Reply to Why won't my wife shop at Giant or Safeway like a normal person?

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Reply to "Why won't my wife shop at Giant or Safeway like a normal person?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, I used to be just like your wife. Shopped at WF, ate out constantly, couldn't care less what produce was in season ("raspberries in December? Yes please!"). And was like this in every area of my life. Would valet my car instead of looking for parking, (or just paid the ticket), couldn't have guessed where the cheapest gas was (and didn't care).

And this was my own money I was spending. DD came along and that lifestyle came to a screeching halt.

I'm a high earner, and I look back on that period of time in my life and remember a certain kind of "freedom" I felt, not every worrying about money because I wasn't supporting anyone else. Which was nice, but it was also pretty lonely. My parents asked recently how I did such a financial 180 when I had her, and I simply said that before, I had no skin in the game. Now I wasn't saving a dime, but that wasn't real to me either. Not feeling accountable to anyone makes the economic savings of shopping at Safeway worth less than the status value of shopping at WF. Now that I support both of us, I take pride in the savings I accumulate by living beneath my means and knowing that she and I will have good health and dental care, education, can travel to see the grandparents, etc. I live leaner but lead a much more meaningful life.

I'm guessing that there's not much team spirit between you and your wife regarding the life you're building together. Don't mean that as a criticism. It happens. Life is busy and with little kids it's tough. But it sounds like she doesn't feel accountable re: the $$ she spends at WF, and may even feel entitled to do so, bc your roles are so separate. I agree with PP's that you should have some involvement with cooking/shopping, but even if you guys went the more traditional route and you worked/she shops/cooks, it's possible to see it all as a shared goal. Your job + her home skills = both your family. You're in it together. These fights are usually about deeper emotional issues anyway. Perhaps approach it that way.

FYI, for everyone saying milk/cheese/rice costs the same at WF and Giant, you're right. They're called "loss leaders". They're products priced below the minimum profit margin (but not below cost) in an effort to get you in the store where you're likely to buy more expensive things. They're typically perishable (so you can't stockpile), placed in the back of the store (so you have to walk by many other things), are products customers buy frequently (so they perceive the unusually low price as a bargain). In other words: you come for the milk, you stay for the Goji berries. For the folks religiously sticking to a meal plan and shopping in season, yes you can beat the game. But most people cannot. Good luck OP.[/quote]

I love this person's mind.

To add to that…if your wife sees that there is "skin in the game" that might change her behavior more than the spreadsheet.  So what would give her that?  Maybe the thought that every extra dollar spent on Whole Foods is a dollar away from little Larla's college fund?  Or away from that trip you've been planning?  Or your retirement age?  Something to make it a bit more zero-sum for her.

But I also agree that maybe you might want to explore more and not just assume Giant etc is cheaper.

Finally, I'll throw out a wildcard--probably won't apply to her, but maybe.  Is she from somewhere else that doesn't have Giants or Safeways?  I shop only at Whole Foods also (but we do not have a financial *struggle* because of it).  It is a luxury for me.  But it's because I'm from a place without Giants/Safeways/Wegmans.  When we moved, every darn thing was new:  The bank, the streets, the house, the schools, the people...The Whole Foods was the only thing familiar to me.  They have much of the same produce/products as they have in my former city, and a similar layout…(We also had a Trader Joe's but I never went there due to traffic issues so it didn't translate the same way).  Now that I'm familiar with the area, you'd think I'd explore Giant etc, but I don't because I've got my shopping system down.  And honestly, going there still gives me a measure of comfort and familiarity.[/quote]

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