SAHM with kids in school

[Anonymous]

No one is saying stick with a shitty job just in case. But at the same time, don't be naive and think you will never be in a situation where you need to work again (as in, husband leaves or dies or, and this is NOT at all unrealistic, loses his job or goes on disability)...it doesn't hurt to maintain your employability just in case. This isn't doomsday -- just realism; because unfortunately, life is not always roses. My motto is expect the best but prepare for the worst. That's why I have health insurance, life insurance, and savings.

[Anonymous]

Well, my parents have always been and still are blissfully married. But I still can't imaging myself living some 1950's housewife thing where I take care of the home fires and the man earns the money. How could I justify my extensive (and expensive) education? And please don't tell me your master's degree makes you a better mother. That's ridiculous. I just can't understand why so many women are totally fulfilled by childcare and housekeeping. I LOVE cooking for my family. I love that I am good mother. But it doesn't define me, and I just don't get that in 2009 there are women for whom parenthood/wifehood is all they've always wanted. Takes all types, I guess.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well, my parents have always been and still are blissfully married. But I still can't imaging myself living some 1950's housewife thing where I take care of the home fires and the man earns the money. How could I justify my extensive (and expensive) education? And please don't tell me your master's degree makes you a better mother. That's ridiculous. I just can't understand why so many women are totally fulfilled by childcare and housekeeping. I LOVE cooking for my family. I love that I am good mother. But it doesn't define me, and I just don't get that in 2009 there are women for whom parenthood/wifehood is all they've always wanted. Takes all types, I guess.

Maybe there's more to "parenthood/wifehood" than just "childcare and housekeeping"!!!

[Anonymous]

Well, my parents have always been and still are blissfully married. But I still can't imaging myself living some 1950's housewife thing where I take care of the home fires and the man earns the money. How could I justify my extensive (and expensive) education? And please don't tell me your master's degree makes you a better mother. That's ridiculous. I just can't understand why so many women are totally fulfilled by childcare and housekeeping. I LOVE cooking for my family. I love that I am good mother. But it doesn't define me, and I just don't get that in 2009 there are women for whom parenthood/wifehood is all they've always wanted. Takes all types, I guess.

I justify my education this way --
(1) It was fun. I loved it, loved my classes, loved college, loved law school, loved learning in general.
(2) While it doesn't necessarily make me a better mother, it does make me more of the person that I want to be (learned, well-read, traveled).
(3) Even if I am out of the workplace for awhile, it provides me a basis to get back in there should I ever want to or need to. No one's going to take my Phi Beta Kappa key away just because I stayed home, and while I might not ever achieve the salary or career advancement I could have gotten by staying in my career, I'm pretty sure I could find a job doing something more than flipping burgers.
(4) I could afford my education then and now, so how could it be a regret or something that I need to justify? I could afford it and I loved it. It wasn't just a means to an end.

As for how your role in your family doesn't define you, that's great. Why is it any less great that my career didn't/doesn't define me? I would describe myself this way: mother, wife, daughter, granddaughter, niece, cousin, friend, reader, writer, southerner, movie lover, music snob, all around pop culture junkie, Christian, dog lover, lawyer. Note that lawyer comes last. I'm sure I could think of some other things to slip in there ahead of lawyer too. My identity, personality, relationships, and hobbies are WAY more interesting to me than my job ever was.

I get the companionship I need from my family and friends. I don't miss having coworkers. I get intellectual stimulation from reading the books I want to and discussing them with the people I want to, and writing what I want to when I want to do it. My writing gives me creative exercise as well. I'm not hungry or wanting, my child is fed and clothed and sheltered. I feel confident and protected in my future (and feel the same way about my daughter's future). I love and feel loved. I travel to see my family for more extended periods of time than I would be able to if I had a job. So tell me -- what am I missing out on?

[Anonymous]

16:13 here again. I should add, too, that while I don't contribute financially to our household anymore, I contribute in plenty of other ways. My husband is free to pursue the job that he loves (I'm grateful he loves it, of course; that makes me staying home easier) without extra stress at home, and we love having our weekends free as a family to do fun things instead of errands or chores. My husband also, I think, really appreciates that I'm happy now (a lot happier than I was when I was working). As far as I can tell, it works for our family. So again, what am I missing out on? Being able to tell my daughter I made partner? I guess we'll see in thirty years whether she counts that as a regret.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

But if you worked, you'd have your own security and you could leave him.

This line of thinking really does not give women enough credit. Just because you stay home doesn't mean you don't have your own security, and just because you were unemployed once doesn't mean you'll be unemployed forever. It's always doomsday! Really, people who believe they are in happy marriages and have financial security should continue in jobs they don't want and don't need JUST IN CASE? I'd rather enjoy the time I have now than live in fear of what-ifs. Anything could happen to any of us tomorrow (one of the reasons I enjoy being home with my child now that I can be). I'm not saying don't be smart about it, but for heaven's sake, plenty of SAHMs are in happy marriages with wonderful men and feel plenty secure with their financial situation. And if I turn out to be wrong, I'll deal with it, but at least I was happy until then.

My guess is that the women on DCUM who consistently push the "but what if you get divorced???? you'll have nothing!!!!!" scenario did not grow up with parents in happy marriages, or at least not with happily married parents and a SAHM. It is possible. It does happen.

You guessed wrong, PP - at least in my case.

Parents have been married since 1954 - still happy to this day. Mom was a SAH after she married my father. To this day, however, she regrets leaving her federal government job b/c of the great benefits and health insurance, the latter being ever so important to seniors in this day and age.

[Anonymous]

I like being take care of. And if he leaves me or dies, I will have plenty of $$$.

No worries.

Time to eat some bonbons.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well, my parents have always been and still are blissfully married. But I still can't imaging myself living some 1950's housewife thing where I take care of the home fires and the man earns the money. How could I justify my extensive (and expensive) education? And please don't tell me your master's degree makes you a better mother. That's ridiculous. I just can't understand why so many women are totally fulfilled by childcare and housekeeping. I LOVE cooking for my family. I love that I am good mother. But it doesn't define me, and I just don't get that in 2009 there are women for whom parenthood/wifehood is all they've always wanted. Takes all types, I guess.

It is not about YOU and what you can or cannot imagine. You make your own choices, and others will make theirs. Simple as that--why do you not get that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well, my parents have always been and still are blissfully married. But I still can't imaging myself living some 1950's housewife thing where I take care of the home fires and the man earns the money. How could I justify my extensive (and expensive) education? And please don't tell me your master's degree makes you a better mother. That's ridiculous. I just can't understand why so many women are totally fulfilled by childcare and housekeeping. I LOVE cooking for my family. I love that I am good mother. But it doesn't define me, and I just don't get that in 2009 there are women for whom parenthood/wifehood is all they've always wanted. Takes all types, I guess.

This is honestly one of the most narcissistic, self-centered posts I've seen in a while.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I like being take care of. And if he leaves me or dies, I will have plenty of $$$.

No worries.

Time to eat some bonbons.

And then off to exercise class b/c you have nothing better to do! But that's OK - b/c you'll have plenty of money.

And after all, this thread is about you, isn't it? SAHMs with the all the time in the world . . .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, my parents have always been and still are blissfully married. But I still can't imaging myself living some 1950's housewife thing where I take care of the home fires and the man earns the money. How could I justify my extensive (and expensive) education? And please don't tell me your master's degree makes you a better mother. That's ridiculous. I just can't understand why so many women are totally fulfilled by childcare and housekeeping. I LOVE cooking for my family. I love that I am good mother. But it doesn't define me, and I just don't get that in 2009 there are women for whom parenthood/wifehood is all they've always wanted. Takes all types, I guess.

This is honestly one of the most narcissistic, self-centered posts I've seen in a while.

How is this narcissistic and self-centered?

- because she's proud of her education and wishes to use it?
not narcissistic or self-centered . . simply practical and proud of her achievements

- because she needs to live a balanced life, which means that dusting the furniture and practicing ABCs just isn't doing it for her from am to pm?
again, not narcissistic or self-centered - Perhaps in this case, she expects her husband to share in these duties.
And let's face it; most intelligent women need intellectual stimulation.

- because she doesn't define herself as only wife and mother?
Bravo for PP! She is wife, mother, working woman - and depending on the day, one may take priority over the other .

Who ARE you women? Thankfully, we don't hang in the same circles, or if we have I've probably already offended many of you with my liberated ways. not that I give a damn

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, my parents have always been and still are blissfully married. But I still can't imaging myself living some 1950's housewife thing where I take care of the home fires and the man earns the money. How could I justify my extensive (and expensive) education? And please don't tell me your master's degree makes you a better mother. That's ridiculous. I just can't understand why so many women are totally fulfilled by childcare and housekeeping. I LOVE cooking for my family. I love that I am good mother. But it doesn't define me, and I just don't get that in 2009 there are women for whom parenthood/wifehood is all they've always wanted. Takes all types, I guess.

This is honestly one of the most narcissistic, self-centered posts I've seen in a while.

How is this narcissistic and self-centered?

- because she's proud of her education and wishes to use it?
not narcissistic or self-centered . . simply practical and proud of her achievements

- because she needs to live a balanced life, which means that dusting the furniture and practicing ABCs just isn't doing it for her from am to pm?
again, not narcissistic or self-centered - Perhaps in this case, she expects her husband to share in these duties.
And let's face it; most intelligent women need intellectual stimulation.

- because she doesn't define herself as only wife and mother?
Bravo for PP! She is wife, mother, working woman - and depending on the day, one may take priority over the other .

Who ARE you women? Thankfully, we don't hang in the same circles, or if we have I've probably already offended many of you with my liberated ways. not that I give a damn

You have misunderstood my point entirely. What is narcissistic and self-centered about her post has nothing to do with her personal choices. It has to do with her repeated claims of just not being able to fathom why others would make other choices. Her words are all about what SHE can't imagine, what SHE doesn't understand. At bottom, her post is all about how she JUST CANNOT COMPREHEND how other people could possibly make different choices than the ones SHE has made. Her post oozes with the position that her choices are the only valid ones; that is what makes it narcissistic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, my parents have always been and still are blissfully married. But I still can't imaging myself living some 1950's housewife thing where I take care of the home fires and the man earns the money. How could I justify my extensive (and expensive) education? And please don't tell me your master's degree makes you a better mother. That's ridiculous. I just can't understand why so many women are totally fulfilled by childcare and housekeeping. I LOVE cooking for my family. I love that I am good mother. But it doesn't define me, and I just don't get that in 2009 there are women for whom parenthood/wifehood is all they've always wanted. Takes all types, I guess.

This is honestly one of the most narcissistic, self-centered posts I've seen in a while.

How is this narcissistic and self-centered?

- because she's proud of her education and wishes to use it?
not narcissistic or self-centered . . simply practical and proud of her achievements

- because she needs to live a balanced life, which means that dusting the furniture and practicing ABCs just isn't doing it for her from am to pm?
again, not narcissistic or self-centered - Perhaps in this case, she expects her husband to share in these duties.
And let's face it; most intelligent women need intellectual stimulation.

- because she doesn't define herself as only wife and mother?
Bravo for PP! She is wife, mother, working woman - and depending on the day, one may take priority over the other .

Who ARE you women? Thankfully, we don't hang in the same circles, or if we have I've probably already offended many of you with my liberated ways. not that I give a damn

The narcissism is because this PP thinks it is all about her and her decisions and her lack of understanding about others. I felt the same way reading her post as the other PP.

[Anonymous]

Do you all really think that SAHMs do nothing but cook and clean and change diapers all day and all night? Just because we don't spend our days putting covers on our TPS reports doesn't mean we're illiterate sloths.

[Anonymous]

Who ARE you women? Thankfully, we don't hang in the same circles, or if we have I've probably already offended many of you with my liberated ways. not that I give a damn

Thank goodness is right. Anyone who thinks their job defines their life is not my cup of tea. It's not that hard to get a job. It's a lot harder to be a nice, gracious, well-rounded person.