Indian Parenting

[Anonymous]

I'm always a little taken aback by how involved and rulesy Indian parents are. DD's friend from school is Indian and I know the mother quite well. She tiger parents AND coddles to a weird extent. The Indian girl's life is regimented and run on rules and a schedule and no freedom to do anything on her own. She's up at 5 AM every day to study and then she has to go to Indian classical dance lessons and tennis and she has no choice but to go to medical school. DD says she's not even allowed to date (the girls are in the 8th grade). And when DD visited their home for a sleepover, she found that the kids there don't even do chores, and if they want they're allowed to eat in their rooms. Household tasks are "beneath" them.

They're a nice family and DD seems to like her friend (although I don't want her to get any ideas about being pampered at home and not being made to do her own laundry), but I really feel like Indians are raising handicapped kids who aren't self-reliant, can't think for themselves, and are too tied to their parents' apron strings.

[Anonymous]

I had parents like that. You're right that Indian parents do this strange thing where the kids are super coddled, but also tiger parented.

I hated it for the most part, and grew up wanting to be independent and do things for myself.

In India, EVERYONE has a cook/maid, so the middle class kids don't have to learn how to cook/clean. And, education is mandatory. As long as the kid is doing well in school (even if he's cheating), nothing more is expected.

Obviously not all Indian parents are like this, but there is some truth to it. Flame away other Indians on this board.

[Anonymous]

Judgmental much, OP? Maybe you should focus less on other people's parenting styles and worry more about making sure your DD doesn't turn out like her mother.

[Anonymous]

Yes, every single Indian family is exactly the same. Just like every single white parent from Maryland is exactly the same. It's a wonder that Indian children even function.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm always a little taken aback by how involved and rulesy Indian parents are. DD's friend from school is Indian and I know the mother quite well. She tiger parents AND coddles to a weird extent. The Indian girl's life is regimented and run on rules and a schedule and no freedom to do anything on her own. She's up at 5 AM every day to study and then she has to go to Indian classical dance lessons and tennis and she has no choice but to go to medical school. DD says she's not even allowed to date (the girls are in the 8th grade). And when DD visited their home for a sleepover, she found that the kids there don't even do chores, and if they want they're allowed to eat in their rooms. Household tasks are "beneath" them.

They're a nice family and DD seems to like her friend (although I don't want her to get any ideas about being pampered at home and not being made to do her own laundry), but I really feel like Indians are raising handicapped kids who aren't self-reliant, can't think for themselves, and are too tied to their parents' apron strings.

I'm going to flame away because she just painted all Indians with one brush! JFC!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had parents like that. You're right that Indian parents do this strange thing where the kids are super coddled, but also tiger parented.

I hated it for the most part, and grew up wanting to be independent and do things for myself.

In India, EVERYONE has a cook/maid, so the middle class kids don't have to learn how to cook/clean. And, education is mandatory. As long as the kid is doing well in school (even if he's cheating), nothing more is expected.

Obviously not all Indian parents are like this, but there is some truth to it. Flame away other Indians on this board.

Are you a troll? This does not represent the upper middle class experience of my cousins in India. They do have in-home help, but not everyone does (like, for example, the people who provide the help who generally also have their own families). Cheating would definitely not fly in my family. And since most of my cousins ultimately lived in a dorm at some point, they did need to learn to cook/clean. I know that you qualified your statements by saying not everyone is like this...but there are a lot of Indians in and out of India, and many more of them are unable to afford cooks/maids than are.

[Anonymous]

Shorter PP: I think that all Indians are the same.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had parents like that. You're right that Indian parents do this strange thing where the kids are super coddled, but also tiger parented.

I hated it for the most part, and grew up wanting to be independent and do things for myself.

In India, EVERYONE has a cook/maid, so the middle class kids don't have to learn how to cook/clean. And, education is mandatory. As long as the kid is doing well in school (even if he's cheating), nothing more is expected.

Obviously not all Indian parents are like this, but there is some truth to it. Flame away other Indians on this board.

Except, of course, for the cooks/maids.

[Anonymous]

I'm Indian and loved my childhood. I was tiger parented and coddled.

If I was studying in my room for a tough exam, my maid came up with my breakfast tray, lunch tray, tea & snacks tray, and then maybe I would go downstairs and relax with the family during dinner. My clothes were laundered/dry cleaned, perfectly ironed and brought up to my room in folded stacks, and then I'd put them away in my cupboard. I was loved, supported, and petted, and never disrespected my parents.

When I was stressed out during exam periods, there was a sense that the whole community supported you. Other kids were going through the same thing. There would be pujas (prayers) to the goddess of education and knowledge, and my grandparents, neighbors, school counselor, teachers, and other family friends would wish me good luck and understand my anxiety.

I'm grateful for my tiger parenting as well. I was slightly lazy, undisciplined and irresponsible in elementary school, and my parents kicked my ass into shape - but always with love. I was forced to get my act together and it paid off for me BIG TIME.

Sorry you think allowing a kid to eat in her room or instilling a love of learning and achieving in her is "weird" OP. I call that a blessing.

[Anonymous]

I don't know you are all flaming on OP. 15:09 said a lot of Indian parents are this way. And I know a fair amount of Indian parents (I'm in high tech), and yea, a lot of them are like this. It is cultural. It's a statement of fact that a lot of them are this way because it is cultural.

It's like saying *most*, not all, American parents let their teens go to parties. Well, a lot of Indian parents wouldn't let their kids go to these parties because for fear that the parties will have booze and be a bad influence on the kid.

It's a cultural difference.

[Anonymous]

I'm indian and grew up with indian parents. We didn't have "chores" at home growing up, but we were all expected to help out. I helped do laundry, clean up, cook, etc. but we didn't need a "chore wheel" to do it. We were allowed to eat in our rooms, but I don't think that's an indian thing, that was a "if you got things to do, get them done" thing. But I don't think we were coddled by any means.

See, the thing is that different families do things a different way. None of your DD's friends family behaviors have anything to do with being indian. I had a white friend growing up whose parents hit her. Is that what white parents are like????

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm Indian and loved my childhood. I was tiger parented and coddled.

If I was studying in my room for a tough exam, my maid came up with my breakfast tray, lunch tray, tea & snacks tray, and then maybe I would go downstairs and relax with the family during dinner. My clothes were laundered/dry cleaned, perfectly ironed and brought up to my room in folded stacks, and then I'd put them away in my cupboard. I was loved, supported, and petted, and never disrespected my parents.

When I was stressed out during exam periods, there was a sense that the whole community supported you. Other kids were going through the same thing. There would be pujas (prayers) to the goddess of education and knowledge, and my grandparents, neighbors, school counselor, teachers, and other family friends would wish me good luck and understand my anxiety.

I'm grateful for my tiger parenting as well. I was slightly lazy, undisciplined and irresponsible in elementary school, and my parents kicked my ass into shape - but always with love. I was forced to get my act together and it paid off for me BIG TIME.

Sorry you think allowing a kid to eat in her room or instilling a love of learning and achieving in her is "weird" OP. I call that a blessing.

You grew up in India, right? Because I can tell you that I, nor anyone in my large community, never had any of these amenities growing up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had parents like that. You're right that Indian parents do this strange thing where the kids are super coddled, but also tiger parented.

I hated it for the most part, and grew up wanting to be independent and do things for myself.

In India, EVERYONE has a cook/maid, so the middle class kids don't have to learn how to cook/clean. And, education is mandatory. As long as the kid is doing well in school (even if he's cheating), nothing more is expected.

Obviously not all Indian parents are like this, but there is some truth to it. Flame away other Indians on this board.

Are you a troll? This does not represent the upper middle class experience of my cousins in India. They do have in-home help, but not everyone does (like, for example, the people who provide the help who generally also have their own families). Cheating would definitely not fly in my family. And since most of my cousins ultimately lived in a dorm at some point, they did need to learn to cook/clean. I know that you qualified your statements by saying not everyone is like this...but there are a lot of Indians in and out of India, and many more of them are unable to afford cooks/maids than are.

WTF are you talking about?

NP here: yes, every UPPER MIDDLE CLASS family has hired help in India. If you have upper-middle-class cousins in India who don't have help in the house, then either your cousins are in deep financial shit that you don't know about or else they're just lying about something. That is weird.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm Indian and loved my childhood. I was tiger parented and coddled.

If I was studying in my room for a tough exam, my maid came up with my breakfast tray, lunch tray, tea & snacks tray, and then maybe I would go downstairs and relax with the family during dinner. My clothes were laundered/dry cleaned, perfectly ironed and brought up to my room in folded stacks, and then I'd put them away in my cupboard. I was loved, supported, and petted, and never disrespected my parents.

When I was stressed out during exam periods, there was a sense that the whole community supported you. Other kids were going through the same thing. There would be pujas (prayers) to the goddess of education and knowledge, and my grandparents, neighbors, school counselor, teachers, and other family friends would wish me good luck and understand my anxiety.

I'm grateful for my tiger parenting as well. I was slightly lazy, undisciplined and irresponsible in elementary school, and my parents kicked my ass into shape - but always with love. I was forced to get my act together and it paid off for me BIG TIME.

Sorry you think allowing a kid to eat in her room or instilling a love of learning and achieving in her is "weird" OP. I call that a blessing.

Yes, this was in India. I came here after I was married.

You grew up in India, right? Because I can tell you that I, nor anyone in my large community, never had any of these amenities growing up.

[Anonymous]

So your daughter knows an Indian girl and you've made a generalization about all Indian parenting. I hope you are a troll. Because otherwise you're the sort insular, annoying, myopic, stupid, unthinking judgemental cow who (sadly) makes people around the world despise Americans.

The sanctimonious "but my way should be adopted by everyone" is so utterly offensive it is quite extraordinary.

I wonder how many Indian families would write home to say "my kid goes to a school which is full of bratty, entitled, trash talking, fat, lazy, pampered, arrogant, smug, materialistic kids with horrible racist and judgemental parents."

I don't think any would. Because they don't come from a country that tries to inflict its social paradigms on the rest of the world.