Do I Tell My Husband's Mistress's Husband About the Affair?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think 'the high road' is to tell him.

+1 if this is all I did, then I think I would successfully had taken the high road.

He deserves to know and she deserves to be caught.

OP, just sending you a hug I'm so sorry you are dealing with this. He hasn't broken you. You are better and stronger than you think

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don't tell. Their issues are not your concern.

Jeez people,you talk about making sure a cheater doesn't "get away with it" like cheater. It's cheating, and while I don't condone it, it's a private issue. It's not like you are turning in a rapist. Lot's of people have cheated and gotten "away" with it and went back and raised children and lived happly ever after. I suppose we'd all be better off if we just broke up all families with cheaters, right?

i agree. The responses here are very typical and too simple minded. Sometimes, it's just better to MYOB. if the OW continues, the other guy will find out eventually.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would worry about myself and stay out of someone else's relationship. It's not your story to tell.

+1

I think it would be pretty shitty of you to break up another family for vengeance. That's what it really boils down to even if they did wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would worry about myself and stay out of someone else's relationship. It's not your story to tell.

+1

I think it would be pretty shitty of you to break up another family for vengeance. That's what it really boils down to even if they did wrong.

I would want to know. Telling isn't necessarily our I vengeance, but maybe out of kindness to the other spouse.

As others have said, I would decide what I want out of my marriage first. If it's done, go ahead. If you want your spouse and telling could complicate that, you should consider that.

[Anonymous]

I discovered my husband's affair when his mistress's husband discovered the affair and told me. I'm grateful. I don't care if it was spite or kindness that inspired the betrayed husband to contact me and I don't care. Now I can look in the mirror at myself and my husband, knowing the truth, and get on with my life.

[Anonymous]

If you want to keep your marriage, you should keep your mouth shut and handle your affairs as privately as possible.

If you want to divorce, sure, go ahead. Do whatever you want. You'll provide a lot of entertainment for the gossips and look like an idiot who couldn't keep her husband occupied and at home, but at least you will have had your revenge.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would worry about myself and stay out of someone else's relationship. It's not your story to tell.

+1

I think it would be pretty shitty of you to break up another family for vengeance. That's what it really boils down to even if they did wrong.

Yes, bc by telling it is OP who's 'breaking up another family'...please.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I discovered my husband's affair when his mistress's husband discovered the affair and told me. I'm grateful. I don't care if it was spite or kindness that inspired the betrayed husband to contact me and I don't care. Now I can look in the mirror at myself and my husband, knowing the truth, and get on with my life.

I'll add, after years of counseling to repair the wreckage, we're still together and our marriage is stronger than it's ever been. We understand each other now, we communicate better, we appreciate each other. He has faced his demons and he's a better man for it. We're better for it. I'm still a mess at times, and still hurting, but if I look objectively at our marriage, we were both miserable living this lie together. Now, with nothing to lose, we've discovered how to make a new life together. I have no idea how long the affair would have lasted, but it would have killed our marriage regardless had it persisted. In my experience, the truth is always a good thing, no matter how painful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would worry about myself and stay out of someone else's relationship. It's not your story to tell.

+1

I think it would be pretty shitty of you to break up another family for vengeance. That's what it really boils down to even if they did wrong.

Yes, bc by telling it is OP who's 'breaking up another family'...please.

Yes. OP's husband and mistress demonstrated lack of morals, thoughtlessness, and all that. But few people go into an affair thinking, I'm doing this to break up my marriage. Telling the spouse on the other hand you want them to consider whether they really wish to stay in the marriage. What is that besides actively trying to split them up? Some people will be grateful, some will continue life unhappily. The cheating spouse gets most of the blame but the tale-teller gets a large share too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tell -- but see your lawyer and get your ducks in a row for divorce first. Not telling may given you some leverage you want. There are trade-offs.

Absolutely. Use intro extract concessions in the divorce. And then, when the ink is dry on the divorce . . . Tell him anyway.

[Anonymous]

Of course you tell. Is this a real question?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don't tell. Their issues are not your concern.

Jeez people, you talk about making sure a cheater doesn't "get away with it" like cheating is murder. It's cheating, and while I don't condone it, it's a private issue. It's not like you are turning in a rapist. Lot's of people have cheated and gotten "away" with it and went back and raised children and lived happly ever after. I suppose we'd all be better off if we just broke up all families with cheaters, right?

Please explain how someone sleeping with my spouse is an private matter between her and her husband.

[Anonymous]

In several states if your marriage breaks up because of an affair, you can sue the other people involved for damages.

Just and FYI.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't tell.

I also realize finding out about this affair has been overwhelming. This is hard, but you need to think whether there are other aspects of your marriage you have found rewarding and consider, just consider, if it is worth salvaging. That does not mean you can't dictate a cooling off period to your DH and make him leave the house while you collect yourself and think things over. During that period, reconciliation may appear to be a better idea than it does now.

And your DH can use this time to see reflect on what he has done. If it doesn't make one bit of difference to him and he continues to carry on, so be it. Then you can think about telling the woman's husband. (It still sounds vengeful to me and not the high road.) But if you can reconciliate you will regret having told the husband.

A good friend of mines husband had at least a three year affair with someone at work. She kicked him out of the house when she learned of it, but he decided in the end he'd rather be with her and they have reconciled. They did have a child, though, so I am sure that was a consideration in the reconciliation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would worry about myself and stay out of someone else's relationship. It's not your story to tell.

+1

I think it would be pretty shitty of you to break up another family for vengeance. That's what it really boils down to even if they did wrong.

Pretty shitty that you dare blame OP if she informs the other cheated upon person.

The CHEATER breaks up the family. Have you attended college?