If you are a SAHM do you get an "allowance"?

[Anonymous]

I'm a SAHM with an allowance, but DH and I have been doing that since before we had kids and I stopped working -- all income into the common pot, and then we each got an equal amount of personal spending money for our individual clothes, entertainment, hobbies, etc. Everything else comes out of the joint account. For us, though, cable would come out of the common fund. If you pay for cable out of your personal money, is he really never going to watch it? Will he pay you per show?

I think you need to look at the bigger picture here, about coming to an agreement about what you guys will spend your money on, and setting a budget accordingly. Right now it sounds like he's taking a "I'm the one earning the money, so I get to decide how it's spent" approach, which is really problematic and reveals a deeper disrespect for you staying home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a SAHM and handle all money and investments. No one really gets an allowance, but if I were to say anyone gets an allowance, it would be DH because he checks in with me if he wants to buy something big or goes on a trip.

I don't get why if you are a SAHM your DH would want to micromanage the home. For me, my home is my office and I run it; I'm sort of the CEO of the "home economy."

This is exactly how we work too. I'm naturally frugal and he's not. OP, this is not an arrangement I would go into. As someone above said, allowances are for kids.

[Anonymous]

Just - wow.

[Anonymous]

OP, this comment does not bode well. I wouldn't quit my job if my partner had even a hint of this attitude. You and he need to talk in more detail. I think there will be a big swing in the power dynamic if you quit working, and it will not be good for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. I just spend what I want. Same as when I worked. Husband doesn't know or care. No way would I stay home under your conditions.

+1

If DH had control issues like that I'd never stay home.

Same here and I'm a SAHM. Watched my mom go through this with (one of) my stepdads. He gave her no access to the bank accounts and if she needed to go to the grocery store would hand over his bank card. Went out of town two nights a week and would leave a check for spending money- but the worse the marriage got, the less he left until eventually he didn't. He would take her car and fill it with gas but only enough to get her to school and back- not enough to go "driving all over town." If my husband had said anything about an allowance or what he would agree to pay for when we discusses my staying home, I never would have agreed to do it.

[Anonymous]

No.

[Anonymous]

I don't get one - but I don't spend money on myself. The only money I spend is on groceries and seasonally some clothes for the kids. I have access to all the accounts, but I don't really use them.

[Anonymous]

OP, you need to think VERY carefully about whether it is really in the best interest of you and your children if you become a SAHM. It sounds like you and your DH already have an unhealthy dynamic around your new roles. If he has not internalized the idea of "our money" vs "your money" then you should absolutely not be staying home (and I say this as a SAHM who loves being a SAHM).You and your DH will not be on an equal footing in your marriage if he is doling out your "allowance" and telling you what you can and can't spend "his" money on. Does that sound like a pleasant or healthy marriage to you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. I just spend what I want. Same as when I worked. Husband doesn't know or care. No way would I stay home under your conditions.

+1

If DH had control issues like that I'd never stay home.

LOL

Don't work
Want to make decisions on spending money


It doesn't work that way. At least not in a situation where a man with balls is involved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. I just spend what I want. Same as when I worked. Husband doesn't know or care. No way would I stay home under your conditions.

+1

If DH had control issues like that I'd never stay home.

Same here and I'm a SAHM. Watched my mom go through this with (one of) my stepdads. He gave her no access to the bank accounts and if she needed to go to the grocery store would hand over his bank card. Went out of town two nights a week and would leave a check for spending money- but the worse the marriage got, the less he left until eventually he didn't. He would take her car and fill it with gas but only enough to get her to school and back- not enough to go "driving all over town." If my husband had said anything about an allowance or what he would agree to pay for when we discusses my staying home, I never would have agreed to do it.

Yes you would have. You have no desire to work. Just sit home being a lazy ass.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a SAHM and handle all money and investments. No one really gets an allowance, but if I were to say anyone gets an allowance, it would be DH because he checks in with me if he wants to buy something big or goes on a trip.

I don't get why if you are a SAHM your DH would want to micromanage the home. For me, my home is my office and I run it; I'm sort of the CEO of the "home economy."

Whatever makes you feel useful. Nothing lamer than a SAHM saying her job is CEO, Smith Family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:About to leave the work force to raise DS full time. Just had an interesting convo w husband. He wants to cancel cable. I want to find a lower cost cable package. He says "well I'm not paying for it". I'm currently working and could pay for it but the discussion freaked me out. I told him I need a monthly allowance once I quit so I have some discretionary income of my own. What are some things you stay at home spouses do that work for you?

That is the smart thing to do, OP. Make sure you have an allowance, and put some money away in case you decide that at some point you want to separate or divorce. (Obviously, hopefully that wont happen, but it will be a lifesaver in case it does).

Also, why is your husband being such a jerk and unilaterally declaring he wont pay for cable? That would concern me.

I'm going to guess he's anxious about money and not fully on board with her leaving the workforce. I will also hazard a guess that the decision to do so may have been more of a unilateral decision than she's letting on or even suspects.

My prediction is they'll probably start overspending to the tune of about $2,000 a month and be $25,000 in credit card debt by this time next year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a SAHM and handle all money and investments. No one really gets an allowance, but if I were to say anyone gets an allowance, it would be DH because he checks in with me if he wants to buy something big or goes on a trip.

I don't get why if you are a SAHM your DH would want to micromanage the home. For me, my home is my office and I run it; I'm sort of the CEO of the "home economy."

Whatever makes you feel useful. Nothing lamer than a SAHM saying her job is CEO, Smith Family.

No shit.

Just think of the couples who both work full time jobs, raise children, and are the CEOs of their "home economy". They should get a super special prize LOL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. I just spend what I want. Same as when I worked. Husband doesn't know or care. No way would I stay home under your conditions.

+1

If DH had control issues like that I'd never stay home.

Same here and I'm a SAHM. Watched my mom go through this with (one of) my stepdads. He gave her no access to the bank accounts and if she needed to go to the grocery store would hand over his bank card. Went out of town two nights a week and would leave a check for spending money- but the worse the marriage got, the less he left until eventually he didn't. He would take her car and fill it with gas but only enough to get her to school and back- not enough to go "driving all over town." If my husband had said anything about an allowance or what he would agree to pay for when we discusses my staying home, I never would have agreed to do it.

Yes you would have. You have no desire to work. Just sit home being a lazy ass.

Oh DO go away. I'm not the one and I'm not taking your lame bait.

[Anonymous]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uM4FD-8znn0