If you are a SAHM do you get an "allowance"?

[Anonymous]

The first year of me not working was a bit strange financially. Usually I just put everything on the credit card and when I needed money I would tell my husband or he would check my balance and move money in there. Then, he changed jobs and accidentally gave them the joint instead of his account so we just transitioned most everything to the joint and slowly I started paying all the bills out of that to make it easier for him. I pretty much have control over the money. He more manages the investments for both of us but I deal with the daily stuff. He rarely you buys for himself and I buy most of his clothes and what he needs. We may talk about something big but as long as I do not overspend he could not care less. Most years we will try to put money in an Ira for me and we do make sure I have savings so in case something happens t him I have easy access to money to keep us going. He is far more worried about me financially long term since I am not working and we got him more life insurance to make sure I can pay off the house.

It is a strange adjustment when you have two accounts and divide things up. Both of you will get used to it and find a way that works.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The first year of me not working was a bit strange financially. Usually I just put everything on the credit card and when I needed money I would tell my husband or he would check my balance and move money in there. Then, he changed jobs and accidentally gave them the joint instead of his account so we just transitioned most everything to the joint and slowly I started paying all the bills out of that to make it easier for him. I pretty much have control over the money. He more manages the investments for both of us but I deal with the daily stuff. He rarely you buys for himself and I buy most of his clothes and what he needs. We may talk about something big but as long as I do not overspend he could not care less. Most years we will try to put money in an Ira for me and we do make sure I have savings so in case something happens t him I have easy access to money to keep us going. He is far more worried about me financially long term since I am not working and we got him more life insurance to make sure I can pay off the house.

It is a strange adjustment when you have two accounts and divide things up. Both of you will get used to it and find a way that works.

You sound like his assistant, not his wife.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:About to leave the work force to raise DS full time. Just had an interesting convo w husband. He wants to cancel cable. I want to find a lower cost cable package. He says "well I'm not paying for it". I'm currently working and could pay for it but the discussion freaked me out. I told him I need a monthly allowance once I quit so I have some discretionary income of my own. What are some things you stay at home spouses do that work for you?

You staying at home isn't going to work if your DH see the money he earns as "his money" and the money you earn as "your" money. He should see it as "our" money.

[Anonymous]

OP, you really are making a mistake leaving work to SAHM. A crazy, crazy mistake because you and your DH aren't on the same page. He might be right -- with the loss of your income you might not be able to swing cable. But he is stone cold wrong to approach it the way he did.

My guess? He doesn't want this. He is resentful and is stressed about being the sole earner and worried about making ends meet. And he, like most guys, don't feel like they have much of a say in all of this.

It's a cross roads OP. Don't do this. Forget allowance. You will be getting a bit of child support, stuck working even more, and single parenting. Is that what you want?

Splash some cold water on your face and make a different plan. If you stupidly quit your job, make it clear that the SAHM is temporary and you are heading back to work the second your youngest is old enough for preschool. Go to night school online, do whatever it takes because this is a fatal mistake you are making.

I cannot tell you how much of a red zone this innocuous comment is. It's that drastic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uM4FD-8znn0

Fantastic.

[Anonymous]

An "allowance"? I've been a SAHM for 25 years. I went back to work part-time (15 hours a week) about two years ago when our youngest started middle school. I have always managed all of our finances. If anyone in our home gets an "allowance" (which they obviously don't) it would be my DH. He has absolutely no idea what I spend and he doesn't care. We are not wealthy. My DH is a fed and makes about $160,000. Because of that, I've had to careful manage our money. I do a great job of that and my DH is just happy he doesn't have to worry about it.

The idea of an allowance is actually laughable to me. I wouldn't be in marriage like that.

[Anonymous]

No I have full access to all of our accounts. He never even checks our credit card bill.

[Anonymous]

If my husband said that, I would cancel my plans to quit work. You HAVE to work out your approach to finances before you stop earning money, or you could find yourself in a very unhealthy situation. A healthy couple would sit down and figure out what the budget will look like on one income--together. That would include family expenses as well as how much money each person can spend on personal things--call that an "allowance" if you want.

My mom stayed home with us before we started school, but there was no sense that my dad's paycheck was "his" money. She paid all the bills, handled the household finances, and was a full partner in their financial affairs. If your husband thinks that the money he earns is "his" money, you are in for a rough time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The first year of me not working was a bit strange financially. Usually I just put everything on the credit card and when I needed money I would tell my husband or he would check my balance and move money in there. Then, he changed jobs and accidentally gave them the joint instead of his account so we just transitioned most everything to the joint and slowly I started paying all the bills out of that to make it easier for him. I pretty much have control over the money. He more manages the investments for both of us but I deal with the daily stuff. He rarely you buys for himself and I buy most of his clothes and what he needs. We may talk about something big but as long as I do not overspend he could not care less. Most years we will try to put money in an Ira for me and we do make sure I have savings so in case something happens t him I have easy access to money to keep us going. He is far more worried about me financially long term since I am not working and we got him more life insurance to make sure I can pay off the house.

It is a strange adjustment when you have two accounts and divide things up. Both of you will get used to it and find a way that works.

You sound like his assistant, not his wife.

I was thinking mother. Assistant works too though.

[Anonymous]

DO NOT STOP WORKING. This will continue, I've seen it happen to friends. My husband tried to pitch a fit about something I bought once. I got out the laptop, updated my resume and gave him a list of daycares to start calling for my return to work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uM4FD-8znn0

I am a SAHM and I was laughing out loud at this! I would never say it is the most difficult job in the world. I quit so my life would be easier. Duh!

[Anonymous]

My first issue is all the "I"s in your scenario.

You and your husband should be a team. It should be "we" decide to, "we" are spending, "we" have x dollars for this, etc...

This would be a huge eye-opener to me. Actually though it's something my husband and I negotiated our way through before we got married so dealing w/ these issues by the time kids came along was fairly established.

Regardless of who earns more in our house the money is ours and we jointly decide how to spend it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a SAHM and handle all money and investments. No one really gets an allowance, but if I were to say anyone gets an allowance, it would be DH because he checks in with me if he wants to buy something big or goes on a trip.

I don't get why if you are a SAHM your DH would want to micromanage the home. For me, my home is my office and I run it; I'm sort of the CEO of the "home economy."

Same situation here. DH has to discuss purchases with me prior to making them. And I have the final say on big ticket items for the family.

I don't call myself the CEO, however. Just the CFO.

[Anonymous]

Our finances are the same as when before I SAH. We each spend what we want, it's our money, and we don't bring it up with each other unless it's a big ticket item, like a car, or a computer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The first year of me not working was a bit strange financially. Usually I just put everything on the credit card and when I needed money I would tell my husband or he would check my balance and move money in there. Then, he changed jobs and accidentally gave them the joint instead of his account so we just transitioned most everything to the joint and slowly I started paying all the bills out of that to make it easier for him. I pretty much have control over the money. He more manages the investments for both of us but I deal with the daily stuff. He rarely you buys for himself and I buy most of his clothes and what he needs. We may talk about something big but as long as I do not overspend he could not care less. Most years we will try to put money in an Ira for me and we do make sure I have savings so in case something happens t him I have easy access to money to keep us going. He is far more worried about me financially long term since I am not working and we got him more life insurance to make sure I can pay off the house.

It is a strange adjustment when you have two accounts and divide things up. Both of you will get used to it and find a way that works.

You sound like his assistant, not his wife.

I was thinking mother. Assistant works too though.

Why is it a big deal to take care of the money and shopping? He hates shopping. I get better deals. I would rather him spend his time with us than shopping.