If you are a SAHM do you get an "allowance"?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Growing up, my parents did the opposite. My mother was a SAHM. My father originally handled the finances but my mother would overdraw the joint checking account, would spend more than the monthly discretionary spending (so my dad had to take money out of savings to cover), etc. He finally got fed up and changed it so that his paycheck went into the joint checking account and he would transfer a small allowance back to his own checking account. She then took over the the household expenses. She could then see how much she spent on groceries, utilities, mortgage, etc and would know how much she had to spend. She could see that if she spend extra on new furniture that the family would not be able to go on a vacation in the summer, etc. It improved our family financial situation because she had all the information needed. Periodically, my father would take some money out of the joint account to put into investments, but he let her know before doing that.

This scenario definitely strengthened their relationship as they had less stress over money which is the #1 cause of marital strife.

Lucy Ricardo.

[Anonymous]

I handle all the finances. I spend what I want, and so does hubs. I'm actually the more spendthrift of the two, so discretionary income for me is not an issue. I'd be concerned as well if my husband said something like this to me. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Growing up, my parents did the opposite. My mother was a SAHM. My father originally handled the finances but my mother would overdraw the joint checking account, would spend more than the monthly discretionary spending (so my dad had to take money out of savings to cover), etc. He finally got fed up and changed it so that his paycheck went into the joint checking account and he would transfer a small allowance back to his own checking account. She then took over the the household expenses. She could then see how much she spent on groceries, utilities, mortgage, etc and would know how much she had to spend. She could see that if she spend extra on new furniture that the family would not be able to go on a vacation in the summer, etc. It improved our family financial situation because she had all the information needed. Periodically, my father would take some money out of the joint account to put into investments, but he let her know before doing that.

This scenario definitely strengthened their relationship as they had less stress over money which is the #1 cause of marital strife.

Lucy Ricardo.

Hahahaha. That's a funny reference. While my mother enjoyed "I Love Lucy" she was about as far from Lucy as you can get. She was a naturalized Chinese American, very down-to-earth mother. The only thing they had in common was that they were both extroverted outgoing personalities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My wife and I try to stay on a pretty good budget. She has control of some budget categories and I others. However, we also have a personal budget category and we can buy whatever we want out of that. It really saves us from having any fights about money. We can save up and buy whatever we want, no matter how frivolous it may seem to the other. I am happy when she buys something she wants.

The only thing that gives me pause is that you made it seem like your husband feels it is his money. That could end up being a problem. I have been the bread winner for 16 of our 17 years of marriage. My wife does not want to go back to work when the kids are raised. I want to retire when the kids are raised, so she is very sensitive to buying things that will delay my retirement. We work together and that is the key. I want her to stay home because that is what she wants and I want to retire and she wants to help me get there.

Hope your kids have more ambition than your wife.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a SAHM and I deal with all finances. I pay all bills, track bank accounts, etc. My DH doesn't really know much details. We had it set up this way when I was working (pre-kids) too because I am better at it and it continued.
I have SAHM friends whose DHs deal with finances but they discuss and make financial decisions together.
I think it will be very hard for you if your DH's attitude is he will be making all financial decisions going forward. Maybe you guys should sit down and really discuss your expectations before you quit your job?

Same. I do the finances and am the person who decides what we can afford since I'm the one keeping track of all the money. DH retired and he can do it now but prefers me to do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Seems like you found out right in time how much this will mess up your relationship. Always keep your independence.

I disagree, except for one caveat, when you have a douchey husband who says this right when you are about to quit your job. I went part-time after having kids. My husband literally makes over 10x what I make but it would never occur to him to say something so douchey. His money is my money. We may discuss what "we" can or should buy but we've never looked at it as his money. Don't quit your job!!

[Anonymous]

I have a very old fashioned and traditional DH (especially about money). My money is my money but his money is "our" money. LOL. He could not ever imagine using my money, though he was very proud of my career and very supportive.

He never let me spend even a penny from my salary when I worked. So, I had a big nest egg when I quit. I also did not have to cut back on any service I already had - so I continued to have a maid come in twice in a week.

I handle the finances at home. We buy what we want or need, and no family member has an allowance. At the end of the month we pay the full amounts on our credit cards.

It is interesting to know that women are given allowance. Unless we are talking thousands of dollars in monthly allowance for the woman to just spend on spas. shoes, diamonds and designer clothes - I think it is not a good situation to be in.

[Anonymous]

Finances are left up to me. DH has no interest in being involved.

[Anonymous]

This is off the topic but I felt compelled to write this : I think it is downright mean and nasty to insult SAHM moms who have been jokingly referring them as CEO or CFO of the " home economy". It is their house, the decision to stay at home works for them and their family, also, managing finances at home is not an easy job and good for them if they are managing it well. I say this as a working mom, who loves to work because I get bored if I am at home all day ( I envy women who make running a home their full time job because that's exactly what it is and it is hard sometimes). We choose to work because it works for us and our family, they choose to SAH because it works for them and their family. Please show some RESPECT. And to the OP, yes you need to discuss this issue before proceeding to quit your job. I was a SAHM for several years( when kids were small), I managed our family money and my husband never ever questioned my decisions or my ability to make good decisions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:About to leave the work force to raise DS full time. Just had an interesting convo w husband. He wants to cancel cable. I want to find a lower cost cable package. He says "well I'm not paying for it". I'm currently working and could pay for it but the discussion freaked me out. I told him I need a monthly allowance once I quit so I have some discretionary income of my own. What are some things you stay at home spouses do that work for you?

It is clear that he thinks is 'his' money and not 'our' money. I would be very cautious and worry about the power dynamics once you do quit your job. I fear your DH will become controlling and may not treat you well.

How easy would it be you to get back to work in your field? If it easy to find a new job for more or less same money, then the decision is easy and you can always get back to work if things do not work out.

On the other hand, if it would be hard for you to find a comparable job, the consequence of a bad decision are much higher. One thing to try would be if you can do a trial 'quitting' for 3 months. Second, have a clear and honest conversation with DH.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is off the topic but I felt compelled to write this : I think it is downright mean and nasty to insult SAHM moms who have been jokingly referring them as CEO or CFO of the " home economy". It is their house, the decision to stay at home works for them and their family, also, managing finances at home is not an easy job and good for them if they are managing it well. I say this as a working mom, who loves to work because I get bored if I am at home all day ( I envy women who make running a home their full time job because that's exactly what it is and it is hard sometimes). We choose to work because it works for us and our family, they choose to SAH because it works for them and their family. Please show some RESPECT. And to the OP, yes you need to discuss this issue before proceeding to quit your job. I was a SAHM for several years( when kids were small), I managed our family money and my husband never ever questioned my decisions or my ability to make good decisions.

I'm a SAHM and think it's lame for anyone to call themselves the "CEO of Family". DH takes out the trash - should he be chief sanitation officer? Lame.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:About to leave the work force to raise DS full time. Just had an interesting convo w husband. He wants to cancel cable. I want to find a lower cost cable package. He says "well I'm not paying for it". I'm currently working and could pay for it but the discussion freaked me out. I told him I need a monthly allowance once I quit so I have some discretionary income of my own. What are some things you stay at home spouses do that work for you?

Hi op I will say do not do it,but read my story. I stayed home not by choice but by circumstance. I have a child who has delays and asd. I spend my days chasing insurance calling doctors finding therapists doing laundry taking care of the kids but do I get a thanks?

no all I hear when he returns from a long day at work (10 hours plus) is how I have not worked in xyz years. Mind you I am highly educated and still get recruiter calls daily for jobs; in all of this I am up at night doing my little entrepreneurial bit (I do not get allowance) when i married I had 30k saved up (its all gone now). I do not have access to accounts because in his words I have not WORKED. So I say this to you, unless there is an agreement about allowance, you will need your own way to earn a living. Right now my husband considers the income he makes as HIS MONEY.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:An "allowance"? I've been a SAHM for 25 years. I went back to work part-time (15 hours a week) about two years ago when our youngest started middle school. I have always managed all of our finances. If anyone in our home gets an "allowance" (which they obviously don't) it would be my DH. He has absolutely no idea what I spend and he doesn't care. We are not wealthy. My DH is a fed and makes about $160,000. Because of that, I've had to careful manage our money. I do a great job of that and my DH is just happy he doesn't have to worry about it.

The idea of an allowance is actually laughable to me. I wouldn't be in marriage like that.

160K isn't enough? Are you kidding me? I know countless people that would be happy making 100K.

In all seriousness, finances is the biggest reason people divorce. Every single Saturday, my dad and stepmother sit down in the kitchen, have all the bills spread out, one is on a PC, one has a spreadsheet with charities and other things on it, and they discuss finances. It works.

[Anonymous]

An allowance? Sounds like you are preparing for a parental relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is off the topic but I felt compelled to write this : I think it is downright mean and nasty to insult SAHM moms who have been jokingly referring them as CEO or CFO of the " home economy". It is their house, the decision to stay at home works for them and their family, also, managing finances at home is not an easy job and good for them if they are managing it well. I say this as a working mom, who loves to work because I get bored if I am at home all day ( I envy women who make running a home their full time job because that's exactly what it is and it is hard sometimes). We choose to work because it works for us and our family, they choose to SAH because it works for them and their family. Please show some RESPECT. And to the OP, yes you need to discuss this issue before proceeding to quit your job. I was a SAHM for several years( when kids were small), I managed our family money and my husband never ever questioned my decisions or my ability to make good decisions.

RESPECT is earned.