Is my marriage over?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My sincere advice OP as a first step is to get a new OB. I don't know it yours is being particularly inflammatory or if you are reading into this, but a second opinion on the pregnancy thing would be useful.

YES!! Get a second opinion. Many here have been through similar things and were able to have children.
And yes, stop blaming your DH. The only thing worth getting upset over is his dismissal of your feelings, but if you are blaming him he will certainly shut down.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Her absurd thoughts have nothing to do with her religion.

Signed-
HPV+ Catholic before marriage

soiled goods? OK. Whatever you say.

There's some good old Catholic love right there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, it would bother me a lot too. Basically you are paying the price for him sleeping around.

It would bother me that I saved myself while he banged chicks.

Thus, I never waited until marriage.

He obviously didn't have the same beliefs.

[Anonymous]

Silly question, but why has no one brought up the vaccine? Here is a great advertisement for why everyone should get it, including conservative virgins until marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Silly question, but why has no one brought up the vaccine? Here is a great advertisement for why everyone should get it, including conservative virgins until marriage.

because that won't help the OP now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Silly question, but why has no one brought up the vaccine? Here is a great advertisement for why everyone should get it, including conservative virgins until marriage.

because that won't help the OP now.

That being said, someone did.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Her absurd thoughts have nothing to do with her religion.

Signed-
HPV+ Catholic before marriage

soiled goods? OK. Whatever you say.

You can be a virgin and HPV+.

[Anonymous]

I would recommend getting individual counseling first, and then turning to fixing the marriage. I sounds like there may be some significant emotional issues here that will keep you from being able to move forward in your marriage, regardless of his feeling or behavior.

[Anonymous]

I agree with what the other posters are saying. Sorry people are being so harsh but after reading all the crap on DCUM about spouses ready to ask for open marriage or divorce, ready to leave pregnant spouses, and discovering affairs, there is actually more hope that your marriage can survive than many of the others, There are four separate things going on that people are trying to address.

1) Blaming the spouse. I've been married for 12 years and my DH is a wonderful husband and father. However, when we have conflict about how we should handle things, he shuts down and needs time to process things. I've learned if I keep pushing, it gets him more upset and he takes things as a personal attack that he isn't good enough despite how hard he tries. As you embark on the journey to have kids, please realize there are so many things that are hereditary. If my DH had thown in my face that my daughter has ADHD and blamed me for the all we faced because of it, we would have been looking at divorce. Imagine if there was some other reason for the issues with fertility and it had to do with something hereditary with your uterus, what if DH blamed you and instead of being a team it was "your problem". You are seeing your hurt, but not realizing how incredibly hurtful you have been. If it was that important to be with someone that was saving himself for marriage,you could have broken up with DH before marriage. I'm sorry, but it is crummy to say you accept the person and his/her past and love him and then throw it up in their face at the first sign of a conflict

2) Dealing with your own feeling of shame, regret, and/or fear. Only you can work these emotions out and I would suggest individual counseling and/or a support group. Other posters have shared their experiences with HPV. The closest experience I have is having a child with ADHD. While it isn't the same thing as you, there is this image everyone wants to portray of being the perfect parent, never having a child that struggles in school, not having to bring your 9 year old to a psychiatrist and consider medication, not having to worry about social skills and your kid being the odd person out, never having to worry if a diagnosis will label your child and have people expect less of him/her...it can be very isolating. It's helped me immensely to connect with other parents going thru something similar and being willing to share my story with a trusted few and hear that it is okay. It has also helped to get pragmatic tips and advice from people that have BTDT.

3) Delaying with the medical issues and challenges to having a child. I can't really give advice on this but I think this is a separate issue.

4) Getting DH to be more supportive and make it a "we" as you face surgeries and challenges. I'm not sure what your couples counseling addressed but how you communicate with each other would be a big thing.

[Anonymous]

Op, I haven't read through six pages, so forgive me if this is redundant. I've had CIN 3. I, too, was married, only had two sexual partners before him and was angry that it was happening to me. In fact, I was pissed that he got to fool around and I had to bear those consequences. I was devastated to have an STD, too. I worried that no one else would ever want to have sex with me. It's now been 14 years since that diagnosis, and really, it's not such a big deal anymore. I will say, however, that I managed to finally get a clear PAP, and after I did that, I never had a bad one again. When I had a year of clear ones (I had to go in every three months), I started to feel less stressed and angry. So, once that happens for you, you can start to deal with all this. There's a lot of anger in you at what you perceive to be unjust. And you're right. But you're not the only one who has gone through this. Lots of people do. Good luck. Find peace at your pace.

[Anonymous]

I hope you've had a second opinion. I've had doctors try and so unnecessary colpos on me. Is your pap coming back abnormal? Do not have a doctor make you infertile over the slight chance you'll have cancer. This type of cancer doesn't develop overnight. Have a kid and then deal with it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please tell me you know you can get HPV even if you don't have intercourse. You may have brought it into the marriage.

I did not. I had not had sexual contact of any kind prior to marriage. I should have made that clear.

None at all? I find that hard to believe.

Frankly your problem is you are feeling like a victim when he was clear with you that he wasn't a virgin. This is a choice you made but you are blaming him. HPV is extremely common and it sucks that you have gone through this-- but it isn't his fault. He shouldn't feel guilty. You need a lot of therapy by yourself so you can figure out if this is marriage you want to stay in because you are ruining it all on your own.

You can believe what you want but I am a very conservative Catholic and no, I did not have sexual contact prior to marriage. To be blunt, as another PP said, part of the reason was religious, part was to avoid STD's. Yes, I am bitter I did not.

And sure, HPV may be fairly common, but most don't have the issues I am having. This is life altering. Possibly fatal.

Ok a bit dramatic. Yes you CAN die from cervical cancer but you are more likely to be hit by a bus crossing the road. Keep that on perspective. I have HPV and a conservative Catholic but I did catch it before marriage though I was a virgin. That said I have had many LEEP procedures and have had 4 kids. You really need to get a second opinion on your ability to carry a pregnancy.

From what you have posted it sounds like you perhaps have laid on the guilt trip with him and he is probably shutting down. He isn't being supportive because you have been blaming him for the HPV. You have to really deal with that issue on your own. You can't keep beating him up on that. I bet if you talk with him, apologize for blaming him and tell him you would like more support he will do it.

They told my mom she couldn't have children because of it. Little did the doctor know that she was actually pregnant with me at the time.

[Anonymous]

Saw this online today and thought of OP. Over 79 million people in America with HPV!

OP, what's going on with you and DH?

http://news.yahoo.com/york-city-council-speaker-reveals-hpv-diagnosis-raise-171322410.html;_ylt=A0LEVz1VX_JT1ywAcKBXNyoA;_ylu=X3oDMTEzOGxnc3NhBHNlYwNzcgRwb3MDMQRjb2xvA2JmMQR2dGlkA1ZJUDM0OF8x

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It just kills me that I waited for no reason. What was the point?

You basically revealed his private sexual history to your friend? Ouch. You are a piece if work. No wonder he is done with you and this situation.

Ah, I see. It's ok to judge my lack of one but not ok to even mention he had one. Ok, thanks. Done here.

No, no one is judging your lack of one, and you can/should discuss that as much as you'd like. But you don't have the right to discuss HIS sexual history, only he does.

Wow, I'm calling bullshit. This is now HER body and HER problem far more than his. She has every right to disclose that she got HPV. If her friends know she was a virgin, then oh well, they know where she got it. This is a consequence of unprotected sex, he made that choice, he can live with it.

[Anonymous]

OP, he is defensive because you are blaming him for giving you CANCER.

He did not lie to you. He didn't pretend he was a virgin, or have an affair. He got a very common virus and you got a very common, unfortunate result of that virus.

Even a damaged cervix can sometimes be stitched shut to maintain a pregnancy.

Do not freak out, do not over react, do not blame your husband. YOU chose to wait because it is what you wanted. YOU chose to marry a man who was not a virgin.

I don't mean to be harsh but, stop trying to place blame and just deal with reality.