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SAHM with kids in school
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Anonymous
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I'm the poster who was psychoanalyzing myself.
Would women be better off if, instead of insulting each other on here about our life choices -- we tried to help each other out? My mom worked and it was hard for her to make it to carpool. A SAHM picked up her slack and when my mom tried to thank her, she said that her favors always got returned. Maybe not by the same person, but they did. And every time this SAHM went on vacation, it was my mom taking care of the dog, their mail, making sure the house was safe . . . |
Anonymous
You sure don't sound happy. |
Anonymous
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Anonymous
She sounds happy to me, she certainly draws up a funny picture. The pearls, the Cleavers, the vaccuum!!!! I can't help, but return to read more. |
Anonymous
Well said, Professor Mom! And in the interest of fairness, us SAHMs should probably go get the money Ward left us and get that healthy meal on the table and clean up the kids we've been neglecting by reading and posting so much....  Fixing cocktail right now to have it waiting when dear sweetie walks in the door...
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Anonymous
no bitterness, PP - just amazed at such an outdated belief system shared by these women some research to prove my point: Working moms shape kids' family roles http://www.usatoday.com/news/health/2004-08-08-moms-role_x.htm By Marilyn Elias, USA TODAY HONOLULU — Having an employed mom leads college-age men to expect that they'll be doing more child care than the sons of homemakers, who assume that their wives will take the lead in tending to the nest. It's just the opposite for daughters: If their mothers work, they plan to spend less time with their kids than do women whose moms stay home, according to an online survey released at the end of July. Overall, young men and women with employed mothers are much more likely than homemakers' children to believe that couples should share housework and child care, says psychologist Heidi Riggio of Claremont McKenna College in Claremont, Calif. She reported on her Internet survey of 351 students age 18 to 23 at the American Psychological Association meeting here. "This just shows the strong influence of the family we grew up in, whether young adults realize it or not," Riggio says. As youthful romances develop, "people's expectations need to be made clear, because these expectations often predict behavior." Some differences were stunning, she says. For example, men with working mothers expected to put 12 hours more a week into child care than the sons of homemakers. And women with stay-at-home moms thought they'd do 10 hours more a week of child care than the daughters of employed mothers. Young women whose mothers don't hold jobs also expect to be spending the most time with their spouses; men with homemaker moms visualized the least time with wives. "They may see her as spending time with the children instead," Riggio says. Despite these differences linked to upbringing, Americans in their late teens have become more liberal in their views on sex roles over the past three decades, says Yong Dai, a Louisiana State University psychologist who also presented research at the conference. He analyzed three large "Monitoring the Future" surveys of high school seniors -1981, 1991 and 2001. The annual surveys are produced by the University of Michigan Institute for Social Research. In 1981, about half thought women should have the same job opportunities as men; seven out of 10 thought so in 2001. Also, a declining number believe preschoolers might suffer if mothers work, and more say working moms are just as warm as homemaker moms. "Fewer teenagers are growing up in traditional families," Dai says, "so fewer see it as a matter of course in their own future." "This just shows the strong influence of the family we grew up in, whether young adults realize it or not. These expectations often predict behavior." |
Anonymous
That's right. Keep your man happy - a maid in the living room, a cook in the kitchen and a whore in the bedroom. |
Anonymous
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That's right. Keep your man happy - a maid in the living room, a cook in the kitchen and a whore in the bedroom. I dont know about you all - but my husband would be super happy if I were to be a maid, cook and whore in the bedroom! |
Anonymous
Wow. You need to calm down. I have a picture in my head of what you look like - it's not pretty! |
Anonymous
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SAHMs please weigh in. It seems to me (well at least based on the posts on this thread) that many women who have posted so defensively about their decision to stay home are staying home because they hated their jobs and never found fulfillment at work. So, it seems that instead of proactively choosing to be a SAHM (as in, this is awesome, the most fulfilling thing, something that I always wanted to do), it's a default option because working sucks -- like, thank God, I have an escape route and can quit.
Or alternatively, working was great but job required too many hours, too much time away from kids and husband works his nuts off...so again, SAHM became a default. Are there any SAHMs who can tell us about choosing to stay home because they love it and this is their passion? |
Anonymous
I could but DH is calling me -- something about the bedroom?
Have a nice night ladies. Someone (not you PP) need to lighten up I think. |
Anonymous
I wrote the above. You'll notice that I never said I hated my career or that I was aching to quit or that I viewed being a SAHM as an escape route. I merely said that I would rather be at home than at work, and that I loved staying home more than I loved my career. I choose to stay at home because I like it better. It is more fulfilling to me than my job was, and, as I said, as good as I was at my job (and I was good), I was and am dispensable to everyone in the world except my daughter. I prefer to be with her. |
Anonymous
| I chose to leave a fulfilling career to take care of my two kids. No guilt, no looking back, no worries. Work will always be there. I am keeping connections and doing some things, not work, that keep me in the game a little, but I am really not worried. FOR ME, these years are flying and I am not okay with someone else taking my kids to school or lessons or watching them take first steps. And beyond that, I wasn't sure how I could teach my kids our family values if I am not home to do it. It is stressful and tiring and brain-numbing, but I am more proud of THIS job (mom) than any other. FOR ME, it is my most important work. Money is okay in the house and we can do this...so I think it is what I SHOULD do and what I WANT to do. I always saw myself doing this, if it makes any difference. I will go back to work, when the time is right. But I cannot establish a healthy balance in my life when I work and have kids. The pace is too much. Life needs to be slower. For me, for the kids, for my husband. |
Anonymous
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An important factor that has not been mentioned -- how much money did you make before you left your job? Many of my SAHM friends didn't make all that much to begin with. After paying for a nanny and other costs of working, the weren't bringing home that much. Now, for some women, who really want to work, that doesn't matter - they want to work regardless of how much they net, and I can understand that perspective. A career you enjoy is about alot of things, not just money.
For me, it was a close call as to whether I should stay home or work, but I was making close to 300k -- so the cost-benefit analysis for me was different than for my friends making 80k. Ultimately I went to a new, lower paying job, where I work 30 hours a week but I still make 150K. To me, that is a no brainer. I know alot of women who chose to stay home, but I don't know alot of women who chose to stay home when they had a 30 hour/wk job that paid six figures. The cost to my kids (a part-time nanny instead of me for 30 hours a week) is quite low in comparison to the benefits my income can bring. That said, even if I made much less, I see so much value in me working, at least part time. For me, it keeps things in balance. I know it is different for everyone, though. |
Anonymous
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A couple of thoughts: I love the prof mom. She is right on, in my opinion. I also appreciated the PP. I did not set out in life to be a SAHM. I know few in our demographic who did/do. I was raised to go for it all. I did have a great career ( and yes I loved it most of the time). I am very confident in my skills. I can do it again if need be. I am well-educated, and worked the crazy DC hours/work scene for nearly 15 years. I became a very successful political/policy professional. I married, had my first child and continued to work. Then I had another child, my husband's career became even more intense, we were making a ridiculous amount of money, but the stress level was high, the logistics impossible , and I missed my kids.
So flash forward and I "took some time off". Now I feel pretty fully entrenched in my life at home with the kids. I don't love every minute of it. But, it is the best thing for me and my family at this point (the seasons analogy). I don't get these women who seem so angry at women who do not work outside the home. I have peace in my family and in my heart. Life is good. Perhaps my husband will die, will leave me, etc. but that is how life goes-- I will deal with that if the time (god forbid) should ever come. (To be fair, I could die, and I will be so glad for all of this time with my kids) and no, that is not meant as a swipe at working moms. Just a reality. In the meantime, for us, this is the right mix of roles and I really doubt I will look back (as the old saying goes) and wish on my death bed that I had worked away from my family more. . . my two cents. |