SAHM with kids in school

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Get a job. Be a an example to your children.

Just as working can be a good example to some - I really can say that I appreciate my mom sacrificing her career to be a sahm even when I was at school. She was always there for me and kept me out of trouble since she was in tune with everything. Most schools get out at 3pm and it is nice to have a mother at home helping with homework, and spending quality time with her children.
There is nothing wrong with either and I find your comment offensive.

I do honestly find it difficult to understand what you do all day when you're home w/o children. Work PT - hours that are school-friendly. That way you can be home when your kids arrive home, and you can be free to make those delicious, healthy meals that your family craves. It's manageable; I've done it. And I still found time to volunteer at my child's school. Plus, it gave me personal satisfaction and allowed me to be a role model for my children, especially my daughter.

Furthermore, just because you're working doesn't make you an inferior mother. That's what I'm reading in some of these posts. So in terms of offensive comments, it goes both ways. Barbara Billingsley may still be alive, but long gone are the days of June Cleaver.

That is great that it works for you and that you found a good balance with it all - but what works for you might not work for another and it is absolutely ridiculous to judge someones who choses to be at home. I can give you a zillion things a sahm does that can fill her days so please dont get me started on that.
Just because someone has a job part time, full time or whatever does NOT make them a role model - A good role model is a parent that teaches their children right or wrong and takes the time to show them love and give them direction in life. This can be done working or not - but having a "job" does not earn you respect - being a good person does. Anyone can be mother/father, but it takes a real woman/man to be a good parent which is the most difficult job anyone will ever have.

[Anonymous]

back to OP's question -- I'd use the time to work out and get in amazing shape (unless you already are). And I like the idea posted previously of cooking nutritious meals for your family. I think I'd also get involved in some volunteer work -- whether through a house of worship, my child's school, or a charitable organization. Reconnect with friends, read, take up painting, learn another language.. gosh, the possibilities are endless! Enjoy yourself!

[Anonymous]

Ditto the charity-- there are numerous charitable boards who depend on hardworking well educated former professionals like yourself. It can be very exciting and allow you to develop a passion, but still keep control of your time in a way paid work doesn't.

Is there an area you're interested in? The environment, health care, children's social services, homeless services, abused women, etc. These orgs all need your help.

You could also get involved in politics-- local politics is dominated by volunteers. If you get involved now, twenty years from now you could be Nancy Pelosi, that's how she did it!

[Anonymous]

There is not a lot of time while the kids are in school. If you don't have a nanny, your days will be filled with exercise, errands, general household chores, shopping, cooking, and before you've done half the stuff on your list, the kids will be home. I find I have to structure my days very carefully, else I waste too much time and get nothing done except read the paper and do some gardening (weather permitting).

I would never judge anyone's choices re: sahm vs wm. I look at staying at home as my job. I work all the time, and I've gotten pretty good at it. Not to say I don't have some really bad days, but what job doesn't? There are some health issues in my family that make my presence at home essential for my children, even though there are days I yearn for my old working life. I'm not energetic enough to give my children what they need and work too. Something had to give, and it was my career.

[Anonymous]

I might as well be reading a foreign language.I cannot wrap my head around staying at home after the kids are in school.It might be equally as foreign to SAHMs, but working moms do often choose to work because they like it, not because they need to. After I returned to work after my children were little, for the FIRST time ever in my life I found a job that I actually got up excited for each morning. In the past I had hated the drudgery of work and now I find my self so energized each day to work.

And about volunteer work....it is not only SAHMs who volunteer. We are a foster family. In my county, there are 45 foster families and ONLY 4 families have one parent who SAH. I never can understand why more SAH families participate. It is completely not proportionate to the # of single income families in our county. The single income families number about 50% while the foster participation is under 10%....I'm not so convinced that there are many SAHMs rushing to volunteer. Maybe they are too busy with cooking classes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I might as well be reading a foreign language.I cannot wrap my head around staying at home after the kids are in school.It might be equally as foreign to SAHMs, but working moms do often choose to work because they like it, not because they need to. After I returned to work after my children were little, for the FIRST time ever in my life I found a job that I actually got up excited for each morning. In the past I had hated the drudgery of work and now I find my self so energized each day to work.

And about volunteer work....it is not only SAHMs who volunteer. We are a foster family. In my county, there are 45 foster families and ONLY 4 families have one parent who SAH. I never can understand why more SAH families participate. It is completely not proportionate to the # of single income families in our county. The single income families number about 50% while the foster participation is under 10%....I'm not so convinced that there are many SAHMs rushing to volunteer. Maybe they are too busy with cooking classes.

As one PP said to another earlier in this thread, this isn't about YOU. Bully for you and what you can and cannot understand, but OP's question wasn't about how some WOHMs don't understand SAHMs or about how much WOHMs love their jobs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I might as well be reading a foreign language.I cannot wrap my head around staying at home after the kids are in school.It might be equally as foreign to SAHMs, but working moms do often choose to work because they like it, not because they need to. After I returned to work after my children were little, for the FIRST time ever in my life I found a job that I actually got up excited for each morning. In the past I had hated the drudgery of work and now I find my self so energized each day to work.

And about volunteer work....it is not only SAHMs who volunteer. We are a foster family. In my county, there are 45 foster families and ONLY 4 families have one parent who SAH. I never can understand why more SAH families participate. It is completely not proportionate to the # of single income families in our county. The single income families number about 50% while the foster participation is under 10%....I'm not so convinced that there are many SAHMs rushing to volunteer. Maybe they are too busy with cooking classes.

Goody Goody for you. It isnt about you and what works for you. To each their own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I might as well be reading a foreign language.I cannot wrap my head around staying at home after the kids are in school.It might be equally as foreign to SAHMs, but working moms do often choose to work because they like it, not because they need to. After I returned to work after my children were little, for the FIRST time ever in my life I found a job that I actually got up excited for each morning. In the past I had hated the drudgery of work and now I find my self so energized each day to work.

And about volunteer work....it is not only SAHMs who volunteer. We are a foster family. In my county, there are 45 foster families and ONLY 4 families have one parent who SAH. I never can understand why more SAH families participate. It is completely not proportionate to the # of single income families in our county. The single income families number about 50% while the foster participation is under 10%....I'm not so convinced that there are many SAHMs rushing to volunteer. Maybe they are too busy with cooking classes.

Well, aren't you special?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I might as well be reading a foreign language.I cannot wrap my head around staying at home after the kids are in school.It might be equally as foreign to SAHMs, but working moms do often choose to work because they like it, not because they need to. After I returned to work after my children were little, for the FIRST time ever in my life I found a job that I actually got up excited for each morning. In the past I had hated the drudgery of work and now I find my self so energized each day to work.

And about volunteer work....it is not only SAHMs who volunteer. We are a foster family. In my county, there are 45 foster families and ONLY 4 families have one parent who SAH. I never can understand why more SAH families participate. It is completely not proportionate to the # of single income families in our county. The single income families number about 50% while the foster participation is under 10%....I'm not so convinced that there are many SAHMs rushing to volunteer. Maybe they are too busy with cooking classes.

Totally aside from the off-putting sanctimony and condescension in your post, has it occurred to you that if you were a SAHM, you might not choose fostering as your volunteer activity of choice? I am a SAHM and volunteer tons, but would never consider fostering--I am already home with kids various and sundry enough hours of my life, thanks! So the number of SAHMs volunteering to foster bears little relation to their volunteer participation overall.

[Anonymous]

PP excellent post. I love being at home. It is relaxing for my family, fun and I have made many good friends, been able to work on my health (also some minor health issues), and really be on top of what is going on with my kids. I know what it is to enjoy paid work as well. I loved my job. Life has many seasons. I am enjoying this one.

To help some people understand, there are situations where the spouse's job may essentially demand that one parent be at home. This is our case. Combine that with aging parents that also need a fair amount of my attention and the decision, if you can afford it, is an easy one.

I will be perfectly honest and admit that the idea of being an at home mom and taking care of my parents too was not what I had in mind when I pursued a high-profile career. But life changes, and I am grateful and thankful for my life and the ability to spend this precious time with the ones I love. Please don't read this as an idictment of those that work. It is not. I completely understand that situation too, though I admit working was always a choice for me once I got married. Let's support each other and recognize that everyone's situation is different.

[Anonymous]

Love the comment about life having many seasons. So hard to remember sometimes!

[Anonymous]

Me, too!

[Anonymous]

A few thoughts.

I think I've written some nasty posts in the past about SAHMs. Sometimes because I felt like they had insulted me as a WM, but I have to admit it's a lot deeper than that.

I do not know if I would like to be a SAHM. But I sure would like the option. SAHMs seem rich to me -- the idea of being able to be comfortable without two incomes (or at least without MY income) seems like such a dream.

I do disagree with some of the posters who suggested that it is not important to teach your children that working for money should be a high priority. Because that's just the reality. Most people have to work to make money. I want my children to have the opportunities and experiences that will make their income potential as high as possible. If I die and leave them rich and they don't want to work, that's cool with me. But I may not die rich.

I dislike many elements of my job. But I stay because it is safe safe safe and that seems to be the most important thing I can do for my family right now. I mean, we can talk about role modeling, and keeping a house in order, and spending time with the kids, but none of that amounts to much if you don't have a paycheck, health insurance, and all of the other things. Clothing. Heat.

If I had the choice of being a SAHM, I would feel happy. I may chose to work anyway, but I would find some other kind of work that would make me happier. I would take risks.

And I may well love a life in which I could work out for two hours a day, take classes, read, -- whatever. No one looks down on people who retire? Why look down on SAHMs -- if you can get past the jealousy. I think it's hard for some of us who have to work to read these posts and that is why they respond in a hostile manner. I know I certainly am looking forward to retirement.

Then there's the whole Feminine Mistake and what if your man dies or leaves you and leaving the job market even for a short time makes you less marketable and leaves you with less money in the long run, and keeping your mind alive is so engaging blah blah blah. I didn't like that book. I'm not advocating complete dependence on a man, but I hated that book.

If I could be SAHM, maybe I'd become a yoga instructor. That's work. And it keeps your mind healthy too. I'd learn how to play tennis, because I've always wanted to. Maybe I'd get bored and go find a job I really liked and wanted.

I guess I've grown up. I don't make these judgments anymore. I'm doing what I have to do. Others will do what they have to do. Or want to do. And I'll be jealous. There are worse things. No need to start flaming people.

[Anonymous]

I actually think that it might be more difficult to be a working mother while your kids are in school. I'm currently a WOH mom with a 2.5 year old and one on the way and have an excellent daycare provider that my son thrives in while I'm at work. But when he is ready to begin school I think our lives will get so much more complicated. School ends at 3 - what do you do with your child for after school? What about those early dismissal days that so many elementary schools in this region have once a week? What about after school activities like sports and music and art classes - do you really want to try to cram that all into the weekend? Most importantly - what about all summer? I know the thought of trying to balance all those summer camps so I can work just stresses me out!

I think that the OP should just do what makes her happy - take a class in something that interests you, volunteer for a cause you are passionate for. I think that I a mom who is comfortable with her life is the best mom for her children!

[Anonymous]

You know, none of this is possible without someone (usually a husband) working their ass off so the SAHM can take cooking classes. Now, I know some men are fine with their wives having lots of leisure and volunteer time while they slave away at their jobs, but I also wonder how many men would love to be able to spend time on hobbies, work out etc. instead of working to support the entire family. Plus, what about the economic instability? I know at least 3 women who are in lousy marriages and the only reason they stay is because they'd have to go back to work and give up the lifestyle they have now. My only suggestion to the OP is that she take some of her free time to keep her skills and contacts up to date. You never know when you might have to re-enter the work force.