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SAHM with kids in school
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Anonymous
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PP: Thanks. That was a really kind post. I certainly did get defensive. . . best of luck in your decision. It is never easy. Particularly for those of us who are told by some that we are "wasting our education" I never understand what that means. My education was to make me a better person, a more informed person, and a person with critical thinking skills. What a blessing to pass that along to my family and kids.
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Anonymous
I do honestly find it difficult to understand what you do all day when you're home w/o children. Work PT - hours that are school-friendly. That way you can be home when your kids arrive home, and you can be free to make those delicious, healthy meals that your family craves. It's manageable; I've done it. And I still found time to volunteer at my child's school. Plus, it gave me personal satisfaction and allowed me to be a role model for my children, especially my daughter. Furthermore, just because you're working doesn't make you an inferior mother. That's what I'm reading in some of these posts. So in terms of offensive comments, it goes both ways. Barbara Billingsley may still be alive, but long gone are the days of June Cleaver. |
Anonymous
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Life is not all about working for money. There are lots of other things to do with your time.
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Anonymous
And how many people can AFFORD (or not!) that luxury? That is a ridiculous statement. Many people who volunteer also work. And I can say that I have more respect for people working full or part time who can squeeze in volunteer work and raise a family. |
Anonymous
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There are many, many ways to be a good role model other than working. Saying one must work in order to be a role model implies (or states outright, LOL) that working for pay is the highest, noblest, best use of one's time, and that is not necessarily the message that everyone wishes to send to their children.
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Anonymous
But it's not about you, PP. It's about the original poster and her question, which dealt with structuring her time when her kids are in school. If OP wants to work part time, great. But she didn't ask if she should do that. I'm the professor considering staying home, and I certainly didn't intend to suggest that women who work are inferior mothers. I'm sorry if I seemed to imply that. After all, I myself work. But I did note that role models can be found on both sides of this debate. My own mother, who worked, did so not out of necessity or desire to further her career -- she was a secretary -- but because she feared dependence on a man and because she didn't want to be at home with children. That was, to be honest, a pretty poor role model for me. Who wants to grow up knowing their mother feels that having children is a trap? It was pretty difficult. No wonder I waited to have kids until it was almost too late. The bottom line is that we all make different decisions based on what we want and need at a particular point in time. Neither of these choices -- to stay home or to work -- is more inherently virtuous than the other. Neither is necessarily a better role model than the other. I respect your choice and I respect the OP's choice. And I hope other SAHMs who can help the OP with her question take the time to offer suggestions. |
Anonymous
Professor mom again. I'm reading an interesting book called A Mother's Work: How Feminism, the Market, and Policy Shape Family Life. It's really quite eye-opening, in some ways. I'm reading it for both abstract purposes and more concrete ones, since I'm weighing whether to give up my job and "waste my education."  OP, you might find it interesting. I got it at Politics & Prose during a recent book binge.
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Anonymous
| OP Here. Thanks for the book recommendation. And I am a Politics and Prose frequenter, as well. Perhaps a cup of coffee some day? I wish you well in your decision. The bi-coastal aspect must be very hard indeed. |
Anonymous
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There is something wrong in our society when we make women feel bad for staying home with their children. Stay home with your children and be happy, or go to a job you don't love and don't need just to be able to tell people that you have a job? Seems like a no-brainer to me. If you want to stay home and can afford to do so -- awesome.
Love, Another Well-Educated, Employable, Happy SAHM Who Will Be a Good Example to Her Children Regardless of Whether I Go Back To Work |
Anonymous
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I am a SAHM whose kids will be in school in a year so I have been reading this thread with interest. Love the post about using one's time to show our loved ones how much we love them! Great post.
As for the role model issue, I will chime in. My mother was a hard-working PhD professional (in an era when that was very rare), and while I do credit her and my father for fostering an excellent work ethic in me (neither one ever missed a day of work for anything), I actually think she was a pretty poor role model in other ways, in that her message was that work is more important than most if not all other things. As a PP said, there are lots of ways to be good role models other than working. |
Anonymous
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Sorry, one more random thought. To the poster that respects highly the women that do it all. . .so do I! I have been there and it is very difficult. For some of us, the weight of that was situation was too much. To be perfectly honest, if I was not at home right now, I think I may be in a pretty tough spot in my marriage and with my kids. I made that choice, for good or for bad. But for my family, it works. I certainly will not judge what works for your family. Nor do I want to gloat about having the economic freedom to make this choice. I feel so strongly that there is no perfect situation, but there is searching your heart, your economics, your relationships, etc. and working hard to put together the best matrix you can, knowing that it may need to be re-configured in the future.
OK. . I will stop my part in the divergent path this post has now taken. Thank you again to others for their ideas. I am always inspired by women on this board. |
Anonymous
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It's funny that our generation is quick to criticize our fathers who spent their lives working. And now we're criticizing moms who don't work.
It's ridiculous that people define themselves by their work and think that people who don't work are bad role models. What an ignorant generalization. We'll see what our children say about us twenty years from now! |
Anonymous
Nobody does it all. They just delegate things out - with mixed results. |
Anonymous
| PP: Good point! Actually, a very interesting way of thinking about it. |
Anonymous
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Nobody does it all. They just delegate things out - with mixed results.
Lots of single parents do it all including me. Most of us have no choice. I can say however that it takes a big toll on me. If I had the money, I would use it for occasional babysitters and other things like that just to preserve my own sanity. Many people ask me how I do it and I don't have an answer except "I don't have any other choice." But I really wish I did. Being a martyr does not become me. |