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[quote=Anonymous]I agree with what the other posters are saying.  Sorry people are being so harsh but after reading all the crap on DCUM about spouses ready to ask for open marriage or divorce, ready to leave pregnant spouses, and discovering affairs, there is actually more hope that your marriage can survive than many of the others,  There are four separate things going on that people are trying to address.

1) Blaming the spouse.  I've been married for 12 years and my DH is a wonderful husband and father.  However, when we have conflict about how we should handle things, he shuts down and needs time to process things.  I've learned if I keep pushing, it gets him more upset and he takes things as a personal attack that he isn't good enough despite how hard he tries.  As you embark on the journey to have kids, please realize there are so many things that are hereditary.  If my DH had thown in my face that my daughter has ADHD and blamed me for the all we faced because of it, we would have been looking at divorce.  Imagine if there was some other reason for the issues with fertility and it had to do with something hereditary with your uterus, what if DH blamed you and instead of being a team it was "your problem". You are seeing your hurt, but not realizing how incredibly hurtful you have been.  If it was that important to be with someone that was saving himself for marriage,you could have broken up with DH before marriage.  I'm sorry, but it is crummy to say you accept the person and his/her past and love him and then throw it up in their face at the first sign of a conflict

2) Dealing with your own feeling of shame, regret, and/or fear.  Only you can work these emotions out and I would suggest individual counseling and/or a support group.  Other posters have shared their experiences with HPV.  The closest experience I have is having a child with ADHD.  While it isn't the same thing as you, there is this image everyone wants to portray of being the perfect parent, never having a child that struggles in school, not having to bring your 9 year old to a psychiatrist and consider medication, not having to worry about social skills and your kid being the odd person out, never having to worry if a diagnosis will label your child and have people expect less of him/her...it can be very isolating.  It's helped me immensely to connect with other parents going thru something similar and being willing to share my story with a trusted few and hear that it is okay.  It has also helped to get pragmatic tips and advice from people that have BTDT.

3) Delaying with the medical issues and challenges to having a child.  I can't really give advice on this but I think this is a separate issue.

4) Getting DH to be more supportive and make it a "we" as you face surgeries and challenges.  I'm not sure what your couples counseling addressed but how you communicate with each other would be a big thing.  [/quote]

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