Why won't my wife shop at Giant or Safeway like a normal person?

[Anonymous]

FYI, for everyone saying milk/cheese/rice costs the same at WF and Giant, you're right. They're called "loss leaders". They're products priced below the minimum profit margin (but not below cost) in an effort to get you in the store where you're likely to buy more expensive things. They're typically perishable (so you can't stockpile), placed in the back of the store (so you have to walk by many other things), are products customers buy frequently (so they perceive the unusually low price as a bargain). In other words: you come for the milk, you stay for the Goji berries. For the folks religiously sticking to a meal plan and shopping in season, yes you can beat the game. But most people cannot. Good luck OP.

WF marketing model in a nutshell.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH and I just discussed this and he supports me. I only shop at whole foods b/c I don't have to sort through all the crap that isn't really food to find actual food (box reading just isn't going to happen with a toddler in tow) and the quality is infinitely better for produce, meat, bread and basically everything else for not that much more money. Every time I walk into a "regular" grocery store, I wonder why the hell we can't just produce food in this country that isn't full of a bunch of chemicals and crap that make us fat and mess with developing brains.

You can't control all the cr@p that we're exposed to but for the things we can control, like the quality of food we're purchasing, why not try to minimize exposure that way?

I totally get where your wife is coming from.

You are the Whole Food advertisting department's dream shopper. AKA "sucker."

Maybe so but it still tastes better.

[Anonymous]

Trader Joe's is actually pretty cheap IME.

I think what you buy has a bigger impact on your food budget than where you buy it from. Organic vs regular. Prepared foods vs raw produce. Do you buy steak or rice & beans? Packaged prepared foods are expensive, so are fancy drinks, fancy desserts, etc. Also, buying out of season produce, things that spoil in your fridge.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH and I just discussed this and he supports me. I only shop at whole foods b/c I don't have to sort through all the crap that isn't really food to find actual food (box reading just isn't going to happen with a toddler in tow) and the quality is infinitely better for produce, meat, bread and basically everything else for not that much more money. Every time I walk into a "regular" grocery store, I wonder why the hell we can't just produce food in this country that isn't full of a bunch of chemicals and crap that make us fat and mess with developing brains.

You can't control all the cr@p that we're exposed to but for the things we can control, like the quality of food we're purchasing, why not try to minimize exposure that way?

I totally get where your wife is coming from.

You are the Whole Food advertisting department's dream shopper. AKA "sucker."

Maybe so but it still tastes better.

That's all in your mind, because you want to justify paying more for the food. Guarantee you could not tell the difference in a random blind taste test.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. When we talk about finances she talks about cutting Netlfix. Ok, well that's 10 a month it's minuscule but she doesn't want to cut big things like vacations or spending on food, or $3k we just spent on a new sofa.

She's worried about conventional produce but bought a NEW SOFA? Has she not heard of the flame retardants in new furniture??? LOL

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH and I just discussed this and he supports me. I only shop at whole foods b/c I don't have to sort through all the crap that isn't really food to find actual food (box reading just isn't going to happen with a toddler in tow) and the quality is infinitely better for produce, meat, bread and basically everything else for not that much more money. Every time I walk into a "regular" grocery store, I wonder why the hell we can't just produce food in this country that isn't full of a bunch of chemicals and crap that make us fat and mess with developing brains.

You can't control all the cr@p that we're exposed to but for the things we can control, like the quality of food we're purchasing, why not try to minimize exposure that way?

I totally get where your wife is coming from.

You realize that Whole Foods has plenty of "crap that is not actual food", right?

Also, it's not that tough to look at the label of a thing while you have a toddler in tow, unless your toddler has 4 arms and the power of levitation.

Yes, it is that hard to look at labels for every single item being purchased with my toddler in tow. Guess you got an easy one or you're just a better mom.

not pp, but why are you reading labels EVERY time? You don't have certain brands you just go to and buy?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH and I just discussed this and he supports me. I only shop at whole foods b/c I don't have to sort through all the crap that isn't really food to find actual food (box reading just isn't going to happen with a toddler in tow) and the quality is infinitely better for produce, meat, bread and basically everything else for not that much more money. Every time I walk into a "regular" grocery store, I wonder why the hell we can't just produce food in this country that isn't full of a bunch of chemicals and crap that make us fat and mess with developing brains.

You can't control all the cr@p that we're exposed to but for the things we can control, like the quality of food we're purchasing, why not try to minimize exposure that way?

I totally get where your wife is coming from.

You are the Whole Food advertisting department's dream shopper. AKA "sucker."

Maybe so but it still tastes better.

That's all in your mind, because you want to justify paying more for the food. Guarantee you could not tell the difference in a random blind taste test.

No, it actually tastes better. And I'm not justifying anything bc the organics at the regular grocery store cost as much as whole foods -- it's the non-organic middle aisles that taste better to me. I buy 365 brand for almost everything and it's really not that bad.

[Anonymous]

We shop at Tenley WF and the Safeway and Giant near Bethesda Row. Safeway has the best produce prices - Whole Foods just displays it in a more attractive / abundant way.

We only buy meat / fish at WF - pretty big difference there. But the produce is the same at all the stores. Berries from Driscoll's are the same no matter which store you buy them at.

Maybe produce is not your issue. What convenience foods does your 2 yr old eat? Those organic squeeze packets and soy nuggets really add up. Maybe nix the pre-made stuff?

If your kid is not a picky eater, try Blue Apron or Hello Fresh food delivery. For $60/3 meals - that's 3 nights for the 3 of you. All the meals take about 30 min to make.

[Anonymous]

DC city grocery store choices are terrible Virginia is the best

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH and I just discussed this and he supports me. I only shop at whole foods b/c I don't have to sort through all the crap that isn't really food to find actual food (box reading just isn't going to happen with a toddler in tow) and the quality is infinitely better for produce, meat, bread and basically everything else for not that much more money. Every time I walk into a "regular" grocery store, I wonder why the hell we can't just produce food in this country that isn't full of a bunch of chemicals and crap that make us fat and mess with developing brains.

You can't control all the cr@p that we're exposed to but for the things we can control, like the quality of food we're purchasing, why not try to minimize exposure that way?

I totally get where your wife is coming from.

You realize that Whole Foods has plenty of "crap that is not actual food", right?

Also, it's not that tough to look at the label of a thing while you have a toddler in tow, unless your toddler has 4 arms and the power of levitation.

Yes, it is that hard to look at labels for every single item being purchased with my toddler in tow. Guess you got an easy one or you're just a better mom.

not pp, but why are you reading labels EVERY time? You don't have certain brands you just go to and buy?

Yes, I do, 365 brand at whole foods. We shop quite quickly w/o reading labels anymore. According to this thread, however, my brand choice is unacceptable bc it's whole foods and lacks the chemicals and additives and tastes better to me, just as I'm sure your brand has/doesn't have the things that are important to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I used to be just like your wife. Shopped at WF, ate out constantly, couldn't care less what produce was in season ("raspberries in December? Yes please!"). And was like this in every area of my life. Would valet my car instead of looking for parking, (or just paid the ticket), couldn't have guessed where the cheapest gas was (and didn't care).

And this was my own money I was spending. DD came along and that lifestyle came to a screeching halt.

I'm a high earner, and I look back on that period of time in my life and remember a certain kind of "freedom" I felt, not every worrying about money because I wasn't supporting anyone else. Which was nice, but it was also pretty lonely. My parents asked recently how I did such a financial 180 when I had her, and I simply said that before, I had no skin in the game. Now I wasn't saving a dime, but that wasn't real to me either. Not feeling accountable to anyone makes the economic savings of shopping at Safeway worth less than the status value of shopping at WF. Now that I support both of us, I take pride in the savings I accumulate by living beneath my means and knowing that she and I will have good health and dental care, education, can travel to see the grandparents, etc. I live leaner but lead a much more meaningful life.

I'm guessing that there's not much team spirit between you and your wife regarding the life you're building together. Don't mean that as a criticism. It happens. Life is busy and with little kids it's tough. But it sounds like she doesn't feel accountable re: the $$ she spends at WF, and may even feel entitled to do so, bc your roles are so separate. I agree with PP's that you should have some involvement with cooking/shopping, but even if you guys went the more traditional route and you worked/she shops/cooks, it's possible to see it all as a shared goal. Your job + her home skills = both your family. You're in it together. These fights are usually about deeper emotional issues anyway. Perhaps approach it that way.

FYI, for everyone saying milk/cheese/rice costs the same at WF and Giant, you're right. They're called "loss leaders". They're products priced below the minimum profit margin (but not below cost) in an effort to get you in the store where you're likely to buy more expensive things. They're typically perishable (so you can't stockpile), placed in the back of the store (so you have to walk by many other things), are products customers buy frequently (so they perceive the unusually low price as a bargain). In other words: you come for the milk, you stay for the Goji berries. For the folks religiously sticking to a meal plan and shopping in season, yes you can beat the game. But most people cannot. Good luck OP.

I love this person's mind.

To add to that…if your wife sees that there is "skin in the game" that might change her behavior more than the spreadsheet. So what would give her that? Maybe the thought that every extra dollar spent on Whole Foods is a dollar away from little Larla's college fund? Or away from that trip you've been planning? Or your retirement age? Something to make it a bit more zero-sum for her.

But I also agree that maybe you might want to explore more and not just assume Giant etc is cheaper.

Finally, I'll throw out a wildcard--probably won't apply to her, but maybe. Is she from somewhere else that doesn't have Giants or Safeways? I shop only at Whole Foods also (but we do not have a financial *struggle* because of it). It is a luxury for me. But it's because I'm from a place without Giants/Safeways/Wegmans. When we moved, every darn thing was new: The bank, the streets, the house, the schools, the people...The Whole Foods was the only thing familiar to me. They have much of the same produce/products as they have in my former city, and a similar layout…(We also had a Trader Joe's but I never went there due to traffic issues so it didn't translate the same way). Now that I'm familiar with the area, you'd think I'd explore Giant etc, but I don't because I've got my shopping system down. And honestly, going there still gives me a measure of comfort and familiarity.

[Anonymous]

Go to Great Wall or a Korea grocery you will
save even more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I've tried. I sat down at work and created an extensive Excel spreadsheet with all of our transaction and showed exactly how much per month is going out to whole foods. She takes it as an affront to her ability to be a homemaker when I challenge how much we spend on groceries and dining out.

Well, it is sort of an affront to her ability to be a homemaker. Especially if you are correct, and that you, a non-homemaker, could better shop for and feed the family than she can, when she ostensibly has honed this skill with time. However, I don't see much of a solution here. I mean, how would you like it if she gave you advice on how to more effectively do your job and advance your career. . . and she was always right? I mean, at some point, wouldn't you just feel like, hey lady, you WOTH and bring home the paycheck, then!

You may be correct that she is just not good at food budgeting and meal prep. Sounds like you guys should switch roles on that one, if at all possible.

[Anonymous]

New DH here that does all the cooking and shopping for 4. assuming kids are school age and can eat lunch at the cafeteria and you rarely have to send them in with a lunch I can hit TJ's for $125 - $150 a week and still have to throw stuff out. I find it to be cheaper than Safeway and Giant but I will go there too. Women will always buy stuff you don't need Impulse shoppers! Take a list and stick to the list! I find many of the staples (milk, eggs, olive oil, coffee etc...) to be cheaper at TJ's. Just regular without going into the whole organic debate. There is shit I won't buy there like soap and toilet paper, trash bags etc...I'll get that stuff as needed at the normal store. The trade-off here for you is that you pick the menu and stick to your budget/list but you also have to cook it! For your next wife, find one that can't cook. They're out there!!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH and I just discussed this and he supports me. I only shop at whole foods b/c I don't have to sort through all the crap that isn't really food to find actual food (box reading just isn't going to happen with a toddler in tow) and the quality is infinitely better for produce, meat, bread and basically everything else for not that much more money. Every time I walk into a "regular" grocery store, I wonder why the hell we can't just produce food in this country that isn't full of a bunch of chemicals and crap that make us fat and mess with developing brains.

You can't control all the cr@p that we're exposed to but for the things we can control, like the quality of food we're purchasing, why not try to minimize exposure that way?

I totally get where your wife is coming from.

You are the Whole Food advertisting department's dream shopper. AKA "sucker."

Maybe so but it still tastes better.

Whole Foods still has a good supply of processed food, as does TJ's. Dont' be fooled! Whole Foods tends to be a little more transparent, but not always. TJs - you will be hard pressed to figure out where most of the stff they sell comes from! They have a brilliant marketing team, but in the end, a lot of their stuff is suspect - they refuse to share who their suppliers are.