If you are a SAHM do you get an "allowance"?
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Anonymous
| About to leave the work force to raise DS full time. Just had an interesting convo w husband. He wants to cancel cable. I want to find a lower cost cable package. He says "well I'm not paying for it". I'm currently working and could pay for it but the discussion freaked me out. I told him I need a monthly allowance once I quit so I have some discretionary income of my own. What are some things you stay at home spouses do that work for you? |
Anonymous
That is the smart thing to do, OP. Make sure you have an allowance, and put some money away in case you decide that at some point you want to separate or divorce. (Obviously, hopefully that wont happen, but it will be a lifesaver in case it does). Also, why is your husband being such a jerk and unilaterally declaring he wont pay for cable? That would concern me. |
Anonymous
| Seems like you found out right in time how much this will mess up your relationship. Always keep your independence. |
Anonymous
| Oh gosh, I bet the loser who started the "I'm mean on DCUM" thread is baring her fangs and getting ready to pounce. |
Anonymous
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I am a SAHM and I deal with all finances. I pay all bills, track bank accounts, etc. My DH doesn't really know much details. We had it set up this way when I was working (pre-kids) too because I am better at it and it continued.
I have SAHM friends whose DHs deal with finances but they discuss and make financial decisions together. I think it will be very hard for you if your DH's attitude is he will be making all financial decisions going forward. Maybe you guys should sit down and really discuss your expectations before you quit your job? |
Anonymous
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No, no "allowance." The money is the family's money and we trust each other to spend it responsibly. Which is not to say that we don't discuss expenses, and sometimes disagree. And DH definitely had trouble with the whole thing at first. But we got there eventually and it rarely comes up anymore.
As for your DH wanting to cancel cable, that sounds like something my DH would have done too - panicked a bit and started acting out by making unilateral spending decisions to express his stress and resentment (even if part of him is on board with the SAH thing). Your DH may also be acting a little spiteful and cutting off the cable because he thinks/worries you might just sit on your butt watching TV all day (ha). But he may just be looking for ways to not waste money now that you guys are down an income. Let him cool off a bit, then try to set a budget together so you *both* decide where the cuts come from. |
Anonymous
| My husband gives me $2k a month for my spending money. I usually buy the kids clothes out of it though. |
Anonymous
| No. I just spend what I want. Same as when I worked. Husband doesn't know or care. No way would I stay home under your conditions. |
Anonymous
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When I was a SAHM, and even now that I've been back working for years-Dh did not 'give me an allowance'. We decided together how much discrestionary spending cash we would have. I'm pretty cheap so usually hoarded some of it for family vacations like camping.
As far as things like OP's cable bill, if I or DH wanted something more expensive, the other would say, 'so what should we cut to pay for it'. Not in an angry way but an matter-of-fact way. Then the other person could decide if it was that important to them or not. |
Anonymous
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You need a budget. Both my H and I work out of the home and he needs to have an "allowance" otherwise we would go broke.
It's not about working or not, it's about having a budget. |
Anonymous
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Pick up the latest issue of "All You" magazine. There is actually an article in there this month discussing this very topic....Ways to cut cable, save money yet still have the option to see some awesome T.V. shows.
As a stay-at-home mother, yes, you most certainly should get some money for yourself. I don't think it should necessarily be an "allowance" per say, since you are married I think his money should just be considered your money as well. As a married couple, you are both considered a unit now anyway. For your husband to comment that he won't pay for something, it doesn't make any sense to me since the money is both of yours...Not just HIS. You need to stress this to him again because it seems like he hasn't gotten this yet. |
Anonymous
| Allowance? Do you really want to revert back to childhood? Will your DH dole it out based on the chores you've completed on your chore chart? This idea is very disturbing for an adult-adult relationship. |
Anonymous
+1 If DH had control issues like that I'd never stay home. |
Anonymous
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I'm a SAHM and handle all money and investments. No one really gets an allowance, but if I were to say anyone gets an allowance, it would be DH because he checks in with me if he wants to buy something big or goes on a trip.
I don't get why if you are a SAHM your DH would want to micromanage the home. For me, my home is my office and I run it; I'm sort of the CEO of the "home economy." |
Anonymous
Will DH dole out your allowance based on sex? 
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