Indian Parenting

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I must admit this thread didn't go how I thought it would. OP makes some observations and criticizes Indian parenting, various Indian posters agree with OP's observations, and white Americans call her an ignorant racist. I feel like I've learned something reading this thread.

What I've learned is that there are some Indian posters that try to look beyond the derogatory tone of a post and try to create a dialogue and exchange of experiences and there are some white Americans that see that and call out the derogatory aspects of the OP in order to provide a balanced profile that not all white Americans are as judgmental as OP.

Thank you to both types of posters.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Considering we always had maids and chefs - isn't it amazing how much cooking and cleaning we are doing in this country.

Tell me OP, how often have your child been pampered and fed at this Indian's house and how often have you reciprocated.

Yes, we coddle our children. Our expectation is that they will be doing well at school, be emotionally supported at home, and not be forced to have sex before they are mature because they have to start dating at 8th grade!

How many Indian kids with divorced parents have you seen? Why not make generalizations about that?

PP, remember how you said that Indian people surely don't write home about the awful American child-rearing practices? Well, here you go. Americans parents are divorced (this is a bad thing) and force their 13-year-olds to have sex.

It's pretty obvious the pp is responding to the OP of this thread. Not starting a thread on the woes of American Parenting (based off of one American friend.)

Yes, of course PP is responding to the OP of this thread -- by making obnoxious generalizations of PP's own. Which proves that making obnoxious cultural generalizations is not a uniquely American thing. Another nail in the coffin of American exceptionalism...

It's pretty universal, IMO. And, definitely not a sign of racism as some of the PPs are all up in arms about. We all make generalizations about cultures/religions/people.

[Anonymous]

I haven't read any of this bullshit thread, but there is one person on DCUM that periodically attacks Indian parents in this forum and I suspect OP is that person. OP, you are a sad, sad person who makes these bullshit sweeping generalizations about billions of people. Give it up.

[Anonymous]

I'm Indian raised in the US and think your kid's friend is not the norm. I was NOT coddled and we did not have any help around the house. I had to help out around the house - laundry, cleaning, hell, I even had to mow the lawn. I was never allowed to eat in my room, I don't know ANYONE in the large Indian community that I grew up in that was treated the way OP describes. Yes, our parents focused on our studies, but they wren't crazy about it.

As for raising my own children…my mom is the one who encouraged me to let them CIO and has been my role model in raising them, so there go your stupid stereotypes OP and others...

[Anonymous]

My husband is European and his mother raised him that his one and only job was to study and do well. So he has the book smarts but no common sense, no sense of cleaning up after himself, and no idea how to run a household.
I thought he was more trainable but.. He's not. Furthermore, he was told he was so smart and never wrong so any time he is clearly wrong or has errored he gets incredibly defensive, accusatory and defective.

Parenting is interesting and it's imprints can last forever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Who are all you Indians who were allowed to eat in their rooms? I'm Indian and I can't think of any Indian child I was friends with (or related to) growing up who was allowed to take food anywhere in the home but the kitchen or dinning table. My parents were always very concerned about crumbs, and messes, and bugs, not to mention that they insisted we had all meals at home as a family.

Even now that it's just the two of them at home, my parents will literally NEVER eat in front of the TV - even if it means pausing a show or movie they are in the middle of watching to sit at the table for 20 minutes to have a meal.

Yeah, we weren't even allowed to eat in front of the TV!

I am Indian. I did lots of chores, inside and out. I was scrubbing toilets and floors by the fourth grade, if not earlier.

Maybe my friends' parents said, "my daughter's friend, she is in eighth grade, and she built the fence around her parents' house. Why are Indians so obsessed with woodworking?"

[Anonymous]

My Indian husband never had a room of his own to retreat to so I'm pretty sure eating dinner in your room is not universal. He also had to start working in the various family businesses at age 10.

You're overlooking a very complex mix of culture, context, wealth/poverty, and privilege. You're also forgetting that India is a country of a billion people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I haven't read any of this bullshit thread, but there is one person on DCUM that periodically attacks Indian parents in this forum and I suspect OP is that person. OP, you are a sad, sad person who makes these bullshit sweeping generalizations about billions of people. Give it up.

Agree with this.
Where is the OP, by the way?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who are all you Indians who were allowed to eat in their rooms? I'm Indian and I can't think of any Indian child I was friends with (or related to) growing up who was allowed to take food anywhere in the home but the kitchen or dinning table. My parents were always very concerned about crumbs, and messes, and bugs, not to mention that they insisted we had all meals at home as a family.

Even now that it's just the two of them at home, my parents will literally NEVER eat in front of the TV - even if it means pausing a show or movie they are in the middle of watching to sit at the table for 20 minutes to have a meal.

Yeah, we weren't even allowed to eat in front of the TV!

I am Indian. I did lots of chores, inside and out. I was scrubbing toilets and floors by the fourth grade, if not earlier.

Maybe my friends' parents said, "my daughter's friend, she is in eighth grade, and she built the fence around her parents' house. Why are Indians so obsessed with woodworking?"

Haha!! OP, this basically describes my Indian-American childhood too. Except I never built a fence. I did, however, help finish the basement. Maybe the neighbors were like "why is this Indian family obsessed with DIY?". It's because my dad didn't want to hire someone out to do it when he could do it himself, that's why.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I haven't read any of this bullshit thread, but there is one person on DCUM that periodically attacks Indian parents in this forum and I suspect OP is that person. OP, you are a sad, sad person who makes these bullshit sweeping generalizations about billions of people. Give it up.

Agree with this.
Where is the OP, by the way?

OPs like this just like to stir up trouble and usually don't come back to post.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who are all you Indians who were allowed to eat in their rooms? I'm Indian and I can't think of any Indian child I was friends with (or related to) growing up who was allowed to take food anywhere in the home but the kitchen or dinning table. My parents were always very concerned about crumbs, and messes, and bugs, not to mention that they insisted we had all meals at home as a family.

Even now that it's just the two of them at home, my parents will literally NEVER eat in front of the TV - even if it means pausing a show or movie they are in the middle of watching to sit at the table for 20 minutes to have a meal.

Yeah, we weren't even allowed to eat in front of the TV!

I am Indian. I did lots of chores, inside and out. I was scrubbing toilets and floors by the fourth grade, if not earlier.

Maybe my friends' parents said, "my daughter's friend, she is in eighth grade, and she built the fence around her parents' house. Why are Indians so obsessed with woodworking?"

Haha!! OP, this basically describes my Indian-American childhood too. Except I never built a fence. I did, however, help finish the basement. Maybe the neighbors were like "why is this Indian family obsessed with DIY?". It's because my dad didn't want to hire someone out to do it when he could do it himself, that's why.

Both of these describe a lot of my childhood in an Irish-English-American family. I did lots of yard work and also helped to build a screen porch. I had a dad who didn't trust anyone else to work on his house. I went on to a great college and then law school, at least partly because I wasn't afraid of hard work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who are all you Indians who were allowed to eat in their rooms? I'm Indian and I can't think of any Indian child I was friends with (or related to) growing up who was allowed to take food anywhere in the home but the kitchen or dinning table. My parents were always very concerned about crumbs, and messes, and bugs, not to mention that they insisted we had all meals at home as a family.

Even now that it's just the two of them at home, my parents will literally NEVER eat in front of the TV - even if it means pausing a show or movie they are in the middle of watching to sit at the table for 20 minutes to have a meal.

Yeah, we weren't even allowed to eat in front of the TV!

I am Indian. I did lots of chores, inside and out. I was scrubbing toilets and floors by the fourth grade, if not earlier.

Maybe my friends' parents said, "my daughter's friend, she is in eighth grade, and she built the fence around her parents' house. Why are Indians so obsessed with woodworking?"

Haha!! OP, this basically describes my Indian-American childhood too. Except I never built a fence. I did, however, help finish the basement. Maybe the neighbors were like "why is this Indian family obsessed with DIY?". It's because my dad didn't want to hire someone out to do it when he could do it himself, that's why.

Was your house also filled with slightly (or severely) imperfect DIY projects that were deemed "good enough" - functional but slightly off? Like slightly crooked tiles, grout that didn't match the bathtub, etc? My dad still grumbles when we hire someone to do something. "WHy are you wasting money? Who cares how your backsplash looks? It's there to get dirty."

My parents once hired someone to help redo the kitchen, my dad worked alongside him, finishing the cabinets himself, installing floors, etc. Ugh, Indian people, right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who are all you Indians who were allowed to eat in their rooms? I'm Indian and I can't think of any Indian child I was friends with (or related to) growing up who was allowed to take food anywhere in the home but the kitchen or dinning table. My parents were always very concerned about crumbs, and messes, and bugs, not to mention that they insisted we had all meals at home as a family.

Even now that it's just the two of them at home, my parents will literally NEVER eat in front of the TV - even if it means pausing a show or movie they are in the middle of watching to sit at the table for 20 minutes to have a meal.

Yeah, we weren't even allowed to eat in front of the TV!

I am Indian. I did lots of chores, inside and out. I was scrubbing toilets and floors by the fourth grade, if not earlier.

Maybe my friends' parents said, "my daughter's friend, she is in eighth grade, and she built the fence around her parents' house. Why are Indians so obsessed with woodworking?"

Haha!! OP, this basically describes my Indian-American childhood too. Except I never built a fence. I did, however, help finish the basement. Maybe the neighbors were like "why is this Indian family obsessed with DIY?". It's because my dad didn't want to hire someone out to do it when he could do it himself, that's why.

Both of these describe a lot of my childhood in an Irish-English-American family. I did lots of yard work and also helped to build a screen porch. I had a dad who didn't trust anyone else to work on his house. I went on to a great college and then law school, at least partly because I wasn't afraid of hard work.

My brother (Indian) married an Irish woman, and I have to say that it was really easy for our families to get along. Hard-working, super family oriented people.

[Anonymous]

We re white upper middle class Americans whose families had less. We did chores, went to church, worked jobs in high school and studied like mad to go to college/med/law/grad school. We really value working hard, especially academically. Our kids are average (below average in their top DC private schools). They work hard in school and are assisted by tutors but just are not wired like we are. Grades in top schools are gentleman Cs, bad test scores, but fit in fine in school and social life.

My question is this. How do Asians and South Asians deal with this kind of situation? Surely not EVERY child has the ability and tenacity to do his 'job' (great test scores, grades) well.

And before you reply 'have him join the military, go to community college, become a hairdresser" remember that the children were raised as upper middle class children, with travel and all of the comforts of our class. They would not do these 'lesser' career paths and still want to work hard, become educated, etc.

It would be great if you could give your experiences.

[Anonymous]

Another Indian here who was never allowed to take food out of the dining area. Same for every single Indian family I've ever known, however like the rest of the world, each family does thing differently. We don't all have the same experiences because we hail from the same country. Do you and all your neighbors have the exact same family rules, everyone in your community, everyone in you county, your state?

For all of you that are so curious about how this Indian grew up- I'll say that I helped out around the house a lot, cleaned, vacuumed, dusted, did dishes, started doing my own laundry by the time I was 8. But none of this was 'expected', it wasn't due to a chore chart or anything. I was a latchkey kid and I was bored so that's how I spent my time after making my own snack and watching a little TV.

My Indian husband did all the handyman type jobs around his house. He'd read a manual or ask neighbors for their experience and fix/build things.

There was no helicopter parenting, our parents worked long hours. School was important, that was a given and we always did our best.

We didn't have strict rules for bed times and could go to sleep whenever, but we had strict rules with regards to going out- no night time parties, no boyfriends. Hanging out at the mall with girl friends (during the day) and sleepovers were fine.

We took fun vacations, visited family frequently, always had people over on the weekends for dinner or lunch, and played outside a LOT.

Now it's your turn, white Americans- how were you raised? Parented?