Men: do brains make up for lack of looks?

[Anonymous]

OP, Isn't there some sort of HYP matchmaking service in DC? Perhaps you should try that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sexual enthusiasm makes up for a lot when it comes to a woman's lack of physical attractiveness. Being "smart" (I'm assuming book smart - there are a variety of kinds of intelligence) doesn't do much.

I agree with the first part, but not so much the second. For all that sex is critical, it occupies less than 5% of the time we spend together...being with someone at the same intellectual level - and that means being intellectually curious, not just a type-A grinder/grade-monger, so "Ivy League" is no guarantee - is pretty key to me.

There is an old saying, "for every hot woman out there, there is at least one guy who is tired of fucking her". This is true; I've gotten to fuck some quite hot women in my life, but being smart is actually more important.

The problem is a lot of women with weight issues are also horribly self-conscious and rather than being enthusiastic are inhibited. OP says "not flirty" which I take to mean as shy, or perhaps...inhibited. OP - either join a gym and change your lifestyle eating habits or work up your outgoing, funny and sexually enthusaistic attitude. There are men who are more attracted to brains than abs and thigh gap....there are plenty of us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well, you have reduced the pool to such a small group (Ivy grad, good family, attracted to an obese person who can't flirt), that I think you may want to either pay for a matchmaker or accept that you will probably never marry (or even really date).

I'm going to go out on a limb and guess that Ivy League education didn't include any kind of serious statistics course!

/snark

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

LSE?

Monica Lewinski's school!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I will be the first to admit that I am fat. I'm 5'4" and 200 lbs and the thinnest I've ever been is 185 lbs. I have never really attracted men. However, I went to HYP for undergrad and then Harvard Business School for my MBA, and now make a very nice living as a consultant. I have a wide circle of friends and am very well liked, and I know I'm smart. I've never really been able to attract men, however, because of how I look and because I can't really flirt.

I want to marry a man who has an Ivy League background and comes from a good family. I think that with my brains and career success and social network, I should look like attractive girlfriend material for a successful man. Will they be able to see past my weight? (Don't talk to me about weight loss - I've been down that road a million times, and now I've just decided to accept that I'm fat and the fat is here to stay.)

Describes my SIL and she has been married for 30 years.

[Anonymous]

I think you are thinking too much like a man. That is if you were a man with those credentials you would have plenty of choices. But what you see as positives is in general are negatives to over come. Harvard MBA: most men like to be the smart one. Overweight: most men are visual. Ivy only: those guys have many many choices.
So if you truly want to get married, you will have to understand that society has not changed that much.
Use what you have: high income (presumably) hope you are still young? And look for a man who will love you despite the drawbacks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just don't get the ivy league requirement. My brother graduated from Brown with all As and Bs. He makes under 70k. I have a best friend who went to Colby and works in finance and makes around 200k and who knows what will happen to his success once he graduates from NYU next year.

I'm assuming OP equated ivy league with success and intelligence, but I have seen many examples disproving that assumption. I just don't get it.

Anonymous wrote:Agree pp. I went to school with a guy who went to Cornell, now he lives at home with his mom because he can't seem to keep a job.

I agree. My dad went to HYP, including an MBA from Harvard, and had one disastrous endeavor after another for his entire career.

There are all kinds of studies that support these anecdotes, as well.

I think the median income in the country is around $45,000. I know DC is more affluent, but some of the expectations on this board are pretty high.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will be the first to admit that I am fat. I'm 5'4" and 200 lbs and the thinnest I've ever been is 185 lbs. I have never really attracted men. However, I went to HYP for undergrad and then Harvard Business School for my MBA, and now make a very nice living as a consultant. I have a wide circle of friends and am very well liked, and I know I'm smart. I've never really been able to attract men, however, because of how I look and because I can't really flirt.

I want to marry a man who has an Ivy League background and comes from a good family. I think that with my brains and career success and social network, I should look like attractive girlfriend material for a successful man. Will they be able to see past my weight? (Don't talk to me about weight loss - I've been down that road a million times, and now I've just decided to accept that I'm fat and the fat is here to stay.)

Describes my SIL and she has been married for 30 years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will be the first to admit that I am fat. I'm 5'4" and 200 lbs and the thinnest I've ever been is 185 lbs. I have never really attracted men. However, I went to HYP for undergrad and then Harvard Business School for my MBA, and now make a very nice living as a consultant. I have a wide circle of friends and am very well liked, and I know I'm smart. I've never really been able to attract men, however, because of how I look and because I can't really flirt.

I want to marry a man who has an Ivy League background and comes from a good family. I think that with my brains and career success and social network, I should look like attractive girlfriend material for a successful man. Will they be able to see past my weight? (Don't talk to me about weight loss - I've been down that road a million times, and now I've just decided to accept that I'm fat and the fat is here to stay.)

Describes my SIL and she has been married for 30 years.

She got married in 1984, times have changed a little bit since then.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will be the first to admit that I am fat. I'm 5'4" and 200 lbs and the thinnest I've ever been is 185 lbs. I have never really attracted men. However, I went to HYP for undergrad and then Harvard Business School for my MBA, and now make a very nice living as a consultant. I have a wide circle of friends and am very well liked, and I know I'm smart. I've never really been able to attract men, however, because of how I look and because I can't really flirt.

I want to marry a man who has an Ivy League background and comes from a good family. I think that with my brains and career success and social network, I should look like attractive girlfriend material for a successful man. Will they be able to see past my weight? (Don't talk to me about weight loss - I've been down that road a million times, and now I've just decided to accept that I'm fat and the fat is here to stay.)

Describes my SIL and she has been married for 30 years.

She got married in 1984, times have changed a little bit since then.

Right, in the 1980's, men were all about dating obese women.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will be the first to admit that I am fat. I'm 5'4" and 200 lbs and the thinnest I've ever been is 185 lbs. I have never really attracted men. However, I went to HYP for undergrad and then Harvard Business School for my MBA, and now make a very nice living as a consultant. I have a wide circle of friends and am very well liked, and I know I'm smart. I've never really been able to attract men, however, because of how I look and because I can't really flirt.

I want to marry a man who has an Ivy League background and comes from a good family. I think that with my brains and career success and social network, I should look like attractive girlfriend material for a successful man. Will they be able to see past my weight? (Don't talk to me about weight loss - I've been down that road a million times, and now I've just decided to accept that I'm fat and the fat is here to stay.)

Describes my SIL and she has been married for 30 years.

She got married in 1984, times have changed a little bit since then.

Right, in the 1980's, men were all about dating obese women.

In 1984, Ivies were easier to get into, and she probably wasn't fat 30 years ago (god, none of us were).

[Anonymous]

Jesus Christ, you all are a bunch if psychopaths, being unnecessarily cruel to OP for your own pleasure.

OP- I am am overweight woman and I am married to an Ivy League man. They are out there, you just need to believe you deserve it as much as anyone else. Don't listen to these sad people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Jesus Christ, you all are a bunch if psychopaths, being unnecessarily cruel to OP for your own pleasure.

OP- I am am overweight woman and I am married to an Ivy League man. They are out there, you just need to believe you deserve it as much as anyone else. Don't listen to these sad people.

What does "deserve it" mean? How overweight are you, OP has identified herself as obese.

I find it kind of sad that OP with her Harvard, Ivy League, Training couldn't figure out the answer to her question independent of this forum, "do brains make up for lack of looks?"

[Anonymous]

Admit it OP, you don't like me all that much.

[Anonymous]

*men