Men: do brains make up for lack of looks?

[Anonymous]

Sure, brains can make up for lack of looks. But I think in your case the problems is that they have to make up for 1. looks and 2. a terrible, elitist attitude. That's a lot to make up for. I hope you're a real genius.

[Anonymous]

200 lbs is not that fat. I know plenty of women that size who have lots of dates and get married. (I got married to an Ivy Leaguer when I was about 175 lbs, but he was bald.) The fact that you don't really date much probably has more to do with the way you are projecting and carrying yourself. Whoever said it's attitude had it right. I would suggest dating outside of the Ivy League to get some experience and confidence, and maybe even find love if you're open to it.

Also, not to pile on, but sometimes when women have stringent requirements like your Ivy League ultimatum, they're really afraid of rejection.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Here is a difference between men and women:

A highly-educated, successful woman is usually not interested in a man who is less educated and doesn't have a great career.

A highly-educated, successful man is much less likely to expect his partner to have a near-equal, or above, level of attainment. Men just aren't wired to have expectations of "success" from women. A physically unattractive woman with an MBA from Harvard is less interesting to a man than a cutie who works at Starbucks.

Most ivy educated, successful guys are going to want a women whose looks and personality are commensurate with what he regards as his level of success.

OP, if you insist on an ivy educated man, you are probably going to have to look for a man who is older and just wants a companion.

Yep - And given the job market that cutie at Starbucks more and more often is college educated and/or interesting so it isn't like we are comparing HBS alum vs. high school dropout. The last starbucks hottie I dated was college educated and was a fantastic companion at galleries, film festivals, and museums given her knowledge and background. That made her way more interesting than a battle-axe that can do DCF or other valuation analyses, read financial statements, do swot/4 p's/5 forces/growth-share matrix consulting BS, etc.

It is sexier to be able to talk about Modigliani than Michael Porter.

The other starbucks barista i've been with was in a ski town - ultra fun and down to earth woman that was a bit older but dropped out of college and ski-ed/boarded whenever she wasn't working. Once again - much cooler and interesting and NOT a dullard.

resume-elite women, if they want to be less 'frustrated' need to expand their dating pool as much as resume-elite men - you would think book-smart women would understand markets and supply/demand intuitively.

[Anonymous]

Well, I guess I am not good enough for you. College from a large state university, grad school at another. PhD in hard sciences. And I am fat too (6-2, 260).

[Anonymous]

As a man, if I have a choice between a smoking hot dud (between the ears) and a *slightly* overweight, but still cute, braniac, I'm taking the braniac any day. But this only goes so far.

Men basically can't get past a lack of physical attraction. It's just how we're wired. Most men will not date someone that they are not physically attracted to just because she has an ivy league degree. You don't have to be a Victoria's secret model, but there has to be something.

I understand not trying to be physically perfect, but you'd really have better luck if you got yourself to the point where you were merely pleasantly plump.

Sorry if that seems harsh, but I think most honest men will agree.

[Anonymous]

I'm an Ivy-pedigreed woman, like so many others in this area, and I've never thought that would make me attractive to men. I'm very aware that what makes me attractive to men is how I look, how I dress, how I carry myself, how I engage with people, how I flirt, and, yes, my ability to make converstion.

If you can't work on any of those other traits or behaviors, your intellect and educational pedigree alone will do absolutely nothing.

[Anonymous]

OP - woman here and you are too picky. I'd say you are too picky even if you were 110lb, 5'9" and with a body to die for.

I am an Ivy League graduate who married another Ivy League graduate. You know how? I went to an Ivy and met him there. In fact, most of the men I dated in college were, due to sheer proximity and availability, Ivy League grads-to-be. Once you are out of school, their percentage in any large city distills to a small percentage of the general population. To limit your dating criteria to a small (and somewhat meaningless – I’ve met plenty of people as smart or smarter than me and my college friends who never did set foot near an Ivy) subset is not a good dating strategy. I can certainly understand limiting your dating pool to successful and/or well-educated and/or smart men, but why on earth would you limit it to only Ivy League grads? They are a tiny subset of a population and a lot of them are already married or otherwise unavailable (too old, too young, not interested in your gender, moved to Sri Lanka, whatever). Throw in the fact that you confess you are fat, not toned, and do not know how to flirt, and the amount of Ivy League grads with good families who would want to date you is vanishingly small.

A percentage of men who are smart and successful and who come from good families, who also either do not care about looks or are attracted to fat women is not a huge percentage of the available American male population to start with. With your self-imposed limitations of Ivy League, I think you’d have better luck finding a unicorn.

[Anonymous]

I know plenty of guys who date and marry heavier women, and these women generally have great personalities. But I think you might be narrowing your pool a little too much. There is a smaller pool of men who will overlook your weight, and a smaller pool of ivy-league men. The two may intersect in a very small pool. You should broaden your horizons a bit and consider very smart guys who went to non-ivy schools. I've got a very high IQ and went to good undergrad and grad schools and have never had issues with dating guys who graduated from state schools or random private schools.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know plenty of guys who date and marry heavier women, and these women generally have great personalities. But I think you might be narrowing your pool a little too much. There is a smaller pool of men who will overlook your weight, and a smaller pool of ivy-league men. The two may intersect in a very small pool. You should broaden your horizons a bit and consider very smart guys who went to non-ivy schools. I've got a very high IQ and went to good undergrad and grad schools and have never had issues with dating guys who graduated from state schools or random private schools.

Don't look at us. We don't want her, either.

/Signed,

a Unicorn

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know plenty of guys who date and marry heavier women, and these women generally have great personalities. But I think you might be narrowing your pool a little too much. There is a smaller pool of men who will overlook your weight, and a smaller pool of ivy-league men. The two may intersect in a very small pool. You should broaden your horizons a bit and consider very smart guys who went to non-ivy schools. I've got a very high IQ and went to good undergrad and grad schools and have never had issues with dating guys who graduated from state schools or random private schools.

I suspect that OP doesn't have a great personality so she's fishing in a teeny pool.

[Anonymous]

[Anonymous]

OP you're overweight and have an elitist attitude - men aren't going to break the sound barrier trying to win your affections. You need to be more aggressive and go get your precious Ivy League stud if that's what you want.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The problem is that you're hoping men won't be shallow for only wanting to date a thin women while you're just as shallow for only wanting to date a many with an Ivy League degree...

+1 from the threads on here it seems to be hard enough to meet a good quality single man in general, and wanting to meet someone from an ivy and a "good family" really narrows it. I would say your chances aren't great, and I am not considering your weight when I say this. Lots of overweight people are coupled off and married, your bigger obstacle is your elitism. Would you be willing to date an ivy-educated man who is overweight?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The problem is that you're hoping men won't be shallow for only wanting to date a thin women while you're just as shallow for only wanting to date a many with an Ivy League degree...

+1 from the threads on here it seems to be hard enough to meet a good quality single man in general, and wanting to meet someone from an ivy and a "good family" really narrows it. I would say your chances aren't great, and I am not considering your weight when I say this. Lots of overweight people are coupled off and married, your bigger obstacle is your elitism. Would you be willing to date an ivy-educated man who is overweight?

OP said that she is OK with fat guys, just as long as they are ivy educated.

If she dropped the education requirements and dated fat guys from more modest backgrounds, she might have a chance.

[Anonymous]

What about fat girls