MIL overdoes everything

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
It bothers you because she is better then you. She loves your children more then you do. You conplain about ridiculous things while she adores and spends quality time with your children. Love your children more then you hate her.

Since when does spending money on toys = loves children more than the parent and is better than the parent?

since the obnoxious MILs invaded this thread

[Anonymous]

My MIL has never bought my kids anything. She is a witch. You sound spoiled.

[Anonymous]

OP, you are not spoiled. I was in the same shoes with all my IL. They would buy tons of plastic tacky stuff for holidays. Like 10 presents for each child. I don't like throwing stuff away, especially after child opened it and liked it. But on another hand, I didn't like made in China plastic toys and preferred few wooden, hand crafted toys for my kids. They also would buy plastic or vinyl shoes with heels for girls and we always would have a fight with kids when they want to where them everywhere. Polyester Disney PJ, and the list is going on.

Yes, cake from the store is wrong when mom is conscious about what her children eat. I dont' buy my kids stuff from cheap bakery with bright icing and canola oil in it. So I would be pissed of too if she would bring something like that to my child.

From my experience, the only thing that was able to stop them is us moving away. It didn't stop completely, but definetly reduced the amount of gifts that they can only mail now. And we downsized, so they know we don't have room anymore for large toys. And I am so happy that no one trashing my house with made in China crap.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you are not spoiled. I was in the same shoes with all my IL. They would buy tons of plastic tacky stuff for holidays. Like 10 presents for each child. I don't like throwing stuff away, especially after child opened it and liked it. But on another hand, I didn't like made in China plastic toys and preferred few wooden, hand crafted toys for my kids. They also would buy plastic or vinyl shoes with heels for girls and we always would have a fight with kids when they want to where them everywhere. Polyester Disney PJ, and the list is going on.

Yes, cake from the store is wrong when mom is conscious about what her children eat. I dont' buy my kids stuff from cheap bakery with bright icing and canola oil in it. So I would be pissed of too if she would bring something like that to my child.

From my experience, the only thing that was able to stop them is us moving away. It didn't stop completely, but definetly reduced the amount of gifts that they can only mail now. And we downsized, so they know we don't have room anymore for large toys. And I am so happy that no one trashing my house with made in China crap.

Thank you for the validation. Yes, I prefer wooden handmade toys and also don't like throwing stuff away. They make it so I have to keep getting rid of stuff to make room for the next wave, which goes against my nature. That's all my daughter ate that night was the cake. She refused to eat the dinner. At home I wouldn't have let her eat the cake if she hadn't had dinner but MIL was pushing it. And now she has a cold probably from eating garbage and too much excitement that day. Another time they were pressuring me to let her have chocolate chips in pancakes when she was like 1 or 2. I was just thinking today if only we didn't live close, they would have to be limited by what they can fit in the mail. It seems like getting out of town is the only way to avoid them for the holidays. I feel like what they give is like junk mail. I never signed up for it but it keeps coming.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My MIL has never bought my kids anything. She is a witch. You sound spoiled.

+1

About the sports teams: DH and I root for rival teams every week. In a BIG way! When I go to his family's house, I have to hear about how great "their" team is. My team has a better record, its not even a contest. I try to believe that MIL and the rest of the ILs are not really trying to be a-hole-ish about it (even though they are, and they are poor losers to boot, its ridiculous). I look at it for what it is. So what, your kids get older and learn who has the better record. So?

As for the gifts, you can tell her to halve them, but really, what is the point? You sound petty, OP.

What is the harm in letting your "step" Mil enjoy your children? Are you afraid she will show you up, somehow? Aren't GPs supposed to spoil their grandkids?

Believe me, I am the last person to defend any MIL (seriously) - but your MIL sounds like she has only good intent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you are not spoiled. I was in the same shoes with all my IL. They would buy tons of plastic tacky stuff for holidays. Like 10 presents for each child. I don't like throwing stuff away, especially after child opened it and liked it. But on another hand, I didn't like made in China plastic toys and preferred few wooden, hand crafted toys for my kids. They also would buy plastic or vinyl shoes with heels for girls and we always would have a fight with kids when they want to where them everywhere. Polyester Disney PJ, and the list is going on.

Yes, cake from the store is wrong when mom is conscious about what her children eat. I dont' buy my kids stuff from cheap bakery with bright icing and canola oil in it. So I would be pissed of too if she would bring something like that to my child.

From my experience, the only thing that was able to stop them is us moving away. It didn't stop completely, but definetly reduced the amount of gifts that they can only mail now. And we downsized, so they know we don't have room anymore for large toys. And I am so happy that no one trashing my house with made in China crap.

Thank you for the validation. Yes, I prefer wooden handmade toys and also don't like throwing stuff away. They make it so I have to keep getting rid of stuff to make room for the next wave, which goes against my nature. That's all my daughter ate that night was the cake. She refused to eat the dinner. At home I wouldn't have let her eat the cake if she hadn't had dinner but MIL was pushing it. And now she has a cold probably from eating garbage and too much excitement that day. Another time they were pressuring me to let her have chocolate chips in pancakes when she was like 1 or 2. I was just thinking today if only we didn't live close, they would have to be limited by what they can fit in the mail. It seems like getting out of town is the only way to avoid them for the holidays. I feel like what they give is like junk mail. I never signed up for it but it keeps coming.

Oh stop with the wooden toy crap. All kids prefer plastic light up stuff. Just relax. It isn't going to harm your kids to get plastic toys from a grandparent. Spoiling kids is a time honored grandparent right. And your kid didn't get sick because of the excitement of that day. Good god. Get some perspective.

[Anonymous]

Op I was with you at first but you are starting to lose me. Your legitimate gripes are getting lost in silly accusations. Children do not catch colds from a day of junk food and excitement. That's just not how it works. Also, you are way overestimating the power of the toys the kids play with. We've never had a single toy weapon in our home but my 6-year-old DS still finds a way to pretend he has them. Unless your child goes to Waldorf school or is home schooled or something, you really can't keep him from that kind of thing. This does not mean your child is going to grow up and join the military. It also does not mean that you have to allow these things in your home. If you "don't like to throw things out," donate or freecycle them. Every mom knows how to surreptitiously remove toys from the rotation, and if you choose not to just to prove a point that is on you.

Have you considered the fact that your kids may be talking about the sports teams, pink frosting, etc., simoly because they can tell it gets to you?? Kids that age don't have much empathy and they get a big charge out of feeling like they have power over adults. It's parenting 101 to not show them when they're getting under your skin because they will keep doing it. You are clearly very upset about this and if your children are at all perceptive I'm sure it is not lost on them. Try taking the high road and just ignoring it and you may find your MIL's influence is not as strong as you thought.

Believe me, I get how the little stuff can add up over time, and I agree your MIL sounds annoying as hell. But you are now past the point of sounding rational yourself. Step back, take a breath, and come up with your two or three legitimate complaints about your MIL. Too many presents, especially with weapons, is legit. Saying she gave your child a cold or will drive him to join the military is not. The sports team thing is definitely annoying but just because it's annoying and competitive, not because it's going to harm your children in some way. Anyway, when you have your genuine issues ready to discuss, sit down and talk to your DH. He needs to help you brainstorm how to handle the situation and he needs to help deal with it. It probably involves a combination of him talking to his father about the gifts, you coming up with strategies for not letting Her get to you (Xanax or a few glasses of wine at family events works well), and limiting your exposure to her. Maybe you need to take up a new hobby that keeps you busy about half the time you normally see your in-laws, but fortunately DH and the kids can still make it. She will still be annoying but the less you have to directly deal with Her the easier it will be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Oh stop with the wooden toy crap. All kids prefer plastic light up stuff. Just relax. It isn't going to harm your kids to get plastic toys from a grandparent. Spoiling kids is a time honored grandparent right. And your kid didn't get sick because of the excitement of that day. Good god. Get some perspective.

Actually plastic is harmful. Phthalates are endocrine disruptors. Look it up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you are not spoiled. I was in the same shoes with all my IL. They would buy tons of plastic tacky stuff for holidays. Like 10 presents for each child. I don't like throwing stuff away, especially after child opened it and liked it. But on another hand, I didn't like made in China plastic toys and preferred few wooden, hand crafted toys for my kids. They also would buy plastic or vinyl shoes with heels for girls and we always would have a fight with kids when they want to where them everywhere. Polyester Disney PJ, and the list is going on.

Yes, cake from the store is wrong when mom is conscious about what her children eat. I dont' buy my kids stuff from cheap bakery with bright icing and canola oil in it. So I would be pissed of too if she would bring something like that to my child.

From my experience, the only thing that was able to stop them is us moving away. It didn't stop completely, but definetly reduced the amount of gifts that they can only mail now. And we downsized, so they know we don't have room anymore for large toys. And I am so happy that no one trashing my house with made in China crap.

Thank you for the validation. Yes, I prefer wooden handmade toys and also don't like throwing stuff away. They make it so I have to keep getting rid of stuff to make room for the next wave, which goes against my nature. That's all my daughter ate that night was the cake. She refused to eat the dinner. At home I wouldn't have let her eat the cake if she hadn't had dinner but MIL was pushing it. And now she has a cold probably from eating garbage and too much excitement that day. Another time they were pressuring me to let her have chocolate chips in pancakes when she was like 1 or 2. I was just thinking today if only we didn't live close, they would have to be limited by what they can fit in the mail. It seems like getting out of town is the only way to avoid them for the holidays. I feel like what they give is like junk mail. I never signed up for it but it keeps coming.

Oh stop with the wooden toy crap. All kids prefer plastic light up stuff. Just relax. It isn't going to harm your kids to get plastic toys from a grandparent. Spoiling kids is a time honored grandparent right. And your kid didn't get sick because of the excitement of that day. Good god. Get some perspective.

You know I also shook my head a bit at OP after her last post, but I have to comment on your line. Grandparents loving their grandchildren is a good thing, but they don't have a right to spoil someone else's children in a way that makes the parents uncomfortable. I'm not saying that applies here, but in general.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op I was with you at first but you are starting to lose me. Your legitimate gripes are getting lost in silly accusations. Children do not catch colds from a day of junk food and excitement. That's just not how it works. Also, you are way overestimating the power of the toys the kids play with. We've never had a single toy weapon in our home but my 6-year-old DS still finds a way to pretend he has them. Unless your child goes to Waldorf school or is home schooled or something, you really can't keep him from that kind of thing. This does not mean your child is going to grow up and join the military. It also does not mean that you have to allow these things in your home. If you "don't like to throw things out," donate or freecycle them. Every mom knows how to surreptitiously remove toys from the rotation, and if you choose not to just to prove a point that is on you.

Have you considered the fact that your kids may be talking about the sports teams, pink frosting, etc., simoly because they can tell it gets to you?? Kids that age don't have much empathy and they get a big charge out of feeling like they have power over adults. It's parenting 101 to not show them when they're getting under your skin because they will keep doing it. You are clearly very upset about this and if your children are at all perceptive I'm sure it is not lost on them. Try taking the high road and just ignoring it and you may find your MIL's influence is not as strong as you thought.

Believe me, I get how the little stuff can add up over time, and I agree your MIL sounds annoying as hell. But you are now past the point of sounding rational yourself. Step back, take a breath, and come up with your two or three legitimate complaints about your MIL. Too many presents, especially with weapons, is legit. Saying she gave your child a cold or will drive him to join the military is not. The sports team thing is definitely annoying but just because it's annoying and competitive, not because it's going to harm your children in some way. Anyway, when you have your genuine issues ready to discuss, sit down and talk to your DH. He needs to help you brainstorm how to handle the situation and he needs to help deal with it. It probably involves a combination of him talking to his father about the gifts, you coming up with strategies for not letting Her get to you (Xanax or a few glasses of wine at family events works well), and limiting your exposure to her. Maybe you need to take up a new hobby that keeps you busy about half the time you normally see your in-laws, but fortunately DH and the kids can still make it. She will still be annoying but the less you have to directly deal with Her the easier it will be.

In another post, I said that I have an entire room full of bags of toys I have confiscated. It's extremely time consuming going through mountains of stuff to get rid of. I don't think my son realized his comment about beating my team bothered me because I said nothing. I wouldn't be surprised if he was just trash talking and doesn't actually like football because he has said many times it's boring but they try to play up how great football is. I didn't say she gave them a cold, but if they get run down eating junk food, are stressed out and overstimulated, and around more people with germs, it's easier to get sick. Several times this has happened when they get sick afterwards. DH does nothing. He knows how I feel and claims he will say something but if he says anything he says it to his dad, who says "tell it to MIL", and then the ball drops there. I'm not going to take Xanax or drink alcohol to deal with the aftermath of someone else's shopping addiction. My legitimate complaints are a) too many gifts, too often, too large, all the waste it generates, and materialism being taught to my kids b) doing things that is not her place to do that should be up to us as parents c) not respecting our boundaries about cutting back on the gifts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you are not spoiled. I was in the same shoes with all my IL. They would buy tons of plastic tacky stuff for holidays. Like 10 presents for each child. I don't like throwing stuff away, especially after child opened it and liked it. But on another hand, I didn't like made in China plastic toys and preferred few wooden, hand crafted toys for my kids. They also would buy plastic or vinyl shoes with heels for girls and we always would have a fight with kids when they want to where them everywhere. Polyester Disney PJ, and the list is going on.

Yes, cake from the store is wrong when mom is conscious about what her children eat. I dont' buy my kids stuff from cheap bakery with bright icing and canola oil in it. So I would be pissed of too if she would bring something like that to my child.

From my experience, the only thing that was able to stop them is us moving away. It didn't stop completely, but definetly reduced the amount of gifts that they can only mail now. And we downsized, so they know we don't have room anymore for large toys. And I am so happy that no one trashing my house with made in China crap.

Thank you for the validation. Yes, I prefer wooden handmade toys and also don't like throwing stuff away. They make it so I have to keep getting rid of stuff to make room for the next wave, which goes against my nature. That's all my daughter ate that night was the cake. She refused to eat the dinner. At home I wouldn't have let her eat the cake if she hadn't had dinner but MIL was pushing it. And now she has a cold probably from eating garbage and too much excitement that day. Another time they were pressuring me to let her have chocolate chips in pancakes when she was like 1 or 2. I was just thinking today if only we didn't live close, they would have to be limited by what they can fit in the mail. It seems like getting out of town is the only way to avoid them for the holidays. I feel like what they give is like junk mail. I never signed up for it but it keeps coming.

Oh stop with the wooden toy crap. All kids prefer plastic light up stuff. Just relax. It isn't going to harm your kids to get plastic toys from a grandparent. Spoiling kids is a time honored grandparent right. And your kid didn't get sick because of the excitement of that day. Good god. Get some perspective.

And no kid suffered permanent harm from having cake for dinner or chocolate chip pancakes for breakfast.

OP needs to relax a little with her rules and her controlling micromanaging self.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op I was with you at first but you are starting to lose me. Your legitimate gripes are getting lost in silly accusations. Children do not catch colds from a day of junk food and excitement. That's just not how it works. Also, you are way overestimating the power of the toys the kids play with. We've never had a single toy weapon in our home but my 6-year-old DS still finds a way to pretend he has them. Unless your child goes to Waldorf school or is home schooled or something, you really can't keep him from that kind of thing. This does not mean your child is going to grow up and join the military. It also does not mean that you have to allow these things in your home. If you "don't like to throw things out," donate or freecycle them. Every mom knows how to surreptitiously remove toys from the rotation, and if you choose not to just to prove a point that is on you.

Have you considered the fact that your kids may be talking about the sports teams, pink frosting, etc., simoly because they can tell it gets to you?? Kids that age don't have much empathy and they get a big charge out of feeling like they have power over adults. It's parenting 101 to not show them when they're getting under your skin because they will keep doing it. You are clearly very upset about this and if your children are at all perceptive I'm sure it is not lost on them. Try taking the high road and just ignoring it and you may find your MIL's influence is not as strong as you thought.

Believe me, I get how the little stuff can add up over time, and I agree your MIL sounds annoying as hell. But you are now past the point of sounding rational yourself. Step back, take a breath, and come up with your two or three legitimate complaints about your MIL. Too many presents, especially with weapons, is legit. Saying she gave your child a cold or will drive him to join the military is not. The sports team thing is definitely annoying but just because it's annoying and competitive, not because it's going to harm your children in some way. Anyway, when you have your genuine issues ready to discuss, sit down and talk to your DH. He needs to help you brainstorm how to handle the situation and he needs to help deal with it. It probably involves a combination of him talking to his father about the gifts, you coming up with strategies for not letting Her get to you (Xanax or a few glasses of wine at family events works well), and limiting your exposure to her. Maybe you need to take up a new hobby that keeps you busy about half the time you normally see your in-laws, but fortunately DH and the kids can still make it. She will still be annoying but the less you have to directly deal with Her the easier it will be.

In another post, I said that I have an entire room full of bags of toys I have confiscated. It's extremely time consuming going through mountains of stuff to get rid of. I don't think my son realized his comment about beating my team bothered me because I said nothing. I wouldn't be surprised if he was just trash talking and doesn't actually like football because he has said many times it's boring but they try to play up how great football is. I didn't say she gave them a cold, but if they get run down eating junk food, are stressed out and overstimulated, and around more people with germs, it's easier to get sick. Several times this has happened when they get sick afterwards. DH does nothing. He knows how I feel and claims he will say something but if he says anything he says it to his dad, who says "tell it to MIL", and then the ball drops there. I'm not going to take Xanax or drink alcohol to deal with the aftermath of someone else's shopping addiction. My legitimate complaints are a) too many gifts, too often, too large, all the waste it generates, and materialism being taught to my kids b) doing things that is not her place to do that should be up to us as parents c) not respecting our boundaries about cutting back on the gifts.

Go through it? You don't have to do that. Just stick it in a bag and drop it off at the Goodwill. They will go through it for what is sellable and what isn't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you are not spoiled. I was in the same shoes with all my IL. They would buy tons of plastic tacky stuff for holidays. Like 10 presents for each child. I don't like throwing stuff away, especially after child opened it and liked it. But on another hand, I didn't like made in China plastic toys and preferred few wooden, hand crafted toys for my kids. They also would buy plastic or vinyl shoes with heels for girls and we always would have a fight with kids when they want to where them everywhere. Polyester Disney PJ, and the list is going on.

Yes, cake from the store is wrong when mom is conscious about what her children eat. I dont' buy my kids stuff from cheap bakery with bright icing and canola oil in it. So I would be pissed of too if she would bring something like that to my child.

From my experience, the only thing that was able to stop them is us moving away. It didn't stop completely, but definetly reduced the amount of gifts that they can only mail now. And we downsized, so they know we don't have room anymore for large toys. And I am so happy that no one trashing my house with made in China crap.

Thank you for the validation. Yes, I prefer wooden handmade toys and also don't like throwing stuff away. They make it so I have to keep getting rid of stuff to make room for the next wave, which goes against my nature. That's all my daughter ate that night was the cake. She refused to eat the dinner. At home I wouldn't have let her eat the cake if she hadn't had dinner but MIL was pushing it. And now she has a cold probably from eating garbage and too much excitement that day. Another time they were pressuring me to let her have chocolate chips in pancakes when she was like 1 or 2. I was just thinking today if only we didn't live close, they would have to be limited by what they can fit in the mail. It seems like getting out of town is the only way to avoid them for the holidays. I feel like what they give is like junk mail. I never signed up for it but it keeps coming.

Oh stop with the wooden toy crap. All kids prefer plastic light up stuff. Just relax. It isn't going to harm your kids to get plastic toys from a grandparent. Spoiling kids is a time honored grandparent right. And your kid didn't get sick because of the excitement of that day. Good god. Get some perspective.

And no kid suffered permanent harm from having cake for dinner or chocolate chip pancakes for breakfast.

OP needs to relax a little with her rules and her controlling micromanaging self.

Well, no, she doesn't. You may think that she's rigid and controlling, and I may agree (and so may her MIL), but at the end of the day, it doesn't matter. She's the parent, not you, me or the MIL, and she gets to set the tone.

[Anonymous]

OP, I'm not normally on MIL's side, but if your MIL is being nice, kind, inclusive and generous, go with it. I would be doing backflips!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you are not spoiled. I was in the same shoes with all my IL. They would buy tons of plastic tacky stuff for holidays. Like 10 presents for each child. I don't like throwing stuff away, especially after child opened it and liked it. But on another hand, I didn't like made in China plastic toys and preferred few wooden, hand crafted toys for my kids. They also would buy plastic or vinyl shoes with heels for girls and we always would have a fight with kids when they want to where them everywhere. Polyester Disney PJ, and the list is going on.

Yes, cake from the store is wrong when mom is conscious about what her children eat. I dont' buy my kids stuff from cheap bakery with bright icing and canola oil in it. So I would be pissed of too if she would bring something like that to my child.

From my experience, the only thing that was able to stop them is us moving away. It didn't stop completely, but definetly reduced the amount of gifts that they can only mail now. And we downsized, so they know we don't have room anymore for large toys. And I am so happy that no one trashing my house with made in China crap.

Thank you for the validation. Yes, I prefer wooden handmade toys and also don't like throwing stuff away. They make it so I have to keep getting rid of stuff to make room for the next wave, which goes against my nature. That's all my daughter ate that night was the cake. She refused to eat the dinner. At home I wouldn't have let her eat the cake if she hadn't had dinner but MIL was pushing it. And now she has a cold probably from eating garbage and too much excitement that day. Another time they were pressuring me to let her have chocolate chips in pancakes when she was like 1 or 2. I was just thinking today if only we didn't live close, they would have to be limited by what they can fit in the mail. It seems like getting out of town is the only way to avoid them for the holidays. I feel like what they give is like junk mail. I never signed up for it but it keeps coming.

Oh stop with the wooden toy crap. All kids prefer plastic light up stuff. Just relax. It isn't going to harm your kids to get plastic toys from a grandparent. Spoiling kids is a time honored grandparent right. And your kid didn't get sick because of the excitement of that day. Good god. Get some perspective.

And no kid suffered permanent harm from having cake for dinner or chocolate chip pancakes for breakfast.

OP needs to relax a little with her rules and her controlling micromanaging self.

Well, no, she doesn't. You may think that she's rigid and controlling, and I may agree (and so may her MIL), but at the end of the day, it doesn't matter. She's the parent, not you, me or the MIL, and she gets to set the tone.

Actually, she doesn't and that is what she is complaining about. She isn't being reasonable and no one is following her rules. She is making herself miserable. If she just let it go, she'd be happier. This is a battle that is not worth fighting. (Especially when you are losing.)