, obviously, and I'm wondering - do you feel disconnected from our relationship lately? Is there anything I/we should be doing to bring that excitement back for us? Date nights? A vacation without the kids?"

THIS.

All the males on this board literally just watched their balls shrink reading this.

[Anonymous]

Your wife may be enjoying feeling like she has a little romance fantasy with this man. If so, the best way to combat it would be to make her feel like she has that with you as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:All of the males on this thread are utterly missing the point. No one said OP should step up his game in the bedroom. It's about the romance, stupid.

Nonsense - two guys on this thread have nailed it: let her know you know and aren't threatened, and demonstrate that you are attractive to other women. Nothing like a) no longer taking hubby for granted and b) a little mate competition to get your attraction going again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your wife may be enjoying feeling like she has a little romance fantasy with this man. If so, the best way to combat it would be to make her feel like she has that with you as well.

Agree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All of the males on this thread are utterly missing the point. No one said OP should step up his game in the bedroom. It's about the romance, stupid.

Nonsense - two guys on this thread have nailed it: let her know you know and aren't threatened, and demonstrate that you are attractive to other women. Nothing like a) no longer taking hubby for granted and b) a little mate competition to get your attraction going again.

Why is it that men always feel competent to give advice on what women are thinking and feeling?

NO you are wrong. If anything this will piss the wife off and give her reason to get with the other guy. She is not a dog, she is not going to respond to such dumb behavior.

And since his wife already has a potential hookup lined up and ready to go, I would not be baiting her or trying to start a game of "who can get more attention outside the marriage"...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All of the males on this thread are utterly missing the point. No one said OP should step up his game in the bedroom. It's about the romance, stupid.

Nonsense - two guys on this thread have nailed it: let her know you know and aren't threatened, and demonstrate that you are attractive to other women. Nothing like a) no longer taking hubby for granted and b) a little mate competition to get your attraction going again.

Why is it that men always feel competent to give advice on what women are thinking and feeling?

NO you are wrong. If anything this will piss the wife off and give her reason to get with the other guy. She is not a dog, she is not going to respond to such dumb behavior.

And since his wife already has a potential hookup lined up and ready to go, I would not be baiting her or trying to start a game of "who can get more attention outside the marriage"...

x2

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All of the males on this thread are utterly missing the point. No one said OP should step up his game in the bedroom. It's about the romance, stupid.

Nonsense - two guys on this thread have nailed it: let her know you know and aren't threatened, and demonstrate that you are attractive to other women. Nothing like a) no longer taking hubby for granted and b) a little mate competition to get your attraction going again.

Why is it that men always feel competent to give advice on what women are thinking and feeling?

NO you are wrong. If anything this will piss the wife off and give her reason to get with the other guy. She is not a dog, she is not going to respond to such dumb behavior.

And since his wife already has a potential hookup lined up and ready to go, I would not be baiting her or trying to start a game of "who can get more attention outside the marriage"...

Why is it that women believe that the man they're ***about to cheat on*** should push his hurt feelings aside and shower her with romance when she clearly wants another guy? As the cliche goes, she'll pretend it's having a slight effect, but won't be ready for sex yet (all while riding the fantasy guy, literally).

The fix to this is *not* to reward your wife with romance or anything else while she's "on" another guy.

Females giving males advice on how to fix this only ever benefits the female.

[Anonymous]

My DW has built friendships with other women around their shared desire for a certain celebrity. They swap steamy fanfic, travel to have girls weekends and watch his movies together, complain about their husbands (I'm sure), etc.

It's not a physical affair but it has triggered a jealous response in me. It has made me insecure in our relationship. It makes me question what I'm failing to provide for her romantically, emotionally, or even physically. Yes, I've tried to up my game: weekends away, flowers, getting in better shape. I still feel insecure because she has told me my feelings and responses are ridiculous.

I feel for the OP here. Confrontation may be too strong of a word, but he has to let his wife know he knows. He also needs to tell her how it makes him feel. If they don't process those feelings, any solution will be window dressing. Jealousy and insecurity will lurk and take over situations in which tension arises.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why is it that women believe that the man they're ***about to cheat on*** should push his hurt feelings aside and shower her with romance when she clearly wants another guy? As the cliche goes, she'll pretend it's having a slight effect, but won't be ready for sex yet (all while riding the fantasy guy, literally).

The fix to this is *not* to reward your wife with romance or anything else while she's "on" another guy.

Females giving males advice on how to fix this only ever benefits the female.

This is a pretty sorry perspective, to look at a marriage as a zero-sum game.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All of the males on this thread are utterly missing the point. No one said OP should step up his game in the bedroom. It's about the romance, stupid.

Nonsense - two guys on this thread have nailed it: let her know you know and aren't threatened, and demonstrate that you are attractive to other women. Nothing like a) no longer taking hubby for granted and b) a little mate competition to get your attraction going again.

Why is it that men always feel competent to give advice on what women are thinking and feeling?

NO you are wrong. If anything this will piss the wife off and give her reason to get with the other guy. She is not a dog, she is not going to respond to such dumb behavior.

And since his wife already has a potential hookup lined up and ready to go, I would not be baiting her or trying to start a game of "who can get more attention outside the marriage"...

Why is it that women believe that the man they're ***about to cheat on*** should push his hurt feelings aside and shower her with romance when she clearly wants another guy? As the cliche goes, she'll pretend it's having a slight effect, but won't be ready for sex yet (all while riding the fantasy guy, literally).

The fix to this is *not* to reward your wife with romance or anything else while she's "on" another guy.

Females giving males advice on how to fix this only ever benefits the female.

Right. If you want the marriage to end, totally look at it as a power struggle and punish her and isolate yourself from her. This will totally turn her on. /s

OP, unless you want to end up alone and bitter like this guy, take the opposite advice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All of the males on this thread are utterly missing the point. No one said OP should step up his game in the bedroom. It's about the romance, stupid.

Nonsense - two guys on this thread have nailed it: let her know you know and aren't threatened, and demonstrate that you are attractive to other women. Nothing like a) no longer taking hubby for granted and b) a little mate competition to get your attraction going again.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I think I'd take this route and combine it with the other poster who suggested stepping up your game a little. Something like:

"Dear Wife, I'm so sorry, because it was unintentional, but I came home early from the gym last week and overheard you talking with Jane in the kitchen. I didn't mean to eavesdrop, but just walking in and interrupting you would have been awkward for all of us at the moment. I heard you say that you are having feelings for Bob from the Kentucky office. I understand that you haven't acted on them and never plan to, and it means the world to me that I can trust you so much. That said, hearing it did make me feel pretty lousy, obviously, and I'm wondering - do you feel disconnected from our relationship lately? Is there anything I/we should be doing to bring that excitement back for us? Date nights? A vacation without the kids?"

DO NOT DO THIS.

Nothing will turn her off faster than such abject, pathetic, groveling supplication.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I think I'd take this route and combine it with the other poster who suggested stepping up your game a little. Something like:

"Dear Wife, I'm so sorry, because it was unintentional, but I came home early from the gym last week and overheard you talking with Jane in the kitchen. I didn't mean to eavesdrop, but just walking in and interrupting you would have been awkward for all of us at the moment. I heard you say that you are having feelings for Bob from the Kentucky office. I understand that you haven't acted on them and never plan to, and it means the world to me that I can trust you so much. That said, hearing it did make me feel pretty lousy, obviously, and I'm wondering - do you feel disconnected from our relationship lately? Is there anything I/we should be doing to bring that excitement back for us? Date nights? A vacation without the kids?"

DO NOT DO THIS.

Nothing will turn her off faster than such abject, pathetic, groveling supplication.

YOU ARE NOT A WOMAN. BE QUIET. You dont know what the hell you're talking about.

[Anonymous]

What's the wife expected to do in this situation?