Forum Index
»
Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)
Do I Tell My Husband's Mistress's Husband About the Affair?
![[Post New]](/jforum/templates/default/images/icon_minipost_new.gif){kind=icon}
Anonymous
|
I would tell him and if he's hot I'd bang him.
Just kidding about the last part but that would be great revenge. |
Anonymous
| I would tell. |
Anonymous
Yup. People who place blame on the non cheater are idiots. |
Anonymous
I did attend preschool, where we learned about tattle tales. Does that count? |
Anonymous
Actually, it is her story to tell. The other woman was sleeping with her husband for three years. Once you sleep with my husband, you are my business. And once you are my business, your husband not being deceived the way I've been is my business. Cheaters rely on the idea that other people don;t want to get involved. It's what lets them perpetuate their deceptions. Telling someone what his wife has been doing isn't invading his private life, it's informing him of he reality of his private life. He can then stay pr leave as he pleases. Just ell the woman's husband once, in the most respectful way you can think of. Don't get emotional, and stick to the facts you know. |
Anonymous
I remember being told not to tattle unless someone is actually getting seriously hurt. Here, the great likelihood is that the deceived spouse is getting seriously hurt. Really, people make decisions throughout their lives based on their faith in their partners. Choices about kids, jobs, where to live, everything. I'd be really pissed if someone knew that my DH was cheating on me for three years and didn't tell me. Three years of my life wasted. Goodness knows none of us are getting younger, I shouldn't have to squander my time on a liar if someone can open my eyes to the truth. |
Anonymous
| If we barely know each other, MYOB. Leads to awkward conversations, but you know that. Boundaries. Find them. |
Anonymous
Yeah, I think the boundaries part is past when your significant other is fucking the other person's. |
Anonymous
Wow. |
Anonymous
I suppose if you want your husband's office to think you are unhinged and have the office believe the affair may have been justified because his wife is crazy. Look, affairs such and you have my sympathy OP. But they happen all the time and they are issues between the couple and no one else. Keep your dignity OP. |
Anonymous
|
If I were the mistress, I'd just deny it and tell my husband that OP is an unhinged woman who accuses other women of having an affair with her husband. Not difficult to do this and unless my husband has reasons to suspect me, he will totally believe it. So unless you have some proof to show the husband, I'd not go the route of telling. Of course, if the mistress wants out of her marriage she will likely just admit it.
I have a friend whose wife informed on the purported other woman's husband and her husband's boss telling the latter that when he is away from the office ostensibly on a work appointment he is actually having an affair. The woman denied it and her husband as well as the boss thought she was totally nuts. Now the truth is that I don't know whether he really was having an affair - and I never asked him because it was none of my business. Like I said you better have proof that his mistress was having an affair with your husband otherwise it will just make you appear unhinged. And as far as telling people at work, it will not matter one bit unless his performance was lacking. Lots of men and some women have affairs so it would not be a major revelation. I think the more pertinent point is what is so lacking in your relationship with your husband that he would have a relationship with another woman for three years? Not blaming you or him for what is wrong but obviously a sustained relationship with another woman for that long a period suggests something very wrong with your own relationship - three years is a long time and there are marriages that don't last that long. |
Anonymous
The tattle tale SHOULD get a large share of the blame. Wrap it up in whatever pretty bow you like "He deserves to know" or ""I'm just being honest," but the tattle tale is going out of her way to make sure that her husband's mistress gets hurt, consequences be damned to the other husband or the kids. The tattle tale doesn't care who else gets hurt or what other fall out there is, as long as the mistress is hurt, too. The tattle tale is acting out of sheer malice. If other people label her as a crazy bitch who might have deserved to be cheated on, that's because she's acting like a crazy bitch who probably deserved to be cheated on. |
Anonymous
If I knew someone was stealing from you, would it make me a tattle tale if I told you? Or if I knew who was vandalizing your house from time to time? Same deal. OP, don't tell his office, though. No upside for you there. They don't care; it isn't their problem, it is sadly yours alone. |
Anonymous
Snitches get stitches, or so I've been told. But when one is an adult, one must try to make principled decisions; to tell or not to tell is a difficult one, upon which reasonable people can disagree. If I were the cheated-upon spouse, I would want to be told. If I were a cheater, I would not want my spouse told. I think that says a lot. OP, I say do what is best for you; there are good arguments either way and no "right" answer here. If you are acting out of malice, probably better for you not to tell, but it does not sound like that is where you are; if you are doing it because you really feel the other spouse has a right to know, or if you are doing it to try to get your own marriage back under control, those reasons sound legitimate to me. |
Anonymous
|
If anything, tell the mistress and make her tell her husband, or you will.
And I REALLY wish people would stop using the word unhinged. Find a new word, people. It's stupid! |