MIL overdoes everything

[Anonymous]

You sound insecure and jealous. Don't be. Your child is yours and will love you the best. I don't see the harm of good and expensive gifts. Maybe she just loves your child a lot and that's how she shows it. even if that's not all of it, being gracious gets more respect from your child and family eventually. Let it go.

[Anonymous]

Let it go. One day, when your kid is older, you may need an ally and she could be the person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:MIL has to outdo everyone. Every single time we see them, they bring presents. They mailed presents for my DD's birthday, then when we saw them the day after, they had more presents and a cake. My daughter then rejected my homemade cake when we got home because the frosting wasn't pink like the store bought cake MIL bought. MIL wanted to put candles on the cake and I stopped her because we just did candles the day before on her real birthday. I feel like it's my kid, so it's not her place to be celebrating my daughter's birthday. She's not even a biological MIL, she's a step MIL, so she's no relation to my kids. At Christmas, they buy way more presents than anyone else. My kids forget the presents anyone else buys them, and then they play with the bigger and supposedly better toys MIL gives them. It has ruined gift giving for other members of the family, and I now hate holidays. You can't stop them either because they don't listen. And another thing...DH and I went to rival colleges. Every time we see them, she teaches my DS the school cheer for DH's school's sports team. So now DS thinks of my alma matter as "the bad guys" and their team is the "good guys". She is teaching my kids values that are not mine. It's competitive and ridiculous but I have to sit there politely letting her stomp on my boundaries because etiquette says I'm supposed to appreciate my kids receiving gifts and it would seem dumb of me to complain about her teaching them a cheer but she's disrespecting other people by trying to outdo them. She also thinks anything my kids own she gave them, even if my mother gave it to them or if we bought it ourselves. I don't want to keep encouraging her behavior by spending the holidays with them, but we have no other plans so I fear we are stuck going through this ridiculous charade every time. How can I stop her when she is compulsive and probably can't even stop herself? It is irritating and puts me in a bad mood. I don't even care about the team sports, but then as we were leaving, my son told them "I hope we beat (my alma mater)" at the upcoming game. It shocked me he even would say something like that because it's obviously coming from them.

You need to woman up. You are going to have to gently correct much of this behavior.

You need to open your mouth and say stuff like this:

1. "I know you like the pink cake that MIL bought, but I made this one for you. It's homemade and tastes MUCH better."

2. "Mommy went to School X. Do you know what their cheer is?"

3. "Today we're going to root for Mommy's team. Next time we can root for Daddy's team."

4. "No, Grandma bought that for her, not MIL."

5. "We have too many toys out. I'm putting this away now." (And then put the big awful thing in the back of your car and take it to the Goodwill.)

[Anonymous]

Maybe you could try to put yourself in her shoes? As a step MIL myself, I would be extremely hurt if I thought my DIL did not consider me to be any relation to her daughter! It is possible to love a child that you are not biologically related to. And different people show love in different ways. I can't know what your MIL's motivation is, but I know that my husband and I feel a tiny bit competitive with the other grandparents because we don't get to see our granddaughter as much, and we sometimes try to make up for that with gifts, although we usually ask what they would like us to give first.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If she were bio I'd have DH say something to her but IIWY I'd say it myself. Give her alternatives to tangible presents (memberships, subscriptions, etc.) Tell her your kids can get overwhelmed when given a lot and you and DH want to teacher them to appreciate each thing, no matter how simple it may seem.

And if she starts up about the teams say "You know we were talking about it and our house supports both schools, teams. So we're not going to be competitive anymore, we don't like setting up that dynamic."

Repeat as much as you need to.

Does she have kids of her own?

I don't give a shit what you little bitch decided. My sons school is the only one that gets supported because your school is full of losers like you. Speak to me like that again and you will regret it. Your children won't even miss you when your dead.

That's what I would say to my DIL with that comment from pp.

What?

Maybe that's from the trailer park parenting handbook?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ummm you are complaining bc someone shows up for the holidays and birthdays with too many presents or presents that are too awesome. A little perspective...it sounds like you are completely threatened by her (not letting kid blow out candles twice?). Don't be threatened! You are mom and irreplaceable. Enjoy the fact that this grandma, who is not even biological, loves on your kids. And I could totally go for a slice of pink cake.

This. OP sounds like a control freak who is too easily threatened. The more adults in your kids lives, the more they can possibly turn to later. If MIL thinks she can buy the kids' affection, they will figure it out and play her.

[Anonymous]

OP, I get why what's happening is annoying, but you also seem insecure about the fact that the stuff you get/give isn't as good as your MIL's. Like you feel bothered by the fact that she has spent more money than you have. If you feel good about what you're doing/giving, then you shouldn't feel so threatened by MIL's.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:.

You need to woman up. You are going to have to gently correct much of this behavior.

You need to open your mouth and say stuff like this:

1. "I know you like the pink cake that MIL bought, but I made this one for you. It's homemade and tastes MUCH better."

PP, you crack me up. I spent every birthday of my life hoping someone would get me a bakery cake with pink frosting. No way a homemade cake would ever have tasted better to me.

I agree with the others who think OP needs to get a life. I can't see what is awful about the MIL. She might be exhausting, but she seems to be a wonderful grandmother who really loves her grandchild.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:.

You need to woman up. You are going to have to gently correct much of this behavior.

You need to open your mouth and say stuff like this:

1. "I know you like the pink cake that MIL bought, but I made this one for you. It's homemade and tastes MUCH better."

PP, you crack me up. I spent every birthday of my life hoping someone would get me a bakery cake with pink frosting. No way a homemade cake would ever have tasted better to me.

I agree with the others who think OP needs to get a life. I can't see what is awful about the MIL. She might be exhausting, but she seems to be a wonderful grandmother who really loves her grandchild.

Or the MIL is totally insecure and has to make everything about her and buy her grandkids' affection, which OP is rightfully calling out as inappropriate.

I will say, OP, my MIL is somewhat like this but now that my kids are older (8 and 10), they do notice that she doesn't really want to ever do things that they want to do or spend time with them. She still gets them lots of presents but she won't play a board game with them and when we went to a museum she sat on a bench and talked on her phone instead of getting up and looking at stuff, which baffled them. You can sort of buy their affection when they're little (and impressed with things like a bakery cake or a toy in a big box) but eventually the kids can figure out whether she is interested in them as people or not.

[Anonymous]

"Kids, you know grandma is a little cray, cray and it is rude to cheer against my school but we will indulge her while she is here because as our guest we need to be polite."

"Larla, to tell you the truth it hurt my feeling that you did not eat my cake, but I'll get over it, I love you."



You need to stop being so sensitive but that does not mean you can't express yourself. You can let your children and H know that it is frustrating. When the kids are old enough (middle/high school) they will see the true picture and you don't want to paint a picture where you are cray, cray too.

[Anonymous]

So the MIL can never win? Either she is too miserly or she is too generous?

OP, you are a ridiculous, jealous and insecure person. That is all. And MIL seems to outclass you.

[Anonymous]

Let MIL keep gifts at their house for visits.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:.

You need to woman up. You are going to have to gently correct much of this behavior.

You need to open your mouth and say stuff like this:

1. "I know you like the pink cake that MIL bought, but I made this one for you. It's homemade and tastes MUCH better."

PP, you crack me up. I spent every birthday of my life hoping someone would get me a bakery cake with pink frosting. No way a homemade cake would ever have tasted better to me.

I agree with the others who think OP needs to get a life. I can't see what is awful about the MIL. She might be exhausting, but she seems to be a wonderful grandmother who really loves her grandchild.

Or the MIL is totally insecure and has to make everything about her and buy her grandkids' affection, which OP is rightfully calling out as inappropriate.

I will say, OP, my MIL is somewhat like this but now that my kids are older (8 and 10), they do notice that she doesn't really want to ever do things that they want to do or spend time with them. She still gets them lots of presents but she won't play a board game with them and when we went to a museum she sat on a bench and talked on her phone instead of getting up and looking at stuff, which baffled them. You can sort of buy their affection when they're little (and impressed with things like a bakery cake or a toy in a big box) but eventually the kids can figure out whether she is interested in them as people or not.

YES TO THIS. Kids catch on. It's easy to buy love with sparkly things when they are little, it loses it's luster as they get older and you don't actually engage with them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:.

You need to woman up. You are going to have to gently correct much of this behavior.

You need to open your mouth and say stuff like this:

1. "I know you like the pink cake that MIL bought, but I made this one for you. It's homemade and tastes MUCH better."

PP, you crack me up. I spent every birthday of my life hoping someone would get me a bakery cake with pink frosting. No way a homemade cake would ever have tasted better to me.

I agree with the others who think OP needs to get a life. I can't see what is awful about the MIL. She might be exhausting, but she seems to be a wonderful grandmother who really loves her grandchild.

That's probably right, but it will teach the kid what NOT to say to her mother.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So the MIL can never win? Either she is too miserly or she is too generous?

OP, you are a ridiculous, jealous and insecure person. That is all. And MIL seems to outclass you.

Did you read the first post? If so, what are you referring to?