MIL overdoes everything

[Anonymous]

I want your step MIL . Seriously, I love and appreciate anyone who love and adore my kids. At the end of the day, I know they're my kids and I have the most influence on them...

I understand your annoyance though OP. Maybe it's ok to let it go and think long term. Your kids are loved. So what if your DC will blow out candles several times during her birthday week...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:First, let go of the cake. What is the harm in singing HB multiple times? That is not worth your time.

Second, on sports teams, buy your kids stuff from your school, put up pennants/posters from both schools, teach your kids your fight songs, watch the games together. Or, start teaching your kids good sportsmanship. When kids say something that's trash talking, correct them. Or, let it go.

Third, how does your husband react to all this? Reigning in gifts in the most reasonable of your complaints, but your husband has to navigate this.

Finally, honestly, a lot of this you have to let go. You're mired in too much petty stuff. Save your fights for the big, important stuff.

+1 Seriously, chill out. You are creating a hell of a lot of dram in your own mind. This is petty crap. The fact that it irritates you so smacks of insecurity. The more people who love our children the better for our children.

[Anonymous]

Sorry your MIL loves your kids too much and is too generous.

[Anonymous]

Wow, people here are crazy mean. OP, I get it. I like the PP's advice about older kids wising up about who really cares.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sorry your MIL loves your kids too much and is too generous.

You don't think it's rude to get a cake for someone else's kid, without asking them first?

[Anonymous]

OP, I get it. I honestly would draw a line about the presents simply because I don't want my kid to be an entitled jerk. I'd say, "MIL, your generosity is remarkable, and we appreciate how you go out of your way to buy lovely things. We have agreed to limit gift giving to birthday and Christmas, though. Would you please agree to refrain from gifts other than at those times?"

If she does not agree, the next time she does it, say, "Phyllis, we have told you that we cannot have gifts except at birthday and Christmas. We will not make a scene in front of the child to upset you both, but if you do this again we will not visit again/invite you again until you agree to follow our request."

As a stepmom, I do think it's really harsh and wrong that you classify Her differently because she is not biologically related. She is doing her best to love your child, even if it's not your style.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:.

You need to woman up. You are going to have to gently correct much of this behavior.

You need to open your mouth and say stuff like this:

1. "I know you like the pink cake that MIL bought, but I made this one for you. It's homemade and tastes MUCH better."

PP, you crack me up. I spent every birthday of my life hoping someone would get me a bakery cake with pink frosting. No way a homemade cake would ever have tasted better to me.

I agree with the others who think OP needs to get a life. I can't see what is awful about the MIL. She might be exhausting, but she seems to be a wonderful grandmother who really loves her grandchild.

Or the MIL is totally insecure and has to make everything about her and buy her grandkids' affection, which OP is rightfully calling out as inappropriate.

I will say, OP, my MIL is somewhat like this but now that my kids are older (8 and 10), they do notice that she doesn't really want to ever do things that they want to do or spend time with them. She still gets them lots of presents but she won't play a board game with them and when we went to a museum she sat on a bench and talked on her phone instead of getting up and looking at stuff, which baffled them. You can sort of buy their affection when they're little (and impressed with things like a bakery cake or a toy in a big box) but eventually the kids can figure out whether she is interested in them as people or not.

YES TO THIS. Kids catch on. It's easy to buy love with sparkly things when they are little, it loses it's luster as they get older and you don't actually engage with them.

Exactly, PPs, I agree entirely. This will not last for ever, OP!
In the meantime, get DH on your side - both of you can redirect when MIL starts insisting to much on the stuff you don't like.
She sounds absolutely awful, rather like my mother who keeps trying to tell my children that they're too fat (they're underweight).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry your MIL loves your kids too much and is too generous.

You don't think it's rude to get a cake for someone else's kid, without asking them first?

+1. That's weird to furnish a birthday cake with candles.

[Anonymous]

Your kids will be old enough soon to know what's going on.

They will be prepared in their lives to deal with this type of personality (which is not that uncommon. and many people have to learn to deal with)

[Anonymous]

In the future, watch out that your kids don't depend on grandma to make things better. Mom won't loan me the money for the down payment on the car, but grandma will.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You will probably just have to deal with the present thing. When they get older it won't be a problem- the "toys" are more expensive and teens don't like anything but gift cards.

You are over reacting about the cake. If the cake is on another day then who cares. Many kids celebrate bdays on different days. Maybe a small family party at home the day of, a friend birthday on the weekend, a birthday with grandparents relatively close to the actual date. If she brings a cake to the house on the day you are celebrating her birthday and you have a cake already then just don't light hers. If your kid is a brat and won't eat yours bc it's not pink then tell her she can go to her room and the rest of the family will eat the cake. That type of behavior is your fault.

The sport team thing is just stupid. I'm sure she is doing it to piss you off. Does your team never win or something? Let the kids root for a team. They will be for dads team until your team wins and then they will be for your team. Who cares??

Why does anyone need 3 birthday celebrations? The point is it's a bit much. Actually their team is the one that loses all the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry your MIL loves your kids too much and is too generous.

You don't think it's rude to get a cake for someone else's kid, without asking them first?

I'm not the quoted PP, but no it's not rude. There is no such thing as too much cake.

Be grateful that that's the kind of "rude" you have to deal with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe you could try to put yourself in her shoes? As a step MIL myself, I would be extremely hurt if I thought my DIL did not consider me to be any relation to her daughter! It is possible to love a child that you are not biologically related to. And different people show love in different ways. I can't know what your MIL's motivation is, but I know that my husband and I feel a tiny bit competitive with the other grandparents because we don't get to see our granddaughter as much, and we sometimes try to make up for that with gifts, although we usually ask what they would like us to give first.

But we see them the most because they live the closest, so I don't know why she has be to so competitive. Also she gets the title of grandma but my mom has to go by a nickname to distinguish herself from my husband's mom and step mom who are both referred to as grandma. I feel like I have to stick up for my side of the family because otherwise it gets lost in the shuffle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I get why what's happening is annoying, but you also seem insecure about the fact that the stuff you get/give isn't as good as your MIL's. Like you feel bothered by the fact that she has spent more money than you have. If you feel good about what you're doing/giving, then you shouldn't feel so threatened by MIL's.

You're reading into it. It's not about the money. You can buy huge plastic stuff at Target for cheap. She doesn't give higher quality stuff or better stuff. It's more gimmicky and grabs attention or is the more commercialized stuff you'd see on ads on television, or stuff that doesn't let the kid use their imagination and they just sit there and the toy yammers at them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Let MIL keep gifts at their house for visits.

We try, and they are like "you forgot this gift!". We get duplicates and we're too polite to say so because we would be saying that all the time, so then we're stuck taking them home. My daughter did refuse to take one home so we left it, but that's probably a first.