H is not happy with sex only once a week

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You're still overlooking the fact that repeatedly declining sex is hurtful. It really sucks to do all the above and still not be wanted by the person you love. It completely sucks, and sugar-coating it is bulllshit. Yes, compromise is still needed, but let's not pretend like rejection feels great or isn't harmful to your relationship.

You choose to be hurt by it. You choose to take it personally. You are making a choice to interpret it that way. You can choose to look at it differently.

Maybe therapy is an option.

Nope, no need for therapy for a perfectly normal reaction. I'm telling you how it feels. You're welcome to convince yourself it feels great, but that doesn't make it true. If you read other threads, you'd see this is a common response.

I will never again try to stay with a low drive partner. I was tired of feeling unattractive and lonely without the intimacy. Life is too short for that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I find it sad how many people on here seem to think it's okay to drive your husband away because he wants sex.

Sex isn't a power play in a relationship. It's something you give freely out of love and desire. It's a gift of intimacy that you give to your partner, but not one that you wield over their heads because they did to help you do the dishes or bathe the kids. It's an experience that is shared mutually. You don't lose by giving it.

It also doesn't require you to be in the rare mood that happens when Venus aligns with Pluto on a Saturday during the equinox and it happened to be the day he trailed petals of flowers in hall all the way to the perfectly filled and candlelit bubble bath. It only requires you wanting to give to your partner something only you can give them (well, alternative lifestyles notwithstanding). It requires you wanting to connect on a level that you don't share with anyone else on the planet. .. One that has no secrets, no shame, and is purely about pleasure.

OP, this man is saying that he finds YOU to be the most beautiful, erotic thing he sets his eyes on. He wants to pleasure you, and have you pleasure him. He doesn't want you to just be the gal who makes his lunch and does his laundry. What is he negative in that AT ALL? You turn him in, and he wants to express that WITH YOU.

Things have been lean because of career absences, etc. maybe the pressures are off now. Enjoy it. He considers you to be a hot thing that he wants to get it on with. So get it on, before he turns that energy elsewhere and you are just the sandwich maker.

The problem w this statement is that perhaps he ISN'T making her feel desired. Just because he wants sex does not mean he is being romantic or loving.

I disagree w the poster who said maintenence sex. If you are not enjoying it, it becomes a chore and you will resent him. You both need to work on having enjoyable sex.

[Anonymous]

OP,

Do you enjoy sex w your DH?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You're still overlooking the fact that repeatedly declining sex is hurtful. It really sucks to do all the above and still not be wanted by the person you love. It completely sucks, and sugar-coating it is bulllshit. Yes, compromise is still needed, but let's not pretend like rejection feels great or isn't harmful to your relationship.

You choose to be hurt by it. You choose to take it personally. You are making a choice to interpret it that way. You can choose to look at it differently.

Maybe therapy is an option.

Nope, no need for therapy for a perfectly normal reaction. I'm telling you how it feels. You're welcome to convince yourself it feels great, but that doesn't make it true. If you read other threads, you'd see this is a common response.

I will never again try to stay with a low drive partner. I was tired of feeling unattractive and lonely without the intimacy. Life is too short for that.

Agreed. And I say this as a woman who has sex with my DH a few times a week. A sexless marriage would be a failed marriage for us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find it sad how many people on here seem to think it's okay to drive your husband away because he wants sex.

Sex isn't a power play in a relationship. It's something you give freely out of love and desire. It's a gift of intimacy that you give to your partner, but not one that you wield over their heads because they did to help you do the dishes or bathe the kids. It's an experience that is shared mutually. You don't lose by giving it.

It also doesn't require you to be in the rare mood that happens when Venus aligns with Pluto on a Saturday during the equinox and it happened to be the day he trailed petals of flowers in hall all the way to the perfectly filled and candlelit bubble bath. It only requires you wanting to give to your partner something only you can give them (well, alternative lifestyles notwithstanding). It requires you wanting to connect on a level that you don't share with anyone else on the planet. .. One that has no secrets, no shame, and is purely about pleasure.

OP, this man is saying that he finds YOU to be the most beautiful, erotic thing he sets his eyes on. He wants to pleasure you, and have you pleasure him. He doesn't want you to just be the gal who makes his lunch and does his laundry. What is he negative in that AT ALL? You turn him in, and he wants to express that WITH YOU.

Things have been lean because of career absences, etc. maybe the pressures are off now. Enjoy it. He considers you to be a hot thing that he wants to get it on with. So get it on, before he turns that energy elsewhere and you are just the sandwich maker.

[b]The problem w this statement is that perhaps he ISN'T making her feel desired. Just because he wants sex does not mean he is being romantic or loving. [/b][b]

I disagree w the poster who said maintenence sex. If you are not enjoying it, it becomes a chore and you will resent him. You both need to work on having enjoyable sex.

And my problem with this statement is- why is the impetus on the man to make his partner feel loved first? He may feel unloved due to the rejection of his sexual advances. He's trying to express love, and she isn't reciprocating it. Maybe to feel more romantic, he needs to connect through more sex. Why is it the preening of the female is the necessary first?

Sex isn't about keeping some kind of score.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You're still overlooking the fact that repeatedly declining sex is hurtful. It really sucks to do all the above and still not be wanted by the person you love. It completely sucks, and sugar-coating it is bulllshit. Yes, compromise is still needed, but let's not pretend like rejection feels great or isn't harmful to your relationship.

You choose to be hurt by it. You choose to take it personally. You are making a choice to interpret it that way. You can choose to look at it differently.

Maybe therapy is an option.

Nope, no need for therapy for a perfectly normal reaction. I'm telling you how it feels. You're welcome to convince yourself it feels great, but that doesn't make it true. If you read other threads, you'd see this is a common response.

I will never again try to stay with a low drive partner. I was tired of feeling unattractive and lonely without the intimacy. Life is too short for that.

You put a lot of words in people's mouths. I didn't say it "felt great." I said that you choose to view it as rejection, rather than viewing it as her response or the way she is. If she is low drive, it's not that she doesn't want you. It's that she doesn't want sex right now. If you take that personally, then you are going to have a problem.

I'm sure it's a common response. People do all sorts of things that are unhealthy for themselves psychologically or physically, but common.

I'm not surprised that you are not with a low drive partner. If you can't adjust your attitude, and she can't compromise and make an effort, then divorce is the only option.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find it sad how many people on here seem to think it's okay to drive your husband away because he wants sex.

Sex isn't a power play in a relationship. It's something you give freely out of love and desire. It's a gift of intimacy that you give to your partner, but not one that you wield over their heads because they did to help you do the dishes or bathe the kids. It's an experience that is shared mutually. You don't lose by giving it.

It also doesn't require you to be in the rare mood that happens when Venus aligns with Pluto on a Saturday during the equinox and it happened to be the day he trailed petals of flowers in hall all the way to the perfectly filled and candlelit bubble bath. It only requires you wanting to give to your partner something only you can give them (well, alternative lifestyles notwithstanding). It requires you wanting to connect on a level that you don't share with anyone else on the planet. .. One that has no secrets, no shame, and is purely about pleasure.

OP, this man is saying that he finds YOU to be the most beautiful, erotic thing he sets his eyes on. He wants to pleasure you, and have you pleasure him. He doesn't want you to just be the gal who makes his lunch and does his laundry. What is he negative in that AT ALL? You turn him in, and he wants to express that WITH YOU.

Things have been lean because of career absences, etc. maybe the pressures are off now. Enjoy it. He considers you to be a hot thing that he wants to get it on with. So get it on, before he turns that energy elsewhere and you are just the sandwich maker.

[b]The problem w this statement is that perhaps he ISN'T making her feel desired. Just because he wants sex does not mean he is being romantic or loving. [/b]

I disagree w the poster who said maintenence sex. If you are not enjoying it, it becomes a chore and you will resent him. You both need to work on having enjoyable sex.

And my problem with this statement is- why is the impetus on the man to make his partner feel loved first? He may feel unloved due to the rejection of his sexual advances. He's trying to express love, and she isn't reciprocating it. Maybe to feel more romantic, he needs to connect through more sex. [b]Why is it the preening of the female is the necessary first?

Sex isn't about keeping some kind of score.

Men have quick to fire sex drives. Women have slow burn sex drives. Look at the porn they consume. Men look at short clips and visual images. Fast, quick, wham, bam, thank you ma'am porn. Women read 300+ page romance novels that include plot, character development and sex.

If you want more sex, then you need to make it more enjoyable for her. If you want to sit around whine about how unfair it is, then do without.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You're still overlooking the fact that repeatedly declining sex is hurtful. It really sucks to do all the above and still not be wanted by the person you love. It completely sucks, and sugar-coating it is bulllshit. Yes, compromise is still needed, but let's not pretend like rejection feels great or isn't harmful to your relationship.

You choose to be hurt by it. You choose to take it personally. You are making a choice to interpret it that way. You can choose to look at it differently.

Maybe therapy is an option.

Nope, no need for therapy for a perfectly normal reaction. I'm telling you how it feels. You're welcome to convince yourself it feels great, but that doesn't make it true. If you read other threads, you'd see this is a common response.

I will never again try to stay with a low drive partner. I was tired of feeling unattractive and lonely without the intimacy. Life is too short for that.

You put a lot of words in people's mouths. I didn't say it "felt great." I said that you choose to view it as rejection, rather than viewing it as her response or the way she is. If she is low drive, it's not that she doesn't want you. It's that she doesn't want sex right now. If you take that personally, then you are going to have a problem.

I'm sure it's a common response. People do all sorts of things that are unhealthy for themselves psychologically or physically, but common.

I'm not surprised that you are not with a low drive partner. If you can't adjust your attitude, and she can't compromise and make an effort, then divorce is the only option.

I'm a woman.

It's not an attitude problem or whining. It's an emotional and physical need.

[Anonymous]

The lower sex drive person will ALWAYS perceive sexual communication/advances as whining.

If she's a SAHM, then tell her she's whining when she wants some money unless, of course, along with your chastity cage, she has full access to finances.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You're still overlooking the fact that repeatedly declining sex is hurtful. It really sucks to do all the above and still not be wanted by the person you love. It completely sucks, and sugar-coating it is bulllshit. Yes, compromise is still needed, but let's not pretend like rejection feels great or isn't harmful to your relationship.

You choose to be hurt by it. You choose to take it personally. You are making a choice to interpret it that way. You can choose to look at it differently.

Maybe therapy is an option.

Nope, no need for therapy for a perfectly normal reaction. I'm telling you how it feels. You're welcome to convince yourself it feels great, but that doesn't make it true. If you read other threads, you'd see this is a common response.

I will never again try to stay with a low drive partner. I was tired of feeling unattractive and lonely without the intimacy. Life is too short for that.

Low drive partners suck ass. Oh, wait, no they don't...

[Anonymous]

It's whining. Other people are not obligated to fulfill your physical and emotional needs.

Turn it around. You are expecting that person to have sex with you, even when they don't feel it and don't enjoy and don't want to. This is a huge imposition and feels emotionally gross. It's an emotional and physical need for that person to have sex less often than you want it. You are demanding that they abandon their physical and emotional needs to fulfill yours. You are bitching about it when they don't. That's super-whiney.

A mismatch couple either has to come to a compromise or divorce. You clearly think your needs trump your partner's needs, so divorce was the only option.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The lower sex drive person will ALWAYS perceive sexual communication/advances as whining.

If she's a SAHM, then tell her she's whining when she wants some money unless, of course, along with your chastity cage, she has full access to finances.

You kind of hate women, don't you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The lower sex drive person will ALWAYS perceive sexual communication/advances as whining.

If she's a SAHM, then tell her she's whining when she wants some money unless, of course, along with your chastity cage, she has full access to finances.

You kind of hate women, don't you?

There's no hate there. He is providing. She has a place to live. Food. Clothes. Shelter. A car. Why does she need EXTRA money? That's just whining.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's whining. Other people are not obligated to fulfill your physical and emotional needs.

Turn it around. You are expecting that person to have sex with you, even when they don't feel it and don't enjoy and don't want to. This is a huge imposition and feels emotionally gross. It's an emotional and physical need for that person to have sex less often than you want it. You are demanding that they abandon their physical and emotional needs to fulfill yours. You are bitching about it when they don't. That's super-whiney.

A mismatch couple either has to come to a compromise or divorce. You clearly think your needs trump your partner's needs, so divorce was the only option.

If my emotional needs don't matter to my partner, what's the point in trying to continue a relationship? If someone didn't care about my need to be treated with respect, my response would be the same.

Low drive partners aren't upfront about their needs, in my experience. I always make it clear early on how important a healthy sex life and intimacy is to me. I feel lied to if they unilaterally decide it just isn't important anymore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The lower sex drive person will ALWAYS perceive sexual communication/advances as whining.

If she's a SAHM, then tell her she's whining when she wants some money unless, of course, along with your chastity cage, she has full access to finances.

You kind of hate women, don't you?

There's no hate there. He is providing. She has a place to live. Food. Clothes. Shelter. A car. Why does she need EXTRA money? That's just whining.

Who's talking about money? Why does that matter in a couple's sex life?