H is not happy with sex only once a week

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Add in a quickie one way - once or twice a week. Save the full on no holes barred for once a week.

Lol.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Any indication that he maybe has already strayed? Or that someone else may have reignited his drive?

Yes, this. He's setting you up for failure and giving himself an excuse to leave for his new plaything. His sex drive didn't kick in overnight with no reason.

[Anonymous]

Career related absences? What the fuck is that? And counseling!? What the hell for?

You ALREADY have your answer! Your husband wants to fuck you more often! Get it together. Think about all the lonely women who can barely get their husbands to look at them while you've got a husband basically begging to give it to you more often.

Such much of what's wrong with women is that so many think counseling is the answer to very simple issues. Ridiculous. Either have sex with the man or tell him you aren't interested and let him go on his merry way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Career related absences? What the fuck is that? And counseling!? What the hell for?

You ALREADY have your answer! Your husband wants to fuck you more often! Get it together. Think about all the lonely women who can barely get their husbands to look at them while you've got a husband basically begging to give it to you more often.

Such much of what's wrong with women is that so many think counseling is the answer to very simple issues. Ridiculous. Either have sex with the man or tell him you aren't interested and let him go on his merry way.

Wow, this is really terrible advice.

[Anonymous]

I am not married so I do not know what is the "norm" when it comes to married sex, but what bothers me here is that your husband is basically handling this all the wrong way.

He is giving you an ultimatum, saying he will go looking for sex outside the marriage if you do not have more sex w/him which is in a sense, going against his marital vows to you. It seems like he is manipulating you w/a power trip + this is not going to solve the problem. In fact, it may have the opposite effect on things, it may even make the situation much worse.

What needs to be addressed here is why you are not willing to have more intimate relations w/your spouse. There is something going on w/you deep down, whether it be emotional or physical, I strongly suggest you seek outside assistance to determine just what could be making you feel this way.

Your husband should be patient as well as supportive of you as you try to figure out what exactly is bothering you now.

Instead he is playing mind games w/your emotions and making it all about him.

Perhaps the problem lies within your home. Perhaps it is your husband. Maybe you just do not like him as a person anymore (who could blame you?!) and that is carrying into the bedroom.....

[Anonymous]

He may have approached you wrong with the threat, but I suspect you're leaving a LOT out, such as plenty of sex discussions and plenty of finger pointing by you, telling him he's selfish, or sex isn't that big a deal, or he doesn't NEED it that much. I can't imagine I'm wrong here. you have created the problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He may have approached you wrong with the threat, but I suspect you're leaving a LOT out, such as plenty of sex discussions and plenty of finger pointing by you, telling him he's selfish, or sex isn't that big a deal, or he doesn't NEED it that much. I can't imagine I'm wrong here. you have created the problem.

+100 first sane response here.

[Anonymous]

Why do so many people think it is so easy to have sex when you have no desire to?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why do so many people think it is so easy to have sex when you have no desire to?

The question is why doesn't she have more desire, and why does he suddenly have more. Aside from the few people saying just do it more, the issue, as a PP addressed, is why has this situation arisen. As they also indicated, there's no way to know what happened to change the dynamic, so the thread turns into a man v woman thing; he a jerk, she's frigid. The solution to the conflict clearly lay in it's genesis, and until OP clarifies that, she's just looking for moral support.

[Anonymous]

I could have written OP's post except for one minor difference. I am no longer interested in sex WITH my husband at all because he is a boorish selfish man. I do once a week while I am waiting for him to give me an ultimatum and, hopefully, leave.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do so many people think it is so easy to have sex when you have no desire to?

The question is why doesn't she have more desire, and why does he suddenly have more. Aside from the few people saying just do it more, the issue, as a PP addressed, is why has this situation arisen. As they also indicated, there's no way to know what happened to change the dynamic, so the thread turns into a man v woman thing; he a jerk, she's frigid. The solution to the conflict clearly lay in it's genesis, and until OP clarifies that, she's just looking for moral support.

I guarantee he doesn't suddenly want it more. Maybe he's hit a realization he's getting older. Maybe he doesn't want ED by the time his wife is ready to have more sex. Nobody is guaranteed to be healthy enough for sex their entire lives and it's a shame to waste the healthy years with a sexual dud. Honestly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Any indication that he maybe has already strayed? Or that someone else may have reignited his drive?

Yes, this. He's setting you up for failure and giving himself an excuse to leave for his new plaything. His sex drive didn't kick in overnight with no reason.

This is a dumb response. His sex drive never waned. He's stuck with a dead fish. Probably tired of spanking it to porn out of necessity. If he were happy with a side piece, there'd be no threat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why do so many people think it is so easy to have sex when you have no desire to?

It's not easy to get your sex drive up, but it's lazy and selfish not to try. It's not much of a partnership if one half unilaterally decides on the frequency.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Any indication that he maybe has already strayed? Or that someone else may have reignited his drive?

Yes, this. He's setting you up for failure and giving himself an excuse to leave for his new plaything. His sex drive didn't kick in overnight with no reason.

This is a dumb response. His sex drive never waned. He's stuck with a dead fish. Probably tired of spanking it to porn out of necessity. If he were happy with a side piece, there'd be no threat.

I am very conservative in my beliefs, but seriously, if one spouse has a much lower sex drive than the other, what is wrong with allowing them to have a lover outside the marriage as long as that lover is not a threat to the marriage ending? My friends and family would be shocked if they knew I felt this way, but you only live once and if expressing yourself sexually with another person is of importance, why should that person be denied?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do so many people think it is so easy to have sex when you have no desire to?

The question is why doesn't she have more desire, and why does he suddenly have more. Aside from the few people saying just do it more, the issue, as a PP addressed, is why has this situation arisen. As they also indicated, there's no way to know what happened to change the dynamic, so the thread turns into a man v woman thing; he a jerk, she's frigid. The solution to the conflict clearly lay in it's genesis, and until OP clarifies that, she's just looking for moral support.

I guarantee he doesn't suddenly want it more. Maybe he's hit a realization he's getting older. Maybe he doesn't want ED by the time his wife is ready to have more sex. Nobody is guaranteed to be healthy enough for sex their entire lives and it's a shame to waste the healthy years with a sexual dud. Honestly.

This is basically the dynamic that led to me rocking the boat in our increasingly sexless marriage. I didn't threaten infidelity or anything ham-fisted like that. But, when the sex dropped off steeply as my wife was pregnant and then with little kids, I didn't say anything because I figured that would be selfish -- pregnancy is hard, little kids are hard. But when our youngest was 6 and in school and the sex didn't get any more frequent, I told my wife I was unhappy about that. In the short term, I think that conversation made our sex life even worse because now she felt like she was being pressured into sex and that made her feel even less sexy. But, longer term, it's helped somewhat - I got a vasectomy, she got her hormonal IUD out. Intellectually, she thinks we ought to be having sex at least once a week. As a practical matter, that's the high end with most months being 2-3 times. And she seems to enjoy those times more than she was when it was a once a month event -- her enjoyment might come from me not being as much of a passive aggressive, grumpy piece of shit because I was only getting laid once a month and felt like I was an asshole for bringing it up.

My renewed sense of urgency had to do with aging - along with the fact that I'd let *plenty* of time go by due to respect for the difficulties of pregnancy and toddlers. Probably I will hit an age where sex becomes physically much more difficult. I want to get some good sex in before that happens. Fortunately for us, I'm not crazy high drive either -- I think 2x per week would be ideal for me. If we can hit her stated 1/week goal - with good, non-quickie sessions twice a month - I'll be pretty content.

Obviously I can't speak to OP's husband's state of mind. I think he crossed a line with the "I'll cheat" threat. But that ought to be at least a nagging, if unstated, concern of every spouse who isn't inclined to make efforts to accommodate their husband or wife's unmet, higher sex drive.