If you are a SAHM do you get an "allowance"?

[Anonymous]

My husband I each get an allowance, stipend or whatever you want to call it. It is a line item in our budget just like groceries and the mortgage. I am surprised by the number of posters of both sexes who say their spouse has no input in the household budget. We are 100% financial partners. I don't think either partner should be clueless about their household finances.

[Anonymous]

This was your warning bell: don't quit your job. See if you can go part time? Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Wow. No, I don't have an allowance. I'm not a child. Please don't quit work and stay home. It won't end well for you if your husband doesn't view you as an equal partner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is off the topic but I felt compelled to write this : I think it is downright mean and nasty to insult SAHM moms who have been jokingly referring them as CEO or CFO of the " home economy". It is their house, the decision to stay at home works for them and their family, also, managing finances at home is not an easy job and good for them if they are managing it well. I say this as a working mom, who loves to work because I get bored if I am at home all day ( I envy women who make running a home their full time job because that's exactly what it is and it is hard sometimes). We choose to work because it works for us and our family, they choose to SAH because it works for them and their family. Please show some RESPECT. And to the OP, yes you need to discuss this issue before proceeding to quit your job. I was a SAHM for several years( when kids were small), I managed our family money and my husband never ever questioned my decisions or my ability to make good decisions.

I find it pathetic when people refer to themselves as the "CEO/CFO" of the home economy. It is disrespectful and insulting to people who hold a f/t position outside of the home while juggling parenthood.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
This is off the topic but I felt compelled to write this : I think it is downright mean and nasty to insult SAHM moms who have been jokingly referring them as CEO or CFO of the " home economy". It is their house, the decision to stay at home works for them and their family, also, managing finances at home is not an easy job and good for them if they are managing it well. I say this as a working mom, who loves to work because I get bored if I am at home all day ( I envy women who make running a home their full time job because that's exactly what it is and it is hard sometimes). We choose to work because it works for us and our family, they choose to SAH because it works for them and their family. Please show some RESPECT. And to the OP, yes you need to discuss this issue before proceeding to quit your job. I was a SAHM for several years( when kids were small), I managed our family money and my husband never ever questioned my decisions or my ability to make good decisions.


RESPECT is earned.

This. I don't need to show any respect for a SAHM, and I would wonder why a SAHM would care about whether I respected her or not. Simply put, I think SAH is irresponsible and I don't respect people who do irresponsible things. I'm sure I do things that others don't respect, and that's ok, too.

And yes, I think it is lame and childish to call yourself a CEO or CFO of the family or the "home economy", whether you WOH or SAH.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is off the topic but I felt compelled to write this : I think it is downright mean and nasty to insult SAHM moms who have been jokingly referring them as CEO or CFO of the " home economy". It is their house, the decision to stay at home works for them and their family, also, managing finances at home is not an easy job and good for them if they are managing it well. I say this as a working mom, who loves to work because I get bored if I am at home all day ( I envy women who make running a home their full time job because that's exactly what it is and it is hard sometimes). We choose to work because it works for us and our family, they choose to SAH because it works for them and their family. Please show some RESPECT. And to the OP, yes you need to discuss this issue before proceeding to quit your job. I was a SAHM for several years( when kids were small), I managed our family money and my husband never ever questioned my decisions or my ability to make good decisions.

I find it pathetic when people refer to themselves as the "CEO/CFO" of the home economy. It is disrespectful and insulting to people who hold a f/t position outside of the home while juggling parenthood.

But it is not disrespectful and insulting to call those people "pathetic"?

People can call themselves whatever they please. Someone else light-heartedly calling herself CEO or CFO or HR manager or whatever doesn't denigrate or degrade your choice. Strange that you think it does, frankly. Everyone tries to make the right choice for his or her own family, and that choice doesn't affect your family at all.

In short, get over it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:An "allowance"? I've been a SAHM for 25 years. I went back to work part-time (15 hours a week) about two years ago when our youngest started middle school. I have always managed all of our finances. If anyone in our home gets an "allowance" (which they obviously don't) it would be my DH. He has absolutely no idea what I spend and he doesn't care. We are not wealthy. My DH is a fed and makes about $160,000. Because of that, I've had to careful manage our money. I do a great job of that and my DH is just happy he doesn't have to worry about it.

The idea of an allowance is actually laughable to me. I wouldn't be in marriage like that.

160K isn't enough? Are you kidding me? I know countless people that would be happy making 100K.

In all seriousness, finances is the biggest reason people divorce. Every single Saturday, my dad and stepmother sit down in the kitchen, have all the bills spread out, one is on a PC, one has a spreadsheet with charities and other things on it, and they discuss finances. It works.

Are you illiterate? She didn't say 160k was not enough. She said she had to be careful on 160k.

Get the fuck up off that high horse you dumb bitch.

[Anonymous]

I'm a SAHM and I don't get an allowance. I handle all aspects of our finances so I feel in control even though I don't earn a paycheck. We have a deal that we discuss all purchases over $50.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:About to leave the work force to raise DS full time. Just had an interesting convo w husband. He wants to cancel cable. I want to find a lower cost cable package. He says "well I'm not paying for it". I'm currently working and could pay for it but the discussion freaked me out. I told him I need a monthly allowance once I quit so I have some discretionary income of my own. What are some things you stay at home spouses do that work for you?

You staying at home isn't going to work if your DH see the money he earns as "his money" and the money you earn as "your" money. He should see it as "our" money.

+1 Even before we had kids when we both worked full time and made similar income, DH was very clear about referring to all money as "our" money. Once, shortly after we were married, I made a comment about my year-end bonus paying for some house project and he corrected me that "we" paid for it. This attitude helped make me comfortable with being a SAHM for several years. On the issue of "allowance", for a while we each had an allowance -- the amount of money we could spend on fun stuff without having to account for it. After a while we abandoned that since we're both naturally pretty frugal and we were meeting our expenses and savings goals without having to track everything so closely. And, I handled all the money stuff since I had more time for it. So DH would check with me before making a larger purchase. After a while he felt uncomfortable that he didn't have a good handle on our expenses so now he pays the bills each month, I still track our spending and handle taxes so we both have a good sense of what's being spent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a SAHM and I don't get an allowance. I handle all aspects of our finances so I feel in control even though I don't earn a paycheck. We have a deal that we discuss all purchases over $50.

I should add that when I say I feel "in control", I don't meant that DH is in the dark. I update him frequently and he can always look at statements and account balances. We also decide jointly where to invest and open accounts.

[Anonymous]

I think many WOHMs cannot handle spending time with their kids 24/7. But it is ok. Since humans are not in danger of extinction there is no need for everyone to procreate. I had a whole bunch of high ranking women executives in my previous place of employment and none of them had biological kids. Most of them were second wives and were weekend stepmoms to their husband's kids. They were very happy and successful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I find it pathetic when people refer to themselves as the "CEO/CFO" of the home economy. It is disrespectful and insulting to people who hold a f/t position outside of the home while juggling parenthood.

Well, you are not juggling parenthood. You are paying someone to take care of your kids and you get to spend the least amount of time with your child. You are a part time parent at best. Yes, you are a working woman who brings in a paycheck - but you are not a full time parent. And even when you are present, you are tired and distracted and not giving 100% to your child.

In a household that does not require the paycheck, your contribution is that of a part time parent. In a two parent household, one parent will always be unavailable for the duration of the work day. For the children to not have both the parents is not optimal. However, good child care providers fill in the role of the SAHP in raising the kids. So, go an thank the nanny and day care provider for stepping in an being a parent to your kid in the time that you are not.

Your saying that you are juggling parenthood is disrespectful and insulting to parents who stay with their kids and raise them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think many WOHMs cannot handle spending time with their kids 24/7. But it is ok. Since humans are not in danger of extinction there is no need for everyone to procreate. I had a whole bunch of high ranking women executives in my previous place of employment and none of them had biological kids. Most of them were second wives and were weekend stepmoms to their husband's kids. They were very happy and successful.

Put down the wine. You are babbling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I find it pathetic when people refer to themselves as the "CEO/CFO" of the home economy. It is disrespectful and insulting to people who hold a f/t position outside of the home while juggling parenthood.

Well, you are not juggling parenthood. You are paying someone to take care of your kids and you get to spend the least amount of time with your child. You are a part time parent at best. Yes, you are a working woman who brings in a paycheck - but you are not a full time parent. And even when you are present, you are tired and distracted and not giving 100% to your child.

In a household that does not require the paycheck, your contribution is that of a part time parent. In a two parent household, one parent will always be unavailable for the duration of the work day. For the children to not have both the parents is not optimal. However, good child care providers fill in the role of the SAHP in raising the kids. So, go an thank the nanny and day care provider for stepping in an being a parent to your kid in the time that you are not.

Your saying that you are juggling parenthood is disrespectful and insulting to parents who stay with their kids and raise them.

You are trying really hard. I pity your children.

[Anonymous]

"You are a part time parent at best. Yes, you are a working woman who brings in a paycheck - but you are not a full time parent. And even when you are present, you are tired and distracted and not giving 100% to your child."

Fathers who WOH are part time parents? Who knew?