asking for money for hosting teens tacky?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So if this was a girls’ trip—a group of old college friends, say— and one of them happened to have a beach house that they offered up, you would assume that that friend was also covering all of your meals for the week?

That’s getting organized in a group chat and amongst people who have a relationship. Totally different situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So if this was a girls’ trip—a group of old college friends, say— and one of them happened to have a beach house that they offered up, you would assume that that friend was also covering all of your meals for the week?

That’s getting organized in a group chat and amongst people who have a relationship. Totally different situation.

I disagree. I think that’s what’s happening with the OP. At least, that’s what’s currently happening with my own 17 year old and friends.

[Anonymous]

We have my daughter’s friends with us at our beach house for weekends all the time. We are doing it again this weekend. My text to the parents was “hey, if you could send your kids with money for breakfast at a coffee shop both mornings and any souvenir they might want, that would be great. We will handle everything else.” If any of these parents think I’m tacky, I don’t care. They certainly continue to let their daughters come over and over.

The coffee shop thing is because my daughter gets them all at of bed early to watch the sunrise and walk on their own to a coffee shop. These girls feel super independent (this started in 6th grade). The parents is usually send snacks and drinks on their own. They usually offer to Venmo me also, and I just point back to my “just some money with your kid for breakfast” statement.

To the point about a girls trip, I agree with this poster also. One of my best friends brings her family every summer to our beach house. They fly across the country. They don’t think I’m paying for everything during that week. That would be stupid. I don’t even know which one of us brings it up but we end up each paying for different things. Two of my girl friends come one weekend each year at the beach, I don’t pay for everything.

I think people who are all “you are hosting and this is so tacky” might be the same people who are so caught up in formality they end up with less social life. I realize there are exceptions. But generally, if you are willing to be like “hey come over, pot luck style” you will have a much larger social life. My husband and I function like this and we have six couples over once a month, host a huge game night once or twice a year, have movie nights with small groups, I host book club a few times a year, etc. I wonder if a lot of people who talk about having a hard time making friends get too caught up in formalities. Your house doesn’t have to be perfect, you can just order pizza and you can ask people to bring their own drinks — everyone will survive and likely have a great time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Buttered noodles only for the ones that don’t pay up.

jajajajaja

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have a beach house and teens. Absolutely would never request money from teens or families. I cover meals. They should all bring some spending money. If they are hanging out, walking around, they can buy ice cream or a slice of pizza.

People have different financial situations even if they have a beach house, which may be rented, inherited, belonging to another family member etc. Your circumstances don’t apply universally to everyone.

OP can make whatever decision fits her budget, including asking for money, and the other parents are free to decline.

Another option is to eat all meals outside if she doesn’t feel like exiling for 7 extra teens, and the other teens should pay for their kids eating out.

If she decides to put in the effort for cooking, doing groceries, etc, it’s fine to ask for the reimbursements. I don’t understand why some are so against it.

Even if the other parents think OP is tacky, great, nobody cares. Invite the teens at your house for a week over the summer with all expenses paid if you feel like it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's pretty tacky. On the other hand, if I were one of the teens' parents, I would have proactively asked for your Venmo and insisted on sending a contribution.

This.

[Anonymous]

I would be relieved if i was asked to contribute money. Hosting kids is a ton of work and I would want to contribute in some way. I don't think there is anything wrong with asking for a food contribution.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's pretty tacky. On the other hand, if I were one of the teens' parents, I would have proactively asked for your Venmo and insisted on sending a contribution.

Yep, this. Tacky to ask, but also tacky for the other parents not to offer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's pretty tacky. On the other hand, if I were one of the teens' parents, I would have proactively asked for your Venmo and insisted on sending a contribution.

Yep, this. Tacky to ask, but also tacky for the other parents not to offer.

That's where I fall. I wouldn't ask but I would low key judge those who didn't volunteer since that is what I always do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So if this was a girls’ trip—a group of old college friends, say— and one of them happened to have a beach house that they offered up, you would assume that that friend was also covering all of your meals for the week?

But these are children who are not self-supporting, rather than grown women.

[Anonymous]

I get what the OP is saying. We have a boat and my kids invite their friends to come with us. And that’s fine if we’re already going out. But when they decide on their own to plan a day on the water, I feel put out having to get food or pay for eating at a restaurant and covering the fuel on top of that. I didn’t offer to host, the group decided they wanted to promise the boat and I go for safety reasons.
So now when the group wants to go, my kids make it clear that they have to bring food and pitch in a certain amount for gas.
OP: have your kid do the same. “Hey, my parents say we can use the beach house. Yiull have to bring some money if we eat out”

[Anonymous]

Inappropriate to ask. If you are hosting, you host. If you have money for a beach house, nobody needs to be chipping in for the pizza.

[Anonymous]

Our friends hosted my DD and 6 friends, and the host asked for Venmo for grocery money for everyone. I thought nothing of it and happily Venmoed her!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's pretty tacky. On the other hand, if I were one of the teens' parents, I would have proactively asked for your Venmo and insisted on sending a contribution.

I brought my middle schooler’s friends to Martha’s Vineyard and would never ask for money. We do this every summer. The kids come with spending money and they eat out a lot. You never ask invited guests to pay you. So tacky. Cut down the list if you’re low on funds.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hate the word tacky. Not applicable in this situation

Anyway, I dont think you can ask. I think if they offer you can accept. I would offer.
You can just say if they want to send some money to cover food that would be great.

Ok, so it’s in bad taste, unseemly and just plain cheap. I don’t use Venmo, I don’t need it so I’m not about to anonymously give money so she can save a little bit of dignity. I’d hand over cash and think a little less of the parents.