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Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)
Do I Tell My Husband's Mistress's Husband About the Affair?
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Anonymous
| I found out my husband of eight years has been having an affair with a colleague for the past three years. He did not intend for me to find out, he got sloppy and I was blindsided with it. They claim to have some kind of "love" for each other, but they both "love, cherish and adore" their respective families and have had no intention of ever leaving them for each other. I guess they just planned to keep their "love" going--have their cake and eat it too. Without any hesitation or delay, I am leaving my husband. It is killing me, but I would never ever ever ever ever be able to trust him again--this has been going on for THREE YEARS! He is not the man I vowed to love forever. He has broken me. She has no intention of telling her husband, ever. It is taking every bit of my strength to not pick up the phone this very minute and call him. While I hate the thought of yet another family being torn apart, I also can't stand to think that this man has no clue what he is married to! He deserves to know. What are you thoughts? Mind my own business, or tell the oblivious husband? |
Anonymous
| I don't know what I would do in the moment, but right now I say tell her. |
Anonymous
| PP here -- the only concern is you getting drawn further into their drama. |
Anonymous
|
I think this is tough, and I also think you are in the heat of the moment when your desire for revenge and inflicting pain on others is at it's highest. So I would not do anything for a bit, and just put that aside for right now - for a week, maybe, or two. Cool down a little.
I am curious what advice you will get here. I see both sides. On the one hand, walk out of this with your head held high and don't look back. Don't let him break you - you stand strong for what you believe in and shake the tawdry dirt from yourself and move on with your life. On the other hand, no one should get a free pass for bad behavior, and this man has been materially hurt by your husband and his own wife and someone should let him know. I kind of lean toward telling him, but I know it comes from a place of wanting revenge. And I don't think that's necessarily a bad thing. |
Anonymous
| I think I'd make sure that I my own situation was under control/handled before I worried about telling the other spouse. You have decided to leave your husband - that is the big decision at this point. Good luck. |
Anonymous
| If the tables were turned, would you have want the other spouse to tell you? |
Anonymous
|
How is your husband reacting to your finding out? Is he penitent? Remorseful? Begging for a mother chance? Or something else?
Is there any part of you that might consider staying together? (after A LOT of hard work, of course). |
Anonymous
| Spread the word. Why suffer alone? |
Anonymous
| Of course, I would tell. You and the other spouse need to get tested for STDs. |
Anonymous
|
Sorry, OP. There was just a long thread on this. Maybe you'll find some good advice there.
Do you call the other betrayed spouse? http://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/224775.page |
Anonymous
I'd tell out of spite, righteousness, despair, anger, and a million other reasons. But the STD issue is a very legitimate one. |
Anonymous
| Call and tell him. Make sure you have some proof for him otherwise his wife will say you are just a jealous nutcase. |
Anonymous
Yeah right, like that's what it's all about. |
Anonymous
| I'd even inform her/his office! |
Anonymous
ooh, that is a good one. I threatened to do it to my husband - call a board member and let them know. I also threatened to create an ad that I would put in the Metro stop that his entire office used. I did neither, and we reconciled. Go figure. |