Is my marriage over?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

And sure, HPV may be fairly common, but most don't have the issues I am having. This is life altering. Possibly fatal.

Um, not, not really. Most people who have had HPV have CIN. If I read you correctly, you had an initial and unconfirmed diagnosis of CIS, which was later downgraded to CIN2 or 3. Most people with HPV and CIN have a LEEP (or two or three).

[Anonymous]

I'm not sure if responders here are fully appreciating the extent if the medical problem in terms of kids. My best friend went through similar medical procedures. She was NOT advised not to try to have kids, but she was told that her cervix had been so shortened that she might never be able to carry a child to term. She had a miscarriage because of the problem, even after a circlage (sp?) was put in. It was heartbreaking at the time. She did go on to have a successful pregnancy and was very lucky.

My friend is not very religious and was active during college, and his whole thing played havoc with her psyche. She blamed herself and felt very slutty, though it was obviously wrong to feel this way, but when a woman can't have kids because of something sexual you have to understand it is bound to mess you up a little.

I think people are being very hard on OP. It is hard to make sense of sicknesses like this that mess with your reproductive abilities. If I were in OP's husband's position I'd want to apologize to my wife for possibly doing something that risked her health and her ability to have kids, even though I hadn't known at the time I was doing it. Just absolving yourself of any responsibility is hurtful and certainly doesn't help her heal.

But OP, if your husband can't give you the support you need -- if your feelings aren't important enough to him to make him change his behavior -- then yes I think your marriage is over. No sense spending your whole life with that person. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm not sure if responders here are fully appreciating the extent if the medical problem in terms of kids. My best friend went through similar medical procedures. She was NOT advised not to try to have kids, but she was told that her cervix had been so shortened that she might never be able to carry a child to term. She had a miscarriage because of the problem, even after a circlage (sp?) was put in. It was heartbreaking at the time. She did go on to have a successful pregnancy and was very lucky.

My friend is not very religious and was active during college, and his whole thing played havoc with her psyche. She blamed herself and felt very slutty, though it was obviously wrong to feel this way, but when a woman can't have kids because of something sexual you have to understand it is bound to mess you up a little.

I think people are being very hard on OP. It is hard to make sense of sicknesses like this that mess with your reproductive abilities. If I were in OP's husband's position I'd want to apologize to my wife for possibly doing something that risked her health and her ability to have kids, even though I hadn't known at the time I was doing it. Just absolving yourself of any responsibility is hurtful and certainly doesn't help her heal.

But OP, if your husband can't give you the support you need -- if your feelings aren't important enough to him to make him change his behavior -- then yes I think your marriage is over. No sense spending your whole life with that person. Good luck!

The problem is that she's looking to blame him for the disease. And that's just not fair. It's common and honestly her purity on her wedding day has nothing to do with it.

Now, granted the DH isn't winning any compassion awards, but she's not going to be able to really communicate with him until she stops trying to blame him for the disease.

[Anonymous]

And now let's pause for a customer service message is support of vaccinating our kids against the HPV virus.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm not sure if responders here are fully appreciating the extent if the medical problem in terms of kids. My best friend went through similar medical procedures. She was NOT advised not to try to have kids, but she was told that her cervix had been so shortened that she might never be able to carry a child to term. She had a miscarriage because of the problem, even after a circlage (sp?) was put in. It was heartbreaking at the time. She did go on to have a successful pregnancy and was very lucky.

My friend is not very religious and was active during college, and his whole thing played havoc with her psyche. She blamed herself and felt very slutty, though it was obviously wrong to feel this way, but when a woman can't have kids because of something sexual you have to understand it is bound to mess you up a little.

I think people are being very hard on OP. It is hard to make sense of sicknesses like this that mess with your reproductive abilities. If I were in OP's husband's position I'd want to apologize to my wife for possibly doing something that risked her health and her ability to have kids, even though I hadn't known at the time I was doing it. Just absolving yourself of any responsibility is hurtful and certainly doesn't help her heal.

But OP, if your husband can't give you the support you need -- if your feelings aren't important enough to him to make him change his behavior -- then yes I think your marriage is over. No sense spending your whole life with that person. Good luck!

The problem is that she's looking to blame him for the disease. And that's just not fair. It's common and honestly her purity on her wedding day has nothing to do with it.

Now, granted the DH isn't winning any compassion awards, but she's not going to be able to really communicate with him until she stops trying to blame him for the disease.

How does her purity on her wedding day have nothing to do with it? OP is basically saying above she wasn't even really kissing anyone before she got married. In that case, didn't she contract HPV from her husband? Sure, it's common. But it's not like she got it from her cat, or from a doorknob.

It is causing her a lot of trouble, emotion, and pain, and I think it is not wrong of OP to want her husband to acknowledge his part in it and give her emotional support.

[Anonymous]

OP -- you may want to talk with another OB, just to see what all the options and possibilities are. And your husband is feeling guilty but expressing it immaturely.

[Anonymous]

OP, it would bother me a lot too. Basically you are paying the price for him sleeping around.

It would bother me that I saved myself while he banged chicks.

Thus, I never waited until marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand...he's pressing for a baby, but he knows that your doctor recommended against it for now?

Sounds like a jerk with this interpretation.

Sex before marriage, she had a choice. If he was cheating, that is a deal breaker.

Most people have hpv. It is only a certain strain ( or a couple) that causes cancer. The majority DO NOT cause cancer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It just kills me that I waited for no reason. What was the point?

First, that was YOUR choice because of your religion. I also wanted to wait for marriage and when that did not seem likely, I slept with my first boyfriend. A year later we were married. He told me he was clean before we had sex. He was. Your fault for waiting, so blame yourself and your religion.

As for not having him tested, again, you take some responsibility for that.

As for him being unsupportive, he is a jerk. I do not see how your marriage can survive w someone that inconsiderate. Maybe he was not paying attention when the priest said " in sickness..."

You need counseling. If he refuses to go, get a lawyer and divorce him. A marriage will not work if one person does not want it to / is not willing to work on it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Is he fully aware of the seriousness? He maybe be hearing "pre-cancer" and thinking, "OK, so it's not cancer, no big deal."

You might be onto something here.

Anonymous wrote:

tl;dr: Make sure he's fully informed, call him on his unsupportive behavior, and let him off the hook for the HPV.

I feel like I am. Conservative Catholic, as I said above.

Sorry, quoted the wrong part. I feel like soiled goods.

You need help to cure you of your Catholicism. At the least join the Methodists.

FOLKS, if this is not a strong case against organized conservative religion, I don't know what is.

Such a brain wash!! Look at this poor woman struggling with these absurd thoughts.

Get help, and please make sure it is not through your church or ANYONE associated with it.

[Anonymous]

Her absurd thoughts have nothing to do with her religion.

Signed-
HPV+ Catholic before marriage

[Anonymous]

Since you are so Catholic, OP, I'm not sure how you can be thinking divorce, since true Catholics aren't allowed to get divorced (and certainly not supposed to think about it as a first resort).

I thinking your marriage is likely over because of your behavior. You are trying to martyr yourself over your virginity at marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Her absurd thoughts have nothing to do with her religion.

Signed-
HPV+ Catholic before marriage

soiled goods? OK. Whatever you say.

[Anonymous]

BTDT have the tshirt. Ask your gyn-onco whether a cerclage would help you carry a baby to term. Also, my gyn-onco wasn't wild about me getting pregnant (since estrogen spikes can trigger HPV dysplasia) but she said I could take 9 months off treatment as long as I returned after I had the baby (and had paps during pregnancy).

[Anonymous]

First, I agree with everyone that HPV, and LEEP. not a big deal. you should also remember that every sexual experience and relationship your husband had before you made him the man you fell in love with. Ask him for more compassion, but stop blaming him for the past