If you are a SAHM do you get an "allowance"?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think many WOHMs cannot handle spending time with their kids 24/7. But it is ok. Since humans are not in danger of extinction there is no need for everyone to procreate. I had a whole bunch of high ranking women executives in my previous place of employment and none of them had biological kids. Most of them were second wives and were weekend stepmoms to their husband's kids. They were very happy and successful.

Put down the wine. You are babbling.

Well, truth is uncomfortable, but embrace it and your life becomes easier.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: "You are a part time parent at best. Yes, you are a working woman who brings in a paycheck - but you are not a full time parent. And even when you are present, you are tired and distracted and not giving 100% to your child."

Fathers who WOH are part time parents? Who knew?

Fathers depend on the mother of their children to raise them. At least those fathers who earn enough!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I find it pathetic when people refer to themselves as the "CEO/CFO" of the home economy. It is disrespectful and insulting to people who hold a f/t position outside of the home while juggling parenthood.

Well, you are not juggling parenthood. You are paying someone to take care of your kids and you get to spend the least amount of time with your child. You are a part time parent at best. Yes, you are a working woman who brings in a paycheck - but you are not a full time parent. And even when you are present, you are tired and distracted and not giving 100% to your child.

In a household that does not require the paycheck, your contribution is that of a part time parent. In a two parent household, one parent will always be unavailable for the duration of the work day. For the children to not have both the parents is not optimal. However, good child care providers fill in the role of the SAHP in raising the kids. So, go an thank the nanny and day care provider for stepping in an being a parent to your kid in the time that you are not.

Your saying that you are juggling parenthood is disrespectful and insulting to parents who stay with their kids and raise them.

Okaay, how much is your allowance?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: "You are a part time parent at best. Yes, you are a working woman who brings in a paycheck - but you are not a full time parent. And even when you are present, you are tired and distracted and not giving 100% to your child."

Fathers who WOH are part time parents? Who knew?

Fathers depend on the mother of their children to raise them. At least those fathers who earn enough!

Doesn't answer the question.

[Anonymous]

I sah. We make decisions on cable and big purchases together. Otherwise, I just use our joint account and spend however I see fit. Of course we both try to spend less now that there's only one income.

I would never enter into a relationship in which I get an "allowance." Staying at home does not mean you and your dh are no longer equals.

I occasionally think about putting myself on a budget, but that would be my own decision so we can bulk up our savings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I find it pathetic when people refer to themselves as the "CEO/CFO" of the home economy. It is disrespectful and insulting to people who hold a f/t position outside of the home while juggling parenthood.

Well, you are not juggling parenthood. You are paying someone to take care of your kids and you get to spend the least amount of time with your child. You are a part time parent at best. Yes, you are a working woman who brings in a paycheck - but you are not a full time parent. And even when you are present, you are tired and distracted and not giving 100% to your child.

In a household that does not require the paycheck, your contribution is that of a part time parent. In a two parent household, one parent will always be unavailable for the duration of the work day. For the children to not have both the parents is not optimal. However, good child care providers fill in the role of the SAHP in raising the kids. So, go an thank the nanny and day care provider for stepping in an being a parent to your kid in the time that you are not.

Your saying that you are juggling parenthood is disrespectful and insulting to parents who stay with their kids and raise them.

Okaay, how much is your allowance?

LOL. You are funny! First of all, I have my own earned money, inheritance, and property. I handle the household finances and I have a right over 50% of whatever DH has earned. No prenup. DH is from a moneyed family too and also has inheritance that will come to him. So, money is immaterial.

I do not need an allowance. I do have a budget for the chap who mows my lawn and the maid who comes in twice a week, but I made that budget.

Money is a great thing if it allows you to spend more time with your family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think many WOHMs cannot handle spending time with their kids 24/7. But it is ok. Since humans are not in danger of extinction there is no need for everyone to procreate. I had a whole bunch of high ranking women executives in my previous place of employment and none of them had biological kids. Most of them were second wives and were weekend stepmoms to their husband's kids. They were very happy and successful.

Put down the wine. You are babbling.

Well, truth is uncomfortable, but embrace it and your life becomes easier.

Nice Try, I SAH. You are a complete lunatic.

[Anonymous]

No - his money is my money, too.
We have similar beliefs about spending so it works well for us.

[Anonymous]

The word "allowance" is a big red flag to me about the dynamics of the relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I find it pathetic when people refer to themselves as the "CEO/CFO" of the home economy. It is disrespectful and insulting to people who hold a f/t position outside of the home while juggling parenthood.

Well, you are not juggling parenthood. You are paying someone to take care of your kids and you get to spend the least amount of time with your child. You are a part time parent at best. Yes, you are a working woman who brings in a paycheck - but you are not a full time parent. And even when you are present, you are tired and distracted and not giving 100% to your child.

In a household that does not require the paycheck, your contribution is that of a part time parent. In a two parent household, one parent will always be unavailable for the duration of the work day. For the children to not have both the parents is not optimal. However, good child care providers fill in the role of the SAHP in raising the kids. So, go an thank the nanny and day care provider for stepping in an being a parent to your kid in the time that you are not.

Your saying that you are juggling parenthood is disrespectful and insulting to parents who stay with their kids and raise them.

By your logic (weak as it is) any parent with a child in school is a "part time parent." So I guess it's your turn to buck up and go thank your child's teacher for stepping in and being a parent in the time that you are not. You do SAHPs no favors with kind of embarrassing bullshit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I find it pathetic when people refer to themselves as the "CEO/CFO" of the home economy. It is disrespectful and insulting to people who hold a f/t position outside of the home while juggling parenthood.

Well, you are not juggling parenthood. You are paying someone to take care of your kids and you get to spend the least amount of time with your child. You are a part time parent at best. Yes, you are a working woman who brings in a paycheck - but you are not a full time parent. And even when you are present, you are tired and distracted and not giving 100% to your child.

In a household that does not require the paycheck, your contribution is that of a part time parent. In a two parent household, one parent will always be unavailable for the duration of the work day. For the children to not have both the parents is not optimal. However, good child care providers fill in the role of the SAHP in raising the kids. So, go an thank the nanny and day care provider for stepping in an being a parent to your kid in the time that you are not.

Your saying that you are juggling parenthood is disrespectful and insulting to parents who stay with their kids and raise them.

By your logic (weak as it is) any parent with a child in school is a "part time parent." So I guess it's your turn to buck up and go thank your child's teacher for stepping in and being a parent in the time that you are not. You do SAHPs no favors with kind of embarrassing bullshit.

Actually, that is a matter of opinion. SAHPs do not need any favors from me, just like WOHPs do not need any favors from others. My logic is as strong as of those who claim that WOHP are spending as much time with their kids as a SAHP, or that there is not a qualitative difference between the care provided by an highly educated SAHM and a day care worker. Even when my kid goes to school - he is not dumped in before and after care. And if I do not care about the money aspect because of my own fortunate financial situation - then that value (a paycheck) that WOHM provides, is not something that looks attractive at all. MOST WOHMs work because they need the money. If they would win the lottery they would resign the next day.

People do what is best for their families, finances, marital situation. And so when this debate is started in such a snarky tone, expect people to make generalizations from both sides.

[Anonymous]

To answer the OP, no. No allowance. I have no budget except that my husband and I both like to get good deals. We obviously discuss major purchases (cars, homes, vacations, home improvements) but I hope that is true in any good marriage, regardless of work status.

OP, I'd be very nervous in your situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Allowance? Do you really want to revert back to childhood? Will your DH dole it out based on the chores you've completed on your chore chart? This idea is very disturbing for an adult-adult relationship.

For me too. But my thoughts may be clouded by a childhood where my dad left my mom with nothing. I vowed never to be dependent on someone like she was.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:About to leave the work force to raise DS full time. Just had an interesting convo w husband. He wants to cancel cable. I want to find a lower cost cable package. He says "well I'm not paying for it". I'm currently working and could pay for it but the discussion freaked me out. I told him I need a monthly allowance once I quit so I have some discretionary income of my own. What are some things you stay at home spouses do that work for you?

Hi op I will say do not do it,but read my story. I stayed home not by choice but by circumstance. I have a child who has delays and asd. I spend my days chasing insurance calling doctors finding therapists doing laundry taking care of the kids but do I get a thanks?

no all I hear when he returns from a long day at work (10 hours plus) is how I have not worked in xyz years. Mind you I am highly educated and still get recruiter calls daily for jobs; in all of this I am up at night doing my little entrepreneurial bit (I do not get allowance) when i married I had 30k saved up (its all gone now). I do not have access to accounts because in his words I have not WORKED. So I say this to you, unless there is an agreement about allowance, you will need your own way to earn a living. Right now my husband considers the income he makes as HIS MONEY.

Pardon my language, but your husband is a major dick and an ungrateful asshole.

I'm sorry you're saddled with such a poor excuse as a husband. You're a brave Mum for doing what's best for your kid despite your husband galactic level of jerkness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our finances are the same as when before I SAH. We each spend what we want, it's our money, and we don't bring it up with each other unless it's a big ticket item, like a car, or a computer.

+1
adding that we do bring it up when one of us notices the optional spending needs to stop for the pay period or the month