Indian Parenting

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm Indian and loved my childhood. I was tiger parented and coddled.

If I was studying in my room for a tough exam, my maid came up with my breakfast tray, lunch tray, tea & snacks tray, and then maybe I would go downstairs and relax with the family during dinner. My clothes were laundered/dry cleaned, perfectly ironed and brought up to my room in folded stacks, and then I'd put them away in my cupboard. I was loved, supported, and petted, and never disrespected my parents.

When I was stressed out during exam periods, there was a sense that the whole community supported you. Other kids were going through the same thing. There would be pujas (prayers) to the goddess of education and knowledge, and my grandparents, neighbors, school counselor, teachers, and other family friends would wish me good luck and understand my anxiety.

I'm grateful for my tiger parenting as well. I was slightly lazy, undisciplined and irresponsible in elementary school, and my parents kicked my ass into shape - but always with love. I was forced to get my act together and it paid off for me BIG TIME.

Sorry you think allowing a kid to eat in her room or instilling a love of learning and achieving in her is "weird" OP. I call that a blessing.

You grew up in India, right? Because I can tell you that I, nor anyone in my large community, never had any of these amenities growing up.

Yes, this was in India. I came here after I was married.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm always a little taken aback by how involved and rulesy Indian parents are. DD's friend from school is Indian and I know the mother quite well. She tiger parents AND coddles to a weird extent. The Indian girl's life is regimented and run on rules and a schedule and no freedom to do anything on her own. She's up at 5 AM every day to study and then she has to go to Indian classical dance lessons and tennis and she has no choice but to go to medical school. DD says she's not even allowed to date (the girls are in the 8th grade). And when DD visited their home for a sleepover, she found that the kids there don't even do chores, and if they want they're allowed to eat in their rooms. Household tasks are "beneath" them.

They're a nice family and DD seems to like her friend (although I don't want her to get any ideas about being pampered at home and not being made to do her own laundry), but I really feel like Indians are raising handicapped kids who aren't self-reliant, can't think for themselves, and are too tied to their parents' apron strings.

I'm going to flame away because she just painted all Indians with one brush! JFC!

Oh, give it a rest.

I'm one of the PPs who posted that I was simultaneously coddled and tiger parented. There ARE some generalizations about how different cultures parent.

You and the other PPs implying the OP is racist need to back off. I responded with an honest response because I don't really think the OP is racist. She's just asking. Sure, maybe she's judging, but there are tons of people judging on this board. And, maybe understanding more why things are the way they are for her DD's friend's family might help her understand the kid a little better. If OP really was 'racist' (whatever that means), she probably wouldn't be letting her DD go over to this friend's house. Sounds like she's looking for some explanations as to the Indian parents' reasoning for their parenting.

[Anonymous]

I have no clue what's the "norm" or not. But my son's best friend is Indian, and I see no traces of Tiger parenting going on in that house. The boy is loved. He still sleeps with his parents. He isn't enrolled in a million activities. They read to him. No Kumon. Other than the cosleeping at an elementary school age, their house is pretty similar to ours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had parents like that. You're right that Indian parents do this strange thing where the kids are super coddled, but also tiger parented.

I hated it for the most part, and grew up wanting to be independent and do things for myself.

In India, EVERYONE has a cook/maid, so the middle class kids don't have to learn how to cook/clean. And, education is mandatory. As long as the kid is doing well in school (even if he's cheating), nothing more is expected.

Obviously not all Indian parents are like this, but there is some truth to it. Flame away other Indians on this board.

Except, of course, for the cooks/maids.

Ha! I'm an Indian PP. And, that's the truth. It's part of the reason why I believe India can never truly get ahead (with the horrible class/caste system so intrenched). But that's a discussion for another thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So your daughter knows an Indian girl and you've made a generalization about all Indian parenting. I hope you are a troll. Because otherwise you're the sort insular, annoying, myopic, stupid, unthinking judgemental cow who (sadly) makes people around the world despise Americans.

The sanctimonious "but my way should be adopted by everyone" is so utterly offensive it is quite extraordinary.

I wonder how many Indian families would write home to say "my kid goes to a school which is full of bratty, entitled, trash talking, fat, lazy, pampered, arrogant, smug, materialistic kids with horrible racist and judgemental parents."

I don't think any would. Because they don't come from a country that tries to inflict its social paradigms on the rest of the world.

Don't worry. Plenty of Indians have this opinion (and worse).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So your daughter knows an Indian girl and you've made a generalization about all Indian parenting. I hope you are a troll. Because otherwise you're the sort insular, annoying, myopic, stupid, unthinking judgemental cow who (sadly) makes people around the world despise Americans.

The sanctimonious "but my way should be adopted by everyone" is so utterly offensive it is quite extraordinary.

I wonder how many Indian families would write home to say "my kid goes to a school which is full of bratty, entitled, trash talking, fat, lazy, pampered, arrogant, smug, materialistic kids with horrible racist and judgemental parents."

I don't think any would. Because they don't come from a country that tries to inflict its social paradigms on the rest of the world.

Don't worry. Plenty of Indians have this opinion (and worse).

+1 I was just gonna say the same thing. I don't have the stats on the people on this forum, but I'm venturing to guess that the majority are white or black, and very few are Indians raised in India. So, you probably won't see too many posts stereotyping and degrading American parenting styles on this forum. But I'm sure you'd get an earful if you were in their social circles.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So your daughter knows an Indian girl and you've made a generalization about all Indian parenting. I hope you are a troll. Because otherwise you're the sort insular, annoying, myopic, stupid, unthinking judgemental cow who (sadly) makes people around the world despise Americans.

The sanctimonious "but my way should be adopted by everyone" is so utterly offensive it is quite extraordinary.

I wonder how many Indian families would write home to say "my kid goes to a school which is full of bratty, entitled, trash talking, fat, lazy, pampered, arrogant, smug, materialistic kids with horrible racist and judgemental parents."

I don't think any would. Because they don't come from a country that tries to inflict its social paradigms on the rest of the world.

Don't worry. Plenty of Indians have this opinion (and worse).

+1 I was just gonna say the same thing. I don't have the stats on the people on this forum, but I'm venturing to guess that the majority are white or black, and very few are Indians raised in India. So, you probably won't see too many posts stereotyping and degrading American parenting styles on this forum. But I'm sure you'd get an earful if you were in their social circles.

I'm an Indian PP and my parents are (for the most part) APPALLED by my parenting.
How it's horrible that I let the kids CIO. How I should still be hand-feeding my 2 year old. How I shouldn't be so strict. How my K DD should be learning her times tables. How we're not religious enough.

They love my kids, but feel that my parenting style is way too "American". And, trust me, there is plenty of criticism of 'western' parenting techniques in their social circle.

[Anonymous]

NP Indian raised in India. Like the other PP, I too grew up in a household with loads of staff and never did any household chores. I did learn how to "manage" staff though

However, we were not tiger parented nor were we mollycoddled. My folks are liberal, well educated and were more concerned at our being all rounders than just academic superstars. Oh and we didnt sleep in our parent's bed either.

Now that I have my own kids, I find that i have ended up largely replicating my childhood set up here in the US i.e we have household help. DH is not Indian and therefore, I do try occasionally to make my kids do chores but Im really not consistent with it. There are many many things l love about Indian parenting but feel that the western mentality about making kids do chores has got be good.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So your daughter knows an Indian girl and you've made a generalization about all Indian parenting. I hope you are a troll. Because otherwise you're the sort insular, annoying, myopic, stupid, unthinking judgemental cow who (sadly) makes people around the world despise Americans.

The sanctimonious "but my way should be adopted by everyone" is so utterly offensive it is quite extraordinary.

I wonder how many Indian families would write home to say "my kid goes to a school which is full of bratty, entitled, trash talking, fat, lazy, pampered, arrogant, smug, materialistic kids with horrible racist and judgemental parents."

I don't think any would. Because they don't come from a country that tries to inflict its social paradigms on the rest of the world.

Don't worry. Plenty of Indians have this opinion (and worse).

+1 I was just gonna say the same thing. I don't have the stats on the people on this forum, but I'm venturing to guess that the majority are white or black, and very few are Indians raised in India. So, you probably won't see too many posts stereotyping and degrading American parenting styles on this forum. But I'm sure you'd get an earful if you were in their social circles.

I'm an Indian PP and my parents are (for the most part) APPALLED by my parenting.
How it's horrible that I let the kids CIO. How I should still be hand-feeding my 2 year old. How I shouldn't be so strict. How my K DD should be learning her times tables. How we're not religious enough.

They love my kids, but feel that my parenting style is way too "American". And, trust me, there is plenty of criticism of 'western' parenting techniques in their social circle.

I'm the PP. I'm Korean. And my parents were also appalled that I let my kids CIO and not picked them up at every wimper. But then, my mom was AMAZED how they could sleep on their own as toddlers. She said it was genius. But she also thinks its mean to make them go to bed at 8pm for a 6yr old... I should let them stay up longer to play. Same about hand-feeding. Also, appalled I let my 1 yr olds try to feed themselves with a spoon.

Man, parenting styles are truly so different. Yet, we all survived.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm always a little taken aback by how involved and rulesy Indian parents are. DD's friend from school is Indian and I know the mother quite well. She tiger parents AND coddles to a weird extent. The Indian girl's life is regimented and run on rules and a schedule and no freedom to do anything on her own. She's up at 5 AM every day to study and then she has to go to Indian classical dance lessons and tennis and she has no choice but to go to medical school. DD says she's not even allowed to date (the girls are in the 8th grade). And when DD visited their home for a sleepover, she found that the kids there don't even do chores, and if they want they're allowed to eat in their rooms. Household tasks are "beneath" them.

They're a nice family and DD seems to like her friend (although I don't want her to get any ideas about being pampered at home and not being made to do her own laundry), but I really feel like Indians are raising handicapped kids who aren't self-reliant, can't think for themselves, and are too tied to their parents' apron strings.

I'm going to flame away because she just painted all Indians with one brush! JFC!

Oh, give it a rest.

I'm one of the PPs who posted that I was simultaneously coddled and tiger parented. There ARE some generalizations about how different cultures parent.

You and the other PPs implying the OP is racist need to back off. I responded with an honest response because I don't really think the OP is racist. She's just asking. Sure, maybe she's judging, but there are tons of people judging on this board. And, maybe understanding more why things are the way they are for her DD's friend's family might help her understand the kid a little better. If OP really was 'racist' (whatever that means), she probably wouldn't be letting her DD go over to this friend's house. Sounds like she's looking for some explanations as to the Indian parents' reasoning for their parenting.

I'm sorry but if OP had a question, I seem to have missed it? All I can see is a laundry list of judgment summed up in a sentence or two at the end. The facts she's presented may be true, but the judgment in the way she has presented them and the disdain for the way other families/cultures parent is what makes her statements racist and offensive. Everyone has rules, OP. Just because your DD"s friend's parents rules are different, doesn't make them wrong or bad. But judging them the way you are and drawing broad sweeping generalizations about a culture based on one family is offensive. (Handicapped kids who aren't self-reliant? Really?) Focus on the way you are raising your own child and stop worrying so much about what everyone else does.

[Anonymous]

My husband's mom fed him dinner sometimes until he was TEN. Yes, you read that right!!! Ten years, not ten months. When I found that out I almost broke up with him. Now he's a fully-functioning partner at a large firm. He feeds himself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband's mom fed him dinner sometimes until he was TEN. Yes, you read that right!!! Ten years, not ten months. When I found that out I almost broke up with him. Now he's a fully-functioning partner at a large firm. He feeds himself.

What is his ethnicity? I can't imagine a white person doing this.

[Anonymous]

I don't know a lot about Indian parenting, but I know a fair number of Indians, and they certainly seem successful and able to care for themselves.

[Anonymous]

Who are all you Indians who were allowed to eat in their rooms? I'm Indian and I can't think of any Indian child I was friends with (or related to) growing up who was allowed to take food anywhere in the home but the kitchen or dinning table. My parents were always very concerned about crumbs, and messes, and bugs, not to mention that they insisted we had all meals at home as a family.

Even now that it's just the two of them at home, my parents will literally NEVER eat in front of the TV - even if it means pausing a show or movie they are in the middle of watching to sit at the table for 20 minutes to have a meal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't know a lot about Indian parenting, but I know a fair number of Indians, and they certainly seem successful and able to care for themselves.

+1000
OP you worry abt the future of these kids, but my Indian American friends are extremely well-adjusted and successful. Don't you know Indian American adults?