MIL overdoes everything

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you are not spoiled. I was in the same shoes with all my IL. They would buy tons of plastic tacky stuff for holidays. Like 10 presents for each child. I don't like throwing stuff away, especially after child opened it and liked it. But on another hand, I didn't like made in China plastic toys and preferred few wooden, hand crafted toys for my kids. They also would buy plastic or vinyl shoes with heels for girls and we always would have a fight with kids when they want to where them everywhere. Polyester Disney PJ, and the list is going on.

Yes, cake from the store is wrong when mom is conscious about what her children eat. I dont' buy my kids stuff from cheap bakery with bright icing and canola oil in it. So I would be pissed of too if she would bring something like that to my child.

From my experience, the only thing that was able to stop them is us moving away. It didn't stop completely, but definetly reduced the amount of gifts that they can only mail now. And we downsized, so they know we don't have room anymore for large toys. And I am so happy that no one trashing my house with made in China crap.

Thank you for the validation. Yes, I prefer wooden handmade toys and also don't like throwing stuff away. They make it so I have to keep getting rid of stuff to make room for the next wave, which goes against my nature. That's all my daughter ate that night was the cake. She refused to eat the dinner. At home I wouldn't have let her eat the cake if she hadn't had dinner but MIL was pushing it. And now she has a cold probably from eating garbage and too much excitement that day. Another time they were pressuring me to let her have chocolate chips in pancakes when she was like 1 or 2. I was just thinking today if only we didn't live close, they would have to be limited by what they can fit in the mail. It seems like getting out of town is the only way to avoid them for the holidays. I feel like what they give is like junk mail. I never signed up for it but it keeps coming.

Oh stop with the wooden toy crap. All kids prefer plastic light up stuff. Just relax. It isn't going to harm your kids to get plastic toys from a grandparent. Spoiling kids is a time honored grandparent right. And your kid didn't get sick because of the excitement of that day. Good god. Get some perspective.

And no kid suffered permanent harm from having cake for dinner or chocolate chip pancakes for breakfast.

OP needs to relax a little with her rules and her controlling micromanaging self.

Well, no, she doesn't. You may think that she's rigid and controlling, and I may agree (and so may her MIL), but at the end of the day, it doesn't matter. She's the parent, not you, me or the MIL, and she gets to set the tone.

agree completely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you are not spoiled. I was in the same shoes with all my IL. They would buy tons of plastic tacky stuff for holidays. Like 10 presents for each child. I don't like throwing stuff away, especially after child opened it and liked it. But on another hand, I didn't like made in China plastic toys and preferred few wooden, hand crafted toys for my kids. They also would buy plastic or vinyl shoes with heels for girls and we always would have a fight with kids when they want to where them everywhere. Polyester Disney PJ, and the list is going on.

Yes, cake from the store is wrong when mom is conscious about what her children eat. I dont' buy my kids stuff from cheap bakery with bright icing and canola oil in it. So I would be pissed of too if she would bring something like that to my child.

From my experience, the only thing that was able to stop them is us moving away. It didn't stop completely, but definetly reduced the amount of gifts that they can only mail now. And we downsized, so they know we don't have room anymore for large toys. And I am so happy that no one trashing my house with made in China crap.

Thank you for the validation. Yes, I prefer wooden handmade toys and also don't like throwing stuff away. They make it so I have to keep getting rid of stuff to make room for the next wave, which goes against my nature. That's all my daughter ate that night was the cake. She refused to eat the dinner. At home I wouldn't have let her eat the cake if she hadn't had dinner but MIL was pushing it. And now she has a cold probably from eating garbage and too much excitement that day. Another time they were pressuring me to let her have chocolate chips in pancakes when she was like 1 or 2. I was just thinking today if only we didn't live close, they would have to be limited by what they can fit in the mail. It seems like getting out of town is the only way to avoid them for the holidays. I feel like what they give is like junk mail. I never signed up for it but it keeps coming.

Oh stop with the wooden toy crap. All kids prefer plastic light up stuff. Just relax. It isn't going to harm your kids to get plastic toys from a grandparent. Spoiling kids is a time honored grandparent right. And your kid didn't get sick because of the excitement of that day. Good god. Get some perspective.

And no kid suffered permanent harm from having cake for dinner or chocolate chip pancakes for breakfast.

OP needs to relax a little with her rules and her controlling micromanaging self.

Well, no, she doesn't. You may think that she's rigid and controlling, and I may agree (and so may her MIL), but at the end of the day, it doesn't matter. She's the parent, not you, me or the MIL, and she gets to set the tone.

agree completely.

Well, it kind of seems like she doesn't. And the only one who is upset is OP. Everyone is happy.

[Anonymous]

OP can talk all she wants about "setting boundaries," but at the end of the day her kids still will want to distance themselves from her when they get older and will benefit if they have relationships with other adults besides Mom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:MIL has to outdo everyone. Every single time we see them, they bring presents. They mailed presents for my DD's birthday, then when we saw them the day after, they had more presents and a cake. My daughter then rejected my homemade cake when we got home because the frosting wasn't pink like the store bought cake MIL bought. MIL wanted to put candles on the cake and I stopped her because we just did candles the day before on her real birthday. I feel like it's my kid, so it's not her place to be celebrating my daughter's birthday. She's not even a biological MIL, she's a step MIL, so she's no relation to my kids. At Christmas, they buy way more presents than anyone else. My kids forget the presents anyone else buys them, and then they play with the bigger and supposedly better toys MIL gives them. It has ruined gift giving for other members of the family, and I now hate holidays. You can't stop them either because they don't listen. And another thing...DH and I went to rival colleges. Every time we see them, she teaches my DS the school cheer for DH's school's sports team. So now DS thinks of my alma matter as "the bad guys" and their team is the "good guys". She is teaching my kids values that are not mine. It's competitive and ridiculous but I have to sit there politely letting her stomp on my boundaries because etiquette says I'm supposed to appreciate my kids receiving gifts and it would seem dumb of me to complain about her teaching them a cheer but she's disrespecting other people by trying to outdo them. She also thinks anything my kids own she gave them, even if my mother gave it to them or if we bought it ourselves. I don't want to keep encouraging her behavior by spending the holidays with them, but we have no other plans so I fear we are stuck going through this ridiculous charade every time. How can I stop her when she is compulsive and probably can't even stop herself? It is irritating and puts me in a bad mood. I don't even care about the team sports, but then as we were leaving, my son told them "I hope we beat (my alma mater)" at the upcoming game. It shocked me he even would say something like that because it's obviously coming from them.

Let the presents and cake go.
Time the release of other presents. Something like the 12 days of Xmas.
Get into the swing of things and talk smack right back about the sports teams. Show your daughter how to be a good sport about this.
Laugh it off if your kid says things about your alma mater. Teach her to rephrase in appropriate (not mean) ways. Teach her to enjoy the ones-upmanship of talking about sports teams.

Take bets! Make bets with MIL and when you win, dance around with your dollar like a happy stripper!

[Anonymous]

OP you MIL is boundary stomping big time, and this will only get worse with time. The job of the grandparent is to spoil, but also respect the rules of the parent. She sounds like she always wants to be the martyr, and you need to put a stop to it now. She also sounds passive aggressive.
check out this website, for dealing with inlaws, you need it

http://community.babycenter.com/groups/a4725/dwil_nation?pg=2

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you are not spoiled. I was in the same shoes with all my IL. They would buy tons of plastic tacky stuff for holidays. Like 10 presents for each child. I don't like throwing stuff away, especially after child opened it and liked it. But on another hand, I didn't like made in China plastic toys and preferred few wooden, hand crafted toys for my kids. They also would buy plastic or vinyl shoes with heels for girls and we always would have a fight with kids when they want to where them everywhere. Polyester Disney PJ, and the list is going on.

Yes, cake from the store is wrong when mom is conscious about what her children eat. I dont' buy my kids stuff from cheap bakery with bright icing and canola oil in it. So I would be pissed of too if she would bring something like that to my child.

From my experience, the only thing that was able to stop them is us moving away. It didn't stop completely, but definetly reduced the amount of gifts that they can only mail now. And we downsized, so they know we don't have room anymore for large toys. And I am so happy that no one trashing my house with made in China crap.

Thank you for the validation. Yes, I prefer wooden handmade toys and also don't like throwing stuff away. They make it so I have to keep getting rid of stuff to make room for the next wave, which goes against my nature. That's all my daughter ate that night was the cake. She refused to eat the dinner. At home I wouldn't have let her eat the cake if she hadn't had dinner but MIL was pushing it. And now she has a cold probably from eating garbage and too much excitement that day. Another time they were pressuring me to let her have chocolate chips in pancakes when she was like 1 or 2. I was just thinking today if only we didn't live close, they would have to be limited by what they can fit in the mail. It seems like getting out of town is the only way to avoid them for the holidays. I feel like what they give is like junk mail. I never signed up for it but it keeps coming.

Oh stop with the wooden toy crap. All kids prefer plastic light up stuff. Just relax. It isn't going to harm your kids to get plastic toys from a grandparent. Spoiling kids is a time honored grandparent right. And your kid didn't get sick because of the excitement of that day. Good god. Get some perspective.

And no kid suffered permanent harm from having cake for dinner or chocolate chip pancakes for breakfast.

OP needs to relax a little with her rules and her controlling micromanaging self.

Well, no, she doesn't. You may think that she's rigid and controlling, and I may agree (and so may her MIL), but at the end of the day, it doesn't matter. She's the parent, not you, me or the MIL, and she gets to set the tone.

Actually, she doesn't and that is what she is complaining about. She isn't being reasonable and no one is following her rules. She is making herself miserable. If she just let it go, she'd be happier. This is a battle that is not worth fighting. (Especially when you are losing.)

You have hit the nail on the head. The only miserable person here is OP. Why? My guess is because she's a miserable person. Let your family have some fun and stop being a shrew!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP said ask myself why it bothers me. It bothers me because one day my son opens a reasonably sized toy from my mom and happily plays with it. The next day he opens humongous gifts from MIL replete with mini weapons I'm trying to limit. He forgets all about reasonably sized toy without weapons and now wants to be in the military when he grows up and builds toy guns that he gives his sister and they run around the house shooting me. And my mom is afraid to buy my kids anything because they've already have been given entire product lines by MIL. So, for example, if I wanted to raise a pacifistic son, now I've got one that loves weapons. If I wanted to raise intelligent kids that like the outdoors and real food, now I've got ones that sit around watching football or Disney movies and eating junk food, demanding the next latest and greatest toy that winds up in a landfill. I feel like I can't shape and mold my own kids because of other people trying to shape and mold them harder. Here's another weird thing, I didn't take my husband's last name. So, MIL one time was saying we're the ____ family, and then gave us dish towels with the first letter of their last name on it. Coincidence, or is she just scent marking again?

You sure whine a lot, OP. The fact remains that you control your own space. Don't like the toys because they send the wrong message? Throw them out. Don't like Disney movies? Throw them out. Don't like the towels? Throw them out. See how easy that is? When the kids say "What happened to ____?' tell them those are not appropriate things to play with. When the MIL asks about them, say 'I gave them to people who would appreciate them more, as we don't allow ____.' Time to grow a pair and stop being a victim.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP you MIL is boundary stomping big time, and this will only get worse with time. The job of the grandparent is to spoil, but also respect the rules of the parent. She sounds like she always wants to be the martyr, and you need to put a stop to it now. She also sounds passive aggressive.
check out this website, for dealing with inlaws, you need it

http://community.babycenter.com/groups/a4725/dwil_nation?pg=2

Thanks. I don't think grandparents need to spoil though. The other grandparents don't. They give gifts but it's not overwhelming and I'm fine with that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP can talk all she wants about "setting boundaries," but at the end of the day her kids still will want to distance themselves from her when they get older and will benefit if they have relationships with other adults besides Mom.

Buying someone a lot of crap doesn't give you a relationship with that person. You might impress them, you might encourage them to suck up to you, or you might get some one-time appreciation, but if you want to have a relationship with someone, you need to spend time with them--you don't have to buy them anything at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP can talk all she wants about "setting boundaries," but at the end of the day her kids still will want to distance themselves from her when they get older and will benefit if they have relationships with other adults besides Mom.

Buying someone a lot of crap doesn't give you a relationship with that person. You might impress them, you might encourage them to suck up to you, or you might get some one-time appreciation, but if you want to have a relationship with someone, you need to spend time with them--you don't have to buy them anything at all.

Well, step-Grandma sure sounds quite a bit more fun than mom! I've had plenty of relationships built on fun.

[Anonymous]

Do I, as the parent, get to set the rules or not? Whether we are in our own home or at their place, their spoiling takes the driver's seat. I'm the one that has to deal with all the stuff. My husband doesn't touch it, the kids don't clean up enough, and who can blame them when there is so much stuff being given all the time. That's why I'm irritated because it's fun and games for everyone else and I'm stuck being the "shrew" who has to set healthy limits on amounts of toys, junk food, etc. My parents are not like the ILs. They understand the job of the parent and try to work with us to help raise the kids right and not against us. Spoiling is not doing anyone any favors. If you spoil a pet by feeding it every time it thinks it's hungry, it gets obese, and dies a premature death. It's ignorant to think spoiling is a good thing all the time.

[Anonymous]

You can't control everyone else. You can control yourself and the way you handle a situation. You are not handling it well. Handle it better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do I, as the parent, get to set the rules or not? Whether we are in our own home or at their place, their spoiling takes the driver's seat. I'm the one that has to deal with all the stuff. My husband doesn't touch it, the kids don't clean up enough, and who can blame them when there is so much stuff being given all the time. That's why I'm irritated because it's fun and games for everyone else and I'm stuck being the "shrew" who has to set healthy limits on amounts of toys, junk food, etc. My parents are not like the ILs. They understand the job of the parent and try to work with us to help raise the kids right and not against us. Spoiling is not doing anyone any favors. If you spoil a pet by feeding it every time it thinks it's hungry, it gets obese, and dies a premature death. It's ignorant to think spoiling is a good thing all the time.

More whining. This is called 'being a parent.'

[Anonymous]

Eh, growing up once a week we went to my dad's mom's house where she spoiled us rotten and encouraged us to eat all the junk we wanted. We loved it there--and a big part of it was because our mom was so controlling over what we ate, played with, watched on tv, etc. I know it got on my mom's nerves but she sucked it up and let us have our fun. I don't think it harmed us one iota in the long run--for the most part we are productive citizens who never joined the military and eat pretty healthy. If you know your daughter likes store bought cakes, buy her one! Or not--but then don't complain that she doesn't want your cake.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP can talk all she wants about "setting boundaries," but at the end of the day her kids still will want to distance themselves from her when they get older and will benefit if they have relationships with other adults besides Mom.

Buying someone a lot of crap doesn't give you a relationship with that person. You might impress them, you might encourage them to suck up to you, or you might get some one-time appreciation, but if you want to have a relationship with someone, you need to spend time with them--you don't have to buy them anything at all.

Well, step-Grandma sure sounds quite a bit more fun than mom! I've had plenty of relationships built on fun.

My MIL buys my kids tons of crap but they don't think she is fun, because she never plays with them. She just gives them things. Now they look forward to her visiting because they want her to give them things, but then they go off to their rooms to play with them. I don't consider that much of a relationship. I guess maybe she's happy.